Delicate Petals

I found the fragrance I used to bath in while reading The Sun Also Rises for the first time. It’s Victoria’s Secret Delicate Petals. It’s actually a really lovely fragrance even though it’s just Victoria’s Secret… I need to buy more of it. It feels almost therapeutic to smell it again. I could bring the smell to mind in my head but to actually experience it again is like a burden off my shoulders emotionally speaking… Sounds weird maybe but scent memories are powerful. This was a scent of peace in the storm right before I went through the trauma of dating my ex-husband all those years ago…

You know we got along well enough in regard to almost everything. My ex-husband and I. But we fought bitterly about sex and our romantic love was never what some people have who are genuinely happy – a lethal combination for our relationship…

Although my ex was a womanizer he no longer is and hasn’t been for almost a decade… Thing is though, he still naturally has a personality that can lend itself soo easily to being one. He has dramatically different values and views and beliefs about the topic now but…that masculine edge, confident insouciance and genuinely brilliant but less than romantic mind is still there. He’s loyal. He’s tough as nails. He’s caring in regard to his sacrifices and sense of responsibility and honor. But as deeply close as we are we feel like soulmates of a different variety from the romantic variety.

How do I know this? Because as much as I don’t know certain things about myself because I’ve not been told everything one is supposed to be told I do self-reflect. Introspection is almost constant in my head on a certain level.

When reading Hemingway’s great, important American classic I felt the novel deeply in my soul. I wasn’t there in Paris in the 1920’s, (obviously to some readers I’m sure) but his novel told us so very much anyway… I mean, it’s Hemingway at his best in my opinion. So sitting in the tub at my mother’s downtown condo with a view of the Cathedral of St. Paul in St. Paul, an old historic French church, Cathedral Hill including the James J. Hill mansion, and old buildings in downtown St. Paul smelling Delicate Petals and reading that book was fantastic. Life hasn’t gone as hoped since then…but that’s the thing. Smelling this sweet, melancholy, elegant and yet sensuous scent and reading The Sun Also Rises wasn’t preparing me for future happiness with all that matters that life has to offer us. It was preparing me before I got old but was old enough to know a little…for my own actual life thus far.

I’ll wear Delicate Petals today and let my mind wander.