…I had a long conversation with my mom tonight. And I came to one shockingly obvious realization.
The more I go on about my life and my family and etc. on this blog…the more those who hate me are going to hate me. AND if you’re reading this and you’ve “come at me” with your nonsense in one way or another…you already know it’s nonsense. Yes? Yes… Even though some of you haters seemed obtuse, in my opinion,…I never believed any of you were truly stupid.
The thing is (not just talking to haters now but also those who understand and actually like me): I can be obtuse too. Not often, to be honest. I’m a pretty preceptive and sensitive person but at times I can be silly. I’m sorry. And it’s not a lack in self-awareness per se, in this case, but more or less a foolishness coming from the way I was raised.
Hear me out.
(…Talking with my mum last night was very helpful.)
Let’s see. I come from the sort of Scandinavian family where you might have parents who were worth millions and millions and were politically well connected and you might be worth the same (or much more) and you’re best friends with the governor and you literally decide elections (part of the electoral college), and your children either teach at Harvard or went there (maybe you did too). BUT…but…you feel odd carrying a Louis Vuitton handbag because you think it’s for “rich people”. Yes. You read that right. And none of that is an exaggeration. It is absurd though. Isn’t it?
For some reason my entire family is stuck in 1902 in that way. I kid you not. It’s a little eccentric.
We all think we’re still just off the boat from Norway, the children of a math tutor who died in his 30’s from pneumonia, well educated and well mannered maybe, but…obviously not established yet. And we could have a US President in our family and we’d still think of ourselves the same way. Truly.
So, when I’ve gone on about things…in some part of my mind I’ve kept thinking I’m just…*shrug* telling Mrs. Oleson from “Little House on the Prairie” to shove it. And it’s not about feeling insecure, inferior or competitive on my part. No.
But…that’s ridiculous. That’s not quite right.
We have two huge family farms still in the family but…we ceased to be the Norwegian pioneers on the prairie, in pure essence, back before World War II. Or so? Every immigrant group assimilates differently though. And then there’s the British part too…
Anyway… I know many of you will always dislike me (talking to some haters again now). And I was inspired by a post from Caroline Calloway today (more than once) to recognize more fully that some of you probably just cannot bring yourselves to genuinely like me probably ever. *shrug* And again, that the more I go on the more you’ll loathe me. Or maybe I’ll acquire new haters, even.
…No, I’m finally waking up to the reality that the more I’m honest and open and myself and the more you read the worse it’ll get (for the haters). You’re not Mrs. Oleson who just needs to be put in her place. You’re something and someone else. *shrug*
And so… Oh well. I want to apologize for not realizing just how very much I’ve antagonized you in the past, but that doesn’t work. *shrug* And at this point I just want to share things and let it be whatever it is. …That’s how I did it for years at first.
I guess, just know that I don’t hate you back (I actually never did). I just don’t understand you. And someday, I hope you all who don’t like me (if you’re not in a mental place that doesn’t allow that) are able to realize that you don’t really understand me either.
But how many of us recognize that nowadays? How little we all actually know.