Keen to Cross the Pond

this will have to be edited later, but I am game because it is hilarious.

Let’s imagine a world where I am with Jack, and I am gay in the way that you imagined I was. This is the world that most people who read about me online believe exists. Or who read about me in the novels that have been created, based on half substantiated ideas of me. Let’s actually go there and this won’t be very long but I think Lacey is tempted to get drunk as she writes it because she writes better when she’s drunk and edits when she’s sober like F Scott Fitzgerald one said I think it was him who said that, but she’s not going to.

She rarely drinks, but there are times when she’s riding when she does get tempted to drink because she is more in touch with herself when she drinks anyway um so she she has an interesting concept in her head and we’ll see how it works.

Oh it’s like this let’s say that it’s 1963 June 19 63 and I am standing in the oval office and Jack Kennedy is walking past me with his flat ass that I know is flat because I’ve seen him naked and he smells bad because he’s a drug addict and his pores are literally processing toxins because his kidneys are so overtaxed and so is his liver that his skin is altered in color. Because it’s true right before he died, his skin smelled his skin in I literally stink right before he died and so when you were close to him, it smelled like a mixture of poop and dirt.

But let’s just imagine the world that you that you think exist exist so he walks by me smelling of dirt, literal dirt and poop with his flat butt and his scrawny body. That’s in a very beautifully tailored suit in the oval office, and he asked me to suck his dick, but only at a certain time and not until that so Even if he flirts with me and gets me in the mood he wants me to wait until four hours later and he’s prepping me ahead of time because he wants me to be available in four hours. To suck his tiny grown man stinky cock.

no this is reality this is not exaggerator. This is all substantial so that it is totally substantiated by fact, his skin nail actually was altered in color. His body really was giving out on him and when people are in that state, their skin does start to smell look it up.

So I know he had a flat ass there’s pictures to prove it.

So he gets in his desk, sits there and winks at me to go. You know mind my own fucking business and bought and stop bothering him because he’s very important and he’s the president but he wants me to suck his cock that reeks and his unappealing the small, in exactly 4 hours.

I know Lacey walks in because let’s just put her there OK and a tight fitted tailored sheath dress wearing high heels and walking very sexy with perfect hair and make up and perfume. That’s heavy because people wore perfume back then people also smoked so she smells amazing and she looks amazing and she’s walking away that you would never see her walk nowadays because people don’t wear heels when they look like her unless if they’re trying to pick up a date and get paid for it, there are some women who when they wear heels and a tight dress look really slutty just because of how they’re built and she’s one of them. She hast to be very careful or it starts to look a little too promiscuous that some women can get away with it, but she’s not one of them. She’s not slender and that way and so when she wears heels it’s it’s too much it’s too much information my generation, though it went to bed because women looked like that because they were more fertile. I’m sorry if that’s hard for some men to hear today, but women in the past were more fertile, they were more estrogen heavy and she’s one of them OK so she walks in looking Liz Kirby is can be in high heels and she’s herself feminine attracted to me to, and I’ve tried to create this scene before, but I have not been able to do it because people don’t want me to.

So she walks in shaking her butt accidentally and heels, and you know being extremely polite and cheerful, like women weren’t on madman at the beginning of the series, because the truth is all women were a little bit like Joanne and Joanne was not as much like Joanne as she was on the show in reality.

So she walks in and we did have a Madonna whore problem all right we did but we also were less confused and someways and men are now so she walks in and she comes up to me and asks if I have anything that she needs me to do because it’s her first day on the job And she’s just wondering if there’s anything that I would like for her to do and I was very sexually repressed and that was part of the reason why Jack’s that I had a dirty mind because I was horny all the time because I was straight and I wasn’t having sex and it was very hard on me so being incredibly sexually starved, I see her and she says you know in her innocent sexy way like Marilyn Monroe is there anything I can do for you anything at all?

But we’re living in your reality, right so oh wholesome brown eyed, very elegant, well bred, aristocratic, Marilyn Monroe type, walks in who’s a little petit a petit to me because she’s close to 57 but not quite walks in and asks me in the sweetest and yet most accidentally flirtatious way is there anything I can do for you anything at all, but in your reality, I am completely gay, except I’m also not, and you don’t realize that because there’s a lot of evidence to suggest that I almost slept with people who were for female like that prostitute who report and thought that I slept with possibly or a few other women there is some evidence to suggest that I was considering it or something so you think I wasn’t gay, but you don’t know that because you’ve not lived in reality in regards to me ever intellectually there’s no historian who has ever sincerely studied me and a truly objective way. And so you walk in or excuse me, you don’t walk in Lacey walks in and because I may have lost my virginity to a female prostitute in a threesome, and I didn’t lose my erection when she got naked and I was able to penetrate her without being repulsed I must not be 100% pristine, gay, right I wasn’t repulsed by all of the women that Jack brought up either so again there’s something weirdly not completely gay about me and you’ve never process that honestly any of you intellectually but but but that’s OK we’ll patronize you and as you demand violently of all of humanity, in assume that I’m still gay, somehow magically.

This and madly, in love with Jack in some weird way that doesn’t make any sense psychologically.

So Lacey says, is there anything I can do for you and I start laughing because I’m so aroused by her and I think it’s funny cause I had kind of a raffish body sense of humor. And I’m smoking a cigarette and Jack is noticing her butts because she has an exquisite butt and it’s aging well but when she was young it was breathtaking so she is bending over slightly and he’s staring at it or if he’s not I’m wondering why because I am extremely aroused by her and I ask if she would Would mind catching a drink with me later as a joke.

And she says no I don’t generally drink with men who want to make love to me as a joke and return, because people made jokes like that back then.

And so she says that to me and I say oh well, how about in there I say how how about how about I just take you no throw you over a desk and and have my way with you and Jack can watch and see if he can make any suggestions

And she being lazy and being from my generation, is not remotely surprised by this, and so she sets the stands up more more properly as women in my generation would have in that situation, because they understood us believe it or not, and she looks at Jack and she looks at me and she says well I don’t think men like you understand how depressing these sort of jokes are. It’s very hard to find a nice man to settle down with in Washington DC and start a family. You should be more careful, Mr. Billings. What you say around someone like me it might just go to my head and I might get very sad if you keep poking fun at me

And I say well, how do you know I’m poking fun at you?

And she says because that’s an atrocious thing for someone like you to say

And I say listen if I had my way, the whole world would be full of chicks like you who are game as you are you have no idea how much you want me right now does she Jack? She has no idea and then being drunk and being very aroused by her and being an idiot like you imagine I was I say listen you’re wet right now just thinking about it.

And she says he just can’t stop Ken he he has no sense of a woman’s emotions at all, and she says that to Jack very indignantly, and she marches off as sexy as can be a towards the door in a very feminine matter extremely upset, and then she turns to us right before she walks out and she says listen I am being professional because I am taking my job. Seriously if there’s anything I can do if you gentlemen would like please have the courtesy to let me know.

Hi Phyl, aroused and confused and hurt because I am extremely attracted to her. We have amazing chemistry and I don’t know what to do with myself.

And so Jack, being Jack, and kind of a wet blanket, believe it or not, but you don’t think that, but that that was reality, but he covered for that by being ostentatious in his craziness at times so he, he says well, something something I don’t know he makes some witty joke like you imagine him making, and it makes me laugh because he’s so hopelessly, hilarious, and charming.

And I start cracking up laughing, and I think to myself what an amazing man. Jack really is but then I think about his butt and the fact that he stinks to high heaven if I can say that without being sacrilegious, and that he has a tiny little limp dick with the skin that is dry and irritated and he has herpes and he has an outbreak so he has a pussy dick and I’m gonna have to put that little sucker in my mouth

And I think to myself well what do I want to do right now go squeeze some ripe oranges will say and finally have an exciting experience with a woman who wants me or I’m using euphemisms right now would I rather do that or would I rather put my mouth on poop dirt mixed with herpes? In exactly 4 hours!

And being human with those thinking brain, I choose the former instead of the latter, is much, is that shocks you because you’re expecting me to be uncontrollably unconditionally in love with Jack, who is never faithful to me who throws in my face every conquest that he ever has in a way, that’s not like a polyamorous relationship because he’s throwing it in my face That’s not polyamory polyamory would involve love and trust if it was sincere, and it would be someone confessing these things to me like we’re the primary relationship that’s not how he told me stuff he bragged to me you don’t brag to someone the way that he did to me with a tone that he used in a polyamorous relationship, he was breaking in a way that would be hurtful if I was in love with him at all, and as much as men might think that they could enjoy that with a bisexual woman you actually really can’t it gets old and you can lie to yourself about it, but that’s bullshit Because he saying rational person knows that it actually really gets old not any certain rational rather any Saint rational person knows that that that that’s a real adult and that if they’re at that it’s not about them and they they weren’t there and so it affects you so all of the hundreds of women that he slept with Would’ve bothered me from the very beginning the gay men are stupid as fuck when they analyze me and they just forgot that. And so is Sally Vidal Smith.

But but but but no, let’s just let’s just put that aside because we’re humoring you, and let’s just think about it from a purely human perspective. Do I choose Jack and his shriveled up herpes, poop or do I choose a woman who is arousing and aroused by knee, and a helpless Beautiful way that I automatically understand? A woman with a healthy, elegance, plump, but not plum juicy delicious body. How about that? Do I choose to have pleasure with a very aroused, arousing woman or do I choose a poopy stinky icky dirt deck with herpes in my mouth? If I was in a committed monogamous relationship with Jack, or if he was expecting that from me, what do I do that or not what would be making me do that? He’s married to someone else he’s sleeping with lots of other people and I’m not even aware of all of it or consenting to all of it because I can’t be that’s impossible. I’m not able to do that much controlling of his life there are moments where I can’t be with him And he’s easily stabbing me in the back with somebody that was or oh or at an actually wasn’t trying to say or that was a demon that was interrupting us so he stabbing me in the back he’s never been faithful he’s married to somebody else, what is keeping me From being with her what right does he have to ask me to be faithful to him in that situation and I’m not saying you know he could ask that of me but really how would he psychologically be able to ask that of me?

I mean, he could ask that of me, but that’s a bit much to ask.

You think that I wouldn’t do it you think that I would just be faithful to that stinky icky piece of crud because of some magical, insane loyalty that I have to him.

I don’t know what that’s based off of because he was never faithful to me. If I was ever in love with him, he was never remotely faithful to me. He offered me nothing in that regard at all ever.

I don’t think there was a week that went by. I don’t think there was five minutes that went by when he was truly faithful if I was ever with him at all.

So I don’t understand where you think this beautiful unbelievable happiness and joy is coming from within me that would allow me to be faithful to him.

I mean, people have needs of their own I had needs of my own, so if he wasn’t meeting those needs where am I getting the met by other people?

And then you don’t think I’m completely gay, so why wouldn’t I have my needs met with her?

Why winter if she was there and she easily actually could’ve been why would I have slept with her? Why there’s there’s really no rational reason as far as I can tell.

Because you do you think that I might have stuck with women I’m not repulsed by him talking about them the way that a gay man would be potentially. I put up with a lot about other women in a way that’s not really gay so maybe I wasn’t completely gay and then why do you imagine I’m just unbelievably faithful to him even if she was there, and she was very attracted to me because she is why in the world would I have never slept with her?

And if we’re a lot alike, and we get along extremely well, why why would you ever imagine that nothing would happen between us?

Listen, Joe was in love with her and if I wasn’t straight, and Jack was in love with me, we’re not sharing ourselves with other people it’s not like that it’s more like I understand her in a way that she understands me because of what we both have live through believe it or not, and there’s very few people that would ever understand our psychology the way that we understand each other and so if she’s not heard me completely, this isn’t fair because there’s nobody who’s ever lived that understands my perspective as well as she does.

She really is Tom’s daughter. Joe really was in love with her for decades, and that is not an experience that anybody who’s ever lived has ever had other than me if I wasn’t straight.

But I was actually straight.

But let’s have some more fun let’s imagine that I wasn’t.

Hi, will choose Jack because that’s what you insist I would’ve chosen I don’t know why you think that it’s mysterious, but we’re being patronizing to you, so I choose Jack.

And Lacey, however, offered to be helpful, and I have papers that I need sorted on my desk and put away in the filing cabinet. And so I ask her to sort through them and file them away, using the filing method that I have described her in a memo that she was given within the first hour of her employment. She however, needs to be told to do that and so I have to re-approach her because everyone’s busy so I walk in to the room where she sits and I ask her if she would please file some papers on my desk and she says absolutely, Mr. Billings, as quickly as possible And I smell her perfume, and I am unable to walk away physically I’m too affected by her, so, even if I am magically choosing in my conscious mind to have sex with Jack in four hours on the dot I am physically in capable of walking away from her, and so I stand by her desk, smelling her perfume with her Farrah moans Not able to move she is that attractive of and at times but have been that affected by her sincerely and this is her at her absolute best and I am her generation so it’s a powerful effect so I’m standing there and I am staring off into nothing, unable to control myself, sincerely and It’s not a choice that I’m making. I’m just that unloved by Jack room and you have admitted that so I’m allowed to at least believe that part of reality. Thank you for understanding that he was not faithful to me.

So I just stand there and I just manifested a ghost in her office right in front of her face and she’s not scared she’s confused which is not surprising actually, I didn’t manifest it but I did it away because I asked them to appear and they did she saw someone’s face very briefly about 3 feet from her dad no Because it wasn’t a demon it didn’t scare her that much it just confused her and scared or slightly and now she’s more or less just confused but that’s sorry that’s beyond that’s we’re getting sidetracked but she’s in her husband’s office right now writing this and it’s very dark and when he’s not here at night, there are a lot of ghosts who hang out in this room it was what was called a smoking room and so many times at night would sit in this room and smoke and talk and listen to the radio and it was very popular during World War II. There were a lot of men who sat in this room late at night, talking about politics, and added also during World War I. She lives in an old house and there are interesting conversations that happened in this room and so that was a ghost of a very old man who was born in the 1800s, who just appeared and he did not scare her she did not expect to see him standing in the corner of her husband’s office OK.

So so part of the joke I just have to say is that there is a little ghost that her daughter made a couple of Halloween‘s ago in that corner of her husband’s office and he’s just left it there all these years and that was worth a ghost to Paris, where there’s a pretend ghost from Halloween, and I think that man thought it was funny to appear in the same spot that her daughters little paper ghost is hanging in I think he just thought it was kind of a funny joke so.

No, that is an old Norwegian man with a very Norwegian sense of humor. If if Lacey is illegitimate, he may be related to her on her mother side it could be her dead grandfather or dead, great grandfather, or dead great uncle, who has a similar sense of humor to her, which is intriguing or it’s some other dead, Norwegian man.

Him anyway getting back to 1963 so there is there is a very little chance that I would’ve been able to move. I was just standing there and arm and unable to move and we’re pretending that I was gay so but not really though gay in the way that you think I was, I’m not gonna let you off the hook with that one in so I can write something like that later but we’re gonna do this right now because this is what you really do seem to actually believe about me and so I am holding you accountable for it um, so I’m unable to move. I’m standing there and I’m smelling her perfume and then I say to myself why don’t die just talk to her a little bit so I say you know Lacey how about you and I go and get some coffee together?

Because I think he’s a Haitians talk to her long enough she’ll say something annoying or she’ll do something that I don’t like and I can sort of be a little less overwhelmed by her and so we walked to get coffee and she says to me well you know I’m rather surprised by you. I had it in my mind that you were more artistic person Than you seem to be

And iSay whatever are you trying to describe? What sort of man is it that you imagine oh, she talking about this idea that she has of a sort of eccentric Harrell Loeb type a real artist and I tell her that I have a part of my personality that’s like that but that part of me just likes playing around maybe doing pranks drinking And watching movies smoking and just sort of living living easy and she says to me I see well you certainly have a nice tan and I say well thank you how do you spend a lot of time on the beach and she says you know I would too, but I don’t know anyone yet with a Beach House Add and I say oh I’m sure at some point the Kennedys will invite you don’t worry and she said oh I wouldn’t wanna mix business with pleasure and I say oh well I do that all the time and she says oh I see oh that makes sense, and she says well to be perfectly honest with you. You must know what I’m talking about then it doesn’t really function as well as Not and I say you know, I actually would agree with you although there are plenty of secretaries who marry their husbands in the office and she says I suppose you could do that, but I would have to think that would be a rough life to some degree because when would you ever feel like you were working and when would you ever feel like you were really at home and I say you know you’re right you’re right, you’re absolutely right and for some reason I am so psychologically affected by that but I can explain it but I’m not going to right now that I am in capable of not wrapping my arms around her and making love to her.

Silence.

And so I am sorry, but I was unable to restrain myself in this version of events that you’ve created. And even if I am mostly gay and magically, loyal to Jack in a way that isn’t really humanly possible but that you insist happened I’m still making love to Lacey if she was there for more than about three hours.

And she is so naturally attractive that even if she was covered in dirt and poop from head to toe, I would still notice that she was very beautiful. I don’t think you understand how dumb your perspective has been for the last 3 to 4 years.

So she is with me we are together we’re making love and I am unclear on what exactly I’m supposed to be doing at this point because I am magically loyal to Jack but I do have needs of my own. He’s not really meeting those needs and I’m a man, so even if he was meeting those needs, I don’t know how it is that you expect me to not be attracted to her at all and you do admit that I dated other men besides him I’ve read that. So you can’t get out of that one you have admitted that I dated men besides JFK I’ve I’ve read that in more than one place that I was involved with other men. So I know that you don’t think that I was just dating him even after I was with him I know that you don’t think that so you can’t pretend otherwise right now using the demons attacking us

so if I was with other men, why would I be with her given your trajectory of things what you claim there’s absolutely no reason why I wouldn’t be making love to her in the scenario, given what you’ve given us to work with from your perception, that you violently demand of her and me both is 100% accurate to the point where you’ve almost killed her and you’ve defiled my grave, so how about you harassed my family for decades so how about including her, so how about how about that because I’ve stuck to the rules there’s nothing wrong with what I’m saying and yet even so I’m still making love to Lacey and there’s no way out of it OK because I did date other men which means that I was sexually involved with other people I did you’ve said that you’ve admitted that in more than one place. That’s not some thing on Wikipedia, but that’s that doesn’t matter because there’s plenty of of websites that say that I pursued erotic relationships furtively with other men, and that was after Jack, so I clearly was not monogamous with him, and there would be no reason why I went to sleep with her, given the way that I interacted with him about women there would be absolutely no way that I would be 100% gay given what you said about me Know I’m sorry will be impossible given what you said about me whether you realize it or not you don’t think I’m 100% gay. You can say that as a party in self-righteous as you want to right now but that’s bullshit absolute fucking bullshit because you whether you realize it cognitively you’re not have clearly said that I was bisexual even if you wouldn’t call it that that.

No you, you might not Collett bisexual, but you have suggested that I was capable of being essentially bisexual, and I was not faithful to him in a purely monogamous way, so given that promise, and given who she is and the reality of the situation in which you can’t do anything about less if you wanna destroy gravity with your self righteous bullshit I’m sorry, but I making love to her in the scenario and it’s your scenario fucking idiots!

So I’m making love to Lacey she’s 100% female entirely straight sis and you’ve tried to mess with that and your stupidity in the last two years because you’re such a bitches from hell even to yourselves but we’re just gonna move on because I’m too angry to be nice to you right now. I’m sorry.

So she, she and I are making love and I don’t know what I’m gonna do because because she’s not Jack. Meaning she’s not Jack Kennedy. Oh, and that’s bad news for me, so I’m incredibly in love with him, and you know, fantastically loyal to him I have profound on Thousand Below unconditional love for him of a sort of astounding variety more than almost any humans ever loved anybody according to the daily mail, people, and David Pitts and Louis the yard and several dozen people online so cording to those people, my love is beyond words, incredibly romantic and yeah, I am fucking someone else, and I’m having an incredibly good time Because we have really good chemistry and she’s extremely attractive to me and I am extremely attractive to her and I’m very aroused and so is she so we’re having really good sex and we get along extremely well and she’s not really slut and I am not actually either. So I’m getting really confused because I’m not supposed to be doing this, and yet I am.

And so we make love And we we don’t know what to do with ourselves because we get along so well and we’re still trying to teach other that it’s getting really awkward because we’re making love and it’s just like hmm.

I mean here I am magically in love with Jack and yeah, I’m having possibly the best sex of my life with a woman who’s available really in credibly fascinated by me and you know I don’t know what I’m gonna do. I don’t know what to do because it’s like why would I want to give this person up and yet waiting to you every part of my being tells me to other than my actual body in that moment and my brain For the most part.

But according to you, I would, because I was never going to leave Jack and at least two articles that I’ve read lately you literally say two or three times lame was never going to leave. Jackie Ploen was never going to leave Jack. It’s almost like a child in denial because they’re being told her parents are getting divorced which is interesting isn’t it? But you just said you write over and over long was never going to leave Jack

So I guess I was never going to leave him according to you and yet I don’t know.

Oh, I mean, it’s a conundrum like a loving person who is fabulously, intelligent, and madly in love with you who you have really hot sex with and that every fiber of your being tells you to go fuck who is this person that you’re just magically in love with?

I mean, it’s a real conundrum.

So umm… I guess

We we we I guess we can’t have any more sex even though that’s gonna be really difficult for me to do because she works in the White House and I’m falling in love with her uncontrollably and she’s falling in love with me and we’re actually making love so we have a little bit of a problem.

And this is where the British are a little more advanced than Americans and so are the Russians and the Germans and even the French because they about out of this whole entire argument years ago.

Actually, the entire world did other than the United States, but there are some loyalists around the world who still are still holding the line. The daily Mail wrote a very interesting article, because there were things in there that were incredibly insidious. Actually, that’s not quite the right word that were incredibly encrypted will say Because there was a lot of information in there that was hidden that they knew Lacey would pick up on that actually corroborates what I told her but they snuck it in because they’re British and they’re not stupid

I don’t know how that all went over Bobby’s head I have a feeling, if there’s an illuminati that Elon Musk was aware of what was really being written in the article, but he’s South African and he’s a billionaire and I don’t think he’s stupid enough to care him but Bobby seemingly did not notice the incredible inconsistencies logically and what was actually being said there’s a difference between what was said, and what was said, in a superficial way And as far as Lacey knows, and this could be true, it went right over his head.

And they knew that it would, which is why they did it because they knew that they could get away with it and then he would think that even when she said this that it was probably just bullshit because she’s desperate and his imagination even though he’s bankrupt.

Him so you know when she says the daily mail snuck information and he’s gonna think oh she imagined that because I talk to those people and they love me.

He’s a very petty person, and it seems crazy to think that someone we go to such great legs, but people really on when they’re narcissistic are very dysfunctional and unfortunately, it’s very personal to him. He has huge delusions about me and a lot of other people, but I am one of them and I am probably one of the ones that matter the most to him because he’s not honest about his sexuality. He’s very insecure about it and I’m tied up with that.

I could be wrong you think he’s straight, but I don’t think so. I think he’s bisexual like Jack and I always thought that he was.

I could involve him in the story, but I don’t think I will. I was not in love with him, though I was straight, and I was not in love with him. I was not, but we’re going to leave him out of this for now, but no, I am high. I guess you could say I am, I I was right I would be rather confused at this point or what to do with myself because I am magically in love with Jack when he shot I will say that I will be falling magically in love with Bobby so I’m in trouble because I am with Lacey now, so but what am I gonna do you know Butts, I think, given the nature of procreation and evolutionarily biology, which I would suspect most of you believe in, my instinct would probably be to be with her in my generation, because my generation had a lot of kids, so I would probably have a very strong instinct to marry her. Oh, so we have a problem because according to you, I’m magically in love with Jack, and yet my all of my being is telling me to go be with her so I don’t know what I’m gonna do.

How about this? How about if how about if we just see what happens?

So I icing what I would fall bubbly do is, is just probably just well. You know to take her to Paris for a week at and then can and then tell her that I am that I want her to have children with her because I was getting older and I could tell that we could have kids together, so I would probably get her pregnant in Paris and then and then I would probably end up just realizing that there was no way I could really be separated from her forever so that we have a problem.

Because I don’t want to leave her for possibly for eternity, and I’m incredibly possessive of her because I don’t wanna share her with anybody and I am not legally married to him. So, even though I am magically in love with Jack, I decided that we should get married. So we get married and I get her pregnant and in the process of making love to her for the 30th time and having progressively better sex I decide that I want to have a life of my own and have my own house and just sort of have my own things and not really be around. Jackie puts even though I magically in love with him.

So I leave him about 80% of the time to have my own house with my wife and our family and we’re pretty happy. Jack doesn’t see me very often anymore because I have to get a job outside of him to provide for my family but you don’t think he would’ve ever cared because you think he was straight and totally reasonable and you don’t think he was violently threatening me. You don’t think his family was holding me hostage you think I was a hanger on. So you think that if I wanted to leave and marry her that he wouldn’t of cared at all, he would’ve actually made like screaming noises of joy because he was so confused about why he didn’t marry a woman it bothered him. He was traumatized by it, according to all of you. Not the British not the French but according to a lot of Americans, he was totally straight and normal and would’ve never threatened me with violence if I ever told anybody anything or left him and so there’s nothing like that going on at all, so he was confused and weirded out by me and I was just kind of a clingy little bitch And so I leave and start my whole life and I see him like 20% of the time and that’s because I’m magically obsessed and in love with him even though I’m married and in love with somebody else I think maybe if I polyamorous and so he was my primary, but I only see him like 20% of the time And you can’t get out of that one in so even though he still magically my primary she’s also my primary because you would imagine such bullshit and so I guess that’s what we’ll say. I have two primaries. I have a primary and a super primary and she’s my super primary to be honest and so we get married and have a family and I get a job and I I think he’s lied to be done with me, and then, because I’m so magically in love with him even though I rarely ever see him more than maybe once a year, eventually am I weak when he dies because I had nothing to do with his death and it was a total accident. I mean that’s also the official story so Lee Harvey Oswald kills him 1963 even though I’ve seen him like three or four times and I barely know him anymore. Actually, this doesn’t quite work. Let’s just say that we get married and then he gets shot, and I’ve only seen him once or twice and then he dies and I and love and I bought a house and I’m expecting my first child, and I married him, but I weep bitterly over him because I was magically in love with him.

And it wasn’t like it mattered to me anymore as much because I’m in love with her in a way that I’m not with him at this point because that’s just human nature and the situation that you believe existed so I am crying over him, bawling my eyes out, because that was just bound to happen because I was magically in love with him, but I don’t really give a shit at the same time I mean I care, but in a way I’m actually kind of glad he’s dead because it’s one less thing to think about.

I mean, I have a wife I have this bizarre, gay sexuality that’s just pervasive and loud and historic him and then there’s Jack. And Jack is magical about. You know he is just a lot to think about for someone as slow and stupid as me the way that you’ve imagined me and so with what little brain power I had like as it was a lot to keep track of and so I use my critical thinking skills that I are used at at once. Did you one smart thing, my whole life when I wrote that paper at at Princeton and collected a few really cool things in my house so I used that little tiny part of my smart brain to keep track of all these things you know now that he shot it’s a little bit of a relief because it was a lot for my little stupid brain to keep track of being so poor and dull, as you imagined, I am.

So so he’s dead and I am weeping because you were magically a love he didn’t give a shit about me because he was straight and yeah he did because he was such a nice man. I mean I was magically in love with him and he was straight, but he just allowed us to be in a relationship because he was such a nice man.! I mean, everyone knows Jack Kennedy was straight, but he was such a nice man, and so he allowed us to be in a relationship that was just magic! And then this magical relationship I was, I was just I was just captured and yeah I was human and so I was alone with Lacey and then somehow when he dies because it was Lee Harvey Oswald, according to you and I age, I am kind of relieved because I’m just like well. There’s one less thing to think about it I don’t really have the capacity to love him like Oradell or Tennessee Williams, so I’m not gonna pretend like I could do anything like that, but I will definitely Still cry because I could at least put together a few tears.

Am I weird? I was just a real real sensitive person. I didn’t understand almost anything but I had a few opinions of my own and so I cry.

I cry when he gets shot because I mean that’s the end

He’s dead, and that’s sad, because I was magically in love with him even though there was no real relationship, and yet there was, but only in the realm of magic and intrigue and mystery

So no, there was no actual relationship I mean there was but only in a magical gay way. And then that means that there’s no accountability there’s no emotion. Everything is just happy and deep and amazing and intimate and beautiful and special and mysterious beyond all believe ever and it’s just really amazing and there was like no way no way that it was anything less than that at all so I cry.

So I cry and and his dad and I’m always depressed a little bit for the rest of my life.

I mean, I have an incredibly wonderful life with kids and grandkids and a wife who loves me until I am dad and my whole family and we have thanksgivings and Easters and Christmases and real memories and I have a real life that I didn’t get to have him but as wonderful as that is, I’m still really depressed Because Jack tired and what we had was amazing magic! We were soulmates according to you, not twin flames, but soulmates so even though she’s my twin flame, even in the scenario, that’s actually possible he was my soulmate, and what we had even though he’s not my twin flame was amazing magic because it was gay.

Yeah, you guys really are that hateful towards heterosexuals nowadays and it really is essentially being bigoted, but I can’t call it that but that’s basically what it is. So I mean even though she’s my twin flame I’m still a little depressed in a special way because it was homosexual according to you and then that makes a totally different because heterosexual sex is like normal crap. According to you. Which means that even though she’s my twin flame and I’m actually really happy because what I had with him was gay it was really amazing in a way that it would never be with her. She’s super sees that because she’s my twin flame but it’s like specially amazing and it almost reach is the level of twin flame just because it’s homosexual. According to most people Who know who I am.

So are you so I mean no it was gay, so it was just so much better according to you than anything ever!

So we we visit his grave and I lay seashells on it every November 22. I weigh magical glittered seashells all over his and Lacey does the dance and she sings and I weep every November 22.

I don’t do drugs I don’t fall apart and I have to just write Bobby a I’m sorry letter saying I am sorry Bobby I got married goodbye. and he understands I just had to get married so she’s my twin flame and actually that that really that’s what I would have said in this scenario just I’ll see you later goodbye.

So that I get married to her Barbie understand but every 22nd of November we have to lay the magical seashells on his grave and I guess Bobby sometimes might see me but probably not probably probably not him and every time Jack has a birthday on 29 May II send I send five kites up in the air and set forth five doves into the ocean breeze with glare on their wings of gold and then sometimes I bend over and display my ass and let the wind blow up my butt hole in remembrance of our love. And Lacey says yes it is my bottle now but I do respect that in your life. You had a great love before me and his name was Jack Kennedy, and now he is dead.

Oh, and we don’t do that for any of my other lovers or for any of hers because I don’t give a shit about any of her sex life with anybody according to you, I wouldn’t give two flying fucks about anyone who she ever slept with so she has history in the scenario of Harold Loeb and F Scott Fitzgerald, and Louis Hill Junior And Elliot Roosevelt and I know nothing about it at all . I know that she was with them but I’ve never asked any questions. I don’t have any idea what happened I’m incredibly possessive of her, but I don’t really care about any of her history in that way at all because of Jack. So I don’t know I mean she could’ve been more in love with them in a way that I’ll never comprehend. They could’ve said things which other that would devastate me but I’ll never know because every May 29 I let the wind blow up my ass on the beach because we were gay together. Don’t you understand we were gay together!?

I mean we were gay together!

So it’s totally different than everything!!!!!

So, even though she’s my wife for eternity, I don’t give a shit about anyone that she’s ever found attractive and if there’s reincarnation, and I am Constantine and my son wants to sleep with her I don’t care because of Jacks

I don’t care about Michael Rockefeller, her first cousin I don’t care lol why would I care because of Jack Kennedy! Because of Jack Kennedy.

According to your interpretation of my words, he made a huge difference of my life, and he treated me like an absolute fucking piece of shit and a slave, but there’s no way that I meant anything I said, in any sort of a tongue in cheek, or ironic way at all there’s no nuance to any of it. I meant it as literally and adamantly, and certainly as possible. And by first cousin, I don’t mean physical I mean her legal first cousin Michael

So I don’t care I don’t care about my son. I don’t care who wasn’t her son I don’t care about her first cousin I don’t care about Elliot. I don’t care that every Valentine’s Day. He sends her roses and I don’t know why. I don’t care that Louis tells jokes about her anyway that I don’t understand something to do with her and a cherry and the cherry popped and it was her but I don’t know what that Means.

I mean, she’s my wife and I have a huge ego sometimes and I’m very possessive but I don’t know I guess I just don’t care because I was gay with Jack and he made all the difference in the world and nothing else matter to me ever just money and Jack! Money, same and Jack and Bobby and drugs, but probably not as much drugs, his money, and Jack and Bobby.

According to you, that’s all I cared about Bobby Jack money and that’s it and fame. End, and prestige to some degree. And yet I was an incredibly deep sensitive person at the same time because I was gay even though that doesn’t really make sense because I was gay I could be in a logical, weird, rational human because I was gay and gay people don’t have to make sense to normal psychology because they’re special according to all of you.

So I was special because I was gay.  according to you. So I was special according to you, and I decided I decided to just not care about any of her history at all. it’s totally inconsequential that totally inconsequential, so so Louis makes jokes about her taking her virginity and Elliot sends her flowers every Valentine’s Day but I have absolutely no idea why at all and I could get very hurt and very worried about her being promiscuous. But I’m not because I don’t care because gay men don’t care about promiscuity in women.

And I don’t see her cheating on me, so I don’t think there’s a problem and I don’t care at all. It never worries me I never get scared. I just don’t care because I’m a really understanding amazing gay man.

And this is the part that actually Lacey might like I just assume the best of her I never get worried I never get hurt by anything I don’t know about anything and men never really bother me because they don’t feel competition with me. Louie never feels threatened by me as a man and neither does Elliot or Harold lobe because I’m gay and Anne so they never try to pick a fight with me. They just think I’m kind of a little queen. And they think Alys Seay is Lacey‘s husband is 6 foot four and he’s kind of loud and difficult but you know I don’t care because he’s just a homosexual and he likes decorating. And that’s primarily what we do we have sex and we decorate.

We clean we have sex and we decorate and we we share secrets and talk about skin care and boys that we used to have crushes on and and it’s not weird because she’s straight and a death in love with me and I’m gay according to you I’m not bisexual and so we have a really nice marriage. It’s it’s not a lavender marriage though it’s a Home, is it a marriage him and I think you wanna call the lavender marriage but it’s not I’m sorry it’s not because I was attracted to women according to you and there’s no way out of that one. We’ll have to admit you’re full of shit and an idiot.

So, so no I don’t have a problem with Latin because I am law but I have a problem with a Louis because Louis is Louis is totally cool because I’m gay and everyone wanted gay people to get married back then no one like gay people shouldn’t get married everyone thought that according to you, there were no straight people who thought gay people shouldn’t get married according to you that’s not reality, but according to you, everyone in the world thought the gay people should get married like a heterosexual person That’s not reality but that’s what people say nowadays because they’re full of shit but but no but we’re not. We’re not talking about that we’re talking about what you believe so so you you don’t think Louis would’ve had a problem with me at all, even though I walked around, acting gay all the time and making jokes that were gay and giggling and talking in a high-pitched voice And decorating with her. Louis wouldn’t have been bothered by that he would’ve just thought. Oh, thank God Lem’s got married to a woman thank God he finally got married to a woman you know every time one of those men like that get married to a really beautiful woman I just, I am so relieved because as a straight man and a rocky marriage, who has had to turn into a prostitute who I then had to kill because I am from one of the wealthiest families in the World, I, I just love the thought of another attractive woman being taken off the market, especially one who is aging and in love with me, I love the thought of that this flaming, homosexual weird man who is madly in love with her because he is weird I was weird because I was straight acting gay people have called me weird who went to school with me at Choate but we’re not acknowledging that so I was Elisha say that it looked weird to him for some weird mysterious reason and let you know, but he would think that would be really though because he would just be so relieved so relieved that I was married to a woman finally!

So no big deal no big deal arm and then we’re just magically in love Jack and I that is and every New Year’s Day I blow bubbles into the wind and say I love you jack in my heart in the past and every Valentine’s Day I kiss a flower and think of the fact that I knew him. Isn’t that great?

You guys are so insightful. This is so possible I’m saying that sarcastically.

Idea 25 by Gibran Alococer & Andrea Vanzo plays.

Dressed in my suit that I wore to the Kennedy White House. The one I’m pictured in standing next to JFK. I walk through an April garden in St. Anthony Park, Minnesota on a particularly sunny day. Lacey sees me. …And she thinks I’m the most HANDSOME and AROUSING man she’s EVER seen. She’s…in AWE of me. Truly.

But even though men often still check her out, including her college age male neighbors…she…TRULY thinks I’m too far out of her league to even consider her at all. …Because she’s so in awe of me. …I’m certainly not. She’s out of mine. …But she’s…not at all aware of that in any…normal way. Sadly. So…being viciously bullied her whole life by Millennials of every gender her whole life…who desperately want her to HATE herself…and foam at the mouth with perverse amounts of evil in regard to her…she assumes…the absolute worst. Smiles politely at me and then walks off to leave me alone.

Her still nubile breasts and ass bounce elegantly under her prim but sexy cloche straw sun hat. She’s…cute. …Cute like a bunny. But it’s womanly. And…unaware…in a way not seen since the Victorian Era. …Because it’s not unaware like…almost anyone alive is today. It’s…precarious. Dangerous. Very beautiful. And…risky. …Because it requires a strong husband. A good man. A very tough man. …And once upon a time…it was expected of women. It’s not at all stupidity. It’s…a…terrifying…raw…sensitivity TO EVERYTHING. …Not like a mentally-ill person. Like…someone…who…is reticent and…proper…and beautifully reserved…because they have to be. And…at its most intricate core…it’s…well…it’s the sort of intense feeling that makes it possible for a woman to cry herself TO DEATH. Almost. If she’s…ill enough. Sad enough. Alone enough.

And I WANT IT.

But SHE’S UTTERLY CLUELESS.

*I laugh.*

Even as she sits her…like a secretary…writing my words from the grave…she’s barely accepting anything. …She’s…far more silent than you understand. A silent soul.

Why is she silent? Because I’m her EVERYTHING but I’m too good for her. And…there’s no point in talking. I guess.

“You’re not too good for me.” I say now.

She can tell I mean it.

“Oh! You mean…you’re not too good for me!?” she says.

“Yes.” I say, but Scott slaps me in the face. Hard.

“You little fucking bitch! She can barely hear you!” says F. Scott Fitzgerald to me. Very sincerely. AND HE’S RIGHT.

He marches off towards Lacey, grabbing her arm. And then he walks off with her, very bitterly. And…given her immense pain…I’m sure God exists…based on F. Scott Fitzgerald’s incredible rage. Thank God for him.

Except…Harold Loeb…and Louis Hill Junior are close behind them. OF COURSE.

“You’re so stupid, Lem.

I told you to sleep with women.

But you just wouldn’t do it…you dumb prick!” bites JFK before he ceased to exist.

It’s not loving. He’s mad. And self-righteous.

“Boy!!! …You really did it. …You idiot!!” he says condescendingly as he walks off in a huff himself.

I ignore him. As always. I killed myself on his birthday. ON HIS BIRTHDAY. …That’s WEIRD.

Oh well.

The song ends.

But I’ll be back and write more later.

Later.

I sneak in. Late. Climb in bed with her. Seduce her. Make love to her. …Just as straight as any man has ever been. And will always be. …My heterosexual desire for her is not weak. In the slightest.

The Quality of Mercy by Max Richter plays after a moment of silence. Dark…damp…cold…silence.

1:21

I am heterosexual.

I am a real heterosexual.

…Was I ever attracted to men?

2:29

3:39

…

The song plays.

The song…bitterly finishes. Without me.

And I’m left…without words.

Words I WANT TO USE. …Almost at all!

The song ends.

Silence.

*The sound of Jack Kennedy’s angry fast breathing.*

“NO!!!” I yell. “NO!!”

And at that dragging behind…Michael Rockefeller arrives.

We’re back in the garden. In Saint Paul.

Louis glares at me. Leaning against a 1950’s Cadillac convertible. Hands in pockets. …It feels like he could kill somebody with those eyes.

A Sparrow Alighted Upon Our Shoulder by Johann Jóhannsson plays.

“Dammit. …I wonder if someone could get that confused though.” protests King Charles III. “I’ve thought about it. Yes.” he says to Lacey. Suddenly. Out of the blue.

And try as she might…she can’t escape his words. Psychologically.

“Why am I so affected?” says Lacey sincerely to God.

“Well…what if!?!?” says King Charles III, with concern.

“DAMMIT.” says Lacey.

“No. It’s not possible to escape.” says Lord Rosslyn to Lacey, his would-be daughter. “YOU DID IT!” he says, picking her up, almost upside down like she’s a very little girl.

“He knows I’m a silly goose. Despite my…sincerity.” says Lacey, to explain.

Life by Einaudi plays.

“No! She’s not Jack!” says Michael. “SHE’S just…so…tough.” he says, laughing. “Dads have a way. She’s…being scolded.”

“FOR WHAT!?” asks the BBC.

“For not being respectful enough of Lem, and or for coming back when she wasn’t supposed to, if there’s reincarnation. …Mostly the first, regardless.” says Michael.

He walks up to Lem.

“She’s apologized.

You better be WORTH EVERY SINGLE TEAR!!!” he says, menacingly.

“Are you FINALLY going to get around to it?” asks Harold.

“Ahh yes.

What Lacey has been trying to say, and I’ve been trying to get out for about an hour almost is that I was tricked if there’s reincarnation into leaving my sexy, beautiful unaware wife alone with numerous men who all find her incredibly attractive.  And if there’s not reincarnation it’s almost the same thing. 

Letting people believe that I was homosexual, made sense to me at the time. Because I genuinely thought that I was. You don’t seem to understand at the time I didn’t have resources to tell me that I wasn’t. There was nobody to talk to you. The only person I ever trusted was my father, and he died. And he was the one who gave me the idea that I was gay in the first place.  I was molested. I became confused because I felt something sexual in my penis when the priest grabbed it when I was 13. An Episcopalian priest grabbed my dick when I was 13, masturbated me against my will, as I attacked him to get him to leave me alone. And I felt something.  It’s as simple as that.  I just felt something in my dick! It’s stupid, because it wasn’t special. There was nothing more sexual about it than brushing up against the wall. But I didn’t understand that because I was a kid and I was being attacked and I was scared and I couldn’t get him off of me and I was trying to figure out what the hell was going on and so I figured that somehow I must’ve asked for it or prompted it in some fashion because that was the only thing that could make sense out of it to me, and the fact that I had felt something sexual physically when he grabbed my dick was what really confused me the most.  I’ve tried to explain this before less graphically, but people are stubborn Lee stupid to the point of evil.  And now Bobby Kennedy Junior is going to go down as being part of a presidential administration that took away gay marriage. 

There’s nothing Lacey I can do about it or her husband or anybody else in her family. If you hadn’t taken yourselves and you’re a false pseudo-intellectual bullshit about me so damn seriously, you wouldn’t be losing marriage. Really…there’s nothing I can do.

I’m sorry I’m so fucking confusing to you bitches!

I acted homosexual, very convincingly. That does not mean I actually was homosexual.

I said things that seem to indicate that I was, but I was extremely confused. And if you look at that picture of me at Jack’s wedding, there really is no explanation for it. You have no fucking explanation for why I was so happy at his wedding!

You have no explanation for why didn’t give a shit about the fact that he was sleeping with hundreds of other people!

And you’ve invented evidence that isn’t really evidence to suggest that I was jealous and possessive.

The photographic evidence of my face smiling is actual evidence. The supposed impressions that you’ve gathered second fourth hand at this point or not real evidence. You cannot rely on someone’s supposed impression of a situation like you would a medical diagnosis based on science. But that’s what you’ve done you fucking idiots!!!

I am a ghost and I’m trying to tell you what the hell actually happened but you’re not interested because you want to believe a bunch of fucking bullshit that doesn’t even make any sense! You want to believe that I was gay because I was tall and masculine in a way that Jack wasn’t. I was straight and that’s why you wanna think I was gay because it makes you feel less insecure about yourself.

Jack was gay almost entirely. He was also a narcissist and an absolute fool. There is no way anybody could’ve sustained a long-term genuine connection with him of any gender. I was obviously confused in some way. But that just goes over your head and you believe in some impossible bullshit fairytale that is impossible.

So thanks so much for being such misogynistic, judgmental, archaic idiots!

I hope you enjoy having your marriage nullified you stupid little bitches!

I’m gonna start calling you what you call me!

I’m mad. So stop stealing things from me!

You know it’s entirely possible that I could’ve been gay and if there’s reincarnation it was temporary, and it was not as great as you made it out to be, and I realized that it was worthless because there was no way that I was ever going to re-create what I had with her with anybody have any gender. I mean there are a million explanations for how I could still actually have been gay and be with her. So if you can hear this conversation, stop lying to yourself.

You are stupid as fuck! And she’s not the worthless, hateful little bigoted idiot that you want her to be you sad self-loathing, self preoccupied fools!

In reality, I was actually straight.

In reality, I was actually taken advantage of by Jack every single fucking time something he requested of me. I might have even bragged about it, but that doesn’t matter. Rape is rape. And sometimes people get confused and they can break about sex that was actually rape. I’m sure there are plenty of young women who have made the mistake of bragging about sleeping with someone who actually took advantage of them in reality. And that’s not something that’s talked about but I know that it happens and it’s sad. So if I ever did even slightly brag about some thing, that is not proof that I consented to it, or even understood what I was actually doing.

I was molested when I was 13. I became very confused because I didn’t understand that physical touch was something that gives an involuntary response. It never occurred to me that it was like having your knee hit at the doctor and having your reflexes checked. I never put those two things together in my head. I was so ashamed, and I was so sure that it wasn’t possible for a straight heterosexual man to be sexually affected by the touch of another man ever. That’s very ignorant but it was the 1930s 1920s when it happened I was young and I didn’t know any better. So I was so stupid and it was so long ago in time that I didn’t understand I thought that somehow I was actually prompting it and OK with it, and that it was affecting me the same way that a woman would. Because I didn’t understand that a normal heterosexual man could end up being affected by the physical touch of another man if the man surprised him if you didn’t work, thinking about it, and the right way, you know, it’s like you could end up being aroused and getting an erection without meaning to. It’s funny because it was some thing that I thought was normal and so that made it easier for people to rape me like Jack, because I didn’t understand being a victim sexually and I thought that that was normal to be anxious and scared, and Unaroused, and unaffected and disinterested and scared and grossed out I thought those were normal things potentially. So with Jack would ask for favors or touch me I assumed that that was normal to be squeamish and scared and uncomfortable. So I smiled through it, sometimes in a very fake way, but I tried to be pleasant because I didn’t want to be seen as frigid, even in my own eyes. I didn’t want to think of myself as a frigid bitch. and truthfully, I was rigid I was withholding I was disinterested, and it did start to bother him shortly before he was assassinated. There were times, when he physically assaulted me to force me to do things to him, and I screamed and fought him off, but he was very vicious.  And nobody would believe me because he was rich and privileged and he slept with lots of women. 

so it was by high-pitched (naturally not for homosexual reasons), asthmatic dead father, lost fortune, artistic, bespeckled word against his vicious, extremely wealthy brutality. 

I kept my mouth shut. I did what was asked of me. I try to be positive. I try to enjoy myself even and truthfully, I had myself fooled, and I really believe that, even though he was a jerk that it wasn’t crazy for the most part and if I just kept my wits about me and took care of myself as much as I could, I would be fine.

I was depressed after he died, because I felt that my life was over. Not because I was madly in love with him!

I’m sorry it’s so astounding to you to consider that a emotionally bizarre extremely confusing by most accounts, mysterious psychologically confounding, closeted, and yet not, baffling man could possibly be baffling?

I really did like women and Jack knew that. Rip knew that too. But none of my generation were scoundrels at times and they kissed peoples ass when they shouldn’t have. They thought they were watching their own ass and protecting themselves. But in the end, it never pays to be evil. Because yes, red fade you I was attracted to the ladies, and so did rip and so did most of Jack’s friends even though they openly said that I was gay before they died. And that doesn’t make any sense. I, but they saw what I thought that a man could be attracted to a woman, but if he was attracted to a man to man that would take precedence over the heterosexuality simply because it was so deviance and perverse. And they never said that they would’ve never said that because that sounds bigoted. But that’s what they were thinking OK? So it’s like if you have a little ounce of homosexuality in you and it affects you at any point in your life and you kiss a man or you know God for bid you’re like me and you’re molested and you get confused then you’re fucked and you’re just supposed to be had it you’re supposed to be homosexual or if you were frankly middle class and you were scared And either smart or stupid enough to think that it didn’t matter you might still marry a woman. But a lot of upper classmen either decided to be evil or they were smart, or they actually chose to be homosexual, because they thought that was more honorable than pretending to be a normal man. And so there are many supposedly gay men in history, who were actually bisexual, but because of social conventions at the time that are not discussed in any honest way by queer historians almost ever there was a code of honor. Where are you know if you were bisexual if you were a decent person you would choose to be gay unless if you thought it was wrong or You thought that you were really clever and could get away with it or if you thought that somehow it was stupid to fall for it.

And that was that was that was a line that Jackie took with me I’m not dumb enough to do this and take it seriously but the times he would also somewhat indicates me that he wasn’t dumb enough to fall for it the way that I had. So it’s like oh well I support you go ahead and do what you want to do but I don’t ever plan to take you seriously as a lover and I don’t plan to ever take you seriously as a person and this will never become anything more than just something that I do to make you feel loved he was made it seem like he was doing me a huge favor, but it was also along with being very patronizing him very hard and I don’t mean that euphemistically for him to ever admit that it was him actually needing something from me sexually or wanting something from me because he was the one who is desiring it. And that was not some thing that I ever really told anybody because I never processed it, so I never realized that he was the one desiring it because he was actually desiring it. I thought that I wanted it because I thought that for some reason I did but I really didn’t. It was more that I thought that I wanted it and it didn’t really occurred to me that I was getting nothing out of it at all, other than some sense that I wasn’t a complete loser Because I had that feeling a lot growing up that I was sort of a loser that I was kind of a loser and so it was very important to me to be sexual in someway even if it wasn’t who I really was, I felt like I had to be sexual somehow, because it was better to be a perverse weirdo, then to be a sloppy, lazy, slow, talking awkward bespeckled loser with no sexual interest at all. I was very uncomfortable posing for a lot of his sexual photographs that he posed because he he really did pose all of the photographs of us being sexual. Those were all his ideas grab my ass, pretend like you’re holding me up, get on my shoulders, jump jump on my back I mean no he would’ve been a porn star Director if you know if you’ve been on the right circumstances because he was obsessive about photographing Himself being sexual. Of course, he always had to be the center of attention, and the center of all desire and interest in the picture but and I was always supposed to be fighting over him, or some sort of supporting him as a husband because he wanted to see himself as sexier than any woman to ever exist. He was incredibly insecure about his body, and so he violently took that out on women, and rejected them after having sex with them to make them feel inferior to him, because he was ugly as fuck, naked. How many chose somebody who is sexy and Brony like me but vulnerable to suck his cock who is straights. He was incredibly sadistic and obsessed with himself.

I did not enjoy those poses. I was innocent, and I am actually physically uncomfortable and more than one of them if you really read my face honestly.

But again, I didn’t understand that it was awkward and weird and wrong for me to feel uncomfortable because I’ve been molested and so I normalized the experience of rape. And I started to think that I wanted to be raped, and that I was somehow in a normal relationship with Jack. Essentially, he just replaced the priest, but I wasn’t really OK with it. You see I was being attacked and I was confused.

You can’t prove that what I’m saying right now is false at all. It would be hard to prove that what I’m saying is false for almost anybody alive or dead. But you could do it in certain marriages you could prove that this would be impossible. But in a lot of peoples marriages, you couldn’t do that. If Richard Burton told us, he was gay, and that Elizabeth Taylor, and him thought so much because he was a closeted homosexual, and she was just almost someone that he loved that he was almost entirely gay that would actually be possible most likely. That’s not the case, but dismissing what I’ve said is incredibly stupid!

I was not gay!!!

I was a heterosexual who is molested when I was a teenager and got incredibly confused. And then I got into an abusive sexually exploitative relationship with Jack Kennedy as a straight man who acted very gay 80% of the time, but not 20% of the time because I was straight and sometimes I accidentally acted straight.

I honestly find it astounding, because Lacey knows that I was straight Innoway because she sees it. But because she’s been so severely neglected and miss treated and jacked it by fairy hurtful people, she sees my heterosexuality, and is instantly scared of it, because I am so profoundly perfect to her that it terrifies her. I know that sounds far-fetched, but it’s not so she sees me for who I am in some of my pictures, and then being the sexy ditzy woman that she is, she accidentally forgets and remembers again, but in a very cold, intellectual way, that is far too reticentz

What Harold wanted me to say, was simply that she’s very drawn to him and Louis because mostly him because he’s so depressed and all his was after his father died. And so he understands her and there’s a darkness that they both experienced in life that I never experience consciously because I thought I was gay.

I thought I was gay and so I thought I was doomed and I thought my life was shit but I also thought that if I just kept my head up, I don’t mean that euphemistically but I thought if I just kept my head up and that when I was dead, I would be happy with a woman because you know when people die, they get their limbs back or their eyes back, and I thought when I was dead that I would be free from my frailty, but I also thought that if I just kept a good attitude about things, I might be able to have some Normal life of some sort, even though it would be sort of a weird person and I just kept thinking that somehow things would work out. And I had that mentality, and it was very dangerous and it caused me to room my entire fucking life, but I was trying to be optimistic and strong for myself and so on my very last yours I had a gruesome death I had a gruesome, slow, painful death, because I slowly realized I was heterosexual, and I slowly realize that I had ruined my entire life And that I had failed to be of any value to almost anybody including my family that I was born into. and I realized that I was essentially worthless. I will be better off dead z. But I never experienced all of my pain, and I never experienced the pain that I experienced my last 15 years of life until I was in my last 15 years of life in the last five were the absolute worst. Because I just slowly begin to realize what an absolute waste everything had been. But Lacey and Hill Road experienced their pain and intricate detail physically in real time because being who they are, they felt that there was something inherently morally wrong about not experiencing their pain.

Harold experimented with heroin in the 20s he experimented with homosexuality. He did a lot of experimenting, and he was a very artistic avant-garde type of person. Most people don’t understand that about him that he was actually an unusually intellectually brave man. But that fervency was and is exactly why Lacey has slept with him in the last three years after she was sleeping with me because I slept with her but then someone started telling her that I was sleeping with Jack and I wasn’t at all.

And people started viciously attacking her the happier if she got with me, the better sex became the more viciously living in dead people started attacking her to the point where she’s almost died from demonic suffocation. But there’s some there’s nothing like that with Harold there’s Brett Ashley, but Harold always tells her that it doesn’t matter and if she shows up in Paris at his table with Scott and Zelda, the breath won’t be there and if she gets drunk, you know maybe they can hook up if she’s interested.

So he gives her this permanently, open back door to walk into his life in a very personal very sexual way whenever she wants until further notice which basically means that until she’s dead, and he has it in gods writing that she’s with someone forever he’s not leaving the door anything but open because he personally is not OK with it. That’s his moral stance on the issue that until she is safely and securely with somebody forever in the same realm, he’s not going to tell her to go away. I died next to the Guggenheim and that’s not a coincidence at all.

When people keep attacking her, they just stupidly, ignore stuff like that to their own peril.

Does it seem weird that she’s claiming to have slept with Harold Loeb whose mother was a Guggenheim when I died right next to the Guggenheim?

And then she’s claiming that Tom’s family are descendants of Dutch old money from new Amsterdam.

And then she’s also claiming that Harold is not the only person from New York, so is Elliot, so is Louis and so is Michael. Think about it! I am the only one who’s not!

I died next to the Guggenheim. They’re keeping an eye on me.

The movie that woody Allen made in 1983 was not a coincidence. People have compared me to that character and it’s not a coincidence that F Scott Fitzgerald, and the Nazis were referenced in the film. Nor is it a coincidence that she’s living in Saint Paul has been seeing F Scott Fitzgerald’s ghost since 2013 before she even knew that I was in love with her at all consciously at least. Claiming that this is a conspiracy is stupid as fuck!

Her birth year is 1983 you stupid bitch!

I’m talking to a psychic who’s trying to channel her right now who’s a real cunt from hell! You have been after her as a liberal fucking whole bag since 2013, but you don’t know that because you’re a pseudo-religious bitch who hates people but pretends not to.

That woman doesn’t necessarily even read this blog, but she knows who Lacey is and I’m talking to someone spirit through the Holy Spirit because I’m mad as hell at that crap little fucking hoe!

She pretends to be so fucking smart and and wise and loving, and she’s very into the old cult, and she’s a witch and I’m not saying she’s in the illuminati, but she might be, but she might not be too. There are a lot of people who attack Lacey who don’t even know her because of her father and because of me and because her life is a shit hole in that way. Tom is her dad and I’m in love with her, and Satan has known that since she was born.

So I die next to the Guggenheim, and how old is a dark horse. Herald. Not how old.

Harold is a very brilliant man. And the Guggenheims were extremely wealthy. And he is Scott’s friend and he understands Lacey extremely well. She’s very safe with him in a way that she hasn’t been able to be with me. And that does not mean that they’re together forever, but it is something that I have to explain to myself because I get very hurt but then I realize that she’s been very lied to and that there’s nothing that she can do about it. On her birthday when you’re a few years ago, someone told her that I used to wear women’s petal pushers on Cape Cod to get Jack aroused so that he’d fuck me later. And then I used to imitate Marilyn Monroe in a bratty voice just to get him to screw me. And she knew that was probably not true, but not 100% and that was when our relationship was in a much better place. But then what happened is she laid in bed probably felt suicidal but then thought that was stupid because I’m dead and she has children who are alive and so she decided that she had to go see Harold because Hild always leaves the door open for her and the light on, and there’s an understanding between them where it’s like it’s not necessarily forever, but they’re kind of they’re not fuck buddies there more soul buddies. So it’s not like about sex it’s about incredible painful loneliness and self. One of them should be so we need mostly just her, though he like I said until she’s safe he leaves the door open for her. So on her birthday a few years ago, she was given a bunch of bullshit about me and my sexuality that wasn’t real, but she still doesn’t even know for sure, and it was told to her like it was the absolute truth, and that she was an idiot an absolute idiot to trust me.

And Lacey is not one to be taken advantage of. Let me tell you.

And so she ran off. She ran off and slept with Harold essentially, and was very comforted by him and spent her birthday with him, and he yelled at me and another time Elliot seduced her add another time. Joe threw himself at her and seduced her for about two minutes. Until she decided that it was just weird and kind of threw him off. Michael was interested in her for a while, and he still is a very stabilizing force in her life because he always comes and talks to her when she’s most down and sometimes he brings his family and they’re very loving towards her and they like her sincerely and so they kind of clean things up sometimes but really, it’s Harold, who always manages to to have the last word when she’s the most upset.

And if there’s reincarnation, and even if there’s not, Alexei Romanov has also offered to be her husband for eternity.

That’s all real.

Lacey will never tell you that so if you try reading her you’ll just get confused. And if you try reading me, you will too unfortunately because you’re going to find a lot of bullshit before you hear the truth.

The Kennedys like to hide their tracks, but they went too far and now some of them temporary they do not exist.

I was not someone for Jack to mess around with, and neither was Lacey.

The truth is the father that Louis Hill Junior could’ve easily been involved in his assassination.

And at the time obviously I had no idea that this woman that I would masturbate to, and I kid you not who looks like her was connected to these people. If there was a conspiracy to kill JFK, I had no idea that Tom’s daughter was my wife, and that I was straight and confused and being raped by Jack, and that Tom would’ve taken that extremely seriously and that Louis would’ve felt as though his honor was being challenged as well on a personal level because she is his soulmate, even if they’re not together for eternity, and of course, the Rockefellers are also involves on the periphery for Michael, and the fact that Jack genuinely may have sacrificed Michael, if there’s an illuminati, how did incredible hostility towards his father rocky. It’s all interconnected, but I had no idea at the time that I was at the center of everything and then I was straight.

I truly did not understand that I was a heterosexual, and I thought my mannerisms were reasonable and sincere, which is why they were so convincing. I wanted them to be convincing, because I was wholeheartedly, repressing, my heterosexuality and my actual born desires, so to speak and so high I think somebody like Lacey could’ve told could’ve towel could’ve seen him could’ve been able to tell, but I wasn’t up, but I wasn’t. I wasn’t as appealing to every woman alive as I am to her. and she doesn’t understand that anymore.

She’s an incredibly rational person, and you can say you can tell her stuff like that about herself, but it’s not gonna do much because it’s not some thing that she is in control of. It’ll help me be taken more seriously by her but she’s a very emotional person, Innoway, even if she’s very in control of herself 100%. You can’t break through she could allow you to get close to her but you can’t actually get through to her unless if she allows you to there are some people who are like that and she’s one of them.

The thing is, it’s almost impossible to really get her to be your friend and less if you’d sincerely care, or you’re willing to go to astounding lengths to be convincing. I mean like pretending to care about her until you’re dead, and then saving your joke for the afterlife it it’s really worthless to lie to her

And so I just want you to understand that she’s not loose she’s being seduced and she’s never one to expect it. It’s more like she shows up at Harold’s house on her birthday and 2025 no in 2023 and there’s thinking that he’s just her friend. But that will probably be together somehow but she’s very ditzy. She’s very innocent and yet she’s not stupid. Don’t try to take advantage of her but she’s a very unusual person and so on her birthday in 2023 she read off to Harold’s. Actually it might even 2022 she ran off to Harold’s or 2021 event but she ran off to Harold’s on her birthday and her spirit I mean this literally happened and it manifested in the physical realm here in the fall world to some degree, and I say here through her butt Mostly, but she went to his house. He knew why she was there. He knew what she’s been told and he seduce her and surprised her and she was so caught off guard because she ended up basically sleeping with him. Louis doesn’t have that experience with her. Harold always does. It’s not an age thing it’s just Harold. Harold was an unusual person in the sense that he was a ladies man, but he was also completely capable of monogamy and intense love.

There are some bisexual men who are ready to drown Lacey. Because they want her to die and go be with Michael. Because they think Michael dying would be a very romantic end in regard to her, and that somehow they’re the best suited for each other of everybody.

And then there are other people reading this in Minnesota who know who Louis Hill Junior is. And they understand Louis and they understand her as Minnesotans and I think they think that she should really probably be with him but they don’t quite want to commit to that because I think they’re trying to be smart. And they don’t want to jinx it. So it’s kind of like hush-hush. Let’s not say what we really think is happening. Let’s just let her die in North Oaks in her 70s of a heart attack and then just sort of quietly mind our own business as we get the sense there are psychics in the elites of Minnesota That they’re together. If anybody asks where she is and we find out that she’s with Louis will just pretend like it’s no big deal. Will just act like it was no big deal.

And then there are some people who are Jewish, who are scared right now, for their lives, because of Israel and the Palestinians, who are starving to death, and they’re fighting by being loyal to Herald, and somehow they think that Harold is really who she’s with because Harold and I look alike, and I think they think it’s possible that she’s just misunderstood what she’s seeing and she’s actually been sleeping with him But he doesn’t have a way to explain that and so she’s just confused and she’s seeing a man with glasses who looks like me but it’s actually Harold in his 20s or 30s and when she’s dead she’ll figure that out and everything will be fine, and it will just be smooth sailing.

And then there are some people believe it or not, who worry that she supposed to be with Elliott. There are some people in the DNC if there’s an illuminati who have some concerns. There is a chair that she’s sitting on right now that’s vintage from North Carolina. It’s beautiful. And there’s a rip from a golf club that was put there because she was attacking Eleanor Roosevelt at 3 AM in the morning in her living room. Because she thought that Eleanor had molested Elliott. And Eleanor let her attack her, because that seems like the wise thing to do psychologically at the time. It didn’t harm Eleanor, unless if it was supposed to, but if Eleanor was innocent, it did nothing but it left a permanent mark in the chair. And it’s unlikely that they will go away and it’s now sitting in her bedroom, covered up by an antique quilt because Eleanor wants it there. Because she actually really loved Lacey a lot. Lacey is adorable to her like a little girl, and she admires her spunk and bravery, and there are some people who worry that Elliot is actually who she’s with.

I am her twin flame. She’s with me that’s the truth. But some people don’t like that because they have to let go and allow her to be happy and they hate her. And some people are very puritanical and uppity and uptight when they can’t let go of the idea that I’m in love with Jack.

If it’s the end times, Lacey is the fulfillment of the prophecy of the woman and her children who have to be carried off on eagles wings if there’s purgatory of any sort, and don’t be so sure that there isn’t ghosts, make a lot of sense to exist. Purgatory is not on earth, but that’s not quite imaginative enough to assume that there would be no interaction is very stupid. I purgatory is about walking away from your own evil that you’ve chosen for yourself with your free will, and excepting your salvation as ESKA as CS Lewis describes it in the great divorce, and some people choose to stay in the gray city where everything is dreary because they don’t want to become better. It’s scary to them they’re evil and so they stay in a sort of pleasant existence that’s like heaven in some regards it’s not, but it isn’t really Heaven.

I’m not in heaven yet because Lacey is alive and so are my kids and so is Mark I care about him because I care about him but it’s not homosexual at all. I just care about him as a person and if there’s reincarnation, I might see him as a sort of brother in arms like we’re fighting in the same battle because I am an Englishman, and so is he. If there’s reincarnation, we’re both English aristocrats different generations, but similar class and we think alike, and I have a lot of respect for him and so I care about him, and I would never leave him here without his family. My my desire would never be to take my kids and my wife to heaven with me and leave him alone so if it’s the end times, and there’s reincarnation things are very complicated but tell you what let’s say there’s not reincarnation I still care about him, and I can be a sort of allegory all right I wish people, though that consider the end times would realize that she could be the fulfillment of that prophecy of the woman and her children who have to be rescued that’s Lacey if we’re actually in the end times she’s that woman who Hass to literally be taken away because she’s being so tortured by the beast. What is the eagle well would be the Jews her husband legally is Jewish it’s also the German eagle because they’re Nazis who are working on protecting her right now. Her father is German on his mother side so it’s also the German eagle. It’s also the American eagle in my family. And it’s the Jews. What is the eagle though? It might be a plane I know you don’t want to believe this because you think it’s just totally theologically impossible but I really am a ghost. She really is being tortured and it’s not God‘s will for people to perish, but sometimes like during the holocaust, or when someone’s incredibly morbidly ill, it isn’t evil for them to die. So if I have my druthers, I am trying to blow her up on a plane with her whole family.

Not because I’m evil because I want her with me in heaven, I want my whole family there that’s not me being evil I read that somewhere and I think there’s charismatics you have that and I’m sorry but you’re the heretic and you’re wrong not her. Don’t get so dogmatically stuck in your stupid, low church theology that you lose track of reality. I’m sorry I don’t like the fact that she wants to die it’s miserable to me. I don’t like the fact that she’s talking to me and I’m a ghost but she’s literally being tortured in a way that you don’t seem to wanna believe because what it makes her special and it makes her family wealthy and that bothers you?

Her family is literally in possession of trillions of dollars of oil I’m not exaggerating! And if there’s no illuminati, they really are scared shitless of her because since they started attacking her, everything has gone crazy. And instead of understanding that there could be many things involved, if they can’t comprehend, and that they should call themselves down and stop being stupid and narcissistic in relation to her, they’ve gotten crazier. Although in the last year or two, since Trump Trump took took office, there are some people who have tried to work with her because they’ve realize that it’s in their best interest. And they do it cautiously, and yet not at the same time, because they can tell that in a way the nicer they are to her the more smoothie things seem to go. Elon musk is someone who understands that to some degree a lot of billionaires tend shoe understand her unfortunately people who aren’t as rich or as powerful. Don’t tend to like her as much I I mean I don’t know what to say so it is. People want her to be impressed with them but if you’re not impressive, she’s not impressed because she’s a very honest, intelligent person.

I don’t know how much of what I’ve just said is being heard the way that I said it but I this whole blog is a mess. A lot of the things that have been written are actual proof of the supernatural because the words are being said, but then what is heard is what demons are saying, or a ghost Sometimes it’s an accent that gets picked up that’s not being used at the time that supernatural and it’s a very very supernatural blog if you don’t believe in that you’ll have to just sort of suspend that belief as you read it to understand what’s going on

I am not a demon. I am a ghost. There are some Christians who wondered if I’ve been resurrected I have been slightly, yes. And she’s a little dead. But I don’t have a body and so is that a fulfillment of the prophecy yes, it is if this is the end times yes I am the dad walking as it’s foretold in the book of revelation. If this is the end times I am one of the dad who are walking and so is she because she’s a little Dad in a way that I’m not in someways because of what she’s been through and then in someways, I am alive But it’s complicated because I am dead so we’re both walking and we’re dead. We are the dead walking in the book of revelation and that’s why you can’t get so stuck in your low, search church theology or you’re gonna miss understand what’s actually happening in front of you. So if you’re a dispensation list, yes, this is the end times I am a prophetic experience will say this is a prophetic blog. She’s a Christian and me being with her is actually a fulfillment of prophecy. If it’s the end times,

So be very careful because if there’s not an end times, then Catholics are right and you just don’t understand their theology there’s Purgatory I am not in another realm in a way that she can’t interact with because Purgatory actually is while you’re alive to some degree so don’t try to pretend that you understand Catholicism when you don’t. And don’t try to pretend that you understand when Episcopalian was when you don’t. There are a lot of millennial bullshit artists, who pretend to know a hell of a lot more than they do and it’s disgusting.

I am a ghost there is no end times or if there is I am a fulfillment of prophecy. I’m sorry Jack was not a heterosexual get over yourself!

I mean, what are you want me to say I’ve said it before but it’s true I can explain every single thing you’ve read that you think is proof I was gay. None of that is real proof. There is no such thing other than my word there is no real such thing as proof. To some extent, OK that’s not completely true, because there are some things that could be an exception, but it would have to be in a very clear, certain relationship that was healthy or it would have to be really obvious than Subway and that is never been demonstrated in regard to me ever. I know if there’s an illuminati that in the most recent daily mail article, Bobby thought he found proof. Because he thought that Jack, calling me dirty minded was proof. It’s not, but he’s too, on educated and inexperienced to realize that he’s never really had a healthy relationship in his entire life. He has no idea what actually happens in a real relationship. And he just tried to choke Lacey to death. She’s eating some thing is she writes this and he tried to trick her throat into choking on on her food as her children are in the hallway. And now he’s mad at her for coughing because he thinks she’s being a drama queen literally. Because he’s that stupid, sheltered and pathetic!

I can explain everything, including the supposed obsession I had with him.

I I’m sorry there’s no going back. I was never gay.

The love story you have is bullshit anyway between Jack and I it’s totally impossible. It’s absolute contrived nonsense, but it also just did not happen. I was not a homosexual at all and a lot of the reason ironically, why you think I was one is because I wasn’t.

Later.

unfortunately, I just got into a fight with Liza Minnelli in the afterlife because she might actually care about Lacey and she was worried.” says Lem.