Awful

So, the point of my last few personal posts (that I’ve since permanently taken down) was likely either lost on most people (save for a precious few) or they were too angry to want to understand.   And, it’s just sad to me.

I had previously enjoyed being open and sharing a lot on here and on Instagram but it seems the world is too full of selfish, emotionally immature, unstable, poorly educated and/or bitter fools to do so.  I took down a lot of personal stuff because I’ve realized it isn’t safe to be so open with people.   A lot of people just see demons and think I’m possessed where I intended the shadow of tree…and that’s all that ever was there.  Or they see someone they want to make a victim.

It should be safe though. It should be safe to embrace who you are online. People should be able to see goodness or good motives – to see someone as a unique individual and not just project their own issues on them. And, while I refuse to be intimated or bullied by the psychologically and emotionally manipulative with a chip on their shoulder, I get unbelievably tired of being misunderstood.  Perhaps some things are too complicated to easily address on a blog but in any case, something had to change.

Actually though, humorously and ironically, I’m starting to wonder if I should become an actual real snob (what I’ve been accused of). And I could. Easily.

Of course, I did call myself a snob and I can be what some people might loosely consider snobby but I shouldn’t have called myself one because I’m really not a snob.  I’ll explain what I really did mean by saying that in a moment, but first I have to clarify something.

Some people who are insecure and threatened have tried to make my gifts, blessings, abilities and heart seem lowly, non-existent or crude.  I tend to upset people who don’t genuinely like themselves and they lash out.

And, if I did become a real snob, as I was accused of being, it would have very little to do with the things a recent hater intriguingly highlighted. For example, the rings I own versus those belonging to someone else would have almost nothing to do with it (that wasn’t the point or snotty obsession of one of my posts as one of my haters suggested, and it wasn’t that hard to see that if you read the piece with honesty and without a vendetta. 😖😓). It wouldn’t have much to do with my possibly noble English ancestry and grandfather’s definitely old Southern family (My mother’s maiden name by the way is the one with a potential coat of arms historically associated with it, and there’s certainly a church that was built in the US because of them, and etc. and therefore it’s not fair or honest to label it some meaningless and distant thing – I’m sorry some people skim much too much, don’t understand certain things and/or assume too much.).  I could do things because of my ancestry like join the Daughters of the American Revolution (I’ve seriously considered it) or possibly have my grandfather’s family’s old coat of arms (the coat of arms attached to his actual last name) engraved on something.  Those aren’t huge things certainly but some people definitely would see them as somewhat impressive status symbols.  And for those reasons and many other related reasons pertaining to status (especially in the US) that piece of my history was relevant to a discussion of class. I could go on but I doubt it’s wise. Anyway, those aren’t the reasons why.

Potential real snobbery on my part also wouldn’t have much to do with my husband (The same hater jealously accused me of being a backward, unliberated woman because I mockingly mentioned my husband’s income, which I did mockingly because some people’s competitive ramblings and questions in the fragrance community were annoying.  But, said hater totally missed my tone or they were trolling.).  I love my husband and we’re currently happy but I’m not dependent on him for status and I could have easily made my own way in life if I hadn’t fallen in love, gotten married and then become pregnant. And that’s despite what some vicious, willfully idiotic and emotionally abusive people (mostly women) think who seem to be psychotically fixated on believing the worst of me (and likely a lot of other people too).

I was going to go into international politics or be a history professor or a lawyer. And I can convincingly and truthfully argue that I would have done one of those (or all of them at some point) had I not married Mark and become very distracted by our life together (i.e. having children). So there you go. Compete with that then (if you must 🙄) or realize you’re full of a sort of misogynistic nonsense, haters. Or do you not follow that or what I mean by it? No? Oh well, just be “confused.” 🙄

Although, let’s be even clearer just in case it’s still elusive: anyone in their right mind with an ounce of common sense would know that despite whether or not it’s good a lot of people do care about your ancestry (which is more than just English for me! 😖🙄😖  I’m proudly Scandinavian. I even have a Norwegian knighted author on one side. I love the history and culture of those countries. And I have family in Norway right now.) …and what your spouse earns and their other credentials do also matter a lot to most people when they evaluate you consciously or subconsciously. That’s just reality.

But again, me sharing those things wasn’t me being a bully or trying to lord something over people just because those things matter to a lot of people. I was stating facts about myself in light of what people judge people on and I shared the things I did because I was tired of the ridiculousness of some people and their obnoxiously fragile egos. I was trying to shut them up with reality and sarcasm.  What I shared was potentially scary to people with self-delusions about their own superiority in terms of family ancestry and their money, but sharing it coldly and factually with sarcasm is not the same thing as looking down on people or bullying them. And frankly it’s only been in the last year and a half or so that I’ve started telling people that sort of thing about myself out of frustration. I’ve been exasperated and was sometimes trying to overshare to get people to stop bothering me. It was meant to be a, “Stop trying to aggressively compete with me and impress me because I may have a lot more than you and frankly if I don’t care then why the heck do you? You’re just making a fool of yourself and being very annoying and offensive.” ☺️ …But it was maybe a little unkind and harsh in a way and it clearly didn’t work. 😂☺️

The real reason I could be a snob I think is my current birth family’s state. I’m an actual (real) heiress of at least my father’s estate as he inherited wealth that’s still growing from his parents after years of hard work on his own merit. It’s also because of how well my parents were raised, how well I was raised, my own personal merits and accomplishments (And to reiterate, no, I don’t currently work beyond being a part-time antique dealer because I wouldn’t have to work at all and I want to raise a family the best way I know how which requires time at home. My husband and I are a team and to some degree our money belongs to both of us. Some bitter, pretentious, and jealous people who pretend to be offended feminists to steal the moral high ground need to stop imposing their truly less than sincere or enlightened choices and views on others.). …And frankly it’s also because I have innately good taste and judgement in most matters.  And I’m sorry, saying all that is abhorrent and tasteless to me (I’m not kidding – I honestly hate this). But a lot of people already know some of that about me if it’s true (or all of it if they’re close to me), and I am only stating this because apparently some haters needed me to spell out the obvious.  Delusions can run deep for those who want to despise you. Subtlety, politeness, common sense and truth weren’t working and neither was being too bold about some things that only seemed to “confuse” some people. (Although, to note, I think a lot of people would say I could also be a cold snob because of my husband. And a few would also say that in regard to my ancestry and family’s history too.)

Truly though, my whole life people have said I had good taste, manners and a fine sense of things and the things I have now weren’t that far off in childhood (hopefully people understand what that means).  But I don’t lord anything over anyone (and I’m not a real snob). 😖🙄 I just exist. If you’ve ever felt that I have lorded something over you or snubbed you, it’s likely from me being too honest when you didn’t want to hear it (and I probably should have just walked away instead) or you misunderstood or perhaps don’t understand some things in general.  Or maybe you have low self-esteem.  But if so, that isn’t my fault or problem.  Don’t take it out on me or my family.  You know we have nothing to do with your suffering.  We don’t really know you…  Conversations, even over a period of years, don’t really amount to truly knowing someone.  Sorry.   And you don’t really know me or my family either. But I’m not sure I want a lot of people to get to know me. There are many people right now who seem to have animosity for almost everyone.

SO, when I called myself a snob what I meant was that at times I do find things wrong, tacky, or crass.  And at times I have rejected a thing or someone’s offers or actions because I find them, the idea of something or a thing itself offensive or less than positive.   But, I don’t reject actual people (as a human being) out of snobbery.  I don’t ever “look down on people” or deem things worthless (unless the thing is really evil, truly useless or dangerous).  I just don’t like everything and I have boundaries and there people who have called me a snob because of that. I was humoring them in calling myself a snob, I guess.

Although, there are times I wonder if you have to be an actual horrible snob in life in some way. It seems a lot of people can be incredibly hateful if you’re vulnerable, nice and trusting and have more than those people have in any way they’re threatened by.

Anyway, as a likely permanent non-snob, it’s sad to me that I have to end my personal posts that seemed very hopeful in regard to connecting with others, but it might be time.  The internet is changing as the world changes and unfortunately that’s not an entirely good thing right now.

Please take care.  And read that with a tone of genuine care and concern. 

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