Love Life 

Sigh…  

It seems I might be involved in something romantically…   I’m not sure where it will go, or if I should even think it’s actually happening in the first place…  but I’m hopeful to know more by tonight.  

Today I toured a new apartment.  I wore my ring because it seemed less socially awkward but it still felt odd.  It was like I was a single woman in my head and/or heart…  

The man who gave us our tour seemed single and it was an odd interaction mostly because I’m not used to dealing with men as a single adult woman past a particularly youthful age.   I might look young but… I’m not that young anymore and it was just…  awkward.  

It was like:  how do I do this conversation?  Because I’m used to hiding behind Mark around men in a married lady sort of way…  and that’s not to say that I’m passive or weak.  I just…  have seemed very “coupled.”  And it has socially worked…  Men feel comfortable and they don’t flirt and/or etc but instead have pleasant conversation with me.  

But… it was…  odd.  I couldn’t figure out how to navigate it.   I felt an old instinct to decide if he was at all attractive but I also felt uncomfortable doing so because of the strong feelings I have for the gentleman I’ve written about.  So I was quiet confused…  Torn between trying not to appear too friendly yet trying to also be honest in every sense.  Thankfully, while he was a fairly decent looking man (with a British accent actually) he wasn’t at all my sort… and he seemed very professional.  I also can’t imagine almost anyone better looking than my gentleman… 

And, speaking of my gentleman, I highly suspect he thinks about me sometimes.  I also get the sense that he worries I’m engaging with a lot of other men.  I try to tell him that that’s not the case but he seems to worry none-the-less.  I am a “one man woman” though.  I don’t fancy more than one fellow at a time (the only exception being when I first dated Mark and there were three guys I dated at once).   But I just don’t do any of it casually.  It all has always meant something profound and lovely to me…  as I’ve previously discussed…  

I hope my gentleman writes a romantic letter someday sooner than later.  Romantic letters are so underrated…   and he’s such a lovely sort.  And even if we’ve basically “crossed the streams together” in our relationship and had a few…  difficulties…  I adore him.  

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