The Mess

I watched Michael Moore’s “Fahrenheit 11/9” last night. Talk about disturbing. Disturbing in almost every way.

There are moments of intense truth in his film that stand like the center of a hurricane – a peace before another torrent of chaos. And by chaos I mean parts of the show that feel like the intellectual and artistic equivalent of weeping. Indeed, in this latest work he leaves almost everyone holding the bag except for those he’d likely consider “average Americans.” And of course “average Americans” includes most Americans at the exclusion of almost anyone who’s held any sort power for perhaps many decades.

It’s engaging. It’s fascinating. But, as it is with almost any massive, serious, real world problem it’s unclear what should be done to correct the situation he presents, having at least labeled or outlined parts of the mess very well… And therein lies the unsettling chaos. Although, I do respect any ability to leave things as they are by an artist and not create some sense of resolution that doesn’t exist.

*sigh*

By the way, I’m up feeding my daughter again as I write this. And as much as I wish I could sleep through the night, as is healthy, I am trying to appreciate this time as I’ll likely not have another child and once this moment is over you can’t go back…

But truly, I found Fahrenheit 11/9 highly upsetting. Coupled with another documentary I recently watched on Teflon called, “The Devil We know” I’m now terrified of what’s in my water. Ha! …The thing is, you can’t fully escape pollution. And actually that’s part of what irritates me to no end about some conservative views on the matter. As someone who actually sympathizes with business on occasion and, as I’ve said a lot lately, fancies some Randian thinking, I don’t see how it’s actually in anyone’s rational self interest to pollute to save or make money. Really, at best, it’s such a temporary financial high – the thinking of an addicted user not the brazen and deft maneuvering of a superior being.

You make big profits for a few individuals for what’s actually a relatively short time (a few decades at most) and then what? Once they’re old they loose it all or it becomes so meaningless that you’d have to be mentally ill or have a personality disorder to enjoy it? It makes no sense. And if you make the argument that it fits with some overall plan then you can equally make the argument that there are other routes that cause less collateral damage and better results.

No, I think environmental concerns should be non-partisan. If anything it should become a way for conservatives to recapture some dignity – to find economically viable ways to genuinely fix things. If they could do so and do so effectively enough it would be incredibly useful for them in soo many ways.

But just like how Democrats have seemingly lost their souls, Republicans have lost their wits. Or is it vice versa? Or are just the (supposedly corrupt) leaders of said parties to blame? It is unclear where exactly the rotten apples actually are (irony intended)… And again, therein lies the chaos.

…I need to take a break from such utterly depressing thoughts tomorrow. And perhaps I’ll focus more on praying and enjoying the moments on this last part of February 2019. How is it past Valentine’s Day already?

*sigh*

Speaking of couples, my cousin’s seeming ex has made her blog private (I was going to check it tonight as I’m wide awake and looking for something to read) so now not only I can’t read it (she never followed me so I didn’t follow her) but anyone who follows me, who curiously tries to find her or my cousin, can’t either. Ha! Very good! But…well…I’m not sure really why she did that and I hope I had nothing to do with it (ie If she’s reading this blog she read my bit about still reading her blog too and didn’t like that I’m still reading her blog? …Or, again, she read my compliment about her blog and worried she’d get attention from some of you who are a bit too curious, despite my denial to share details? That you’d find her online regardless? *shrug*). But whatever her reasoning is I’m of the opinion that that’s obviously a move for the best. Perhaps if she’s going to be a single female, having a public blog that outlines the meanderings of her heart isn’t the best course of action (these days)… Or maybe she’s trying to distance herself from my cousin’s family and I’m not necessarily the only one in our family who could have been reading it? Or her lawyer suggested it? Or a million other reasons I would never know or guess, of course... But at any rate, if she’s reading this I hope she knows I never meant to judge her. I have judged her actions, but I think that’s very different. And while I found her to be confusing and/or hurtful at times in the past and have questioned what sort of person she is, I do genuinely wish I’d had more of a chance to see who, in fact, she really is and not just through a few blog posts over the past few recent years. …I also wish her real happiness.

*sigh*

Actually, it’d be nice to know more about what in the world is going on with my cousin (outside of his recent posts). When we were growing up our families visited every summer and I felt I knew a part of all of my first cousins that was meaningful and genuine. But of course, that’s changed a bit as we’ve grown up. …I doubt many of them would have an exactly crystal clear idea about me either at this point, sadly (if they weren’t secretly reading this blog). *smile*

And perhaps I should have gone private with this blog too over the recent years, but the thing is, it’s almost impossible to know who’s truly following you unless you’re really careful, and especially on a blog. Like on Instagram, for example, I’ve been told that at least one or two former followers have created fake accounts to secretly follow me and I’m sure someone could do the same, if not more easily, with this blog. No, unless you plan to thoroughly vet every follower or just avoid social media entirely you have to recognize someone who you might not like to read things could read them or see them.

And on that note, I do wonder if my family reading this knew about some of what I shared in my last post. Ha! See, the oil well revenue really is distributed differently in each of my two families involved. Every family that had land with oil in that area was different… Some had one person with all of the rights. Some had 30. Some had three. Or four. And there was a different amount of oil on everyone’s land too, of course. Also, some people owned the land and not just the rights.

On my father’s side they started drilling way back in the early 1970’s but the lack of technology back then and the lack of demand didn’t allow for much interest on the part of the oil companies (not much chance for big profit). However, it did warn my grandfather that he shouldn’t sell the mineral rights to his land. And now those rights belong to my father and his siblings. Someday, when my father passes, they’ll likely also belong to me… Although, who knows if we’ll even still be using oil at that point. *smile and shrug*

And, even though it’d be in my “interest” to hope that oil would last a lot longer as a profit resource I worry too much about carbon emissions to see that as truly beneficial to me (or anyone obviously). I need to breath. And I want to be able to visit the sea and not worry about catching some previously unknown or rare disease or being swept away by a hurricane. You know, those sort of little, inconsequential luxuries…

*sigh*