Moving Forward… Again…

I have no idea where to begin.  But I’m in a state of mind tonight where I need to write something.  So I’m sorry if my thoughts are scattered and random.

It seems that there are soulmates.  And currently I think it’s possible I may know (one of) mine.  There have certainly been friendships that felt like something deeper than just a normal, everyday connection.  But…  there has been one person who for a while now has made me wonder…  about love.

There are plenty of doubts in my mind about their quality of affection and sincerity.  I question their heart.  I question if it’s real…  and have for a long time now.

I’m sure if you’ve read my blog you could guess at who I’m describing.  And you may wonder why I’m still hoping…  Things have gone poorly.  But…  there’s always been a doubt of doubt in my mind…  And a persistent, lingering worry that I’m missing something.  Missing something quiet amazing.

But…  of course, I still need a letter or something of the sort.  I’ve felt that we’ve connected, passionately and deeply again over the past few weeks or month maybe in a rather…  almost tragically lovely way…  But…  it’s still painfully unclear.

And what can a mere human do?  Pray?  Trust…  Hope for some sort of divine intervention.  Hope for goodness.  Accept God’s fate.  Yes…  God’s fate.  Not fate in the sense that I can’t choose, but fate my Heavenly Father ultimately decides when He sees into a wild, tempest tossed sea of chaos.

So, as I sit here filled with anxiety I’m also feeling a peculiar sort of peace.  It rests not in my own understanding or strength…   But it gives me light.

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