A Chanel No. 22 Break


So yesterday I explained how I felt I had lost track of something...  And after writing it all I realized I left out two things.  First of all, I have been basically exhausted for many years…  I started developing a thyroid disorder when I was probably in high school (or who knows when exactly) and it wasn’t officially diagnosed until after I gave birth to my son a few years ago.  Thankfully, he doesn’t seem to have been negatively affected by my undiagnosed wackadoodle thyroid though…  And secondly, I forgot to fully explain that along with politics I also love to write but ironically not necessarily about politics.  Anyway…

My life has been a complicated but beautiful mess for many years.  I’d like for it to someday have a bit more…  boring?  A good boring…

Enter fragrance…  My first fragrance was Le Jardin by Max Factor when I was six.  And I had several scents I used after that for fun but the one that eventually grabbed me in my teens was Shalimar eau de cologne, by Guerlain.   And then a while ago I smelled a few drops from a very old bottle of Chanel No. 22 on my skin…  and I felt like my soul had found a reflection of itself.  And it was lovely

I’m a very loyal person.  I love the idea of being able to love people, things and places forever.   People say that everything changes.  I like change, but I love things that last forever…  And in my life there have been precious few “forevers.”  There’s my mother’s love and my love for her…  My brown eyes.  The mole above my lips…  My faith.   How much I love my son.  My love for classical music (and music in general).  And as trivial as it sounds, I highly suspect my love for Chanel No. 22 will also remain…   Almost everything else has always been a bit of a roller coaster, well, except for my emotions (thankfully) – as deep as they are, as much of a romantic as I am, and as chaotic as my life has sometimes been I am actually a pretty steady person (with the caveat that I have had depression/anxiety).

I’ve never even liked roller coasters…  Seriously.  Figuratively or otherwise…

So for the next week at least, I’m not wearing any scent but Chanel No. 22  in attempt to refocus myself on my own soul and heart and figure a few things out at least a little.   Or maybe I’ll wear it just to brace myself to deal with it all – the good, bad, hopes, extremely  faint flickers of possibility, fear, happiness, and the potential lack of hope…  All of it.  Can a fragrance really make that much of a difference?  Yes…  As a friend on Instagram, Frannie, often mentions: the limbic system is an amazing thing…

(p.s. I added part one of a short story to my post yesterday.)







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