“When I Wasn’t Fake” by Lem

Daylight by David Kushner plays.

Lacey’s listening to this song. It’s obviously about heroin and sex.

I listen.

You know…I can’t relate to this song about sex or drugs. When I used drugs it was far more morbid. I wanted to die. I didn’t care if I died. I wasn’t addicted in that way. It wasn’t a pleasurable experience in that way. Some people feel that, it seems, I did not. I felt…less sad and closer to death.

Fickle Game by Amber Run plays.

I wasn’t this…high-pitched, ever smiling man you’ve possibly imagined? I was…extremely serious. Always. And when my face dropped and my reality shone on my face…I was often dour. And I always looked straight. That’s me. That’s the real person you almost never saw. That’s who Lacey knows, even though she saw me beneath my facade anyway.

(Adult content below)

Did we drink from the same vine when I seduced her? Not really? …The thing is…she’s not like Ethel or Joan or Jackie. Even if Tom is her father…and she’d actually been expected to marry Joe Kennedy Junior…he was different than his brothers. He was…extreme, by comparison. He did die in an unnecessary way after fighting for his life for a long amount of time in World War II. He could be singing this other song.

He was defiant, unusually attractive and unusually intelligent. Jack just wasn’t his equal. And everyone knew it. …I even said so myself. In an interview before my death. He would have made the better US President. And that’s not just a political statement when you’re talking about the Kennedys. To compare one to another and decide on a clear winner.

Also…they were in love. Actually in love. …And would have been. …But…he cheated. And when he slept with Pat Wilson…it was too much. It would have been too. And I knew his propensities. …And I didn’t share them. So…if he’d left me alone with her…and he would have…I’d have seen to it…she’d have been mine. And we could have cheated for decades…and gotten away with it. But that’s not us. We would have chosen to be as honest and moral as possible. So is it poison? Not necessarily.

Life’s a fickle game? No. Not to me. …But I wonder if Joe might feel that way.