Atheists

…At this point I can’t be a true atheist easily. Given what I’ve physically experienced/observed that I’m almost positive wasn’t currently scientifically explainable it would be dishonest of me to be a traditional atheist. I would be pushing myself too far intellectually past the boundaries of my conscience.

That being said, could a human spirit exist in all of us and yet there be no God? …I’ve actually genuinely considered this to keep my conscience clear. As in, if there is a God I don’t want to lie to Him and pretend to believe when I secretly don’t.

But too many times I’ve prayed to God and He’s answered my prayers in a way that feels befitting of God not a demon, ghost or other lesser entity. And that’s just one of the most rational reasons…of course. Again, I cannot truly rationally, in good conscience, not believe in God. And while some devout atheists might try to be convincing for kind reasons I can’t lie to them and patronize them considering their possibly good intentions.

The thing is…God still isn’t scientifically provable. I can’t replicate what I’ve observed for scientific purposes. So it’s not as if I can write a thesis suggesting otherwise. And believing in Him and trusting Him for salvation still requires faith.

The thing is…the ex-psychics who I hope mean well who claim psychics only talk to demons…seem unBiblical in my estimation. Because…Saul is seemingly Saul. And the Witch of Endor does conjure him. …So…could God allow (intentional) psychics to occasionally talk to the dead? Possibly? …The problem may be more that we really don’t know who or what we’re talking to. Could it be a ghost? Could it be a horrific demon? How would we know unless God let us know? …And if we are in violation of His rules He might not be able to protect us. He might let us fall into deception. So, we shouldn’t be talking to anything spiritual. I tell my children not to. They know not to. …You shouldn’t either. But more than that, you shouldn’t have to or want to.

…”What about you?” asks Lem.

“I have no idea what to do with my own experience. It’s…baffling.” says Lacey.

“Like why you feel so moved to start talking with us on your blog?” says Michael.

And at that she feels what may be a finger touch the inside of her hand.

“What does that feel like?” asks Michael who then teasingly threatens to throw her chair across the room. His presence feels very much like a man…without a physically perceivable body. And if he’s a ghost he never would actually throw her across a room. Sitting safely or otherwise. She trusts him.

“It feels like an electric shock without the pain. Like a slight electric charge but also a touch.” says Lacey. She feels the need to take a deep breath. Something smells like clean well water. She sees her great uncle smiling. She recalls praying before lunch with her uncle.

“God created the universe.” says Michael. “If He chose to literally let me tap you on the back to save your life, that’s His choice. And mine.”

“I pray during every interaction.” says Lacey. “And I trust God to be fair.”

“You get pulled into the conversations. It’s just the human need to be genuinely understood by another human.” says Louis.

“Well, that’s what it seems to possibly be.” says Lacey.

“But then how did we sleep together?” asks Lem humorously.

“Because there’s no sex allowed before marriage?” asks Lacey.

“Yes! Exactly.” he says half laughing.

“Well, you’re either a demon fooling me. Or He allowed it.” says Lacey.

“But you fought off demons so passionately before, during and after it seems unlikely to you.” says Lem.

“Yes.” says Lacey.

“Well, maybe that’s the problem.” he laughs.

“See…even if you’re actually supposed to be with Louis or Michael…we made a choice. And that’s…not something we can easily escape from since I’m dead. If I’m not a demon. If I’m a demon, obviously you can eventually get rid of me as you continually pray to God to do, if I am a demon.” he says.

“So we could theoretically be stuck together for hundreds of years before working this out.” says Lacey.

“That’s the idea, possibly.” says Michael.

“Well, how is that really all that different than waking life?” asks Lacey. “And the choices we make in waking life?”

Lem smiles.

“Well, I just keep thinking there has to be someone better than me for whoever I’m not with.” says Lacey.

“There is!” says Harold.

“Then hopefully it won’t take hundreds of years. Should Purgatory exist.” says Lacey.

“What if…it’s me? And I’m in Purgatory and I messed it up? And you don’t have grace for it because you’re not fully dead yet?” asks Louis.

“That sounds about right in concept. Except, it’s sadly still less depressing than my waking life in regard to romantic love.” says Lacey.

“I think it’s also possible I don’t want you to feel tied down to such a failure.” says Lem about himself.

“And if it’s me…it’s achingly vile to watch you suffer.” says Michael weeping.

“Yes! It is.” says Lem.

“Don’t think it isn’t tempting to try to kill you. But we know better.” says Joe.

Really, I just think everyone needs to be more careful.