So… Yeah…

It seems I may have been the victim of an oddly elaborate and perverse joke lately.  Someone (who I called Handsome) seems to have been reading this blog with the intention of manipulating and decieving me into thinking we were falling for each other.  And if that sounds insane or too far-fetched, well…  I would have thought so too.  I would have assumed that someone who often seemed so convincingly nice, conscientious and sensitive wouldn’t demonstrate slightly (at least) sociopathic tendencies…  ?  I usually can read people’s character well…   But some people are just very genuinely talented actors I guess.  I question what else he only pretends to be…  I bet his life is mostly a lie, to be honest, or it certainly wouldn’t surprise me if that was true…

*sigh*

I do hope to eventually meet someone who really is the person Handsome was pretending to be.  To be honest, once I think there was someone like that but he’s dead now…  “Handsome” reminded me of him.  Almost everyone I’ve ever fallen for has reminded me of him in some way…

You know, I’m not really embarrassed at all, for whatever reason.  And I know I’m not an idiot, or a fool…   or beneath anyone.  I really do know that, despite what I’m quite sure he tries to tell himself to overcome obviously deep insecurity.   My blessing and curse is that I like to believe that truly lovely things can actually happen.  If some people think that’s funny or infantile then their own joke is actually really on them and their likely hellish, joyless or deeply shallow existence…

I’m proud of the risk I took (even with this blog).  I’m happy to have a better idea of what I’m looking for in a man.  Only I need to find someone who actually embodies what I thought I saw…

And Handsome, despite the fact that you will likely never have the courage or humanity to apologize or even be able to reflect on how evil you truly have been, I forgive you.  I hope you grow up someday and/or if that’s not possible find some other way to make yourself feel better and gain acceptance from your peers than acting like a really silly little piece of (possibly crazy) shit.  You may be brilliant, but so what?  That’s never what impressed me that much.  Brilliant men are a dime a dozen (at least they are for me).   I’m not kidding…   All of my boyfriends/etc.  have had an iq of at least genius level (130’s to 160’s).  What’s your iq?!  My husband is probably just as smart if not more intelligent than you actually…   And I’m pretty damn smart too.

No, I wasn’t “impressed” with your silly little ass for the reasons you probably thought I was.  Oh no…  I give compliments because I’m kind, not because I need something from people.  What I was starting to love, was the fact that I thought you had everything you did… and still had a soul and heart too.  I thought you were a beautiful soul…  I thought you were a beautiful man, inside and out.  But I guess not…

Until later my dear readers.

 

 

 

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