Keen to Cross the Pond

The Kennedys have told people psychically, for years, that Lacey is a safe target. That you can safely bully her. No problems! 100 % guarantee.

They’ve possibly been doing this… her whole life.

Why? Because they resented Tom Banks’s help. In the 20’s. You’d think they’d feel indebted to him, but they actually feel… angry. Because they’re narcissistic.

Also, it’s possible, if Lacey’s father-in-law is bisexual… that… he could have met Chris. The famous journalist, character. And…fallen for him. They’re both smart. Rich. Or something…

They’re both mostly straight. At least. Or at least, Lacey’s father-in-law is. But… Eric isn’t sure they wouldn’t have fancied each other. “Just to be crazy.” And then found that they really liked each other.

Lacey’s father-in-law: He is smart.

Chris: Lacey’s father-in-law is… capable of being… my guide. I’m smart, but I’d have appreciated his wisdom.

But that didn’t happen. And it’s basically impossible it ever will. But, that’s the profoundly stupid thing about the current Illuminati, if they exist. All this “highfalutin” witchcraft they keep doing… is just witchcraft.

*Lacey laughs*

It’s just witchcraft.

A female witch: I thought God was threatened by it?

Satan: *laughs at her*

No.

I’ve lied.

James Talarico: I like Lacey.

*he smiles*

I think God might be non-binary.

*he shrugs*

I mean, I don’t know. But, he could be? She could be?

*he laughs*

It’s A GOD.

Lacey: Do they not remember that?

Talarico: Yeah… *he says, thoughtfully*

Lacey: God reveals himself as a Father. But what actually is he? That’s extremely complicated. It’s a GOD.

*later*

A reader: Did they drive you insane?

*to Chris*

Chris: No.

*he laughs, oddly*

No.

*he looks insane, with a confused-dead expression on his face*

A reader: Why are you attacking Lacey?

Chris: *he just smiles strangely, still looking very confused, and lost*

Listen to “A Thousand Miles” by Vanessa Carlton.

Chris: They make you search…

Peggy: SSH…

*she laughs, awkwardly*

Chris: What!?! I love searching.

Another reader: HOLD ON.

They make you SEARCH!?

Search what!?!

The song ends.

Chris: Search yourself? I mean…-

Peggy: It’s fun.

Chill.

Yet another reader: Umm…-

But I’m worried they drive some people out of their minds. Accidentally or intentionally.

Lacey’s father-in-law: Who made you find me!?!

Listen to “Beverly Hills” by Weezer.

Chris: Well, in 2010? Maybe. *he shrugs*

I was being forced to confront my sexuality.

I mean, to be honest, it’s to control us. But… the whole process is actually… kinda fun.

His wife: I’m still married to him.

Yes, Lacey’s father is hot in a Jewish way. But so am I. I mean, we’re both attractive.

Chris: *looks lost and dances, quietly, in place*

His wife: I’m impressive. …Her father-in-law is more impressive. I guess.

But… I did well too.

Chris: I mean, I married you. So…-

A reader: Wait!

How rich is Lacey’s father-in-law?

Chris: About as rich as me.

A reader: *laughs at Chris*

Ahh. But…you’re younger and hotter.

Right?

You’re secretly the one in control.

Chris: *looks startled and stunned*

He has wisdom I don’t have!

A Hispanic woman: *rolls her eyes and laughs*

Chris: NO!!!

You guys, I’m completely serious.

And that’s why I-

Lem: That’s why you what!?!

Chris: *can’t talk*

A perfume collector: When did you find Lacey?

Chris: 2015?

A perfume collector: Were you scared?

Chris: Yes. To be honest.

A reader: That’s what I thought.

You were looking for him.

Now, the question is: Who and why?

Another reader: He’s your “rock”, Chris. Whoever you are. Her seemingly completely straight father-in-law felt like…safety. In your head. Way back in 2015.

Putin: It was Boris Yeltsin.

Another reader: Why!?

Putin: You know why? Or no? For my own imperialist purposes.

A perfume collector: This isn’t the beauty Lacey brought to the community, nor promised us. If we followed her…

Lem: You bypassed her, stole from her, and didn’t let her lead. What the hell did you expect!?!

A reader from the perfume collection business: We fucked-up. Lacey isn’t funny at all…

Lem: I think she has a very good sense of humor.

A reader from the perfume collection business: No. We were trying to laugh at her.

Lacey: Okay. But I don’t understand what’s so funny?

Oh right. There’s nothing?

You all seem obsessed with laughing at me.

There’s NOTHING?

Peggy: Possibly. *she winces*

Lacey: Nothing!?!

This reader: So you can’t help us?

Lacey: I’ve tried. I’ve been trying.

The Kennedys: Well then.

*one of them cries*

WELL THEN!

Lacey: What!?

The Kennedys: We can’t be the Kennedys anymore.

Putin: Why is that a problem?

Boris Yeltsin: *cracks-up laughing*

*is laughing too hard to talk*

Listen to “Jazz Suite No. 2” by Shostakovich, as performed by The City of Prague Philharmonic Orchestra.

Lacey: I think you were all supposed to care about my basic humanity. But you did not, necessarily…-

Eastern Europe: Yeah.

They’re-

Are you Eastern European at all?

Lacey: *she smiles, proud of Eastern Europe*

No. Not at all.

But, oh well.

Thanks to the racist, misogynistic, peasant Founding Fathers, America has made that…seemingly not matter.

Eastern Europe: You’re not supposed to be here. This isn’t your home.

Lacey: True.

Eastern Europe: Then how does this work?

Lacey: I’m working on it.

*Lacey sips her iced coffee*

Eastern Europe: What do you think of Eastern Europe?

Lacey: Do you want the truth?

Eastern Europe: What idiot billionaire from Eastern Europe decided to make you him? Or her? To feel like you?

God: A lot of them.

They’re all narcissistically insane. Like, actually insane.

Lacey: It’s dark.

God: They’re all also determined to make her a man. Let them steal her glory as woman. Or demand gender doesn’t exist. Because they find real love unbelievably threatening.

David: Listen to “Moonlight Sonata” by Beethoven.

Jack threw many parties. The famous JFK. Son of the great Joseph Patrick Kennedy, an Amateur. JFK, being the master. No one knows who JPK is. I mean, come on?

3:00

Jack Kennedy was a bright young man, according to some. An absolute oaf according to others. But whichever side you landed on, you hated him. Why? Because he was a god-like jackass. Well, to most of us, anyway.

To the Roosevelts he was nothing. An absolute nobody. To Tom Banks he was a sad, despondent, difficult man. And if we imagine Kay Banks, known now as Lacey, at this possible place, the party, we can imagine she’d have felt some combination of admiration and total disinterest. Why? Because she’d have respected Jack’s effort and charm, but have felt him…dull, actually. Just…another average New Money wannabe aristocrat.

Listen to “Love Is the Drug” by The Bryan Ferry Orchestra.

Lem, well, we all know Lem. Or we think we do.

And most of us know Marilyn Monroe, too.

So, let’s set the mood. Imagine you’re surrounded by about a million lights, all being shined in your face, like twinkling stars. And all you can do is focus on one person, or one object and try to be as agreeable and playful as possible, so as to look good on camera.

Listen to “Together” by The Xx.

Lem…was encouraging me to make a joke. I was going in a different direction. Lacey just took over. With this song.

Lacey: I’m not as good as him, but I don’t care. I’m sorry, Mr. Lynch.

0:44

Marilyn was… sexy.

You ARE in awe of her. Still.

1:40

Jack was a worthless asshole. But you…love him. And it’s…terrifying.

The song plays.

3:12

The song ends.

Listen to “Be My Baby” by The Ronettes.

Marilyn shook her ass. In a white sheath dress. Right in JFK’s face.

She found herself irresistible. Yes, she did.

Marilyn Monroe loved attention. And Jack, being a dumb narcissist, gave it to her. And then of course, took it away, just when she least expected it. It may actually have driven her to suicide, eventually.

But at this party… she was high. High on drugs. High on life. And high on her love for JFK.

And…being an unusually attractive woman, she was… surprisingly beautiful. Even in her… sloppy state.

Oh! Of course she was dressed. But, she was…sloppy.

Well, sloppy by their standards. In the early 1960’s.

Blond, bright, hair. Long, slender, yet round limbs. Energy radiating from her body, like a Christmas light, on a Christmas tree. …Joyful. She stood-out, and brought… happiness. Just by being there. No one ever just says that. Because she was over-sexualized. But…in truth…Marilyn Monroe was… bright, like…a star.

Lem. Lem was… Clark Kent. As a type. Bespectacled. Nerdy. But…secretly very manly.

It would make sense he’d have hit on her. Doesn’t it? That Lem would have hit on Marilyn? …Clark Kent and… the bombshell of the century. Perfect match. But no.

Listen to “How Did I Get Here” by ODESZA.

Lacey… did not… “care”.

Yes, as Mr. Lynch was about to point out, she was fresh out of a romance with Elliott Roosevelt.

Lacey’s no ugly slouch.

But, Lacey… would be pleasantly surprised that Lem preferred her anyway, regardless.

Marilyn walks in and says, “Hey, there!” to Lem. And he’s… repulsed.

Lacey walks in and says, nothing. She, instead, tries to talk to Lem about antique furniture, and then decides she wants him to be her husband. No, not like JFK, at Choate. Marilyn is the female JFK. Lacey does this, talking thing… that Jack supposedly did… but it’s entirely different. Because she falls apart. …She’s a woman.

No, not “like Marilyn”. It’s not mental-illness to be a real woman.

And actually, Marilyn fell apart like a woman for Arthur Miller, and he just fucked-up. Over and over… and over again.

Poor Arthur Miller. Poor Marilyn Monroe.

1:40

The song ends.

Actually, at the party, Marilyn was trying to get over an incredibly sexy Jewish genius. Thee Arthur Miller. Possibly the love of her life.

Arthur Miller was… attracted to women. And he tried to “drink her up”, but failed…

Anyway…-

Elliott was… entirely different.

Listen to “Stardust Melody” as performed by Hoagey Carmichael.

Elliott was…very difficult to get over. …Very difficult to replace. …Every woman he ever loved experienced it. Experiences it. He’s… tragically rare. And you genuinely miss him, because he cares. He’s an exceeding rare combination of raw, rugged manliness and true tenderness. Soft-hearted mirth, and…razor-sharp insight. Reckless bravado and… the absolute best of everything.

Listen to “Stardust” as performed by Nat King Cole.

But, Faye Emerson… seduced him. Simply-put. So, Lacey Banks, had absolutely no choice. She’s not a fool. …She’s really not.

And that’s when Lacey saw Lem. And I suppose, he saw her first? But, she’s not one to ever assume that.

The thing is…it’s not…that Elliott was a loser. It’s not that Lacey talked to Lem first, instead of just… shaking her butt in his general direction.

Apparently, according to Lem, it’s that Lacey was… his.

No, I don’t just mean, reincarnation. No. It’s not like that.

God only knows if that’s real.

No, it’s that… she was always his.

He said, somewhat confused, somewhat facetiously, somewhat seriously… that he had loved Jack Kennedy his whole life. But, that’s just it. It was somewhat facetious. …With Lacey, it was real.

Listen to “No One Knows” Queens of The Stone Age.

It’s creepy.

It SCARES YOU. …Doesn’t it?

Well… it shouldn’t.

*I roll my eyes*

Satan: Darn it.

She’s taken?

David Lynch: He’s mocking her?

4:20

Satan: No!

You try much too hard.

Listen to “The Sky Is Fallin’” by Queens of The Stone Age.

Lem became a heroin addict. In New York City. …And he was…not looking for just the bright. Nor the dark. He was looking for… God.

A real God.

Something that’s more than… all of it. …And then some.

And somehow, Lacey, is part of that for him.

Elliott Roosevelt: She’s a slut.

*he laughs*

Lacey: No. She’s not.

Elliott: I know.

Stop listening at 5:29.

The rest, is unwanted here.

David Lynch: You’re right about the end of the track. It’s just stupid.

Lacey: It’s desperate. And evil. And offensive. It hurts my feelings, artistically.

David Lynch: You’re right.

So, Marilyn is perfect.

According to you.

Actually, everyone… is hopelessly admirable, according to you.

What about you?

Lacey: I can’t see myself. How can I admire myself? In that way.

A hater: Genius! *she laughs at Lacey*

David: Except, she’s right, and that needed to be said.

You’re projecting. Lacey’s not a condescending person. You are, actually.

Lacey: You just blindly follow the crowds? Even if it’s totally illogical.

A hater: *no response*

Lacey: Anyway, David, what do you think?

David: I’m too upset.

Not with you.

*later*

Lacey, thinks… of most currently living people as her kids. And it’s totally unintentional. Totally helpless. But it happens by accident, because… of… genetics.

She feels… threatening. And so many people had a lack of discipline, growing-up. She seems like the right person to pick a fight with, to get a spanking, and feel loved.

Who does she get impressed by? Very few people.

Who are those people? Christian Saints. Martyrs. Warriors. They’re all people like that. Queen Elizabeth II impressed her, but she was a martyr, in my opinion.

Casi: So she’s not impressed by talent?

David Lynch: …It is impressive, like a warrior is impressive.

Lem: Elliott is irreplaceable to her, but I’m her everything.

Lacey: *smiles* He is.

Lem: I could do better, but… you are right. You’re also very accurate about all of it.

Let’s go to bed.