Rings

In public I still wear a ring on my left finger when I’m with my family. Why? I don’t want the stress of being judged. We all go places together still and it’s less uncomfortable with my ring on around strangers. It’s not like I’m going to find someone when I’m running after my toddler and conversing with my son anyway. If I find someone to love it’ll be at least in part a lovely, thoughtful process hopefully anyway… Nothing cold or “meaningless” but not rushed either. The ring provides space to be separated without the extra drama of snoopy people watchers at the grocery store or coffee shop.

My ex-husband (I edited it to add ex but accidentally left it out at first because husband seems like his name at times now. Ha! Ex feels like I’m disparaging him and Mark feels formal. Oh well.) actually can’t get his ring off… So if he’s wearing one and I’m not it adds even more stress as it appears I’m having an affair. Ha! Actually, there’s been times we’ve gone through drive-thru windows and I’ve wondered if they’ve noticed and found it odd. I’m probably imagining it but I just feel like I’ve noticed people doing a double take.

Today I found this penny when I dropped an herb on the ground chasing my toddler. I love its turquoise color and how difficult it is to decipher. It was right next to the dirt from the dropped herb.

Our garden is doing well. Our marriage is dying more each day… But truly, after ten years I know I care about Mark in a way that’s delightful even if it’s platonic. He’s my pal.