So… I decided to use this blog to send Handsome my phone number. I weighed the risks and benefits and it seemed like a good idea. Maybe it was a terrible idea, but I was too scared to give it to him any other way.
At any rate, it seems to have been a disaster. I’m not sure if he thinks I’m playing some sort of prank on him now, if he’s lost interest or what is going on. Perhaps he doesn’t remember that I emailed him once a while ago and so when I mentioned the email it confused or even scared him… On a related note, if he doesn’t recall the email he probably doesn’t know how I got his address…
I’m going to delete the post where I put up my number when I post this. So, if he wants it and didn’t get it or if he wanted me to send it to him via email or something more direct and less… awkward, like this blog, then I hope he finds a way to tell me. Maybe, he should just make a reference to awkward blogging… I’m not trying to be clumsy though.
Perhaps he has a problem with the whole thing. I could see that… I had hoped we would get to know each other more and then figure out what was best from there. But, maybe he realized he didn’t even want that… And that’s his choice, of course. Entirely.
At any rate, it’s been brutal. Not brutal in the same way it was with Mark (that was something I refuse to ever live through again), but it’s been quite difficult. If it has any sort of happy outcome then it will have been worth it, but if not then… I’m not sure what else to say.
I hope he’s happy whatever happens. Truly. I really do. See, I think when you really care about someone or even think you could care about someone, it can’t be selfish. It looses meaning when it becomes selfish. So, even if this is the end, if he’s ok and it turns out better for him that way, then… all is well. Thinking that way always helps me cope, and you have to find some way to deal with it…