I’m not an insecure person almost at all. And when people confide in me that they’re insecure or I experience their insecurities it always surprises me. Along with jealousy it’s a common emotional problem I have an oddly small amount of personal experience with. I’m sure you’ll doubt that it if it makes you feel insecure (Ha!) but it’s the truth.
What I am is gun-shy. I’ve been in sooo sooo many ugly interactions with people that left me shell-shocked over the years that I always hesitate to start conversations or friendships unless I’m very certain it will be all around positive and healthy.
So, unfortunately, I’m not here to give great advice on friendships. But, I can say that I can offer maybe mildly useful advice on how not to be insecure.
First, they always say not to compare yourself to other people and I think that’s true to a point. I think the idea is that if you don’t compare yourself to others you won’t feel inferior to those more fortunate or superior to those with less. The thing is, it’s necessary to have a sense of who you are in the greater context of things. So totally avoiding comparison is almost impossible. What I’d suggest instead is to be proud of your corner of the universe.
I’m an almost petite, brown-eyed, dark blond with small bones and delicate features. It’s a fairly popular look in Western Culture, still. But, I believe, that if I was a tall woman of Asian Pacific Islander descent with a larger frame I’d be just as secure. (Sadly, non-white forms of beauty are under celebrated in the West.) I like to fully inhabit what’s been given to me. I like to fully engage with it. And no matter how it compares to others on the “popularity scale”, in any culture, one has to try to appreciate and respect what God gave you. Try it.
Secondly, experience your pain (obviously) and let yourself at least internally acknowledge moments when you’re being attacked. It happens. And it’s wrong to be someone’s prey. BUT…refuse to let that define your ultimate sense of self. Your inner fighter needs to be released to do battle for your best self – a self that’s…inherently valuable.
You are valuable.
You’re a free-agent. We all are. And you need to choose wisely what you condemn yourself to and what you strive for.
Try to find sources that reflect genuine love. Wherever you are. Try to find sources of beauty. And then lose yourself it in. *smile* Lose yourself in the real beauty of God. A holy, edifying, and real beauty.
Go outside and just stare at a huge tree if you must… If that thing fell on you it could kill you. If you climbed it and fell, you could break your neck. And yet it’s tender, and benevolent. It cleans the air you breathe, gives homes to creatures, and provides loveliness and shade in heat. It’s almost awe-inspiring. And it just stands there, peacefully minding its own business. And some of them live longer than entire civilizations. No, if you need to feel secure think of the trees.