Shalimar

I opened a full, pristine 1 fl. oz. bottle of vintage 1970’s Shalimar parfum a while back. I wasn’t going to open it but one night around my birthday Mark and I got into a terrible fight and I cried and the thought of wearing vintage Shalimar parfum sounded lovely so I opened it.

It’s lovely. I’ve loved Shalimar since my adolescence.

I’ll have to use it now and buy an unopened vintage parfum hopefully to replace it for the purposes of my collection. That won’t be unpleasant. It was seemingly made before the reformulation.

Another embarrassing confession: I have to admit that I’ve had a good guy friend who has been like an exquisite vintage Shalimar parfum. He’s actually the one who encouraged my recent vintage Chanel purchase and my hat.

Years ago, while I was separated from Mark, this man and I considered a relationship and since then we have had to be careful not to get too close (even though, again, he did recently give me great fashion advice). …He’s a rare and quite lovely person though and I’ve counted on him at times to understand when no one else seems to, because he just does. I don’t have to explain almost anything. He’s been a true friend at times.

But, I love my husband deeply and we’ve been trying to make our marriage work and so even though it’s easy to think of him when Mark doesn’t understand or seems to not be present enough to show his love, I can’t. And that’s life. I love Mark and want to be his wife. …Even though Mark doesn’t suggest I wear tailored Chanel instead of Brooks Brothers. Ha!

…I’ll just stick with actual vintage Shalimar.

Mark is more like running. Sometimes getting close to him hurts at first but then I eventually realize he’s genuinely trying really hard to be kind and loving too, and it’s more that he just thinks very differently. As much as we love each other it’ll never be easy even if it’s eventually rewarding. He is indeed my best friend though. And I don’t mean that in a corny way, but genuinely.

Really though, while some men are easier to be closer to than others all men are quite different than women aren’t they? Gay, straight. They’re different. Still, I’ve never found women attractive and I’ve never even remotely felt the temptation to take a dip in that pool, so to speak. Women are beautiful creatures but I just *shrug* can’t feel that way about them. Also, I’ve had a good lesbian friend or two since college confide in me about their romantic relationship woes and I know lesbian relationships aren’t actually easier anyway. It seemingly isn’t easier to date the same gender despite the myths to the contrary. People are people. And sometimes even, as different as women are from men, you might have more in common with a straight man because of your souls and if he’s attractive to you and not your husband you do have to be careful.

It’s life. I love Mark and when I asked him out over ten years ago I was lucky that he was straight and fancied me. But I asked out guys who weren’t interested before him. And I’ve been asked out by guys and rejected them and by some women who I also rejected of course. It’s life. Almost nothing is without difficulty.

Still, even as I write this with my second round of braces on my teeth (my first round was in childhood), wires ripping into my flesh…with a headache…worried for the safety of my parents as they’re both over 70…saddened by the vast amount of death in the world in general…I’m happy to have my running partner and my vintage Shalimar. *shrug*

Be well…

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