The Year

My parents finalized their divorce in 2018. They had been separated for over ten years though… A divorce wasn’t exactly surprising to anyone.

Actually, 2018 has been sort of a big deal year for many people in my family in general. For us it’s been mostly positive. I’m expecting our second child and our marriage took a turn for the better. But for others, like my cousin who I’ve discussed, it’s been less than awesome maybe…

But we’ve had our troubles too… I don’t often share them on my blog because they aren’t worth sharing here and I’m not being dishonest by not sharing them. If they were romantic, psychological, religious, sexual, or political I might say something, strangely or not. Haha! But…oddly…some other personal matters never seem safe, wise and/or meaningful enough to share.

Anyway…no one has a life without battles. And anyway…I do worry a bit about my family these days.

In the case of my cousin I must say though that I now suspect something I didn’t before. After more analysis I wonder to a large degree if he and his (ex?) wife are just truly not a particularly naturally compatible match. They may have some deep heart matters in common, as I first mentioned, but…it seems…they’re just so very different in their perspectives. And I don’t just mean how they view their marriage but more or less daily life in general. I can’t help but think they might even hurt or drive each other crazy accidentally out of unfortunate misunderstandings that are based more on differences of, again, perspective than differences of actual opinions. So, one person might see the “tails” side of the coin while the other sees the “heads” side of the same coin. Both are right. But both are also seeing something entirely different…

Now, if they were to be able to truly move into the other’s spot they might recognize that they too see the same thing, but it’s incredibly difficult to move into someone else’s place. The “moving” I mean requires more than empathy and patience, I believe… I think it might require divine intervention, fate and/or a brilliant counselor.

You can label certain things right or wrong, figure out some mistakes you made, develop better boundaries or a clearer sense of things. Maybe learn and grow? But…getting into the reality of someone else’s truth is darn tricky. People don’t always even know their own truth until it’s in hindsight – sometimes twenty years in hindsight. Perhaps it’s occasionally too scary to see when it’s in real time.

Anyway, if they stay together I don’t think it’ll ever be one of those cute marriages. Ha! And while I could see it working for them even now…I can’t see it being at all painless or even all that…enjoyable…for a long while. They have sooo much left to finally be honest about with themselves and with each other, I’d bet. *sad expression*

*sigh*

And…in my overall family (as opposed to just one side – paternal or maternal – of my extended family in general), one cousin (my father’s brother’s son) in my generation started a new, potentially important business. My uncle (father’s brother) got re-married… And my mother’s sister’s mother-in-law passed away. I know those first-cousins miss their other grandmother…

Hmm…

I’m forgetting a lot out of sleepiness at the moment. But suffice it to say, I know it’s been a rather important year for “my people” (as they used to say) and actually for everyone. The world seems to have shifted this year. Don’t you think?

And…2019 will likely be even bigger, I bet.