Before… (Personal Musing Part II)

So…if reincarnation is what happens to some people (hypothetically speaking because I don’t know of course and I actually am a Christian) who was I? Who were you?

I’m pretty certain my parents owned an apartment in Manhattan near a few department stores, or at least I did. It had been in the family? And, I think those stores died or went into their own decline during the overall decline of NYC in the latter half of the Twentieth Century. I think the decline of NYC affected me a lot.

I think I visited Great Britain at least once and did a lot of looking around… I might not have lived there though (as I had previously thought). But I know I loved it or was at least intrigued by it and I still am.

I think I had a similar look in some ways to what I have now but my eyes were blue (or lighter than they are now). I also think I had a somewhat different facial profile. When I pose for photos I suspect I’m posing with that face in mind (subconsciously) and not this one. *laughing* I bet I was more photogenic before than I am now too… Not prettier. But more photogenic. (Those are different things.)

My parents were both good people, I think. I think they were both very inquisitive people too. My father may have been a bit cold at times though.

I think I drank absinthe back then. I rode on the Queen Mary; I have a creepy “memory” of being in the infamous swimming pool at night on the ocean. I think I liked driving cars. Fast! I think I was known for being a “good female driver”. But I bet I was also a pushy driver at times.

I think I may have met F. Scott Fitzgerald once and had dinner and drinks with him (for professional reasons – not as in prostitution – but as in he held professional power and I was meeting with him for some reason). Yes. Go ahead and laugh. Ha! Sadly however, he may have scared me that evening… I think he seemed…”witchy” (as in almost too knowing and intuitive), condescending and sneering. I suspect I met him in his decline. IF I met him at all, of course. …When I first read Fitzgerald in high school (in this lifetime) I remember looking at the back of one of his novels and feeling very uneasy and slightly overwhelmed. I think he “got fresh with me”. Ha! And, the image of a…cantankerous, slightly inebriated “older man” in a tweed suit who was mad that I wasn’t instantly smitten by him for being so…brilliant and sophisticated (?)…may have been in my mind. He also seemed pitiful in a way that garnered genuine sympathy. Again, go ahead and laugh or roll your eyes. It doesn’t change what I know or have experienced though. *shrug* Now I know he was indeed brilliant…and my opinion of him has changed overall (from my first gut feeling when I read him in high school or knew of him “before”). Perhaps, I had heard of him back then before meeting him that once (probably read him too), but I thought he was “out of style” and more my parent’s sort of writer whereas now I see his value beyond time. *shrug*

I have other “memories” too. Ones I cannot or will not discuss here.

Maybe I just have an active imagination though. Maybe I’m just tapping into someone else’s “memories”… *shrug* They do feel personal though.

I know I loved wearing hats and gloves and jewelry and all of that. A lot. Although, I can’t think of which specific perfume I wore. I bet it might have been something with a white flower emphasis? Not No. 22 though… Maybe I didn’t wear a lot of fragrance, even if I was well aware of perfumes.

I think my current husband and I were somehow connected. We may find each other comforting now for lots of good reasons…

I suspect I was better at math. I also was a bit more temperamental? …I don’t think I was perceived as being as feminine (even though I was as feminine) as I seemingly am now, although I was still mostly conventionally pretty I think. Just in a somewhat different way. Maybe it was less delicate and more a crisp and fresh sort of pretty?

That’s a lot. Thanks for reading all of it if you did.

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