The idea I have of Heaven is that we’re essentially with our other half for eternity. Deeply in love. And while that sounds pagan perhaps…it’s actually just the redemption of the Garden of Eden in my opinion.
It’s a very romantic and beautiful thought.
But given the way men I’ve interacted with men who are scientifically considered physically alive…it’s hard for me to believe anyone would want me as a partner for eternity. And that’s sad…
They say that when you die a light draws you in and you go to it. …Truthfully, at times at night when I’ve been sadly talking to ghosts…I’ve seen a golden light behind me. It lights up my peripheral vision like a spotlight on an actor on stage.
…But sadly, if God has allowed me to talk to saints whose bodies have ceased to function…I haven’t been honest with them in regard to romantic love. It’s not that I’ve lied. …I don’t think. It’s more that I’ve been brainwashed.
“He’s the one I want to have children with.” sings Princess Chelsea.
The thing is….I don’t know if I’ll have more grace as I age…or less…but regardless, I know what I wanted. And I know what I want now.
“You just gave up looking for it.” says Joe.
“She’s not the girl next door.” says Joe. “Unless you grew-up in the posh part of a wealthy American city. …But even then, she’s not normal.” he says in annoyance. “If you understood who her father was and is you’d be scared.”
“You don’t understand either, Lacey.” he says.
“Is he like your father?” she asks.
“He’s like my father.” says Elliott.
“That’s not-“ says Lacey.
“She doesn’t know him.” says Michael. “And she’s not laughing at you.”
“It’s funny though. Because our parents are just our parents.” says Joe.
And I didn’t mean to talk with any of them on my blog for a while…at least.
“I’m not intimidated by the history you two have.” says Michael.
“I’m not either. But for different reasons, of course.” says Zelda.
Sometimes it seems like they’re speeding by. Not like racing thoughts. Like people at airport on a moving walkway, but far faster.
But maybe God is in charge. Right? *eye-roll* And if you’re not wanting to defy Him…he helps you? As long as it doesn’t violate Him.
…Like, the Holy Spirit would never tell you to hurt a child. Abuse them in any way. Molestation is an example of something He’d never allow.
But…could He allow ghosts to interact with the living?
“What if your father asked Him to?” asks Zelda.
“Then he’d seem like my father.”
“Who cares that much?” asks Michael confidently.
Lem looks at her. Michael smiles. Harold seems understanding and compassionate. Louis feels safe.
“And you think I’m incredibly handsome.” says Elliott.
“And I refuse to go away.” says Joe with a smile.
But who is most loving?
“Louis is extremely loving. I trust him.”
But then she thinks of Joe’s blue eyes. And the way he was…
“How do you even know that, you moron?!” asks Zelda of Lacey sarcastically.
And she wonders. Just how fouled-up is everything?
And then she feels worried. And so she thinks of Michael and wants to end it there. But then thinks of Lem. And worries. A lot.
And Harold seems like he’ll sort it all out with her. …Except God and Elliott don’t think she can without God’s help.
“It’s extremely confusing.” says Elliott.
“If it’s just you and me…I’m not angry.” says Michael. “Not at all.”
“He’d be tempted to kill you in your 60’s or 70’s out of impatience though. And Harold would too. But…I think Lem could wait until your 80’s at least if-“ says Zelda.
“Stop talking to her!” says a desperate sounding voice.
“And I wouldn’t tell anyone when I’d take you out.” says Louis.
Scott finds the entire thing amusing.
They seem so alive to Lacey. Even though-
“You have a first rate intelligence.” says Scott.
“You have a first rate intelligence, Lacey.” says Babe, crying.
“Can I just stop trying to convince haters they aren’t suffering?” asks Lacey.
“It wasn’t my fault.” says her father. He means relatively speaking, of course.