Babbling About Wanting…

I’d like to start this post out by apologizing.  I haven’t been discussing fragrances much at all lately.  Sorry about that…  I’ll post a review for two fragrances tomorrow.

Today was a much better day.  And, after I  wrote that last post I gained a bit more of a firm hope in regard to the handsome gentleman (he will henceforth be referred to as The Handsome Gentleman).  I’m pretty sure he doesn’t think I’m a crazy person thankfully.  And I thought about it all a lot more…

I really am smitten, I’m afraid…

But of course, I still want something concrete to hold on to and it hasn’t happened and I’m not happy about it.  Yet, I don’t really know what’s going on in more ways than just whether or not its even happening in the first place.  He could have wise and very thoughtful reasons for taking his time…   I don’t know…  He could also just not be that interested?  Again, I don’t know…   But I hope…  I can’t help but hope right now.

And, as I said before, I think I’ve done what I can…  I think…  And I suppose he’s just going to have to lead things if they’re going to go anywhere.

But romantic situations aren’t easy in general.  Mistakes can easily be made.  I’ve made plenty of mistakes along the way in regard to romantic decisions.

Actually, reflecting on my life in the last few months has crystallized an opinion about one of my mistakes in particular.  I’ve definitely written about the situation many times by now (even recently), but I’ve come to an important conclusion only in the last day or two because I’ve started to change my perception about the full capabilities of intuition…

It happened in the early summer of 2010 when I was on the bus in St. Paul, headed off to meet Mark for a date.  This other young man I had been dating (the one who I lost my virginity to) texted me and sweetly asked about my day.   I responded, but I didn’t engage much with him because I was distracted by thoughts of my impending date with Mark.  I was filled with anxiety about what Mark was going to act like (bless him).  But, I knew I was blowing it…   And, sure enough, after that night even though the other guy and I kept seeing each other for a little while longer it was different between us.    I’ve started to really think (and suspected before) that he intuitively knew I was seeing someone else and that he was second fiddle…

Of course, I have a lot of respect for the fact that the other young man didn’t tolerate it if he knew.  I’m glad.  But, I also can’t help but wish he had just asked me what was really going on…   I would have told him.  Gladly…  Still, even as I write that, it occurs to me that maybe he wanted someone who wanted him as much as he wanted them (I want that too).  He might have sensed that that wasn’t going to be me…   And, as many merits as he had, he was right.

Maybe I’m giving him way too much credit though.  Ha!  Or maybe not?

So, as harsh as it may be to say, my real mistake was perhaps in getting too serious with any of them.  And, that reminds me of something my hair stylist at the time said when I was telling her about all of it.  She said, “I don’t think any of the these guys are right for you.”  I wish I had taken that very wise and profound comment more seriously…  But, of course, then I wouldn’t have my son…


I hope you all have a lovely weekend. 🙂






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