Drag

If ghosts surround me…I think the reason people think I’m Marilyn Monroe (or so much like her)…is because I am Marilyn Monroe. Not reincarnated at all in any way, of course. No. I’m not Norma Jeane Baker. Norma Jeane Baker massacred my personality doing a horrendous impersonation of me while alive as her public persona… Marilyn Monroe is a clownish interpretation of my soul.

Should reincarnation exist…she may have even channeled me against my will. Marilyn Monroe was into the occult seemingly. …Perhaps she found my personality uplifting to imitate. A lighthearted, seemingly ditzy, super feminine woman who was also actually very bright. It might have felt therapeutic to her. Like she could explain herself through me. Like I’d understand her… And maybe I do. A little… But I’m certainly not her. We’re two extraordinarily different people, even if we could deeply relate to each other.

The thing is…I have a razor sharp layer under my sweetness, good cheer, and loving, ephemeral, innocent femininity. Like a babbling, lovely, moss covered brook that’s deceptively deep with undercurrents that could suck you in and drown you quickly or literally rip you apart. Norma Jeane Baker could never be named Lacey. Not really.

Who was she? Not a willing housewife and mother. Not a gentle-hearted woman who would stupidly get drunk, wander into a city street and get hit by a bus because she was so heartbroken over a love who’d died at war. Norma Jeane Baker wasn’t as innocent as I am or if she was innocent it was innocent in an entirely different way.

Ironically…Audrey Hepburn’s persona is closer to who I am at heart…although my…”personality” is more like the persona of “Marilyn Monroe” as she brilliantly tried to create her to a point. But that’s the thing…it was a persona Norma Jeane Baker created.

In private I tell people off in a way I doubt Norma Jeane Baker ever truly could. *laugh* Can you imagine Marilyn Monroe writing a blog post about social class? About Igor Stravinsky, yes… But social class? She’d never have done that. Not Norma Jeane Baker…and as it was just a persona…not Marilyn Monroe. That was not Norma Jeane Bakers impression of the persona she was pretending to be.

I think she was…a deeply wounded person. Looking for real friends. But trying to imitate a dead woman or someone who could genuinely exist to such a personal, profound degree…is very dangerous. But people tend to malignantly imitate me… *wave to haters*

She was a cold, calculating, shrewd, tough as nails…sometimes manipulative business woman. She was a woman who wanted success, a legacy and recognition for her genius and effort. She wanted to be loved but as the emotionally…”man-like” sometimes…unaware woman she was. I’m unaware at times…and it looks like the persona she created…but she had no idea what that actually was or felt like. Because she was unaware in an entirely different way… She was very much a woman but her type of unawareness reminds me more of the stereotypical man…

Where Marilyn Monroe struggled to have kids…I’m very able. Where she killed herself to make her empire…I’d potentially kill myself accidentally trying to have a family and possibly for a literal empire. And trying to imitate someone like me…was nothing but an insult to her. I’m the loving wife and mother back in the British homeland holding the family together…waiting for my conquering hero’s return from battle. A Victorian dream. …*laugh* That’s not who she was.

I admire who she really was. She was also sexy…indomitably feminine…perhaps good-hearted and highly intelligent. Tough. But she never wanted to be a US President. She never read military tactics and history for fun. Nor lost herself in dancing to Stravinsky as a teenager… She was…inscrutable…sharp as a tack…passionately ambitious…and way ahead of her time in her desires. She’d be an even bigger success today and likely a lot happier. Or if she was born just a bit later she’d have briefly been married not to Arthur Miller but Woody Allen. Because she’s a lot more like Mia Farrow or Diane Keaton than Marilyn Monroe.

What should her name have been if she’d been acting like herself? Not self-destructively pretending to be someone she only wished she was or related to? Jeane Harvey? Laura Grant? Mia Monroe? Diane Dale? Leslie Lincoln?