Samhain

I don’t celebrate Samhain in any way God wouldn’t condone. And that might mean that I don’t truly celebrate it at all. But…if there is a Godly way to celebrate it…I do.

“You know…if we’re not evil we aren’t

going to go away. If God is allowing you to be half gone…we won’t leave.” says Lem.

“Who do you love more? Honestly.” asks Michael.

“She feels guilty for what’s happened.” says Lem.

“Beyond that though. Lacey who do you truly love?” asks Michael.

“I wasn’t necessarily in love, but I was hoping that living man might…be something. But, it seemingly wasn’t. I can’t figure why he seems to read this blog though if he didn’t find me attractive, given the circumstances.” She breathes deeply. “Oh well.”

Silence.

“I think what’s terrifying is that if Lem loves me…more than anyone…some part of me responds to that by not wanting to be with anyone else.” says Lacey crying. “But what if that’s all wrong? Or what if you love me more?”

“Who do you love?! The most? Regardless of how they love you.” Michael asks.

“How do I judge that outside of how you love me?” she asks.

“You can’t?” he asks.

“It feels like trying to push down a brick wall with my body weight.” says Lacey.

“Evaluate us based on looks alone.” says Lem.

“But that’s not why I fall in love with a man.” says Lacey. “I mean, I have to find him attractive but I don’t fall in love that way.”

Lem looks confused. He smiles. “But you always think of Michael’s hair or Elliott’s height and eyes…”

“Yes. But it’s part of their overall personage. It’s just part of falling in love.” says Lacey.

“So evaluate us based on how good-looking we are. Who wins?” asks Michael.

“But your handsomeness is tied in with your love for me.” Lacey says.

“Is it? asks Louis.

“It is.”

“Our desire for you or lack of it expresses our good-looks or the lack of meaning to our good-looks in relation to you?” asks Michael.

“Perfectly put! Or close to perfect.” says Lacey.

Lem smiles.

“So if I didn’t find you attractive…you’d not care if I was good-looking in relation to you in regard to love?” he clarifies again.

“I’d care only in so far as it affected you personally from an agape perspective on my part.” says Lacey.

“What about how much I love you?” asks Michael.

“That’s inextricably linked with genuine desire. In my opinion.” says Lacey.

“So it’s real longing or it’s lust?” asks Michael.

“What is lust?” asks Lacey.

“It’s overindulging in delusions that a simple attraction is real longing?” asks Michael of God.

“Yes! Because what people describe as overwhelming lust always sounds more like longing to me.” says Lacey. “But they just manage it poorly, to be honest.”

“So they see a woman they actually genuinely long for…but then reason quickly that they can’t have her…and instead of grieving that reality for what it is…they just call it trifling lust. A big nothing.” suggests Michael.

“Yes! When really it’s just…their heart says yes but their head says no.” says Lacey.

“So you think men fall in love with their eyes?” says Michael. “Or everyone does to some degree?”

“Everyone, one way or another.” says Lacey.

“But sometimes it’s all wrong after that. And it falls apart. Quickly or slowly.” says Michael.

“Or it’s complicated. Indeed.” says Lacey.

Silence.

“I really don’t want to mess-up and choose the wrong one of you.” she explains again.

“God won’t let you.” says Lem. “If it’s real…so to speak.”