My Great Grandparents

I grew up hearing stories about my maternal family from all of my relatives.  And after writing that last post I think I’ll share a little…

Once my maternal great grandparents from Norway arrived here they worked at a few farms earning and saving money.  Then they both went to North Dakota and acquired homesteads.

My great grandmother had a small house near a pond that later became a sort of summer house for her where she would go to do artwork, listen to the radio, read and just relax.  She did have eight children after all.  I’m sure she needed to have a break sometimes and be alone.  She was also a sort of local midwife and homeopathic healer.  People often relied on her for help when the doctor was too far or etc.

My great grandfather’s homestead was the one that was enlarged and where my great grandparents eventually built everything and raised their children.  It wasn’t too far from my great grandmother’s homestead but they weren’t neighbors and that’s not how they met.

My great grandmother had gone into town to work as a cook at a hotel.  Perhaps it wasn’t safe enough to be a young woman alone, in your early 20’s, on a homestead.  So while she kept her homestead she worked in town.

My great grandfather, after establishing his homestead in 1905, was regularly farming and had crops and one year in the late 1900’s he brought his harvest into town to be sold when he stayed at the hotel my great grandmother was working at as a cook.  He ate at the hotel restaurant and he was so smitten by her cooking, her pancakes in particular, that he requested to meet her.  So they then met, fell in love and were married in 1908.

They adored each other as people.  They had an enormous amount of respect for each other.

My great grandmother was a true genius.  And while my great grandfather was very intelligent, he was more or less known more for his extremely even temperament and wisdom…

They belonged to two different political parties and would often have heated (but well mannered) discussions about politics in the kitchen/dining room of their house.   Their children followed suit and that sort of passionate debate mixed with respect still prevails in our family about the topics of the day.

Some of us are Republicans like my great grandma and some of us are Democrats like my great grandpa.  Many of us neither.  But we all try to remember that being kind and preserving family love and connection is more important than just winning a verbal battle.

But truly though, my great grandfather did have to occasionally “put his foot down@ regardless of their easy connection. Once during the height of the Great Depression my great grandmother got the idea that the family should sell the farm/ranch and move to Oregon.  She had a cousin who had moved to Oregon and he talked about how green and lovely it was out there.  (the 1930’s were incredibly dry in many parts of the US – they were the “dust bowl years”)  But my great grandfather said, “No! The only place I’m moving to is the churchyard when I’m buried.”

When my great grandfather was assertive and earnest like that my great grandmother knew she needed to take him very seriously and listen.  So, they didn’t move.  And thank goodness they didn’t.  It was important to actually own land during those years and it is now too of course, and my great grandfather knew that.  He had learned that lesson back in Norway.

While it was hard to grow things during the 1930’s and they did have to endure the heat and dry-as-a-bone conditions of that era (in a nice new stucco house my great grandfather built in 1929 however, mind you) they never went hungry and they tried to help their neighbors. Although those neighbors thinned out in numbers considerably during the 1930’s.   As my grandmother once said, “They left between the dawn and the daylight.”  And, they never returned.

Once, during that time, a man walked in off the road near their house, opened the front door, meandered over to the kitchen/dining room, stood by the table and grabbed a large pitcher of milk sitting on the table for lunch.  He then proceeded to drink the entire thing in front of everyone without saying a word.  Everyone just peacefully sat there and watched him…  Then, after saying “Thank you.” he walked quickly and silently right back out the door and they never saw him again.  But that sort of thing was not uncommon.

Sometimes they ate Russian Thistle.  And of course they ate dandelion greens.  And there was meat and milk from the animals (who also sometimes ate the Russian Thistle).   There were also berries… And homemade baked goods.

My grandmother, their daughter, adored FDR.  He helped rid the Midwestern plains of the wild dust that would fly about from the dry, overly farmed land by having farmers plant coniferous trees to line their fields.  And, of course, FDR created jobs by building bridges, dams, roads and the like.  More specifically to my grandmother’s neighborhood, he put in safer gravel roads instead of the dusty dirt ones that would go airborne before.  It was all part of the “New Deal” and it worked.

And then in the early 1940’s it finally rained!  It went from dry, brown earth to green, lush and cool rolling hills as far as the eye could see.   It was an amazing change.  My great grandmother was relieved they hadn’t sold it all and left.

There were visitors from Norway in the 1940’s either right before World War II or right after (I can’t remember right off hand)…  One of my great grandfather’s nephews from Norway had become a professor (I think those who stayed in Norway in the family managed to do well too) and he was in an exchange program with an American professor who went to Norway.  His nephew brought his whole family and they were at the farm and I’m sure that was lovely for everyone.

And, eventually, my great grandfather took my great grandmother to Norway in the early 1950’s to visit everyone who was still living, which was no small thing in the early 1950’s – to travel from North Dakota to Norway and back for a vacation.  I think they were gone just over a month (maybe with between a week to two weeks of just traveling?).   However, I believe their parents were dead, sadly, at that point and in my great grandmother’s case she hadn’t seen them since she was 17 years old.  I’m sure they wrote each other but that’s hardly the same thing, of course.

Anyway, I could keep writing but I think I’ll stop.  Someday I’d love to write a novel based on the stories I’ve heard about these people but at the very least I need to write this all down someday.  Our oral history about ourselves and our origins are very important.


I think I’ll share a few personal thoughts on my blog here and there.  This post included, obviously.

A recent pleasant exchange on Instagram with a friend from college has me thinking about what it means to be an immigrant or descendant of immigrants in the US.   And, of course, we all are descendants of immigrants unless you can claim your ancestors were the Native Americans who lived here before the US was ever even a concept.

I can’t speak for my husband’s family but my ancestors had two vastly different experiences in the US when they arrived.

On my mother’s father’s side it was rather nice actually, I think.  When they arrived in the US from England they stayed at the home of a military official in Virginia while they arranged things.   Indeed, they bought a thousand acres and built living quarters in a relatively short amount of time after being warmed, fed and probably pleasingly entertained in the home of a prominent man.  Aside from the inherent limitations of the 1730’s they had a fairly decent transition to the US it seems.  And then they were off and running their successful plantation, etc. without too much trouble.  They eventually fought in the Revolutionary War and at some point started a second successful plantation.  Anyway, they were very fortunate.  But they were and still are the exception to the rule in the US.  And by the way, I know all of this about that family because there was a book written about us by one of my mother’s second cousins (maybe second cousin once removed?) after he researched it for about twenty years (securing historical documents, traveling, interviewing all of our relatives, etc., etc.).

Oftentimes when you first arrive here in the US you don’t speak the language well or you have an “undesirable” accent but my English ancestors spoke English with what was likely a “good” accent. Still, my other ancestors all spoke Norwegian. Even though at least some of the Norwegians in my lineage came from fairly well educated “middle class” families in Norway (certainly those on my mother’s side) they certainly weren’t native English speakers by a long shot.

And some of the Norwegians were “young and poor” which is different than just poor of course because it means you’re “starting out” in some way (those on my mother’s side at least)… but there were those who were just flat out poor when they arrived (one family on my father’s side).   In that truly poor Norwegian family they had the trials of all of the other Norwegian ancestors who came with a bit more to draw from but with less of a “cushion.”  And frankly, the bravery and fortitude of even the “young and poor” Norwegians alone was epic.   Really, they all braved a lot…and could have very easily died.

Anyway, my great grand uncle in that genuinely poor family (his sister was my great grandmother) taught himself how to write and read in English and was eventually an editor-in-chief of the largest Norwegian newspaper in the US for many years.  And he wrote (and published) quite a few books, one of which was translated into English.  In fact he was so truly good and brilliant with his writing and so well recognized that he often was invited to give guest lectures at universities back in Norway on the topic of Norwegian American literature and he was eventually knighted by the King of Norway for his novels and contribution to the understanding of the Norwegian American immigrant experience.  He was one of those people who didn’t let the poverty of his childhood keep him entangled and instead he managed to use it to inspire and inform him about the deeper meaning of life.

He was not an ashamed man, I don’t think.   Nothing in his life kept him captive. But, he did come from a nurturing and stable family despite their poverty and that does count for almost everything in life regardless of class or immigrant status.   And again, he was very gifted and intelligent.

But actually, none of my Norwegian ancestors were ashamed.  Truly.  But they weren’t hostile or arrogant either.   And perhaps that’s the key to making it in the US as an immigrant? You have to keep your head up despite it all.  You have to remember who you are as a human being and your healthy, meaningful human connections (like family) aside from being a recent immigrant…

While they did well in the US and mostly all (except for one set of immigrants on my paternal mother’s side) became at least fairly well off in their lifetime (by the 1920’s, 30’s or after) none of my Norwegian ancestors who immigrated would have been considered part of “society” when they first arrived (I don’t think, at least). There was an innate humility to their lives.

F. Scott Fitzgerald wrote about how he had crushes on some of the pretty blond Scandinavian girls in Saint Paul. Those families were likely a part of the same wave from Scandinavia to the Midwest that my ancestors were a part of. He used to drive around an extra block or two on his way home just to see a flash of their hair…   But he also states that he never would have considered pursuing his attractions further because none of the Scandinavians had yet raised to the level of social status and prominence he felt he had to be associated with at that time.   Of course, he was correct.  (that was around the 1910’s or a bit earlier)

Now, my great grand uncle published one of his most famous books in 1915…but…he wasn’t knighted until 1954.  And again, the Scandinavians who became part of the upper middle and upper class by at least the middle of the Twentieth Century (or a few decades before) certainly weren’t there yet in the 1910’s…  Scandinavians were too new off the boat until a few decades later.  (literally)

…But all that to say that it’s important to remember our immigrant history today.   And as long as the US continues to be what it was to a reasonably discernible degree…(pause to pray and cross my fingers that we won’t entirely fall apart or the world won’t entirely fall apart)…some of the immigrants of “today” could easily be in a very different place in the world within a few decades or their children will be. That’s an interesting thing to imagine.  Isn’t it?  Sometimes I wonder if that’s what some naysayers are actually worried about…

Of course, I think what it all boils down to is who we all are on human level.  There will always be those who don’t cope well with the American immigrant experience regardless of how welcoming the US was or is.  There always have been…   And then there are some families or people who manage to do very well and who still will regardless of the current state of things and how hostile it may or may not be for them here…   And, I think, love, loyalty, and trust within a family is important but especially when you’re a (newly arrived) immigrant family.  Also, wisdom and shrewdness and a realistic but somewhat optimistic perspective coupled with a hope in something innately good outside of your everyday experience and self might be key to “making it” in the US?  Very trite but perhaps true?

My great grand uncle would have had a few things to add too (haha).  He had a lot of very sharp opinions on what was truly helpful and what was detrimental for new American immigrant communities, families and individual people…

Anyway, when my Norwegian great grandfather on my mother’s side arrived here he was almost tricked and trapped into marrying the farmer’s daughter at a farm where he was working as a hired hand to make enough money to establish his own homestead.  The farmer’s daughter thought my great grandfather was a handsome man and wanted to marry him so her father threw my great grandfather’s trunk into a grain bin to hide it and keep him there indefinitely.   He had to dig out his trunk and run away with it in the middle of the night to avoid his abusive boss and the daughter.

When my maternal Norwegian great grandmother arrived she was conned by someone promising to help her contact her family to let them know she had arrived safely…  She quickly learned to be very careful.

She and my great grandfather (her husband) might not have been seen as terrorists, criminals or spies but they were seen as vulnerable and weak targets.  And at times they were profoundly lonely.  My great grandfather had to buy a pocket watch from JC Penney to break the silence on his homestead (he eventually started the homestead in 1905) because the quiet was so entirely overwhelming.

And in some cases, as my paternal great grand uncle wrote about, on the Midwestern prairie there were Native American visitors who were friendly and at other times there were Native American visitors who were violent, angry and would kill you.  And there were coyotes…  And epidemics.   And the horrible snowstorms and tornadoes were terrifying (I kid you not, one of my paternal great grandmothers was once thrown by a tornado into a wheat field as a child and miraculously survived)…    And I could go on and on with horror stories.  But…  things went on.  And they likely will now too.


I certainly have already upset some people with my posts in the past.  And I’m a bit bored right at this moment so…I think I’m going to just go for it.  It’s fascinating to me.

I’m going to give my impression of indicators of class.  I’ll likely avoid the most offensive things I could say (not in spite but in brutal honesty) to not garner too much hate since while I did close the comments on this blog my Instagram is still vulnerable to ugly messages or comments.


When people talk about social class cues I think they often come up with three things: cars, homes, and clothing (including accessories).  But I think that’s because a lot people having that discussion are middle class and those are very middle class ways of indicating your social standing.

I don’t think clothing or cars (and to some degree housing) are clear indicators of anything other than whether or not you’re dirt poor.

There.  I’m sure I just pissed someone off by saying that…  Ha!  Oh well.  I’m not trying to.  I just really don’t think they are…

See…if you save or buy on credit you can have almost anything in regard to clothes and cars unless you’re truly poor.  One Rolex or a Tiffany and Co. engagement ring with a nice sized diamond is doable by the working class if they go into debt or save for long enough. And you can have a decent, somewhat “expensive” and at least fairly new wardrobe and only be lower middle class. Etc. Etc.

Perhaps having many luxurious clothing items, more than one luxury car or a combination of enough of both might mean you’re more likely to be at least middle middle class (and too far in debt for it to be wise most often if you are just middle middle class). Or you’re brilliant at finding good deals or you know how to budget and save and you only splurge on cars and clothes. But bargain hunting and splurging occasionally aren’t indicators of class necessarily either…. Or you’re upper middle class, well off and enjoy either showing others your affluence or using luxury goods.   Or you are wealthy but newly wealthy and don’t realize how quickly money goes…. Or you’re wealthy and don’t care how quickly money goes and are at least a tiny bit of a hedonist? …But…truly… it takes a lot of nice clothes and definitely more than one really nice car to mean you’re even rich or well-off…much less wealthy, in my opinion. And frankly buying an excessive amount of expensive things is suspect when it comes to class because while that might mean you have more money it doesn’t necessarily mean you’re well-bred or grounded enough to keep your wealth long enough to be truly upper class. Indeed, general overspending really does indicate a lack of sophistication in my opinion.   Or it means you have an addiction…   Or it can often mean you’re insecure about your status and trying to seem wealthy or more wealthy.  And truly, blowing away all or almost all of your millions in a few decades or less is not particularly upper class regardless of how many millions you had. At all.

Also, I guess…basically…there are so many truly upper middle class or upper class people who are frugal (to the point of absurdity at times) that clothing and cars (often two terrible ways to spend money if you look at it objectively) are not good indicators of class.  And, again, there are soo many people trying to seem wealthy who aren’t, (although they often fool their social equals, those who are naturally a bit naive, and those beneath them), who overspend so much on cars and clothes that it further clouds those indicators.   Clothing, cars (and housing) are just not useful ways to measure someone’s class…

That being said, the way you wear your clothes matters.  The way you wear your hair means something…   The style you wear or how stylish you are indicates something, at least. It might just mean that you’re efficient or artistic though, if you dress well…

And, to clarify, when it comes to housing it’s the quality that matters (if it even works all that much as a definite indicator). Quantity matters to some degree but…quality (and I don’t just mean size) is a much better cue. And while many people think home ownership is a good indicator I don’t think it’s all that accurate. However, not being able to buy a home does tend to rule you out of being as socially high as at least the middle middle class depending on where you want to live. For example, let’s say the median home price in the US is $188,000 (that’s fairly accurate as I write this) and let’s say you can afford that but you can’t afford a house that’s $600,000 and homes are almost all around $600,000 where you live. You might be middle middle class in that case, easily, and just live in a well off area (home ownership is not the best indicator given regional differences).

BUT here are two living examples of people who further explain what I mean and where I’m going with this:

I know a woman in her 70’s who has had a long mink coat for decades that’s in impeccable condition (she likely purchased it new).  And she uses it to go the opera with her husband and has for a long time.  Or she might wear it to the ballet…  Both she and her husband have season tickets to the local opera, ballet, and etc.  They travel around the world elegantly every year and have for many years.  They donate money and time. They own a nice house. They likely have a net worth that’s at least in the millions if not tens of millions of dollars and they invest very wisely.  She came from a wealthy, well educated and fairly sophisticated immediate family. Both she and her husband are well educated, highly intelligent, forward-thinking (despite her lovely mink 😂☺️), have lots of life experience and are both politically and socially very well connected. They have one daughter who is well educated, brilliant, financially well off (or wealthy), sophisticated and extremely well traveled. They’re also in various clubs and etc. To put it bluntly, they are upper middle class at least.  And actually, they are more than likely, upper class.  But…she has never made a “big deal” about her mink.  She doesn’t make a “big deal” about anything she wears or owns. Although she does have pride and so does her husband. They are also quite frugal… However, what she does wear she wears neatly, carefully, and her tastes are lovely and unassuming.

I knew another woman who worked very hard and had three kids. She was a pre-school teacher. Her husband didn’t work much or at all. They hadn’t gone to college. They lived in an apartment that was fairly decent. BUT her husband spent money they didn’t have on decorations for their apartment, video games, and other unnecessary things so frequently that they had to often borrow money from friends, co-workers and neighbors to pay for food. Then…one day…she announced that she and her husband had gone out and bought a brand new car (they didn’t need). She was a little bit conceited about it and certainly oblivious to how offensive it was to those she had relied on for money for food. Another day she bought a new handbag she just “had to buy” (although it was a gift for someone). They also took a vacation to Hawaii around this time… You might not have guessed it from looking at her, hearing her chatting about visiting Hawaii, or meeting her casually (based on her clothes, or car, etc. per se) but she was poor… She truly couldn’t even afford toilet paper after her financial expenses. Although, she did lack a certain comfortability or natural, unaffected ease with what she wore and with what she owned.

What does indicate class – what does hint at your actual (honest) assets (physical and non physical), in my opinion, are: 1. Your particular perspective on anything and everything, 2. How insecure you are, or how ashamed or honest you are about certain things and what you’re insecure, ashamed or dishonest about (that’s closely related to perspective – sorry), and 3. How comfortable you are in various situations and how you present yourself… I guess, really, to summarize, one’s perspective and all the variations on that are reliable indicators to me of class. And it’s often very subtle.


I’d like to further elucidate and nail down a few things.

Given that you have to be at least wealthy (see my previous definition) to be upper-class or come from an established (at least more than one generation) upper-class family and be some sort of exception, I think there’s a fairly good line in the sand there between upper-middle and upper-class.  Everything beneath that (socioeconomically speaking) and before working class is some form of middle class.  And, of course, that covers a lot of people…

By the way, in short-hand, working class to me is that group of people who are barely “making it” but still definitely “making it” financially out of a lack of a good wage and who don’t have the family connections (money, social connections, understanding, etc.) to rest on.  People in that group can sometimes have come from middle-class families (although rarely as high as the upper-middle class, I think), but they just had tough luck too many times or made poor decisions enough that they fell a bit lower than the middle-class.  Those people don’t often own a home or if they do it’s not often well-maintained (in good shape) or it’s not well appointed.  Being able to maintain a modest home and not skimp on your groceries too much or etc. but still struggling financially from time to time is one possible indication (in some cases) of the line between lower middle and working class in my mind.

When you can barely afford housing of any sort and have very little money in general…you’re poor.  Again, it’s pretty simple. (Unless you are the child of the established upper class)

But what is “very little” to me (outside of net worth)? Well, that brings me to the title of my post.

Often when you read about class you find people discussing, “the amount of money people make.”  I think that’s not necessarily the best place to start but I understand why it’s done that way.

So, I’m going to explain what my thoughts are on where the lines are according to wages, but please keep in mind that if you’re heavily in debt or come from a background either educationally, familial, geographically, or experience-wise that sets you back in non-material resources or propels you up and/or you have big debts your wage isn’t at all as clear cut in regard to class.  And certainly if you are heavily in debt (which is relative to your net worth – i.e. billionaires could be hundreds of thousands in debt and it’s not the same thing as it is to a millionaire) it’s not clear cut in regard to physical assets either.

Anyway, if you are 60 and earn above $30,000 up to $55,000 a year you’re either working class or lower middle class depending on debt, non-material resources, and future prospects.  Again, if you’re 60 years old and that’s your wage and you have less than $50,000 to $100,000 in savings/retirement/financial assets and little debt (debt that’s less than $10,000) you might be working class to lower middle class depending on your non physical resources and financial obligations.  Furthermore, if you have a middle class or at least working class family of origin and at least a high school diploma with training in some marketable field with that amount you’re likely in that range (unless you come from the upper class of course).  That might be being too “generous” in one direction or another, but anyway…

If you earn that amount with the same obligations, background, etc., etc. and you’re around 30 or 20 years old and in good health it’s a different story though, especially if you have the prospect of future advancement.  In that case, if you’re not supporting a family of over one child and a spouse with that amount you might be solidly lower middle class, especially depending on where you live (note all related caveats).

Anything above $55,000 (unless there’s more than one dependent child) to $120,000 (a year) and you’re most generally swimming somewhere in the middle middle class…  Of course, if you’re 25 to 30, unmarried, with no kids and making $100,000 with no or little debt (maybe some savings) and from a well-off background you’re edging very close to being upper-middle class if you’re not there already.  And obviously some people are more firmly middle class (whether lower, middle, or upper) than others when you measure it all out given all the various factors.

If you’re making above $125,000 depending on your obligations, debt, age and etc. you may be upper-middle class or just barely upper-middle class.  And again, net worth is so important.

$500,000 a year at any age is either rich or wealthy and either upper class or very upper-middle class/almost upper class, depending on the various factors.  But you can be definitely upper middle with one million a year or upper class with $250,000 depending on the various factors.  It’s incredibly complicated…and every case is different, of course.

If you’re making over a million a year your non-material assets become extremely important to defining your class (like your understanding of how to use, save and spend money).  Beyond that I don’t think much changes.  If you go through money too quickly or handle it unwisely that will never seem “well-bred” or at least will make you look foolish.  Anyway…  Most people never have to deal with that situation.

It feels good to be a little more exact.  I’m sure I’m boring people and I could be more exact and accurate but this is a very rough sketch.

(Also, obviously, if you inherit money that propels your net worth into the wealthy range your non-material assets and debt become as equally important as if you’re earning the money. And frankly inherited money has its own non material asset inherently attached since it’s almost always familial.)

(Also, also…cues that indicate where you fall on the social spectrum (i.e. saying things like “I grew up in a hood.” or “We took our plane for the weekend to the Florida Keys.”) are complex to discern but can be discerned – hence earlier posts. But I won’t go into that much detail on this blog. Or at least not yet.)


This blog is about to become a mess, at least in my mind.  But it already is a bit of a meandering, at times poorly worded and rambling mess, I guess, so what’s the difference?  I know I’m a decent writer to a point but goodness I don’t edit well enough (in my opinion) and when I’m flustered, stressed-out or angry I make embarrassing typos and suddenly and mysteriously “forget” which version of their\they’re\there to use.

But you see, I’ve changed my mind and realized a thing or two in the last few weeks.  First, I’m an intj and infj in equal measure.  For years I’ve been operating under the idea that I was just putting on the “thinking” to be strong for myself and that I am really a pure infj at my core. However, I think I just am an intj at least in equal measure to an infj, if not more so. And it’s been awful actually.  Most of the misunderstandings I’ve experienced in life with otherwise decent people have stemmed from them taking something I said or did and not realizing the well-intentioned aspect of the seeming coldness, condescension, cutting edge or distance.  Actually, it’s a bit like using the wrong form of the word their.  They read it, “Their is the ugly house.” (please read with a tone of disdain) when it’s actually, “There is the ugly house.”  (read with a tone of some unassuming detachment but interest).  I’m coldly calling a house ugly because it is.  I’m not trying to be hurtful.  At all.   But they inherently read that “their” as being the right form for some reason that still escapes me (but has always intrigued me) and start thinking that a.  I’m an idiot who can’t form a proper sentence to save my life and, b. that I’m a jerk who is looking down on some poor fool for their best attempt at home ownership.  It’s been heartbreaking my whole life to be slapped in the face with people’s misunderstanding.  And of course, it’s been equally heartbreaking to project my good intentions on other people only to later see their ill-intent to hurt me in some subtle way that doesn’t come naturally to me. I’ve had to force myself to look at their words and actions in painful detail and dissect what the hell they actually meant when I gave them a million benefits-of-the-doubt and thought they were just being objective.

Basically, things have to make sense to me.  I long to understand.  And things usually do make sense eventually.  Or I ruminate for as long as it takes to figure “it” out.

But I still do think western society is crumbling and I still do think people are more hostile recently (last five years or so) than they have been in the last twenty to thirty years at least.  And I still will hesitate to open up on this blog in such a way that I can be easily hurt again.

Yet, I’ve realized I need to talk.  I need to explain.  I need to deal with why I thought I should give up on being so open.  Give up on it entirely.  And in order to explain I have to make a “personal post” on this blog.  So I’m going back on what I wrote earlier about never doing that again, and therefore I’m also making something slightly confusing to untangle unless you read every post in the order it was posted.  Oh well.

OK.  Here goes.  I’ll start with basics.

In my estimation there are two factors that make up your social class.  One is your material assets and the other is your non-material assets.  The non-material assets are where people get the most confused in the US.  Although I think people are extremely confused about class in general.

Let’s start from the top of the heap in regard to material assets (I’m using dollars to explain): I don’t think it’s accurate to say that anyone but those with at least a definite two to three million dollars (net) are wealthy.  But that’s the entry-level of wealth.  And it works a bit like the middle-class (again, at least in my estimation).  Those with that lower level of wealth are the “lower middle-class” of the wealthy set.  Once you have perhaps 25 to 100 million you are more solidly “middle-class” in your wealth.  Anything above a 100 million makes you very wealthy.  And the rare super wealthy are the billionaires.

Anyone with a net worth below two to three million but above about one million is rich but not wealthy.  Anyone with a net worth below about a million dollars but above about $200,000 is well-off depending on age.  People in their late 40’s and older with only $200,000 net are not well-off if they plan to retire before they’re likely too old to enjoy it (assuming they’re working).

If you have less than $200,000 in your net worth and you’re young or in reasonably good health with some source of income that can sustain you and possibly cause you to have a lot more money if you don’t make too many foolish financial decisions then you’re “doing ok” and are potentially somewhat stable but you’re not well-off.   Furthermore, anyone with less than $50,000 or so in net worth is in danger and if they don’t have a good source of income or are in bad health they may become poor or already are.  Less than a stable income (with an equally unfortunate net worth) and you’re clearly poor.

That’s harsh but, I think, fairly accurate.  And the funny thing is if people looked at it that coldly we’d all be a lot more depressed about how in debt and lacking in long-term “financial health” most of us are.  It’s also easy to think that if you have debt but also have “assets” like a nice house or car that you’re better off financially than you are.  But truly, I think, you have to weigh how much you can actually make from those assets against that debt.  Otherwise it’s just financially dangerous self-deception that leads you think that you have more material resources than you actually do.

Most people are not wealthy.  Few people are rich.  Only a fair amount are truly well-off and a lot of people are struggling in some way financially.

(This is going to be a long post.  There’s a reason I avoided this but I now realize it was necessary.)

Now, non-material assets are tricky.  Those include complicated things like your family history, education level, where you grew-up, what you’ve been exposed to otherwise and the like.  I would generally say that family history gets top billing followed very closely by education level.  Coming in third is where you grew-up.  And the wild-card that can almost make-up for everything with the exception of family history is what you’ve been exposed to in life.

It’s fairly simple if you’re objective about it.  Obviously if you come from a family that has been collecting non-material and material status positively for generations you have a higher social status.  If your family of origin wasn’t middle class but working class it affects you your whole life.  You can be a billionaire but you’ll never be the social equal (objectively and truthfully speaking) of someone who’s family was solidly middle-class (or higher obviously) and who is your equal otherwise.  It’s sad if you want to be “top dog” and come from a poorer family background but that’s where one has to be deep enough not to let your social status determine your overall self-worth.  Also, there are many people with that background who have done amazing things out of that insecurity because they’re trying to prove something about the intrinsic value of their soul.  If they do it humbly, brilliantly and kindly enough it can be world changing in a great way.

And by what you’re exposed to I mean acquiring “life knowledge” and sophistication (still vague sorry).   Just watch the 1954 version of “Sabrina” and you’ll see what I mean.  Audrey Hepburn’s character goes to Paris and accumulates a wealth of understanding and “worldliness” and becomes quite the impressive lady in her own right.  She can’t make up for her family history, lack of material assets, and almost can’t make up for her education level (one can assume she hasn’t been educated beyond high school).  But she’s so “cultured” and yet has the good taste, wisdom and perspective to be careful (along with an incredible amount of natural beauty) that she genuinely turns the heads of the upper-class.  And then she “marries in” and while she isn’t truly “one of them” in the way she would have been had she been born into it, she comes as close as you can.  And it’s not the same thing for women or men who are “self-made” with her background but don’t “marry in.”  You have to “marry in” (and permanently keep that association) or let your descendants “join” the solid upper-class in every way when they establish your family in the years to come if you’re “self made.”

And this finally brings me to class.  I believe there’s (from bottom to top): poor, working-class, middle class (subdivided into lower, middle and upper), and finally upper-class (subdivided into lower, middle and upper).   It’s really a rough sort of scale.  Again, obviously, the more non-material assets and more material assets you have the higher your status.  With the caveat that some people come from such “old families” in some way that regardless of their current material assets they still cling to a higher social status than they would otherwise.  And, as I alluded to before, there are some people who don’t “marry in” to a higher status and are lacking in the non-material assets, especially family background, enough that regardless of material assets they are lower on the scale to the point that they might have only a weak standing in the upper class (even if their material assets rank them higher).

Now, when I talk about family background and its importance I do so because in that is included vast depths that are basically almost impossible to describe in one post.  It’s that profound.  It’s that stuck in stone.  And it seemingly always has been in one way or another.  Family of origin really is important in every conceivable way as a human.

And while education is important as a non material asset and is incredibly complex too (for example) it still doesn’t equal a human family in its impact (in any regard).  It just can’t.  Same for the other forms of non-material assets.

SO, all that to explain a bit of where I was coming from in my previous posts.  And I could go on and on and on and refine my assessment of the terrain I just covered to make it more clear and airtight but I don’t think I will right now.

But let me explain more.

See, I have had a very confusing life in some ways.  And as an intj that is very difficult.  And in the last six to seven years (slightly longer) or so I’ve had to totally reevaluate things about my family and self in regard to social status in light of new information that was kept quiet, hidden or misunderstood.  Or people misinformed me intentionally (although not consciously most likely) out of naivete or some genuine goodness stemming from a very lovely and kind view of the world in certain ways.   But regardless of what happened it’s been very disorientating and embarrassing.  Embarrassing because I’ve had to go into the hostile terrain of class and be willing to make an accidental ass of myself with my lack of clarity.  Embarrassing because I take things apart slowly to get them right but am often in situations where I’m expected to already “know what’s going on” or hurt someone or possibly get hurt myself.

Anyway, this has been a personal issue I’ve been tinkering with and ironing out intensely and it’s been on my mind consciously or subconsciously.  At the same time, that’s not to say that it’s an obsession.  I just ponder things (and not just this) a lot.  I’m an introvert (and thinker).  And what I’m thinking about will eventually emerge in discussion.

AND when I started blogging about perfume and posting on Instagram and found a world of other people who love olfactory beauty and analyzing that beauty as a way to appreciate, protect and have pure joy in it I was delighted.  These people were almost like magic.  I was thrilled they existed.  But then, I found the downside.  And really, it hasn’t been particularly bad for years.  But then slowly and surely people started becoming more filled with deceptive hostility.  They became more competitive.  And more often than was at all pleasant, every aspect of my being became objects of scorn, jealousy or bitter and at times almost violent envy to the point that it became intolerable.  This beautiful space had shown its true nature; like a friend who finally reveals their flaws when they finally feel safe.  It was jarring and painful.  And mostly because I really needed that safe place intellectually and emotionally.  We all do.  I loved how insulated the community was from so many awful things that seemingly are hurdles in communication, creating closeness or experiencing joy in a lot of human interactions otherwise.  But then I found out the weakness.

People who collect things sometimes (definitely not always) come with prickly and hurtful edges in regard to class.  It just makes sense… And given my own inner ongoing discussion I found the need to confront the ensuing irritations. And being an intj I wanted to experiment and see what would happen if I shared a few of my new found truths about who I am with the ugly side of things.  I wanted to see if the bitterness would respond with more bitterness or if people would acknowledge the seeming pointlessness of the misdirected hostility.  I wanted to test the waters.  And I was angry because I hate inaccuracy.  And I hate dishonesty because it makes getting to the right answer so much more difficult.  (equal parts infj and intj) When people are pretentious (the actual definition of the word), ignorant (truly ignorant) or manipulative (i.e. pretend that you’re the problem when they are) I innately become angry.

I am not a pretentious or dishonest person.  I am wrong sometimes and I make mistakes but I’m quite genuine.  It’s partly just my natural tendency.

Anyway…I learned from my misadventures that you can’t confront people about class.   At least not right now.  They will almost always take something the wrong way and then it’s all ruined and for no good end.  Also, I’ve learned that I have to be strong enough to possibly offend people or accidentally encourage their hatred of me with my social status and my lack of tolerance for cattiness and manipulation.

I’m not sure if I’ll write again on a personal level, but I needed to post this.

One More Clarification…

When I wrote that only certain people say, “wealth whispers” it sounded like I might be discrediting that notion entirely. I wasn’t though. It’s simply that certain people do say that more than others.

Actually though, I’ve said that phrase myself in conversations with friends. And of course what I mean is that when you’re monied you don’t necessarily feel the need to advertise it in the same way as some people do without it who want to appear otherwise, also there’s the knowledge that once you spend the money it’s basically gone. So if you have money you’re careful with it and for some of those people there are expensive things that just aren’t worth buying.

Like, there are certain cars- Mercedes and BMW for example – that people often buy who want to appear monied but aren’t. Or they wear certain labels like Louis Vuitton, Michael Kors, J. Crew or Coach (at least in the US). Sometimes those folks buy houses, especially in the US, that are much too big for their needs and/or budget. Perhaps they give their children private lessons the children don’t want such as riding lessons, violin lessons, etc.

However there are many people who drive those cars, wear those clothes or play tennis or the cello who aren’t pretentious social climbers which is part of the reason why you can’t always say that “wealth whispers.” Sometimes people just like certain things associated with wealth and can buy them or enjoy them. It may be that they’re rich, poor or otherwise. And sometimes people do brag, not because they’re insecure but because they’re proud (or for other reasons).

Still, the Michael Kors toting, heavily in debt, Lexus SUV driving person who lives in an empty big house and barely eats (because she’s broke) does fit the stereotype that formed the truth behind that saying. There is some truth there.

Really though I think upper class wealth just is. It can be loud or quiet. And it’s often very difficult to accurately determine someone’s true social class in any direction. It requires an analysis of many things or you have to know what certain very definite but subtle signs mean. It’s finely nuanced and complex. (I tried in vain to explain and therefore examine my own class on this blog.)

For example, imagine a young man who’s parents are both surgeons. And, they’re both very busy. They spoil him with gifts and other treats but ignore him most of the time. He grows up depressed with a very skewed and soft view of the world. He goes to college and graduates but doesn’t do anything with his education because he feels totally directionless in life. Time passes and most of his life is taken up by shopping, the occasional girlfriend and his own sad existential drought. He’s bad with money. He looses it. When his parents die it’s mostly gone. He’s no longer wealthy or even upper middle class financially and his friends have left him behind. He’s slipped socially and their family has gone from upper-middle almost upper class or truly upper class to much less in fewer than 50 years.

Then there’s the immigrant couple who came to the US 30 years ago, started a brilliant company, and with wisdom and hard work became very financially wealthy. And therefore, given the emotional and intellectual wealth they brought with them (despite their poverty otherwise), managed to raise themselves to the upper class or close to it. In 30 years. And if they did it right…their kids will just keep doing better and better. Soon (within two to three generations) even the cruelest snob will have to acknowledge them.

The son from the first example wears nothing but an expensive yet little known brand of clothing. Even when he can’t afford it anymore ($300.00 for a simple yet elegant cotton t-shirt). The relatively recent immigrant lady who started the business with her immigrant husband wears a somewhat loud, hot pink Coach handbag that was worth $300.00 (when it was new) because it was the first even slightly luxurious brand-name item she could afford once they started making a decent amount of money with their business, she thinks it’s good quality and she’s not one to change accessories easily or at all quickly (and she’s somewhat both practical and sentimental). Go decipher that. It’s not easy. Or is it?

Anyway. It’s complicated. And hopefully this is the last I’ll write about it.


I’m still mad. And I’ve tried to move on but I can’t.

This goes deep. And that’s the problem.

Whoever the individual was that commented on my blog without a good, and certainly without a scholarly understanding of class (at least in the US – which is where I’m from and where I live so that’s the context of my posts) and lacking a cognitive ability or the patience to read and detect nuance in my writing was the perfect example of the sort of person who has been driving me up the wall for a while now. There are so damn many people like that nowadays.


And as someone who has been very active online for several years now, I’ve put up with the covert, arrogant bragging of these people daily for years and stayed silent, although they’ve dramatically increased in numbers in the last two years or so. They kept harassing me, trying to intimidate me with their self-perceived abundance or superiority and then once I started to stand up for myself relatively recently many burst at the seams and became rude and incapable of discernment or self-control (and one may have commented anonymously on this blog). And of course, they then dishonestly began calling me a liar, tried to minimize or totally discredit my claims to a status higher than what they wanted it to be with a vicious and at least partially ignorant venom, or said that if I’m not a fake, self-aggrandizing piece of trash by default, that it’s rude to talk about such things openly (as the commenter on here did) and therefore I’m a piece of shit under their shoe for talking about myself that way (even it was done on my part out of disgust and frustration). Don’t they realize that it’s a trite bourgeois and aspirational class thing (and not in the positive slang way used by some) to believe and repeat mindlessly and self-comfortingly that, “Classy upper-class people don’t talk about money.”

Wealth whispers,” they say aloud with scorn. “That’s how you imitate wealth! You whisper it!” (They then say to themselves as a mental note, quietly)

But of course you must whisper it according to them. Compulsively. And it must be done with an obnoxious amount of dripping coyness. And if people who aren’t being coy and are just enjoying life get grouped in with them, all the better. It makes their superiority seem more convincing.

And, to be clear, it wasn’t just in the comment section of this blog that this all happened. It was mostly on Instagram actually. And I’ve put up with a lot on Instagram – including a herd of equally obnoxious men claiming to be in love with me after almost no sort of conversation or interaction with them other than the occasional polite but shallow chit chat in the comments section of my posts. I mean, if I had really been friends with them in some way it would have made some sense, but…it was clearly just about their sexual desires or some sort of conquest for them. ( They likely sexually spam many women all at once.) And while it wasn’t scary or that offensive necessarily because on some level it was most likely innocuous it was/is truly annoying and certainly awkward. I now just ignore most men wanting to direct message me. I can’t, sadly, give people the benefit of the doubt anymore. “Oh I just wanted to talk about perfume (when I asked you to send photos of yourself and called you sexy in a dm). Don’t be so mean!” they whine.

But should I have just kept putting up with the “touchy people’s” jealous poking and manipulative maneuverings? I couldn’t! And yes, that’s what it was. Jealousy. Because I’ve been fairly careful (or very careful) my whole life not to brag about money and/or class up until the last year and a half or so and therefore it was one-sided boasting on their part until fairly recently. I suppose I could have just walked away somehow. But I also refuse to stop interacting online as much as that would likely require because you have to find a way to work with people. Somehow. You can’t become a hermit, despite or not, how much I love things that some people use as status symbols and how that sadly tends to attract negativity. (But I refuse to pretend otherwise.)

But seriously what is wrong with people these days? Many people come across like an at least part-time malignant narcissist (when many are likely not?). And it seems a lot of people want to both be a certified victim of something and a genuine (although they’d never admit it) bully at the same time. And often it’s the people who pretend to care about bullying and subtly accuse you of bullying when you defend yourself who are the actual bullies. At least from my limited experience… So how do you “speak out” when wrong is right and right is wrong? How do you defend yourself or anyone else when it seems almost nobody has any regard for anything and therefore doesn’t want to be honest about any of their wrongdoing or offenses? Or they’re heading in that direction? Many people seem to be emotional cauldrons of hot gooey hatred waiting for the slightest tap to explode.

We are an incredibly crass, idiotic and failing society (western society). We are nearly destroyed. Truth, reality and measured rationality are on life-support. And I intend to try to figure out what I need to do to aid in bringing some form of sustainable life back into the future. I apologize for having useless at best, and perhaps caustic reactions so far… I just hate being forced to be quiet constantly to comfort someone’s weakness and lack of perspective. And we have to be able to defend ourselves. We have to be safe. Still, my responses were silly… And I’m sorry.

Sad thoughts.

Venting One Last Time

I wasn’t going to write any more personal posts, and I don’t think it’s at all likely after this one. But I have something I just have to get off my chest.

I think I know who commented the other day. I’ve analyzed it and I suspect the person who did it was commenting because they thought one or more of my posts were openly about them or perhaps secretly about them. That was certainly not the case.

It’d be funny, in a way, except for the fact that they became personally insulting and demeaning in their seeming anger and resentment. And I highly suspect that they had been wildly misunderstanding me for quite a while. Also, I’d bet most of what I say and post, other than perfume, here and and on Instagram went over their head. This person is smart and seemingly even more street smart but they didn’t seem (and still probably don’t) “get” my perspective on almost anything. We’re very different people with very different backgrounds and therefore it’s like we speak two different languages. They seem to keep thinking I’m like someone they knew or know but I’m most probably not… At all. And/or they likely believe that I’m some silly, cute, shallow, and truly dumb blond.

Good God in Heaven.


But I do have to discuss one thing: my husband. Also, his “accomplishments.”

I don’t take credit for educating him. I don’t take credit for creating him, raising him, or any credit for the hard work and many accomplishments he made on his own over the years before I married him (or started seriously dating him). And frankly, he doesn’t take credit for any of that in regard to me either. (Duh)

And I’ve done a hell of lot more with my life than I think this lady who commented realizes (because I rarely if ever have discussed it – it makes me too truly uncomfortable and I still refuse to really brag). And I will accomplish a lot… But, here’s the thing: now that Mark and I are married and building a family together (and even while dating seriously we were each other’s biggest support systems) nothing I accomplish and nothing my husband accomplishes are ever just singular and lonely prizes.

For example, until recently if my husband passed an actuarial exam it was because I pushed myself to take care of my son and tend to things without his help almost at all for months. 24/7. And if you don’t understand parenting a child because you’ve never had one don’t assume it’s remotely easy to do well. Also, there’s been the difficulty of him being grumpy, stressed-out and challenging to deal with while I am trying to keep everything running smoothly.

Oh, and then I moved to Seattle to benefit his career. And we had to stay there for at least two years, despite how much I hated it, because it was beneficial to his career. But I have never begrudged him that, especially since he had our best interests in mind as a family. It was hard though, and our marriage suffered because we were both unhappy to some degree (and we had a rough start of things emotionally in some ways anyhow).

Indeed, Mark genuinely balked at the comments made on my blog when he read them and in part because he is always quick to point out what a team we are. He truly believes that and so do I. We are still individuals with separate souls and beings of course and his labor is not my labor and vice versa, but we are one flesh and we are building something together.

Even in regard to birthing our children in the past and in the future I give him some credit. Yes, I do… He was the one supporting me and is the one supporting me the most. He tries to be there and is. And I try do the same for him… We’ve always been best friends and always will be.

And when I finish raising young children and focus more on “personal accomplishments” (as I plan to likely do) I will never for one moment not think that Mark is also to credit for the blessing of being able to do that. Again, we’re a team. But, a lot of married couples with kids feel that way and are, especially if they’re serious about making a life together beyond just a few years. (And frankly I’m sick and tired of people mocking couples who try to be positive and truly care about one another.)

But, just to further solidify my claims about making my own way if I hadn’t become serious about Mark: when I met Mark I was planning to attend school in Wales – Aberystwyth University in Aberystwyth, Wales. They had accepted me into their history program and offered a place that they were holding for me. I was going to go to school there and then live in the UK (I’m an Anglophile of course) for at least a few years if not permanently. I was very excited to go, I was just securing things financially (which was taking a while because it was overseas) when I met Mark. And I was working as a barista at a coffee shop because it was fairly simple to do so for a short time (although it was somewhat hard work and I was already tired because of my undiagnosed hypothyroidism) and it was close to home. I was fully determined to go to Wales and finish my degree there and considering the free doctors in the UK (as a college kid off my parent’s plan who was determined not to ask for their help – I thought I was just depressed) and how much I love that country I might have finished college there entirely (I was so close anyway). They might easily have properly diagnosed me with hypothyroidism. And if they didn’t correctly diagnose me, something tells me I would have pushed myself harder over there and been much more careful with my energy after trying to live a normal college life and it not working energy-wise.

But I met Mark. He knocked me off my feet. I fell madly in love with him. He was different from anyone I had ever spent much time with, although he reminded me a little of one of the first men I had ever loved (in a good way). So Wales went completely out the window… I couldn’t imagine being so far away from him. I just wanted to be around him. And frankly, he wasn’t too keen on long-distance dating. At all.

Anyway, I didn’t finish college at Messiah in Pennsylvania because I slept almost all the time. Literally. Or I drank coffee to stay awake (to lead meetings of various groups on campus I was in a leadership position in, actually have a social life, and work at the library, etc). I rarely went to class. I just was extremely tired. Truly. And they thought it was depression (because I did have serious clinical depression in high school and to some degree also in college) so they treated it like that, but actually it was my thyroid. They also thought I had ADHD for a while, and one doctor even diagnosed me with that out of exasperation, but I don’t think I did or do… I was finally diagnosed with hypothyroidism a few years ago due to pregnancy and I’m a lot less tired now, thankfully. Anyway, even though that all happened I still managed to be accepted at the University in Wales and had a lot of reason (and have) to think my plans to be a history professor, lawyer or involved in politics on some paying level (not just volunteer as I was then), would have eventually worked. I’m sure I would have found a doctor who knew I had a thyroid problem eventually (maybe in the UK even).


…I shared the ring today from the post I took down (also why I was thinking about this all today). I want to almost cry or punch something (not a living thing) at the thought that anyone could think $6,500.00 is too much for such a ring (as it was appraised by an expert jeweler for insurance purposes). That’s just sooo wrong and idiotic it’s angering. To put it in perspective, $6,500.00 is actually the average price of engagement rings in the US now and this ring is a somewhat unusual ring of great quality (truly) that has as much or more tcw (and one center .5 ct diamond) of all (real and natural, duh) diamonds and sapphires as an average engagement ring in a gorgeous, authentically vintage, platinum Art Deco setting. (It also sparkles oh so beautifully in sunlight.)

As much as you can find a “bargain” on some things, reputable jewelers rarely markup gemstones that much. In jewelry you often “get what you pay for.” And I know too much about diamonds in particular to buy something that is overpriced. I actually considered becoming a gemologist with a focus on grading diamonds for a while… And on a related note, I prefer a nearly perfect smaller diamond to one of inferior quality any day of the week. But it has to be actual quality (top cut, color and clarity)… The GIA or a similarly recognized and well regarded organization (there’s a different one in Europe, etc) should always certify it. Always. And if you can’t afford a truly good diamond or if you find the history of diamonds too morally offensive then there are many really lovely alternatives… Don’t fall for the hype about diamonds.


Why I Won’t Discuss Personal Things Anymore On My Blog

Here are a few reasons I won’t be ever sharing personal matters on my blog or on Instagram again:

1. Some people get jealous – very insecure and competitive…for reasons that are both understandable and not. And, there’s no effective way to make them stop and go away (other than cloistering yourself or leaving).

2. Some people have a hard time not projecting their own prejudices and preconceived ideas into tone and intent.

3. Others don’t often actually care but are nosey and waiting for you to do something that’ll make them feel better about themselves.

4. If people do become emotionally involved it’s often to compare your life, choices, experiences, money, brains, etc. to theirs. They just want to find another way to pick themselves apart or to pick you apart to make themselves feel better.

5. Most people don’t read everything you write but skim through it and so miss important points. (I do understand that people are busy but it’s still frustrating, especially if they become irrationally angry because they misunderstood.)

6. People don’t see innocence or vulnerability unless they’re another good person or a bully. It’s not worth it to take the chances.

7. A lot of people aren’t capable of understanding things that have deep meaning, deep emotion or they lack empathy.

8. It’s often boring to other people to talk about yourself.

9. I actually like privacy but was naive enough to think if I reached out people would reach back (meaning open up and connect positively) online. Nope! Not many at all for me through blogging and not enough to make me keep going with it on Instagram anymore (Instagram has changed for the worse). Although, again, very thankfully on Instagram there was a truly positive and lovely overall community that used to and still sort of exists…

10. And again (I’m restating things here) a lot of people don’t have much humility, overestimate themselves in almost every area and will be incapable of being truly empathetic or self aware enough to handle what they’ve read. They’ll just find a way to validate their worst views of you and their highest opinions of themselves. Or they’ll just go straight to their other tendency of self-loathing and self-focus and forget you said you had problems too.

So, that’s why we can’t have nice things kids. (Like being open and “getting real” online) This will be my last personal post ever. Sorry.


So, the point of my last few personal posts (that I’ve since permanently taken down) was likely either lost on most people (save for a precious few) or they were too angry to want to understand.   And, it’s just sad to me.

I had previously enjoyed being open and sharing a lot on here and on Instagram but it seems the world is too full of selfish, emotionally immature, unstable, poorly educated and/or bitter fools to do so.  I took down a lot of personal stuff because I’ve realized it isn’t safe to be so open with people.   A lot of people just see demons and think I’m possessed where I intended the shadow of tree…and that’s all that ever was there.  Or they see someone they want to make a victim.

It should be safe though. It should be safe to embrace who you are online. People should be able to see goodness or good motives – to see someone as a unique individual and not just project their own issues on them. And, while I refuse to be intimated or bullied by the psychologically and emotionally manipulative with a chip on their shoulder, I get unbelievably tired of being misunderstood.  Perhaps some things are too complicated to easily address on a blog but in any case, something had to change.

Actually though, humorously and ironically, I’m starting to wonder if I should become an actual real snob (what I’ve been accused of). And I could. Easily.

Of course, I did call myself a snob and I can be what some people might loosely consider snobby but I shouldn’t have called myself one because I’m really not a snob.  I’ll explain what I really did mean by saying that about myself in a moment, but first I have to clarify something else.

Some people who are insecure and threatened have tried to make my gifts, blessings, abilities and heart seem lowly, non-existent or crude.  I tend to upset people who don’t genuinely like themselves and they lash out.

And, if I did become a real snob, as I was accused of being, it would have very little to do with the things a recent hater intriguingly highlighted. For example, the rings I own versus those belonging to someone else would have almost nothing to do with it (that wasn’t the point or snotty obsession of one of my posts as one of my haters suggested, and it wasn’t that hard to see that if you read the piece with honesty and without a vendetta. 😖😓). It wouldn’t have much to do with my possibly noble English ancestry and grandfather’s definitely old Southern family (My mother’s maiden name, by the way, is the one with a potential coat of arms historically associated with it, and there’s certainly a church that was built in the US because of them, and etc. and therefore it’s not fair or honest to label it some meaningless and distant thing – I’m sorry some people skim much too much, don’t understand certain things and/or assume too much.).  I could do things because of my ancestry like join the Daughters of the American Revolution (I’ve seriously considered it) or possibly have my grandfather’s family’s old coat of arms (the coat of arms attached to his actual last name) engraved on something.  Those aren’t huge things certainly but some people definitely would see them as somewhat impressive status symbols.  And for those reasons and many other related reasons pertaining to status (especially in the US) that piece of my history was relevant to a discussion of class. I could go on but I doubt it’s wise. Anyway, those aren’t the reasons why.

Potential real snobbery on my part also wouldn’t have much to do with my husband (The same hater jealously accused me of being a backward, unliberated woman because I mockingly mentioned my husband’s income, which I did mockingly because some people’s competitive ramblings and questions in the fragrance community were annoying.  But, said hater totally missed my tone or they were trolling.).  I love my husband and we’re currently happy but I’m not dependent on him for status and I could have easily made my own way in life if I hadn’t fallen in love, gotten married and then become pregnant. And that’s despite what some vicious, willfully idiotic and emotionally abusive people (mostly women) think who seem to be psychotically fixated on believing the worst of me (and likely a lot of other people too).

I was going to go into international politics or be a history professor or a lawyer. And I can convincingly and truthfully argue that I would have done one of those (or all of them at some point) had I not married Mark and become very distracted by our life together (i.e. having children). So there you go. Compete with that then (if you must 🙄) or realize you’re full of a sort of misogynistic nonsense, haters. Or do you not follow that or what I mean by it? No? Oh well, just be “confused.” 🙄

Although, let’s be even clearer just in case it’s still elusive: anyone in their right mind with an ounce of common sense would know that despite whether or not it’s good a lot of people do care about your ancestry (which is more than just English for me! 😖🙄😖  I’m proudly Scandinavian. I even have a Norwegian knighted author on one side. I love the history and culture of those countries. And I have family in Norway right now.) …and what your spouse earns and their other credentials do also matter a lot to most people when they evaluate you consciously or subconsciously. That’s just reality.

But again, me sharing those things wasn’t me being a bully or trying to lord something over people just because those things matter to a lot of people. I was stating facts about myself in light of what people judge people on and I shared the things I did because I was tired of the ridiculousness of some people and their obnoxiously fragile egos. I was trying to shut them up with reality and sarcasm.  What I shared was potentially scary to people with self-delusions about their own superiority in terms of family ancestry and their money, but sharing it coldly and factually with sarcasm is not the same thing as looking down on people or bullying them. And frankly it’s only been in the last year and a half or so that I’ve started telling people that sort of thing about myself out of frustration. I’ve been exasperated and was sometimes trying to overshare to get people to stop bothering me. It was meant to be a, “Stop trying to aggressively compete with me and impress me because I may have a lot more than you and frankly if I don’t care then why the heck do you? You’re just making a fool of yourself and being very annoying and offensive.” ☺️ …But it was maybe a little unkind and harsh in a way and it clearly didn’t work. 😂☺️

The real reason I could be a snob I think is my current birth family’s state. I’m an actual (real) heiress of at least my father’s estate as he inherited wealth that’s still growing from his parents after years of hard work on his own merit. It’s also because of how well my parents were raised, how well I was raised, and my own personal merits and accomplishments (And to reiterate, no, I don’t currently work beyond being a part-time antique dealer because I wouldn’t have to work at all and I want to raise a family the best way I know how which requires time at home. My husband and I are a team and to some degree our money belongs to both of us. Some bitter, pretentious, and jealous people who pretend to be offended feminists to steal the moral high ground need to stop imposing their truly less than sincere or enlightened choices and views on others.). …And frankly it’s also because I have innately good taste and judgement in most matters.  And I’m sorry, saying all that is abhorrent and tasteless to me (I’m not kidding – I honestly hate this). But a lot of people already know some of that about me if it’s true (or all of it if they’re close to me), and I am only stating this so bluntly and with intentional brashness because apparently some haters needed me to spell out the obvious for them.  Delusions can run deep for those who despise you and desperately want to look at you as something far beneath them…somehow. Subtlety, politeness, and common sense weren’t giving them a good idea of things apparently and neither was being too bold about matters that only seemed to “confuse” them. (Although, to note, I think a lot of people would say I could also be a cold snob because of my husband. And a few would also say that in regard to my ancestry and family’s history too.)

Truly though, my whole life people have said I had good taste, manners and a fine sense of things and the things I have now weren’t that far off in childhood (hopefully people understand what that means).  But I don’t lord anything over anyone (and I’m not a real snob). 😖🙄 I just exist. If you’ve ever felt that I have lorded something over you or snubbed you, it’s likely from me being too honest when you didn’t want to hear it (and I probably should have just walked away instead) or you misunderstood or perhaps don’t understand some things in general.  Or maybe you have low self-esteem.  But if so, that isn’t my fault or problem.  Don’t take it out on me or my family.  You know we have nothing to do with your suffering.  We don’t really know you…  Conversations, even over a period of years, don’t really amount to truly knowing someone.  Sorry.   And you don’t really know me or my family either. But I’m not sure I want a lot of people to get to know me. There are many people right now who seem to have animosity for almost everyone.

SO, when I called myself a snob what I meant was that at times I do find things wrong, tacky, or crass.  And at times I have rejected a thing or someone’s offers or actions because I find them, the idea of something or a thing itself offensive or less than positive.   But, I don’t reject actual people (as a human being) out of snobbery.  I don’t ever “look down on people” or deem things worthless (unless the thing is really evil, truly useless or dangerous).  I just don’t like everything and I have boundaries and there people who have called me a snob because of that. I was humoring them in calling myself a snob, I guess.

Although, there are times I wonder if you have to be an actual horrible snob in life in some way. It seems a lot of people can be incredibly hateful if you’re vulnerable, nice and trusting and have more than those people have in any way they’re threatened by.

Anyway, as a likely permanent non-snob, it’s sad to me that I have to end my personal posts that seemed very hopeful in regard to connecting with others, but it might be time.  The internet is changing as the world changes and unfortunately that’s not an entirely good thing right now.

Please take care.  And read that with a tone of genuine care and concern.