Vienna

“Slow down you crazy child…”

My biggest fault? I don’t believe my Vienna exists.

I believe in Heaven for everyone else. I’m far from an atheist.

My dear friend Scott in college grew-up in Vienna, Austria. And he was one of the most romantic atheists I’ve ever met… I like to romanticize my Vienna. But I don’t believe in it… Not like a Christian should.

…

I think I think that there’s Hell and Great Britain…and the rest of the world. And that’s it. And I’m an Anglophile…to my core. And yet I’m no fool…according to Billy Joel. I love Vienna. It just seems narcissistic or gullible to think I could ever be that…absurdly happy. Absurdly loved. I’d struggle to call it anything but absurd to start with…

…

“…Why don’t you realize, Vienna waits for you!? When will you realize, Vienna waits for you?”

…Maybe not until I’m dead. Because I have faith for God. Faith for His glory. Faith for His existence. But…I have no faith for entrance to an actual Heaven where I wouldn’t be tortured by Hell, at least from a distance. It’s not that I don’t think God loves me. It’s that I don’t understand “personal happiness” outside of rainy days and good tea. I know myself well…but I can’t imagine being loved more than that… And if I ever am it’ll be one if the only truly shocking things I have yet to look forward to.