What Matters

(I’m reposting this. I think I’ll be quiet for a while. The thing is, even if I decide to stay here in the US my heart is still currently with those mourning the loss of one of the best Queens in history. And so I’ll repost it.)

Today is rainy. It reminds me of when I visited England with my ex-husband in 2012. We sat in The Milestone Hotel in London…in the stairwell. And I looked-up and around me at all the beauty as it rained and the sound fell on the windows and filled the space. And I felt despair. I had longed to be in England since childhood. And there we sat…in the stairwell where we weren’t supposed to be…miserably fighting. Our new marriage already felt almost dead…

We eventually went back in our room and I ordered tea. And it was glorious.

But that moment in the stairwell was…everything. It’s burnt into my memory…permanently.

The Milestone was once someone’s home.

And in the rain it felt like we were nearing the edge of reality. Running into a wall we couldn’t climb over. The end of ourselves.

And then there was and is God. The creator of us all. Who lives outside all walls… Outside of time itself.

…I love the British. Dearly.

I sit here today realizing that being able to sit there in that madness…was everything. It wasn’t an obvious allusion to love. My then husband is my now ex-husband. But he brought me there…and that moment was my heart. And as I and you both exist outside of this waking life that inevitably includes love. As God is a perfect God.

“We should bring our kids here. And just live here.” I said to my then husband at a great restaurant in London.

His face lit up. We both longed for that.

…That purpose and aim was why I started this blog. Maybe we’ll still do that.

Queen Elizabeth won’t be on the throne as she was last time. Guarding her county. Guiding it. Fiercely, bravely and unflinchingly protecting and nurturing it. But it’s still Great Britain. And I pray it always will be until Christ returns and time gloriously ceases to exist as we know it.