Betty White

She was a woman who found a way into people’s hearts. She knew how to reach people. And, having lived a seemingly very admirable life, Betty White almost lived to be 100 years old…

She supposedly never worried about dying. After the love of her life died in 1981 of cancer she only looked forward to seeing him again someday. That was about 40 years ago.

You know…had I ever met her in person in life I have a feeling I would have misunderstood her at first. I’ve never been good at winning people’s approval in the continual, respectable kind of way Betty White did and people like her always make me suspicious. Ha! But…I have a feeling she would have eventually won me over at least a little if I’d been lucky enough to meet her. She was likely a much deeper person than one might initially imagine. One of those celebrities you’d be glad you’d met instead of feeling disillusioned.

Actually, her death reminds me of everyone’s mortality in a way that’s sharp and bright and certain. I am a Christian and have been since I said “The Sinner’s Prayer” at age 2 and a half. And yes, I knew what I was saying and doing believe it or not. But…I take some extra comfort as I’m writing this in things that don’t make sense without there being something “more.” The human, logical part of me likes evidence. Even less than scientific evidence…

Tonight I was reminded of a dream I had once when I heard “Someone to Watch Over Me” playing in the background of Woody Allen’s Manhattan. It’s a dream I’ve not mentioned here, perhaps surprisingly as of late. But it was the oddest thing…there was a mother who died when I was a little girl. In memory of her they played that song. “Someone to Watch Over Me.” And when I heard it back then fir the first time, it pierced into my soul… After I grew-up it made cry whenever I heard it. It still does if I let it… But anyway, I had a dream about her and one of her children. They were in an audience in the dark both dressed in black. I was on stage and they decided to “feed me lines” to say from the audience. I was flippant, sarcastic and made others on stage angry but the audience. Then her child pulled me aside and said, “My mother has something she wants to tell you!” I looked over at her and she smiled. Her particular smile scared me some and certainly shocked me. Still, I wanted to be understanding and I also wanted to know what it was she had to say. The dream ended there though. …I think it was within less than a year when that child passed away unexpectedly. At the time I thought it was odd, but now…I suspect the ghost haunting me, should there be one at all, is connected to her in that dream somehow. They were friends, actually, in life.

…Allen Ludden. What a great name. But Betty White is a great name too… I wonder why she was so sure she’d see Allen at her death. And more than that I really, really, really hope she was right. It must have been a wonderful New Year’s Eve for them if she was.