I’m Sorry

If I’ve chatted with you on Instagram about my life lately then you likely know at least part of the reason why I’ve been so absent from most of the internet for a while.   For those of you who I haven’t conversed with, I’d like to share a bit about what’s been going on.

Mark and I (my husband) are in the process of (most likely) ending our marriage of five years.  We’ve been teetering back and forth for over a year now (if you’ve followed this blog you may know this much already) and in the past few months I’ve realized just how very lost and unworkable things are between us…

As I’ve always said, Mark is a good man.  He’s an excellent father and a kind friend, but our marriage was broken before it began and you can’t replace or imitate certain things.  If genuine trust and love aren’t there from the start then it’s almost impossible they ever will be.

I’m in the process of trying to put together my future.  It’s going to be challenging but I know it will be ok.  For one thing, I feel really good about having freedom back to be myself and how I’m not under the continuous strain of trying to meld together two that were seemingly never meant to be one.   I loved Mark passionately for years, and I believe he has loved me too in a way but some things are just not meant to be (as cliche as that is).   And perhaps this all sounds flippant, or crass…  but it really is my truth.

I should note that it was our son’s very serious health issues materializing last January that drew us back together for a time.  Now I know I’ll be more prepared for whatever happens and I’ll be able to navigate our situation in such a way that circumstance won’t determine as much as the larger picture and what’s really best.  But I suppose it just makes sense that it might take a decent amount of time for a marriage to truly come to the beginning of the end.  At least that’s how it’s been working for us.

I am sorry though for those of you who have tried to reach me over the last few months and have missed me.  There are likely many reasons why you haven’t heard from me but none of them involve there being anything wrong with you.  I just want to make that clear.

Yes indeed, I’m going to need to make quite a few changes.  One obvious thing that I’m definitely going to start doing is waking up a lot earlier…  But I think that likely requires having better quality sleep in general and getting to bed earlier.  Of course, I’m naturally a night owl…  and my son was waking me up at least several times a night for years (as I’ve previously discussed many times).   So, it might take me some time to truly adjust.  I know I need to try though…

Tomorrow is my 33rd birthday and (yet another cliche) it’s amazing how fast my 30’s have been going so far…  I have a feeling they’ll be over in a breath…  I hope to savor them as best I can.

Until later…

 

 

 

 

 

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