Hearing It All

I had a learning experience this week but it only became one after having dinner this evening with my father for my birthday. I realized something very ugly and uncomfortable as we were sitting there in the restaurant and as my husband and I were talking about the evening in the car afterwards.

It was a lovely time at dinner as usual. Don’t get me wrong. My father was perfect company. The dinner was fun.

See, it’s just that a lady I know who (seemingly sincerely) said that she doesn’t like blogs and never reads them when I told her I write one so…hopefully isn’t reading this… *fingers crossed* was overheard saying that I’m rejecting her because she’s not as “rich” as I am. (I heard it before tonight but it was on my mind during dinner.) In reality I just didn’t get along with her for reasons of personality differences and hence my blog post this week as it was inspired by my internal musings on the issue. But, I think she assumed it was about class because that’s what she’s most insecure about.

This same basic thing keeps happening in my life (has been for years now) in practically a million different iterations and I think I’m starting to finally realize part of the reason why…

What I realized tonight was that despite the life my parents chose for us when I was young it isn’t where we are now (or where we really were then entirely either) and that I need to stop laughing it off, mocking my reality and just genuinely accept that reality (might surprise you to read that)…as actual reality.

Being humble and compassionate is good but it’s foolish to think that as much as people are equal in the eyes of God in regard to their inherent value that…the class distinctions I discuss openly and honestly…and subtly poke at and use out of irritation are real. I need to stop expecting people to just “snap out of it” and not be insecure about it all. Again, even if I think underneath class distinctions we’re all valuable and fascinating I need to stop being so careless, belligerent and flippant about it. Sure, it’s obnoxious to feel wrath, cattiness, and rejection from people for having “too little” for some and then “too much” for others (which I have) but…that’s life. I need to let go of it in a way and yet be more serious about it at the same time. It just is what it is. I can’t fix it and I can’t secretly ignore my reality while openly being silly about it. Ha!

And lest you think I don’t care about people who aren’t as blessed, it’s quite the opposite. I do care with my heart and my wallet. And that’s part of my belligerence and lack of empathy for those struggling with insecurities in that area. I feel like people ask for way too much from each other (ie for others to be just like them) below and above on the social scale. But that’s just the way it is for now I guess, isn’t it…

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