Alma Monogram

I’m determined to buy a vintage Louis Vuitton Alma and have it refurbished by Louis Vuitton.

… …

It didn’t work out very well and it didn’t go very far. Probably because she isn’t a lesbian or bisexual or pansexual. She kept telling herself that she needed to be tough and try to learn to enjoy the same gender because men didn’t really want her…and then she kept wondering anyway when the men would show-up because they’re the only gender she finds truly arousing and…so she’d have to fake the rest and be tough through the pain of being heterosexual when it feels like everyone in Western Society nowadays wants her to be “gay,” masculine or a very different person while she’s awake.

Last night Lacey tried to throw a garden party in her sleep…designed to adhere to social standards of 2022. So she felt the need to try to become a bisexual or lesbian.

“Sounds typical.” says Harold.

“We didn’t liberate her. At all.” says a dead female judge from an East Coast state in the US.

“No, you’ve oppressed her and if I was straight or even bisexual and totally messed-up either way I’m oppressed now too retroactively.” says Lem.

…Here’s where it gets confusing though… At least to Lacey.

Michael found Lacey’s accidental attempts to be cool and not heterosexual arousing. And he’s not afraid to admit it. She wanted him. And possibly no one else would do… How exciting! He’s not ashamed to admit he finds that thought exhilarating.

But Lem woke her up. Not before she could process through her thoughts of how confused she was. How sad it all was…mostly. But before she would wake-up and find it more disturbing and genuinely nightmarish than it already was.

“Nightmarish?! Oh no. Oh no! The jig is up! You sword loving bitch from a peasant farm. You’re not feminine and dainty and straight. *almost frothing at the mouth* I’LL CUT YOUR HEAD OFF, YOU WHORE!!! …But first, be gay!! Because all tough women are gay and never more feminine than weak women. It’s science!” says a hateful woman channeling demons and ancestral ghosts? Just demons? *shrug* She thinks this sounds glib and imitative of one of Lacey’s moronic ramblings. *She leans back on her sofa and puts her feet up to play video games for a quick moment during her busy day. She rolls her eyes for a quick second like the cool-kid she clearly is before she fades away into the “imaginary world” of the video game before returning to her busygrueling…and yet actually genuinely soul-sucking life.*

And yes, of course this woman playing video games is in the Illuminati. The real one…should it exist. Lacey is not hallucinating her…

Whatever. …Right?

Cool beans…dude.

Who won?

A dead woman who grew-up in Kerry, Ireland is intrigued. “Are you cursed?” she asks Lacey.

“It doesn’t matter. God is bigger than that.” says Lacey.

“You’re right.” she agrees.

“Who was Marilyn Monroe reincarnated from then?” asks cable-dude.

“She might not have been reincarnated. Maybe nobody is. Maybe we can be very similar to people throughout history and not actually be them. Don’t let Ken Lay trick you.” Lacey sincerely warns.

He partially believes it.

And no. Just because she talks to him literally about who Marilyn might have been reincarnated from…doesn’t mean she has feelings for him.

“She really doesn’t.” says Michael.

“We never wrote about women like her in the US.” says Nora Ephron.

“Because we didn’t want to think that people like that existed in general. It scared us.” says Clare Boothe Luce.

“The American cowboys don’t really cover it.”

“And no.” *she laughs* “ They’re not all gay.” Then Clare’s voice trails off into further laughter.

“That factor is actually inconsequential.“ says Scott.

“So who won?” asks Harold.

And that is what confuses Lacey. Immensely.

The dead man who made her feel less idiotic and was unconditionally loving? Or the dead man who rescued her and may love her unconditionally but is rather cagey about it?

“Are you allowed to not care that people might go to Hell who you hate in Purgatory?” asks Lacey of Lem.

“No. I’m working through my hatred, Lacey. I’m sorry.” says Lem.