After posting my second review the other day about Frederic Malle and half mentioning my great grandmother’s cousin who has a statue dedicated in his honor in California someone got angry at me and accused me of “making it up”. *rolling eyes* And I’m sure for that one person who tried to “call me out” there are likely many more people reading this (mostly because of my old Instagram account) who had similar emotionally charged reactions. “She just makes stuff up!” *said in a nasal tone reminiscent of Lina Lamont* “Maybe I should too!! Gee, think of all the attention I’d get!”
But, no. I haven’t lied or “made stuff up”. If something I share on my blog makes you feel uncomfortable and angry perhaps you need to speak with a good, qualified counselor about that. Truly. (Meant seriously without condescension.)
Now, that being said, I’m certainly not a saint on the matter. I didn’t and don’t lie about my life or my family but, ironically, that’s how I probably was wrong. To be bold and clear: My intent (starting about two and half years ago) was to covertly (And that’s perhaps where I was not honest. I pretended to be somewhat more innocent in my intentions than I actually was. I’m sorry.) irritate certain people’s insecurities about their backgrounds and their own merit in terms of social hierarchies and what they’ve accomplished in that regard as well.
It was a calculated move I made consciously out of deep resentment and lots of repressed anger. There were literally dozens of people over the years on Instagram being catty, rude and competitive everyday for years. And I’d try to kindly answer every comment I ever received and like every post of the people who I followed. It became very emotionally draining and quite demoralizing to deal with all the ugly attitudes and both overt and passive attacks over time. And that was after a lifetime of dealing with those kind of people in person too, of course. We all deal with those attitudes (they’re as common as colds) if we aren’t the one guilty of it. But imagine that sort of negativity magnified by the likes Instagram.
Unfortunately where I meant to “turn the tables” on maybe 20 people (at that exact time) who likely always had had a problem with me from the minute they noticed my Instagram account and blog, I discovered that an enormous number of other people shared their insecurities. And, very sadly I’m sure I offended people who I had no intention of offending or making feel unhappy or uncomfortable. I’ve said that before. I also made the people I meant to upset much more upset than I intended. *shrug* But…based on my experience I will no longer assume people aren’t secretly insecure about certain things ever again. Especially nowadays.
The thing is when you don’t have a problem with something (I didn’t and don’t) and you only see 20 or so people at a time (more over the years) clearly having an issue it’s easy to assume that everyone else who you interact with who isn’t being weird doesn’t have a problem either. The families I was raised in have actually generally always been very humble and frugal about what we have, where we stand socially and etc.. Almost too much so, I’d argue, at times. So why wouldn’t I assume other people being humble don’t have something kind of cool and/or impressive in their background or about their current life as well? Why wouldn’t I assume it’s that or that they judge the value of other people based on the quality of their character and equally so themselves? But a surprising number of people are not…in that place at the moment I guess, and instead of seeing my intentional overshares in the past as me poking fun at annoying people they felt personally attacked. I’m sorry again if I my old posts made you feel anxious or sad.
However, I am proud. I’m proud of who I am and my family. Genuinely. And I’d bet most other people have something they’re proud of too. The good sort of pride. And there is a difference. If I choose to share something about myself or my family please try to see it that way and not as being about you.