“Slow down you crazy child…”

My biggest fault? I don’t believe my Vienna exists.

I believe in Heaven for everyone else. I’m far from an atheist.

My dear friend Scott in college grew-up in Vienna, Austria. And he was one of the most romantic atheists I’ve ever met… I like to romanticize my Vienna. But I don’t believe in it… Not like a Christian should.

I think I think that there’s Hell and Great Britain…and the rest of the world. And that’s it. And I’m an Anglophile…to my core. And yet I’m no fool…according to Billy Joel. I love Vienna. It just seems narcissistic or gullible to think I could ever be that…absurdly happy. Absurdly loved. I’d struggle to call it anything but absurd to start with…

“…Why don’t you realize, Vienna waits for you!? When will you realize, Vienna waits for you?”

…Maybe not until I’m dead. Because I have faith for God. Faith for His glory. Faith for His existence. But…I have no faith for entrance to an actual Heaven where I wouldn’t be tortured by Hell, at least from a distance. It’s not that I don’t think God loves me. It’s that I don’t understand “personal happiness” outside of rainy days and good tea. I know myself well…but I can’t imagine being loved more than that… And if I ever am it’ll be one if the only truly shocking things I have yet to look forward to.