Vanilla Sky

The first time I watched “Vanilla Sky” was for a philosophy course in college. My 30-something professor who did his undergraduate work at Yale made the film seem chic and mysterious.

…Back then I wanted to find a character I identified with, but not as much as I do now. It was difficult, but being so young it didn’t bother me as much as it does now. And now I barely relate to any of them at all.

They’re almost all…virtually incomprehensible or awful.

Sofia and Brian are mostly insufferably shallow, fake people masquerading as deep people.

Julianna and David…are so messed-up. So messed-up. In my opinion, Julianna is obviously the woman David actually loves but he’s too profoundly unaware of himself to admit to it consciously. She’s actually what secretly holds his whole actually imaginary, cushioned, waking world together but he doesn’t seemingly consciously see it for the entire film. It’s possibly subversively a dark tragedy if I’m right and it was written that way intentionally.

David is…a fool. A rich, extraordinarily dense fool. …And instead of falling apart over him in mistaken certainty that he’s “normal” Julianna should have asked herself some…crazy questions. Like…if she wanted to be his permanent, badly compensated babysitter as she humored his vanity or let herself realize her grim prospects that he’d ever recognize their actual bond. His inability to not be affected by her. Her power over him from within.

Which is better? Because my contrarian opinion is that it’s not that David doesn’t care about Julianna. It’s that he’s…consciously unaware of it. In his waking dream of “real life” he’s in awe of Sofia. She probably reminds him of the character named Sabrina from the 1954 film “Sabrina” and he’s (ironically) David from the same film. (side note: my favorite film ever).

Except, more like Sabrina than David, he’s unaware of who his true love actually is. But unlike “Sabrina” it’s tragic. We never see him figure it out and truly grow-up or find real happiness.

Why Julianna? …Because she haunted his LE state not as a glitch but as a ghost. Because…she genuinely cared. And it’s funny how she keeps trying to explain, “I am Sofia!” …Are we supposed to believe that she attacks him to direct him to a real eventual death to reunite? I doubt that was Sofia at the end, and even if it it was it was Julianna who rescued him from his fake world.

…But, again, I can’t imagine loving David unconditionally or conditionally as a lover so I can’t relate to either Julianna or Sofia… And who in the film isn’t in love with him? As a parent, yes I could love him. But not as a lover. As a brother, yes. But not as a lover. In a way I wish I was able to. Or maybe not… *shrug*

I’m fairly certain the irony of the film is that we are in the Vanilla Sky. …And life after death is when we truly awaken. But what we awaken to depends on how we either reject or accept Christ’s salvation from our fallen nature.

I doubt what we call being alive is actually a matrix as is popular to consider it, these days. No. But that doesn’t mean reality isn’t “weird” according to our current non-superstitious expectations in regard to what actually constitutes it.

Did the Irish know reality better than us when they celebrated Samhain? I doubt it…. Somehow, sadly for haters, I think Christianity best explains what is the actual waking life. It’s the light of Christ. It’s that bright, hopeful, brutally honest assessment.

And in a particular kind of fear only a child who’s felt truly abandoned can explain…it’s horrible to imagine existing without God’s love. So, as I write about ghosts…even in this post…I caution everyone to be careful. Don’t assume God has rejected you. His forgiveness is always available to us while alive…

“God, who?!” I asked God today in regard to who would possibly be available for the next 40 or so years before death. I tend to doubt there is any living man available. I’ve written that before. …The last time I asked Him I developed a crush on my last crush shortly thereafter. …But it was just as…painful and baffling and fruitless as ever for me. If he does read this blog, I hope he doesn’t take that the wrong way. …It just wasn’t a happy experience. Although, I wish him happiness. And I’d be shocked if his life turns out as badly as mine has in this regard. At least, I hope it doesn’t. Sincerely.

…The thing is, I’m not Julianna. And I can’t stand Sofia as a character as a late 30-something adult. Her choices are repulsive to me. She seems like a very spoiled, shallow woman who, as I said, masquerades as a saint. I used to relate to her in my early 20’s but now she seems…likely just fake and possibly very evil. She’s not guileless, I don’t think. She’s too bothered by his icky face for her supposed goodness to hold well psychologically… She’s all about appearances but she hides it with pathologically expert prowess?

Actually, the seven dwarves and Tommy and David’s parents might be people I could relate to vaguely? But…I don’t relate at all to the main characters as an equal, at least.

…Anyway, dying doesn’t make things easier if you’re in sin. And it’s best to defy evil as best you can until your last waking breath.

I love that the British provided tech support. Of course.

Of course.