“I saw you.” he said.

I’m in shock.

How did this happen? It feels like yesterday I woke up from the most lucid dream I’ve ever had next to my stained glass lamp in my bedroom. And tonight I realized that that lamp sits near where a sofa I’m fairly certain I dreamt of sits. Actually, you could almost interchange the bed for the sofa… That was totally unintentional.

And now I realize again for a moment how real certain things are.

I think I’m different than most people in a way and it scares me. It’s just that I have a tendency to underestimate things that I’d bet most people rarely underestimate. In other words, where most people are naturally amazed I barely blink an eye to almost a fault. And it’s not that I’m a snob. I don’t think… It’s that I’m possibly unlike Amanda Trenfield to a degree that could be dangerous if I’m not careful. Or is it that unlike her I assume the worst when it’s dangerous to do so?

And what’s the danger either way? I’m not sure.

Maybe that’s just it. She can’t help but think a common but real attraction is profoundly epic. That’s her burden. And I can’t help but think a hurricane is simply a fascinating, really windy sort of rainy day with…more clouds…and just more… More rain. More rainy day stuff in the rainy day. …I mean what’s a hurricane anyway? Truly! …No, really… What’s a hurricane??? It’s just…weather. *shrug* Exciting weather…(for other people). Stress? Hurricanes are certainly very stressful. Drama. Lots of drama.

…And so my burden is taking myself more seriously than most people do? Or my burden is not letting the weight of history crush me before I can get back up to the surface to breath? …I relate to the ill-fated divers. But it’s not that I misunderstand risk. It’s that I’m good at it and then assume everyone else is too…and so what?

The danger is in following me too far. The danger is in assuming you’re me. Like me. The danger is in assuming you know what I know. The danger is in blindly going after me without knowing what you’re doing or where I’m going. The danger is in ignoring the obvious. The danger is in thinking that everything is obvious… The danger is in following me almost at all. If I’m not leading intentionally…be careful. Because look around, where are we? Can you see clearly? It’s dim. It’s but through a glass and dimly…so no matter. It’s just a forest with many trees.

And we’re all fools or children before God. And I’m His daughter or I’m simply a beautiful little fool with no hope.

Happy weekend.

…Stay on the beach.