Well, I might just as well write about the topic that’s most on my mind. It seems potentially inelegant to do so somehow… but… I suppose it’s authentic.
I think it’s possible he tried to make an allusion to Ode to a Nightingale today, and I did find it quite encouraging whether I should have or not… It’s a bit enchantingly eerie how these possible references fall at just the right moments. But, it’s also mysterious in an aching, slightly bittersweet way. Like, a curiously haunting murmur that calls you to keep going further, even though you just keep telling yourself that it must be your imagination.
As I’ve said, I share everything with Mark. He told me that he thinks Handsome needs to be clearer. “I think you’re being way too forgiving. I think you’re explaining away too many things…” Maybe he’s right. But… there’s that haunting murmur and I can’t ignore it.
So, I’ll wait to hear more, and of course, maybe I never will. But then again… And, as far as I can tell, Handsome seems like he’s certainly worth listening to for longer.
Oh dear, Handsome. I need something more obvious if you want me to truly know. I’m sorry. Maybe you don’t want me to know? Hmm…
So, not to be annoying but below are more topics… And, I’ll listen. I’ll listen… and if I stop listening I’ll tell you.
Still… tomatoes. I don’t know why, but I think this is a funny topic to somehow weave into things. The Kennedy family? They’re a fascinating group to discuss… Or how about the color blue? Periwinkle even? Hmm… Or fish?
Oh I don’t know… There’s always Spencer Tracy and Katharine Hepburn.
Anyway, I love flirting with you, if that’s what we are indeed doing. I love it.
If you ever do decide to “ask me out” in any sort of way, I’ll be over the moon… Of course, my logical, slightly pessimistic side warns me that spending time with you on a date might prove that “we” would not be what dreams are made of. But I’d take the risk. Unless you’re some sort of secretly awful man (and you definitely don’t seem to be) then my main worry is that I would bore you somehow. You’re so brilliant (clearly). But I’d take the risk… if I was given the chance. If…
Maybe it seems like I’m coming back after deciding not to “hang around” the other day. Perhaps? I just found myself taken in your direction by the pull of you and the slight bit of hope I found in your possible reference. You know? And I’ll be listening to see if I should stay…