Ruining It

When Lacey first fell in love with Lem it was pure and beautiful. Or was it? And figuring that out is my dilemma as an author.

… …

See…they fell so madly in love. It was amazing. He stole her from Elliott Roosevelt because Elliott still gets stuck on all of his ex-wives from time to time. And occasionally cheats with almost all of them. And they’re in an alliance with each other, Lacey suggests. So Lem took advantage of that…

But J.P. has always found Lacey to be perfect. The absolute epitome of what a woman should be. In every way.

And…Lem still has issues he’s working out with his “Kennedy experience.”

*Zelda laughs*

…And Harold Loeb and Lacey have amazing sexual chemistry according to Zelda. It bothered Harold that Lacey knew Scott first…but then it bothered Scott…although it also fascinates him…and now it’s fine. It’s fine mostly…for everyone but Lem.

And Louis has a brilliant sense of humor according to his second wife.

What does it all mean? What does it all mean?

…It means…that Lem gets jealous. And “everyone alive” tells Lacey, “He loves Jack! Always will! Always did! Always was! You useless bitch! …And is gay. And doesn’t exist. Or is in a special Heaven only for gay men that you isn’t allowed in. Only me! Because they’re in an alliance with block people. Not the truth? Right? Right? I know you’re a backward Christian! I know you! You ugly whore! I hate you! You! You! You!” (He’s been drinking)

And that’s what they’ve been screaming at her violently with demons aiding them in their venting the whole time.

*shake it “byotches”*

“But…what about oil? And sex? I mean? I supposedly fucked women. According to Brown. It’s on record.” says Michael humorously.

“You got me!” says Lem.

“He’s got him!?!” *the hateful gays gasp in delight at Lacey’s abandonment* “Oh! Oh! I bet the jig is up for that bitch!” *They giggle*

“Are you referencing my mother?!” asks Joe Jr. in a rage. *Bobby Kennedy laughs* Now winning Lacey back is also about defending his mother’s honor. This possible fact is lost on the hateful because it means Lacey isn’t worse than the Devil. She can actually be loved. And they can’t destroy her.

“Wait… I thought this was all a joke.” says someone reading this blog in their head in some confusion. “Do these gay men actually hate her that much?” *empathetic embarrassment and consternation*

“You know…the Devil tries so hard to hurt me. Sometimes I want to doubt God loves me. But then I think about how much Satan hates me and I find it comforting.” says Lacey.

“That’s not fair!” shriek Jack and Faye Emerson in unison.

“Anyway, Lem Billings…you’ve made a few hurtful mistakes. And I care.” *shrugs Michael* “And I think you need to understand that.”

Lem sighs.

“It’s so simple. She’s just profoundly hurt.” He smiles. “You’ve let her be vulnerable to vicious attacks. I’ve tried to tell writers I was bisexual, not gay. And to some degree they’ve depicted me that way. Why didn’t you do that? Really? I mean…I was more straight than that…but the point is that they let it go. I make them, Lem.”

“Because you’re a Rockefella!” winks a hateful gay man who keeps drinking the “free root beer.”

“You do realize she doesn’t think gay men have some magical sexual power that women don’t. You don’t threaten her with your dick you asshole!” Joe Jr. states to the hateful gay.

“If I didn’t know you were Joe Kennedy Jr. I’d be pissed off.” the man responds with surprising deflation.

“You’re no different than a horny, pushy female secretary who would have been trying to screw Joe Jr.. had she married him.” says J.P. who, like many, also drank the (vodka spiked) “old time” root beer.

The hateful gay can’t stand this. He walks off in a hot narcissist rage. (He comes back for one more glass of “free root beer” later. It’s actually really good, apparently.)

*”Shake it!”* demands Joe Jr. of the hateful man as he walks away.

“You know. That isn’t what you had with Jack, Lem.” Harold offers a helpful observation.

“Well this is awkward.” says Faye.

“I think we should end here.” says the first wife of Louis.

“Anyway, I don’t have this problem Lem. And it actually isn’t because I’m a Rockefeller.”

“Are you a Rockefeller?” asks Jack.

“Or an imposter!?” asks someone on Stacey’s behalf as they think if she was dead that she’d like to make that joke?

“No she wouldn’t.” says the first wife of Louis.

“Lem, you don’t seem to understand how hurtful seemingly innocent lies can be. White lies?” continues Michael.

“Did you think it’d all stop when you died? All the noise? Funny how it just gets louder. So loud you can actually hear it clearly. Death doesn’t solve sin.” Truman Capote suggests.

“Don’t bully us.” says Michael. (But the hateful gay man thinks it should be clarified that Michael isn’t pleading. He’s not desperate! *said seriously*)

“Daddy’s with you in your prayers.”

Lacey can’t be stolen. You just have to actually make sure you actually have her first. And for the time she wants to belong first and foremost to God.

*Lacey dances to “Glory Box” by Portishead with the hateful (now very drunk) gay man. They (seriously) claim it’s because he doesn’t want to be a woman and she is one and doesn’t need to become one. They both find dark hidden meanings in the song. Lem watches in dismay and with some measure of concern and anxiety. And Michael watches Lacey.*

“It’s an homage to “The Office” in a way.” says Zelda.

“No. It isn’t. It’s an homage to “Mad Men.”” F. Scott Fitzgerald corrects her.