To The Future

So, for various reasons, as of this afternoon, I have come to the conclusion that Handsome really didn’t care all that much about me at all.  I wouldn’t rule out the possibility that he did feel something, but… those feelings will likely go to waste in my life at least.  He never crossed the line where things start to really count and you can hold on to them…   I doubt he ever will.

I do want to love a man someday though who truly loves me in return…  And so I think I’ll stop calling Handsome Handsome now…  He is good looking, but that name doesn’t belong to him henceforth on this blog.  If I have to refer to him at any point I’ll call him…  something I have yet to invent.  I don’t know.  I’ll think of a name when I need to…

No…  I want to find the man I thought Handsome was (and maybe is to some degree?) and I want to fall in love with him and marry him.   And maybe that will never happen, but at least it’s fun to think he might…  So to the real Handsome out there (provided he exists) I address the following hopeful message:

Handsome,

I thank God for you, wherever you are…  I can’t imagine why God allowed our lives to go as long as they have without letting us meet each other.  Hopefully we won’t be that old when we meet…  But, I don’t understand the point of making us wait.  Perhaps I will someday.

I wonder what you would say about my life right now – what criticisms or suggestions you might make.  I wish you could tell me.  I have a suspicion you might offer some wonderful advice.  But as it stands I will have to navigate these waters almost entirely on my own…  I fear.

-Me

…My in laws want us to visit them for Thanksgiving.  No way.  I would love for my son to see his great-grandparents, his uncle and his grandfather but my step-mother-in-law is…  not someone I want him to ever meet…  I worry about what will happen if I divorce Mark.  Hopefully, I’ll find some way to protect him.  I’ll have to.

Miserable day.  Miserable weekend.  Terrible year really…   And I keep having this sinking suspicion we could have Trump as our next president, but I’m hopeful that Hillary can make it work…

I wonder what life would be like under a President Trump.  I have a feeling it wouldn’t be scary in the way we suspect.   I bet one of two things will happen: he’ll be the weakest and most disorganized leader in American history (or near the top of that list) and things will be a mess but not because he’s the next Hitler.  I don’t think he’s that “thoughtful.”  I think it could be a “post presidential” presidency…   A big nothing.  And that’s where things could become truly frightening I think…   We’ll be a very vulnerable country with no real leader.  I doubt he’ll anger heads of state that much because I don’t think anyone will take him that seriously.  Ironically, people voting for him because he seems like a strong man will be the ones who will find themselves the most unhappily surprised.

Or…  he’ll seemingly shock his critics and America will have an odd upswing of sorts.  And it will make everyone question so much…  That is, until his presidency ends and we find out the way he made things “work” for our country and then we’ll totally fall apart and sink to a low that we’ve never seen since the Great Depression.

Anyway, I hope Hillary wins.   In a landslide election…

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