I wasn’t going to write any more personal posts, and I don’t think it’s at all likely after this one. But I have something I just have to get off my chest.
I think I know who commented the other day. I’ve analyzed it and I suspect the person who did it was commenting because they thought one or more of my posts were openly about them or perhaps secretly about them. That was certainly not the case.
It’d be funny, in a way, except for the fact that they became personally insulting and demeaning in their seeming anger and resentment. And I highly suspect that they had been wildly misunderstanding me for quite a while. Also, I’d bet most of what I say and post, other than perfume, here and and on Instagram went over their head. This person is smart and seemingly even more street smart but they didn’t seem (and still probably don’t) “get” my perspective on almost anything. We’re very different people with very different backgrounds and therefore it’s like we speak two different languages. They seem to keep thinking I’m like someone they knew or know but I’m most probably not… At all. And/or they likely believe that I’m some silly, cute, shallow, and truly dumb blond.
Good God in Heaven.
But I do have to discuss one thing: my husband. Also, his “accomplishments.”
I don’t take credit for educating him. I don’t take credit for creating him, raising him, or any credit for the hard work and many accomplishments he made on his own over the years before I married him (or started seriously dating him). And frankly, he doesn’t take credit for any of that in regard to me either. (Duh)
And I’ve done a hell of lot more with my life than I think this lady who commented realizes (because I rarely if ever have discussed it – it makes me too truly uncomfortable and I still refuse to really brag). And I will accomplish a lot… But, here’s the thing: now that Mark and I are married and building a family together (and even while dating seriously we were each other’s biggest support systems) nothing I accomplish and nothing my husband accomplishes are ever just singular and lonely prizes.
For example, until recently if my husband passed an actuarial exam it was because I pushed myself to take care of my son and tend to things without his help almost at all for months. 24/7. And if you don’t understand parenting a child because you’ve never had one don’t assume it’s remotely easy to do well. Also, there’s been the difficulty of him being grumpy, stressed-out and challenging to deal with while I am trying to keep everything running smoothly.
Oh, and then I moved to Seattle to benefit his career. And we had to stay there for at least two years, despite how much I hated it, because it was beneficial to his career. But I have never begrudged him that, especially since he had our best interests in mind as a family. It was hard though, and our marriage suffered because we were both unhappy to some degree (and we had a rough start of things emotionally in some ways anyhow).
Indeed, Mark genuinely balked at the comments made on my blog when he read them and in part because he is always quick to point out what a team we are. He truly believes that and so do I. We are still individuals with separate souls and beings of course and his labor is not my labor and vice versa, but we are one flesh and we are building something together.
Even in regard to birthing our children in the past and in the future I give him some credit. Yes, I do… He was the one supporting me and is the one supporting me the most. He tries to be there and is. And I try do the same for him… We’ve always been best friends and always will be.
And when I finish raising young children and focus more on “personal accomplishments” (as I plan to likely do) I will never for one moment not think that Mark is also to credit for the blessing of being able to do that. Again, we’re a team. But, a lot of married couples with kids feel that way and are, especially if they’re serious about making a life together beyond just a few years. (And frankly I’m sick and tired of people mocking couples who try to be positive and truly care about one another.)
But, just to further solidify my claims about making my own way if I hadn’t become serious about Mark: when I met Mark I was planning to attend school in Wales – Aberystwyth University in Aberystwyth, Wales. They had accepted me into their history program and offered a place that they were holding for me. I was going to go to school there and then live in the UK (I’m an Anglophile of course) for at least a few years if not permanently. I was very excited to go, I was just securing things financially (which was taking a while because it was overseas) when I met Mark. And I was working as a barista at a coffee shop because it was fairly simple to do so for a short time (although it was somewhat hard work and I was already tired because of my undiagnosed hypothyroidism) and it was close to home. I was fully determined to go to Wales and finish my degree there and considering the free doctors in the UK (as a college kid off my parent’s plan who was determined not to ask for their help – I thought I was just depressed) and how much I love that country I might have finished college there entirely (I was so close anyway). They might easily have properly diagnosed me with hypothyroidism. And if they didn’t correctly diagnose me, something tells me I would have pushed myself harder over there and been much more careful with my energy after trying to live a normal college life and it not working energy-wise.
But I met Mark. He knocked me off my feet. I fell madly in love with him. He was different from anyone I had ever spent much time with, although he reminded me a little of one of the first men I had ever loved (in a good way). So Wales went completely out the window… I couldn’t imagine being so far away from him. I just wanted to be around him. And frankly, he wasn’t too keen on long-distance dating. At all.
Anyway, I didn’t finish college at Messiah in Pennsylvania because I slept almost all the time. Literally. Or I drank coffee to stay awake (to lead meetings of various groups on campus I was in a leadership position in, actually have a social life, and work at the library, etc). I rarely went to class. I just was extremely tired. Truly. And they thought it was depression (because I did have serious clinical depression in high school and to some degree also in college) so they treated it like that, but actually it was my thyroid. They also thought I had ADHD for a while, and one doctor even diagnosed me with that out of exasperation, but I don’t think I did or do… I was finally diagnosed with hypothyroidism a few years ago due to pregnancy and I’m a lot less tired now, thankfully. Anyway, even though that all happened I still managed to be accepted at the University in Wales and had a lot of reason (and have) to think my plans to be a history professor, lawyer or involved in politics on some paying level (not just volunteer as I was then), would have eventually worked. I’m sure I would have found a doctor who knew I had a thyroid problem eventually (maybe in the UK even).
…I shared the ring today from the post I took down (also why I was thinking about this all today). I want to almost cry or punch something (not a living thing) at the thought that anyone could think $6,500.00 is too much for such a ring (as it was appraised by an expert jeweler for insurance purposes). That’s just sooo wrong and idiotic it’s angering. To put it in perspective, $6,500.00 is actually the average price of engagement rings in the US now and this ring is a somewhat unusual ring of great quality (truly) that has as much or more tcw (and one center .5 ct diamond) of all (real and natural, duh) diamonds and sapphires as an average engagement ring in a gorgeous, authentically vintage, platinum Art Deco setting. (It also sparkles oh so beautifully in sunlight.)
As much as you can find a “bargain” on some things, reputable jewelers rarely markup gemstones that much. In jewelry you often “get what you pay for.” And I know too much about diamonds in particular to buy something that is overpriced. I actually considered becoming a gemologist with a focus on grading diamonds for a while… And on a related note, I prefer a nearly perfect smaller diamond to one of inferior quality any day of the week. But it has to be actual quality (top cut, color and clarity)… The GIA or a similarly recognized and well regarded organization (there’s a different one in Europe, etc) should always certify it. Always. And if you can’t afford a truly good diamond or if you find the history of diamonds too morally offensive then there are many really lovely alternatives… Don’t fall for the hype about diamonds.