Healthy

“What if your soulmate is Lem? But everything is so rotten you can’t see it?” asks Lou.

“What’s all rotten?” asks Lacey.

“You know what I mean.”

And she does.

It’s more than just “society.”

“Why did you marry your ex-husband?!” scoffs a hater. “You shouldn’t have dated a non-Christian!”

“I mean…I just watched porn when I was lonely! I didn’t get tied-up in a bad relationship and really screw-up my life. So…I’m still better than you, technically. You could/should still mindlessly worship me. I’m still like a demi-god compared to you and your ugly backwardness as a non-Christian.” says a male hater under the age of 30.

Because to them…that’s where I ruined my life. Through dating my once non-Christian, ex-husband. And to them that’s why Louis is a demon. …Even if he’s really a dead man in reality.

“I’m the one sitting.” he says.

“I love how your personality is so apparent here.” Lacey smiles. “You look like a tough kid, really.”

“I was!” he says, smiling.

“I bet you actually were.” she ponders.

The thing is…we all die.

It’s a fallen world.

Why did I date my ex-husband before he was a Christian? …Well, he actually was a Christian when I married him due to my witnessing to him. And he still is one. …But the thing is, I was morbidly desperate to finally date someone. Not constantly be shut out by queer, repressed Christian men who fooled me (and tried to fool everyone else) into thinking they were totally straight.

…Because that’s mostly all I had to choose from from about age 20 to 26. Other than unmarried professors who flirted with students and led them on…but chickened out of actually doing anything meaningful. *eye-roll* Of course, for dating there were also were men who I didn’t find attractive and men who weren’t Christian.

The Christian college I went to was filled to the brim with secretly queer men. (And there were probably a disproportionate number of queer women there too although I wasn’t one of them) I had many gay friends. A few bisexual friends… I dated a guy very miserably who I highly suspect was secretly bisexual. He’d flirt, shower naked, dance naked and hold hands with his roommates…but he claimed he did “to be funny.” Showering naked…with no one watching…to be funny?!!? …At the time, I wanted to try to trust him even though a part of me doubted his story for obvious reasons.

Straight, eligible Christian men literally didn’t go to my school for the most part. They just didn’t. *shrug* There were a few but it either legitimately didn’t work out or we just didn’t feel that way about each other.

And…previous to that there just wasn’t anyone and after that there wasn’t anyone. These Christian men who Christian women are supposed to date…barely seem to exist. Or that’s how it’s been during my lifetime.

“But you should have waited!” says Louis.

Michael laughs.

“For what?!” asks Lacey in exasperation.

“Well, I mean didn’t you have girlfriends to hang out with and get your needs met?” Louis smiles a subversive smile. He means a normal adult’s emotional and/or physical sexual needs.

“I’m not like that. I’m actually really straight, Louis.” Lacey says. “Like I’m actually straight.”

Louis laughs at the arrogance and dangerous stupidity of anyone who would assume otherwise. Or the cowardly, gross lack of humanity of anyone who would (narcissistically) half-heartedly insist otherwise. Those people are the sort of people ruining most people’s lives, including their own.

“Darn!” he snaps his fingers. “Well there goes that way to take care of your normalhuman needs. Shoot!” He puts his hands on his waist. He sighs. “What about some dopey guy who can be your friend? Like some man who thinks he’s your boyfriend but who you tolerate and use?”

“Nope. I never have had friends like that. My male friends are actual friends in my mind.”

“I know you’re that innocent hearted. And you really did and do care about them as actual friends too.” Louis says.

“Yes. I sincerely hope so, at least. …Like a real platonic friend.”

“That sounds nice!”

She smiles, half-heartedly. “I mostly just got used.”

Louis looks genuinely concerned.

“No.” says Lacey ready to cry.

“Oh well!” he says flippantly.

Lacey smiles.

“Why don’t you just die inside, Lacey?” says Lem seductively.

“I’ll help!” says Joe in 2005.

“What are you going to do to her?!” asks Lem terrified. “It’s a nice idea, but you can’t-“

“I’m just going to give her a taste of what it’s like to be dead for a few minutes.” says Joe.

“You can’t just let her live her life?” asks Michael.

Joe looks disturbed. He shakes his head no.

“I can’t believe God is allowing this.” says Scott.

“Well, it’s not actually against His word.” says Zelda. Schizophrenic Zelda.

“I can’t let her think that!” Michael touches Lacey.

“Neither can I!” says Louis.

“Dear God, what have I done?” asks Lem.

“What? It was just your idea. I’m the one who pulled the trigger, Lem.” Joe smiles proudly. Because God let Him. “Isn’t it amazing?”

Or no? No? Why not? Explain. …Either way, don’t do it yourself. Ever. And don’t use it as justification for anything that could harm you.