I’m still mad. And I’ve tried to move on but I can’t.
This goes deep. And that’s the problem.
Whoever the individual was that commented on my blog without a good, and certainly without a scholarly understanding of class (at least in the US – which is where I’m from and where I live so that’s the context of my posts) and lacking a cognitive ability or the patience to read and detect nuance in my writing was the perfect example of the sort of person who has been driving me up the wall for a while now. There are so damn many people like that nowadays.
And as someone who has been very active online for several years now, I’ve put up with the covert, arrogant bragging of these people daily for years and stayed silent, although they’ve dramatically increased in numbers in the last two years or so. They kept harassing me, trying to intimidate me with their self-perceived abundance or superiority and then once I started to stand up for myself relatively recently many burst at the seams and became rude and incapable of discernment or self-control (and one may have commented anonymously on this blog). And of course, they then dishonestly began calling me a liar, tried to minimize or totally discredit my claims to a status higher than what they wanted it to be with a vicious and at least partially ignorant venom, or said that if I’m not a fake, self-aggrandizing piece of trash by default, that it’s rude to talk about such things openly (as the commenter on here did) and therefore I’m a piece of shit under their shoe for talking about myself that way (even it was done on my part out of disgust and frustration). Don’t they realize that it’s a trite bourgeois and aspirational class thing (and not in the positive slang way used by some) to believe and repeat mindlessly and self-comfortingly that, “Classy upper-class people don’t talk about money.”
“Wealth whispers,” they say aloud with scorn. “That’s how you imitate wealth! You whisper it!” (They then say to themselves as a mental note, quietly)
But of course you must whisper it according to them. Compulsively. And it must be done with an obnoxious amount of dripping coyness. And if people who aren’t being coy and are just enjoying life get grouped in with them, all the better. It makes their superiority seem more convincing.
And, to be clear, it wasn’t just in the comment section of this blog that this all happened. It was mostly on Instagram actually. And I’ve put up with a lot on Instagram – including a herd of equally obnoxious men claiming to be in love with me after almost no sort of conversation or interaction with them other than the occasional polite but shallow chit chat in the comments section of my posts. I mean, if I had really been friends with them in some way it would have made some sense, but…it was clearly just about their sexual desires or some sort of conquest for them. ( They likely sexually spam many women all at once.) And while it wasn’t scary or that offensive necessarily because on some level it was most likely innocuous it was/is truly annoying and certainly awkward. I now just ignore most men wanting to direct message me. I can’t, sadly, give people the benefit of the doubt anymore. “Oh I just wanted to talk about perfume (when I asked you to send photos of yourself and called you sexy in a dm). Don’t be so mean!” they whine.
But should I have just kept putting up with the “touchy people’s” jealous poking and manipulative maneuverings? I couldn’t! And yes, that’s what it was. Jealousy. Because I’ve been fairly careful (or very careful) my whole life not to brag about money and/or class up until the last year and a half or so and therefore it was one-sided boasting on their part until fairly recently. I suppose I could have just walked away somehow. But I also refuse to stop interacting online as much as that would likely require because you have to find a way to work with people. Somehow. You can’t become a hermit, despite or not, how much I love things that some people use as status symbols and how that sadly tends to attract negativity. (But I refuse to pretend otherwise.)
But seriously what is wrong with people these days? Many people come across like an at least part-time malignant narcissist (when many are likely not?). And it seems a lot of people want to both be a certified victim of something and a genuine (although they’d never admit it) bully at the same time. And often it’s the people who pretend to care about bullying and subtly accuse you of bullying when you defend yourself who are the actual bullies. At least from my limited experience… So how do you “speak out” when wrong is right and right is wrong? How do you defend yourself or anyone else when it seems almost nobody has any regard for anything and therefore doesn’t want to be honest about any of their wrongdoing or offenses? Or they’re heading in that direction? Many people seem to be emotional cauldrons of hot gooey hatred waiting for the slightest tap to explode.
We are an incredibly crass, idiotic and failing society (western society). We are nearly destroyed. Truth, reality and measured rationality are on life-support. And I intend to try to figure out what I need to do to aid in bringing some form of sustainable life back into the future. I apologize for having useless at best, and perhaps caustic reactions so far… I just hate being forced to be quiet constantly to comfort someone’s weakness and lack of perspective. And we have to be able to defend ourselves. We have to be safe. Still, my responses were silly… And I’m sorry.