Big Bad Dudes

This morning as I drink my usual cup of tea and eat breakfast I’m contemplating dating. As in the dates I’ve gone on.

I could brag about the people I’ve been on dates with. There are plenty of (literally) brilliant, affluent men with elite educations on that list. My ex-husband even went to a “little ivy” and graduated with honors. In that way my life looks desirable.

But you know…I’ve never been on a fun date. Seriously.

I’ve traveled. I’ve been on dates with men who were rude and men who were smitten. I’ve gone to great restaurants. Great bars. Seen beautiful places. But, I’ve never been on a date that wasn’t stressful or depressing in some way… I’ve never had a date that left me feeling…happy or loved by someone who I had feelings for in return. I’ve never been actually relaxed enough on a date to truly enjoy myself. Ever.

And lest you think it’s about being with less “stuffy” guys I want to quickly clarify that I think that’s incorrect. It’s not about money or status. It’s just about the people I’ve dated in ways both related and unrelated to that part of them.

I’ve been on some dates that were at least slightly humorous though. In retrospect.

On one date I sat in a cafe waiting while he drove by the spot in all directions because he “couldn’t find it.” He eventually called me (we had been texting) and I had a barista give him directions on my phone while I stood there awkwardly. He drove by it at least once more and then finally parked and we started our first date. I liked him as a person but did not develop feelings for him. First of all I was also dating my ex-husband at that time and secondly the dates were kind of all like that…and it became a little difficult to find him particularly attractive.

Actually, on one date we decided to make-out but didn’t know where to go to make-out. We both lived with our parents. I finally suggested a spot in the parking lot of a park and it was fine except for the police officer who came over to knock on his window and interrupt us. We were dressed and in reasonable condition but it was still embarrassing. He also freaked out about it so I had to do all of the talking, which was also awkward. He was a pleasant enough police officer though so that was good I guess. Ha! That was the end of the date.

I was on a date with Mark when this photo was taken. He was almost picked-up by a friend of my friend pictured here. If you look into my eyes you can see the, “Oh-dear-God-above-what-will-happen-with-Mark-next” look.

Then there were the dates I’d go on with Mark. Some were genuinely fun at times but of course all of them were very stressful as well. And at any rate, there was more than one where I’d get hit on by someone else or he’d have someone trying to take him away from our date as well. I mean really though, it was to an inordinate degree. Once there was even a married woman after him (who was in love with him) while I had a mildly famous male musician after me on the same date. We never parted from each other though because he was oblivious and lacked any real interest in them and I was trying to be faithful.

On one date with a boyfriend in college we went to a local amusement park. I thought it’d be fine even though I don’t like amusement parks but it wasn’t. My then boyfriend won at a carnival game and gave the gifts of a stuffed animal and beaded necklace to his male roommate even though the roommate had a girlfriend too along with him at the park. Looking back, considering his roommate later came on to me while we were dating, I’ve wondered if they were secretly together. They did hold hands in public in what they claimed was “a joke” just to “make people uncomfortable”. Ha! They also showered together… Somehow I think there was more there than they were open about at our little private college where homosexuality wasn’t allowed. Maybe they were even dishonest with themselves. Actually though, his roommate was probably better to date than he was… At least his roommate didn’t treat me like a total idiot… “I have an IQ of 140!” my ex-boyfriend would hint at or just openly say. But every boyfriend I’ve ever had has been that “gifted” and he was just the only one who felt he needed to mention it repeatedly. He also was the one who wore Palmer’s Cocoa Butter. *rolling eyes* “I’m not bi. I’m not gay!” He once said to me while patronizingly then adding, “But I could be a lesbian for you?” “No, that’s ok. I not attracted to women.” I said in response. He found that irritating. I should have just ended it there but I didn’t (at least entirely) know better.

And there was the boyfriend who was still in love with his ex. She came by to “drop something off” while we were at his house once *rolling eyes* and when he recognized it was her he sat at attention and turned his head in such a way as to resemble a dog when it hears a noise or when someone’s at the front door. He genuinely looked like a dog, dear thing… I’m surprised he didn’t bark and start running excitedly around the room. That was the end of that relationship a day or two later when I confronted him about his reaction. “You can kick-ass and take names!” he said. “You should have been like that the whole time we dated. I don’t think I’ve ever seen this part of you before.” How flattering? *rolling eyes*

But, the young man who couldn’t find the cafe did go with me to a local art museum and as he did sculpture and had even volunteered at the museum at least that part was pleasant I guess. Not as much fun as I had had visiting the museum with my parents and their friends over the years but it was nice while we were at the museum. One of my mom’s friends who speaks fluent French was always a delight to look at art with.

I should just take myself on a date. To the same art museum… At least I’ll be able to really enjoy the art? Not romantic but *shrug* oh well. There are some Monets I’d like to stare at for longer than most people would appreciate.

I promise my next post will be less depressing.