Past And Pending

…I can’t control many things. No human truly can. Life actually does just happen to all of us on a certain level. We control some things and are accountable…but…we’re also mere humans.

And I don’t understand. I simply don’t understand. Certain things…

Namely, I can’t figure out why someone would want me more than someone else. Well…beyond the truly deeper reasons. And aren’t all rational reasons deep reasons? Somewhat?

No?

Somewhat?

…I mean…we all know Scott chose Zelda because she was Zelda. Not just because she was one of the most popular girls of her time in Alabama. Right?

…Except, even if they’re just the tip of the iceberg…so to speak…our superficial qualities do matter. And that’s where I get totally lost in regard to myself.

And again, I worry. If I’m at all interacting with actual ghosts in Purgatory…what are they doing? Really. Behind my back. I’m not a mean girl at all. I’m tough, not cruel. And the gaslighting of actual bullies and narcissistic people has left me clueless about certain things.

Is it funny? Maybe for some…lost anthropologist who means well…and just happens to be my type…it’s mildly hilarious. Because I truly don’t know. And I can only concoct what seem like far-fetched, bizarre and novel ideas about what people might be doing. What machinations they might have. But…I need to trust God.

Not because no man can love me. But because they can. And the real lies don’t become true. Ever.

And as Gettysburg feels personal…I’ll decline to fall for it. To fall for the traps. The idiocy cannot be humored beyond a certain point. It’s too dangerous when people are so…violent.

Don’t forget the good in America. God is good. …Don’t forget the good.

Happy 4th. Truly.