When Lacey was in college she had a best friend. But then slowly over time that friendship drifted off…into a dark abyss.
And last night out of the blue she got a message from her former best friend eight years after she ghosted her.
“I watched ‘Midnight In Paris’ and thought of you.” she wrote.
…Why? I (unfortunately) didn’t watch that until after she ghosted me. F. Scott Fitzgerald? I was fascinated by the Fitzgerald’s by the time she ghosted me…but…she also claimed to be foggy about everything at that time. It just felt…weird.
Did she even really know Lacey well enough to know her literary tastes that well? Lacey must have mentioned reading Hemingway but only once… ? Lacey wants to think her former friend knew her tastes that well, but she kind of doubts it.
“I’m not wearing my usual lipstick…”. Lacey says to ghosts quoting poetry. Like the ghosts in “Midnight In Paris.”
…I wonder what really happened. Over the years I’ve theorized that that former friend wasn’t straight. And parts of her message sounded very vaguely amorous… But…it’s so unclear.
And Lacey wouldn’t intuitively know either way. Because she’s been ignoring her gut instinct for most of her life about such things.
And she’s quite done.
“The good news is that when you die you’ll be young again. And you’ll be yourself. So if you don’t go to Hell you’ll be as pretty as you were in your 20’s…”
It’s unlikely Lacey’s friend isn’t straight. …Or is it? She doesn’t know. She doesn’t know anymore. And if her former friend isn’t straight…it’s terrible. No, she doesn’t mean because she thinks her former best friend doesn’t get into Heaven for being “gay” as that’s between Lacey’s friend and God…but because…it means Lacey has missed so much about the world around her. …And it’s become creepy over the years. Possibly creepy to the point where life has become more Hellish than God ordained.
“Would you have dated her?!” says someone who believes that if you love someone they scientifically must also love you in return…because…science…and God..and stuffy stuff.
“No.” says Lacey. “I’m not attracted to women.” Lacey wants to cry. “But, regardless, that’s not it. I just feel like I never even met her in a way, and I thought we were actual best friends. I knew her so well. We were roommates even. But, I missed all of that part of reality if it existed.”
“Christian girls lack maturity!” says a Tik Tokker about the “repressed” Christians and their lack of promiscuity.
…It’s not about maturity. People need to expand their vocabulary. It’s about evil.
“It’s vile that I don’t know how she felt if it was such a poignant part of her life. I mean…it would dramatically alter every conversation we ever had. Every second of life back then meant something vastly different than I thought it did. And I don’t think people want to grasp that.” says Lacey.
“That people really can be that deep…and not be in love. As in, I can be that deep and it doesn’t mean I’m in love. At all. I just feel everything that much in life. And I’m not bipolar or borderline… “ says Lacey.
She rolls her eyes in exasperation. Throws herself back on her bed in expression.
“…Everyone should.” says Joe Jr..
…But again, it’s disturbing. It’s either that or what? (That being an enormous inner life being lived before Lacey’s eyes that she knew virtually nothing about) …She was floored by the hidden wealth in Lacey’s family? Her evil family? Her messed-up life sprinkled with money she didn’t slave away for like her truly hard-working friend always did?
“Instead I sat around miserable, secretly waiting for time to pass so I could finally die. Daily. Never going to class because I’d literally rather have been dead? It was only pleasant to literally sleep.” says Lacey.
“Like…literally!” says Joe.