Oops I Did It Again

“Lem tends to go along with things he later really regrets.” says Louis.

“I’m worried about him.” says Lacey.

“Well, he’s already dead.” says Louis to be comforting.

God cries.

“I don’t want to punish him in a way he doesn’t deserve.” says Lacey. She apologizes to God. Which, apparently makes Lem feel worse.

“I don’t think he understood what he was doing when he started courting you.” says Elliott.

“What in the world did he think he was doing?” asks Lacey.

“This.” says Michael. “What we have.”

“But you basically own me. Not like a slave but like a permanent rib until a better Adam or a better Eve can be obtained.”

Michael laughs.

“You know I do want that for the both of us. The absolute best.” says Lacey.

“I do too.” says Louis.

“You could get a lot of power from these men if you wanted it. But you wouldn’t.” protests her uncle in her defense. ?

“No. I would not.” says Lacey. Then to Michael, “Truthfully, I loved Lem and do in a way that necessitated something more than what we currently have. I couldn’t do this with him. He wasn’t possessive enough in the right way nor was I calm enough to not be incredibly vulnerable.”

“You felt hurt?” asks Louis. “And not demonically possessive but in terms of his command over you as a woman.”

“I was hesitant at first. But then I fell in love with him. And I thought he wanted me to be in love with him. But…when a person is in love they’re vulnerable. And without obvious parameters it’s easy to assume the worst.”

“You thought I or Harold or Joe or some other man was better and in an attempt to do the right thing, you accepted our love. Better in so far as we were a better match.” asks Elliott.

“Yes.”

“You see it as the fabric of the universe.” says Michael. “And you don’t want to mess-up the fabric?”

“Yes.”

“So it wasn’t personal?” asks Lem, already knowing the answer because Lacey and he have discussed it for hours.

“I need your forgiveness to proceed onward with courting you. But ironically if I’m straight and was…it looks worse to you. And maybe you’re right. You seem to think it means I lacked character.” He sighs and closes his eyes. “And all those years I thought it made me a far better man for avoiding what Jack did to those kids and his family in general by pretending to be heterosexual. I thought, believe it or not, that you’d respect that more if someone like you could even exist. In an afterlife or Heaven, ideally. ‘She’ll think I’m a loser if I’m not honest with her.’ But, you’re mad I lied in how far removed from reality I was in the other way. In how much I would have wanted you, had you been alive.

Truth is, I might have been cruel. Not because I wanted to be out of spite. But because I wanted you and…it would have eaten me up inside to see some of those men hit on you. Knowing my limitations.”

“Your limitations?” asks Lacey.

*Louis laughs*

“Your story isn’t sticking, Lem.” says Scott.

*Harold laughs*

“My limitations as a man in the bedroom, is what I would have thought.” says Lem. “Because I wasn’t gay. But I hated myself in that way at times. I thought I was a pervert for enjoying sexual things with men. But I’m not a pervert. And what I failed to realize was that I wasn’t gay. So yes, it was all ugly nonsense because I had it in my head that I was gay when I wasn’t.”

“That’s so difficult to believe, Lem.” says Lacey.

“I needed to tell you. I’m sorry I made such a spectacular fool of myself.”

“It’s just such an odd narrative for an early 20th Century man who acted gay at least somewhat convincingly.” says Lacey.

“I tried to use male bodies for pleasure but it wasn’t satisfying. And giving my life over to Jack was all I felt I had left of living. It wasn’t much, but it was better than facing reality.” Lem says.

“So you felt despair when he died or not?”

“I felt relief that the suffering he’d sometimes inflict was over. And yet, who could I confide in about that? And he had a widow. I felt for her. I’m not totally without empathy, believe it or not. And I mean that sincerely. But I did feel shock and despair at losing the only purpose I felt I had left in life after I was molested.” He thinks. “I based a lot of myself on that…calling.” he says jokingly.

“To ‘minister’ to Jack?” says Lacey.

“He was my…disciple. Indeed. And I did preach to him for years about being a true gay. It wasn’t so much about following your heart as your head. Thinking clearly about where you’d go if you died.” *he rolls his eyes* “But it was demented. And I wasn’t even gay. At all.”

“If Lacey had been there I bet you’d have been all over her though right? Right under Joe’s nose?” says Michael, smiling.

Lem smiles too. “I did occasionally manage to seem really gay. But Lacey’s right it was like washable tattoo. It would eventually fade and disappear at weird moments.”

“Yes. Anyway, I hate it, but it’s true. I don’t know that I love Joe as much as Lacey still does. Maybe there’s just a special, platonic but not typical bond with certain types of former husbands or those sort of men. Namely those who…you could have parented with…or actually have parented with, like your ex-husband. It’s like you’ve been through war together.” *he smiles* “But, I’m sorry, it’s sad. Lacey, Joe wouldn’t have noticed us. And we would have fallen in love. And Michael sees it when men hit on you. And I do too, but I wasn’t possessive enough…and it does look really bad considering.”

“I hate that. Not you. But all of it.” says Lacey.

“It’s evil to cheat.”

“Even though I would have loved you, I’m sure.”

“And still do.” says Lem.

Michael smiles. Time to sleep.

Lem says, “I won’t be lonely but I’m not going to find pleasure.” *he rolls his eyes*

“Chocolate milk sounds good though.” says Louis.

“You mean that literally.” says Lacey.

“Yes.” says Louis.