Heaven Sent

2015-03-03 09.42.20 (2)

Heaven Sent (Helena Rubenstein 1941) is a powdery, sweet but tangy, elegant gem, even in its current formulation by Dana.  It’s the sort of fragrance a muse would wear.

Heaven Sent is tremendously lovely with a fizzy citrus laced carnation that seems to be drenched with champagne. The drydown is just as stunning with a perfect blend of delicate warm patchouli and joy. It’s such a pretty fragrance…

Top notes: bergamot, lemon, orange, neroli and spearmint.   Middle notes: rose, carnation, ylang-ylang and lily of the valley.  Base notes: amyris, patchouli, vetiver, sandalwood, oak moss, musk and benzoin.

Part IV of IV – the end of My Reunion is in June 

After I heard that I had “just missed” Ryan in every way you could possibly imagine, the entire gathering became a total joke. Total joke you say?  Why, Yes. Yes, it did.

I’m realizing right now that he was the only reason I went to my reunion.

I look around and see sweaty people dancing to music from the late 1990’s. One man in particular is singing the lyrics to the Britney Spear’s song playing. “Oops! You think I’m in love.  That I’m sent from above.  I’m not that innocent…”   He wiggles a bit on that last line.  Wait…  I knew him!  Chris Jacobson. Wow.  He gained a bit of weight and all in his belly.  And he grew a decent looking goatee too…   Anyway, he’s dancing really exurberantly and is clearly drunk.  But he’s having fun and his shirt fits him really well considering his belly.  Good for him.

And there is his wife.  She is so pretty.  They look happy.

I’m the only one sitting here at this table now.  When did that happen?  And good grief this lunch table is so freaking old (for a lunch table)…  Look at it!  It’s from the early 90’s.  Doesn’t this school system have money for lunchroom tables that aren’t falling apart?

Anyway.

What the hell do I do now?

How about I just leave?  I could do that.  That would work!

No, no it wouldn’t.  I would feel like I had missed something, probably because I would likely miss something…

How about I just go for a walk around the school?  Nobody else will be doing that.  You would think that they would but they won’t.  I’ll be alone, but I won’t leave…

I get up and walk away from the lunchroom; from everybody.  As I’m walking down the halls, past lockers and old drinking fountains I feel like I’m falling through a wormhole.  Well, that is, until I see the posters up on the walls for upcoming events and the new carpeting in the main hallways. Otherwise, it smells the same, it looks the same and it feels the same.  It certainly is my old high school.

I just keep walking until I reach the spot between the women’s restrooms and the rooms where they taught social sciences.  I remember walking into this bathroom many times.  Sometimes I would look in the mirror and feel proud of what I saw and then see someone else next to me who I thought looked better.  Other times I would pull out a paper I had shoved in my backpack to check and see what my grade was.  Sometimes I was pleasantly surprised and it would make me smile for the rest of the day, and other times I would work over and over again in my mind where I had gone wrong. And sometimes, during class, I would just come here and be alone for a minute to process my thoughts.

I sit down on the ground by the lockers and rest my head against the cold green metal doors.  It’s nice to just sit here.  It’s good to let my mind wander right here, right now, even if it’s only pain and nostalgia that I feel.  It’s cathartic.  It feels horrible and yet it also brings a sort of peace.

Of course, I have no idea why I was late.  I mean, it’s odd that I had the impression the event started at 7.   And it’s very odd that Ryan was making such a big deal about seeing me…  But was he?  I mean I heard it all second-hand from Annie and everyone was being so weird and quiet about it all.  Plus, why did Annie act so giddy when she was first telling me the story if she didn’t remember my crush on him?  It didn’t all make sense…   And actually, it all reminded me of something that would easily have happened to me in high school.  Fitting I suppose.

Maybe it was all “nothing” and I just totally messed up my timing…    And that’s nice that Ryan’s happy.  I would never have thought of him as a doctor in high school, but when I stop to think about it, I can see it.  He really was a smart guy despite the image he created for himself back then.

Sigh.

Well, whatever the case may be I’m going to savor this moment of solitude and just be…   Deep breath.  Quiet.

So last night I was watching CNN and I saw the granddaughter of the late Rev. Clementa Pickney.  She was fantastic!  What composure.

She’s starting a campaign on Instagram that I joined called the hatewontwinchallenge.  As the Instagram account states, “This is devoted to people all over the world displaying acts of love, breaking tension between racial, economical, religious and sexual differences.”  The idea is to capture a moment when you’re showing love that crosses typical lines of divison and post it on Instagram or Facebook.  It’s a really interesting challenge.  What would a truly loving act that “drives out hate” be, and how could social media be used in such a circumstance? It’s a great thing to consider and participate it.

I hope you’re having a pleasant week so far, dears…

🙂

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