A reader: I’m from the perfume community, but I need to explain something.
First of all, we, those of us who followed her original account, wanted her to have a happy ending. We actually really did.
But…she didn’t. And…by 2017 it was getting depressing. …And I think, we started talking about her behind back and buying the negative stuff about her, because it was less depressing. We were emotionally invested and it was easier to just…hate her than try to make sense of it.
That’s the first thing. The second thing is that…we didn’t want to believe that she was really well-off. Because if she was that well-off…it was possible she was…never really going to be happy. And…we just felt…inferior.
She didn’t boast. She wasn’t a show-off. So…it made those of us who were…feel…dumb. Because we had the idea that she was going to be entertaining for real… Not just disappointing like most people. Like most television shows. …And…we’re completely fake.
So…it was depressing…and…we felt doubly depressed that she was real.
A reader: Is this level of wealth that overwhelmingly?
The lady in the perfume community: Yes.
We’re not a rich community. We’re liars.
To us…a $600,000.00 house is still expensive. Our posh people are worth like…$300,000.00. The ones we know about.
We lied.
I’m sure there are millionaires. But we don’t…recognize it. Not really.
Why did you have to kill Matthew? Her cousin? …You destroyed her character too. You guys are sadistic freaks!!!
The Illuminati: You mean Downtown Abbey…or the Nesheims?
A lady in the perfume community: BOTH!
The Illuminati: *Looks worried*
Dmitry: You guys are losing your minds.
The Illuminati: *Looks awkward*
Later.
A reader: So…you guys don’t care that she’s been bullied?
The perfume community: No.
A reader: WHY!?
That’s…so weird.
The perfume community: Our real leaders…hate her. And we-
There’s just a lot of people who I trust-
Just…a lot of people who actually knew her-
A reader: So you are brainwashed? By people who hate her?
The perfume community: I’m not like that. I could never be fooled. …I have much better discernment.
A reader: No. I think…what you said before was true. And I think you’re being fooled…
The perfume community: True. …But I don’t think I’ve been fooled.
A reader: No. You were.
They were extremely jealous…and they kicked her out and tried to slander her. Out of spite.
She offended them. All of them. And they have huge egos.
Kasey: Be careful! I’m sure one of them reads this and will be offended.
A reader: I don’t give a shit!
I’m so sick of those people. They’re everywhere nowadays.
Kasey: Why do you think they did that to her?
A reader: They’re mad.
It’s like what that person said, and they felt…resentment. …I think a lot of people had delusional expectations about the future, as kids. A lot of Millennials. And, I think we were all let down by the Boomers.
They’re not as wealthy or happy as they expected to be.
Lacey: That’s not a satisfying enough answer. But-
Lacey: Do you all, in the perfume community, think I’m poor?
The perfume community: No.
Lacey: Are there any caveats?
The perfume community: YES!!! Oh my god, yes!!!!
Lacey: Wow!
What are they?
The perfume community: You’re not rich. You’re technically rich. But you’re not impressive, at all.
I HATE YOU.
I’m SO SOOOOOOOOOO FUCKING SUPERIOR TO YOU! HOLY SHIT YOU’RE SHIT COMPARED TO ALMOST ALL OF US.
Lacey: Dang!
So how wealthy is the most wealthy person in the community?
The perfume community: *After some time.*
YES!
*Lacey waits*
Yes, we do.
*Lacey waits*
Ahh…$4 million net.
Lacey: I have a cousin worth $15. So…
That’s super cool.
How many of you are that wealthy?
The perfume community: That’s not your cousin!
Lacey: Nope. It is.
That’s Matt’s cousin too.
So how many of you are that wealthy?
The perfume community: About a dozen.
Lacey: Out of thousands and thousands of people?
The perfume community: Yes!
More than you have!!!
Geez!
*They laugh at her*
Lacey: Wow! So combined they’re worth $60 million. My father Tom was worth that much, or more.
The perfume community: Yeah.
Lacey: Do you comprehend what I’m saying?
The perfume community: *Thinks*
Yes!
You had a dad who was…super elite. But he’s dead now. So…who cares?
Lacey: Huh.
How much do you think the perfume community is worth, en aggregate?
The perfume community: $400,000,000.00.
Lacey: And that’s the total net worth of how many people world wide?
The perfume community: 8 million people.
Lacey: So that’s a net worth of $50?
The perfume community: *Thinks*
Lacey: If you divide $400 million by 8 million you get 50.
The perfume community: *Thinks*
You meant the whole community.
God: Those the numbers I provided.
The perfume community: *Shakes its head no*
Okay, see…I meant the popular people. On Instagram.
God: So that’s 2 million people. Now. It used to be far less. But I’m going to estimate it at about 2 million.
The perfume community: No. I mean people who have a big collection. Over 50 bottles.
God: Okay.
That’s 600,000 people.
The perfume community: Wow!
How much did Lacey-
So…-
Wow. 600,000 people!!?
God: Yes. And among those 600,000 we can whittle it down to 300,000 if we include an account with over 400 followers?
You’d be surprised by how many shy people there are. They collect bottles but they don’t post much. They seem…only vaguely interested in their gallery.
The perfume community: Let’s leave it at 600,000.
God: It was 200,000 in 2015. By the way.
The net worth is around $45 million. For all of them.
Lacey: So $75.
God: Yes.
Lacey: So there are many people with negative net worth?
God: YES! Over 40,000.
Lacey: How much is the most negative?
God: $200,000.00, not including their mortgage. Most of them are only $30,000.00 or so in the hole.
There are actually people worth more than $4 million. Whoever you’re talking to, is delusional. Or, the community as a whole, is delusional.
…Some people have a net worth of around $20 million. But they’re very quiet about it. And there’s only about two of them.
No. They’re not old money.
Listen to “Danse Macabre” by Saint-Saëns.
Lacey: So how many are 30,000 negative?
God: Five. But it all adds up.
Five are negative $30,000.00. One is negative $200,000.00. Most are negative far less. But they’re still in the hole. And it all adds up.
Lacey: How much is the oil in my family worth, at current rates?
God: $8 trillion. You have $8 trillion in the ground still.
Of course it’s in the ground, but…it’s around $8 trillion.
6:43
Lacey: So they’re weighing $45 million collectively gathered by 600,000 people…against $8 trillion!?!! IN OIL. …And they’re confident that they totally kick butt?
The song ends.
Listen to “In the Hall of the Mountain King” by Grieg.
God: Yes.
1:35
The perfume community: WE…WON!
2:18
The song ends.
Listen to “Toccata & Fugue in D Minor” by Bach.
Lacey: How did you win?
The perfume community: *Thinks*
When I stop and think about the numbers? Okay. I didn’t win.
Fine.
But when I stop and think about…the glory of the AMAZING community that’s left…doing their thing…I-
*They laugh, making-fun of Lacey*
I feel…sad. Because…we are filthy rich.
Lacey: How are you filthy rich? The numbers aren’t there.
The perfume community: Because.
The numbers…lie.
Listen to “The Power” by SNAP!.
God: How do you all figure that?
The perfume community: We have…drive.
We have…ambition.
We have…everything.
God: Then where is the money?
The perfume community: We have friends.
God: Anyone worth $8 trillion on American soil in oil?
The perfume community: No, but that’s worthless.
Lacey: How is it worthless?
The perfume community: Because it’s oil. In the ground.
If it was in a tanker? It would be worth something. But it still has to be drilled.
Lacey: Like in a ship on the Strait of Hormuz?
The perfume community: Yes.
You have the oil. Okay cool.
But none of you are in politics, like the Kennedys. All you do is ski.
Ski and…read books.
*They scoff*
You’re too nice to be impressive.
And you’re not evil enough either.
…I’m a bigger deal.
Lacey: So…you’re shaping the industry?
The perfume community: NO SHIT!
Yeah.
We have power.
I can walk into Oswald’s…in NEW YORK CITY…and I am recognized.
A man: Like Lee Harvey Oswald?
The perfume community: Yes?
A man: Isn’t that creepy?
The perfume community: No.
There are many coincidences. And they’re really just coincidences.
A man: You don’t think that’s weird though? The synchronization?
The perfume community: There is none! It’s just the same name!
A man: That’s not that common of a name, now.
Well, does Oswald’s know Lacey?
Like Lee Harvey Oswald knew JFK so well he at least appeared to have shot him?
The perfume community: No.
I mean…maybe they do?
She’s not actually that well known. Okay?
A man: But you are?
The perfume community: Yes.
I am.
We are.
The…pillars of the perfume community…are.
We can walk into any…reputable…respected perfumerie…and get damn good service.
*They laugh*
Listen to “The Power (Punch Mix)” by SNAP!.
The current perfume community struts. With a wind machine in the front. In suits. And heels. Shades. Lookin’ “fly”.
Casi: I’m HOTT!!!
*She laughs, in awe of herself*
Michelle: *Tries break dancing, but falls over on her side*
1:15
Glenn: It’s cool.
We cool.
They all straighten-up, stand tall and look…stupid…in some people’s cases…but…well organized and…well-groomed, regardless.
Jeremy: I’m in the Illuminati!!!
Hey guys, I’m in the real Illuminati!
*He waves and blows kisses, getting into a rented Bugatti.*
The Illuminati: We don’t know you.
When did we contact you!?!?
Jeremy: You called my mom.
You said, “You in the Illuminati now, boy!”
The Illuminati: I don’t recall that…
Jeremy: No. You did!
I’m sure you did!!!
*He gets in his Bugatti*
And at that he speeds off.
The perfume community claps and laughs.
A woman with extremely long hair and a strong chin: *Lifts her fists into the air to indicate victory*
Woohooo!!!!
*She looks extremely happy*
Glenn: WE KICK BUTT!!!
Listen to “Smooth Criminal” by Micheal Jackson.
Glen: MY THEME SONG!!!
The perfume community dances.
Several try to twerk. Some do so, successfully.
Casi: We did it guys!
We got rid of Lacey! After she tried to use us to be happy.
Let’s give each other a group hug.
TEAM SPIRIT!!!!
2:16
They all get together and embrace, warmly. Some high five.
3:22
Lacey stops the song.
Lacey: I was using you to be happy. Huh.
How so!?
Casi: You just…wanted friends. Like…something like friends?
EWW!
God: Why is that eww?
Casi: Because I’m not here to be loving to her.
*The perfume community nods*
Casi: I’m just living my life!
Give me a break!
God: But you didn’t have to be that loving!
Nick: Well…okay.
But…I don’t want to have to think and say something that’s actually thoughtful and nice. Not really. It’s too much work.
Especially for someone who’s never going to worship me. Dummy!
God: So it was too much to ask of you all…to just be polite and cordial?
The perfume community: *Nods*
Yes.
We have been…taken advantage of. Hoodwinked.
Because…I’m not here to make someone else happy. That’s not my job.
I’m here…to make MYSELF happy.
God: Huh.
Lacey: So…what currently makes you all happy?
The perfume community: We love each other!
None of us fight.
Lacey was the only evil person in the whole community.
So now that she’s gone? PARTY!!!
PARTAY!!!!!
*They clap hands, give high-fives and shake their butts.*
*More seriously* I’m loving a lot of new creations this fall.
Lacey: Cool!
The perfume community: Yeah.
God: How much have you all spent? Collectively?
The perfume community: *Shrug*
God: $30 million.
The perfume community: Out of 8 million people?
God: Yes!
You’ve bought a lot.
The perfume community: That’s wild.
Lacey: How much has the housing industry made this fall?
God:Billions.
The perfume community: Well.
Have fun in HELL, Lacey.
Lacey: I’m not going to Hell, Lord willing. You shouldn’t either.
The perfume community: You tricked us! You loser! You spy!!
Lacey: I was never really a spy. Certainly not in that way, regardless. I really do love perfume. And you can’t take that away from me.
The perfume community: You wanted…SEX!
Lacey: No, I did not.
The perfume community: WELL…we completely kicked your butt.
*They laugh*
Lacey: Do any of you own a manner house?
The perfume community: No.
None of us own a Bugatti either.
*They look sad*
Lacey: Are most of you not heterosexual?
The perfume community: Yes.
Lacey: Would you all like to own a real manner house?
The perfume community: No!
It’s too cheap lookin’.
I want…a chalet…in Gstaad.
*They throw their noses up in the air*
Lacey: Sounds delightful!
The perfume community: No! You don’t know about Gstaad. That’s not your idea!
I know about Gstaad. That’s ME.
I know that!!!
Lacey: You heard the entire thing on this blog.
The perfume community: OKay! FINE!!!
You lying Jewish whore!!!
Lacey: Nope.
Not me.
The perfume community: *Looks intoxicated*
It’s very simple.
Some of us have class.
Some of us…don’t.
I have class.
Lacey: What’s your favorite perfume right now?
The perfume community: *Sounding drunk*
Lulu’s Back In Town.
…Pumpkin Spice Latte.
Rose Magnitude…
Criminal Lipstick.
Tears.
YELLOW!!
*Someone cheers*
Heavy Bubblegum.
Okay?
*Looks cocky*
BODY HEAT!
*Someone else whistles*
COTTAGE WITCH.
Book Fair.
Sunset Hour Dark Peach.
Tales From Zanzibar GOLDEN Hour.
Kasey: What about Hotel Madness?
The perfume community: I haven’t heard of that one. *Sounds very impressed*
Kasey: What about Wild Strawberries…in the morning’s sunshine rays?
Theperfume community: What are the notes?
Kasey: Strawberry. Mandarin. Iris. Pink pepper. And marshmallow!
Keen to Cross the Pond 
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