Elliott: Let’s keep explaining. Because…you’ve been incredibly confused.
I go on a date with Lacey and I want sex. Of course. I’m a natural, normal, healthy, adult man. And, I find her very attractive.
Okay?
What do I do?
Well…I open the door for her. To the movie theater. And, I make sure to let her feel…tiny.
What do you do first?
A Millennial man: *thinks*
I mean…-
I open the door too. But…just to be nice.
A Millennial woman: YEAH RIGHT!
A Millennial man: Not necessarily.
*he thinks*
Umm…-
I grab her ass. Okay!?
Until I grab someone’s ass…I’m not serious. …Yes! While I’m making-out.
Elliott: Before you get to that point…do…you…touch her?
A Millennial man: Sometimes.
Why?
Elliott: Because, we always did. Always.
I mean…we made holding hands…something.
Tucker Carlson: Was the idea to get your wife interested?
Elliott: Yes! Absolutely.
Tucker Carlson: So we barely send any cues?
_a
Elliott: Yeah!
It’s very different.
You…surprised Lacey. Every single one of you. Totally took her off-guard. And it…obviously…isn’t…compatible.
She assumed she was…possibly going to be rejected. And then…you’d just…spring it on her. Out of the blue. From her perspective.
No. Her kids are fine.
But…I’ll give an example of what you did. Okay!?
So…she’s on a date. At a movie theater. And you want to make-out. Right?
A Millennial man: Yes.
Elliott: Great! Okay.
So…she’s waiting to see what happens. Because she can’t read you.
I’d be…wrapping my arm around her. Okay? You don’t.
So…-
A Millennial man: And she can read you!
Elliott: Yes.
…So…you got it in your head to kiss her? And…yet you’d not hardly touch her at all. …Until…an hour later. Sitting in your car. Talking.
And then suddenly you’d just kiss her. And decide to try to have sex.
Just like that.
Do you see the difference?
Jamie (a guy she dated): No! …I had my arm around her!
Elliott: Well…not like us.
Really.
You did…but…it was very…cold. And you never slept with her. Did you?
Jamie: True.
Elliott: You were…affectionate. But you’re an unusually sweet man. …And, I’m not talking about affection.
Jamie: What’s the difference!??
Elliott: …*thinks*
Ralph Fiennes depicts it with startling accuracy. In Schindler’s List. And what a sad moment for that to happen. But…it was…completely correct. Very historically accurate. I wonder how he did that, actually. Did he channel one of us!?
It’s not affection. Amon loves her, actually. He’s just…deeply disturbed, and evil. But…it’s not affection.
It’s…fitful. Restless. Filled with desire!
We wanted sex. It wasn’t a hobby. It wasn’t…an addiction. It wasn’t…relaxing. …Not really. It was…desire.
It’s not affection. It’s an unyielding force. And we’re desperate to contain ourselves. …And no, it’s not for show. It’s just how much- We were just like that.
So…yes. You enjoyed the movie. You had learned self-discipline. But…you didn’t stop thinking about sex. The whole time. *he shrugs* I’m just being honest.
Listen to “All Things Repeat” by Jameson Nathan Jones.
Lacey: Why were you threatening Stephen Colbert?
Taylor Swift: Because I’m not like you. I gave in.
Lacey: And you weren’t straight?
Taylor Swift: Yes.
Lacey: Why did you give-in?
Taylor Swift: I got tired.
I just got…tired.
They kept pestering me. Over and over and over.
*she shrugs*
The song ends.
Taylor: He’s not completely innocent.
He wanted to support Putin.
I don’t!
Lacey: *she smiles*
My WORD.
Taylor: Yeah!
Lacey: Was Dolly threatening you?
Taylor: Yep.
Lacey: For good reasons…or…what?
Taylor: Both.
She didn’t support Putin, if that’s what you’re talking about. No!
She…felt I was…evil. Because I lie.
Lem: She lied too…
Taylor: I think she thought I was worse.
Lacey: How?
Taylor: Because I pretend to be genuinely good and innocent. And…entirely loving. She felt she was more…honest.
Lacey: That’s both true and not…
Taylor: Yeah!
No, I’m not okay.
In case you’re wondering…
Lacey: Okay.
*later*
Lacey: Why the Jews?
Hitler: Because they were a problem in Germany.
*he sort of shrugs*
They…actually…aren’t…thee problem. …But we assume they are. Because they became a real problem for us.
Lacey: But Germans are so smart. Why wouldn’t you realize…that it’s impossible? It can’t be them.
Actually…it can’t be anyone.
It’s never about race.
Hitler: Yes.
But they were a problem.
Lacey: But why imagine that “it’s them”?
Hitler: *he thinks*
Because it’s-
*he laughs*
German men…felt…genuinely threatened by Jewish men. Yes! The men.
They took it…personally. Mythologized it. And Jews…-
*he thinks*
Jews don’t know how to relate to Germans, in that way. You are actually very German. And your father-in-law is upset by you, for that specific reason.
It’s just our way. You know? We…are…what we are.
And so…when the Nazis investigated them…they made things worse. Their explanations were dubious. The way they handled the investigations were very poor. We…grew increasingly suspicious.
But really…it was a genuine cultural misunderstanding. They didn’t know how to make the situation better, and we were determined to make them pay, if they were as evil as we thought they might be.
A Black reader: Are you trying to manifest this kind of thing against Lacey?!
The Illuminati: Yes.
Hitler: *laughs*
You’re playing her own game.
She’s German.
Look into it.
Black reader: What…happens…?
Hitler: *laughs, again*
She makes SATAN HIMSELF FALL MADLY IN WITH HER.
No joke.
He really is.
And they’re all worshipping him.
*people laugh*
Oh no. They are…trying to crucify Cleopatra for…not…being seductive…in the right way. Yes! That’s their criticism. That she’s not sexy. …And her punishment is to be nailed to a cross.
She’s alive. Putin is…reorganizing the entire world-
*he shrugs*
You should be wondering now…what’s wrong with these people.
Dimitry: That’s not what they were offended by!
Hitler: No! It is.
Do you know how many times Bobby has called her stuffy, as he’s tried to have astral sex with her, over the last ten years?
His critique is that she’s stuffy.
And of course, she declines his offers.
Chris: I didn’t realize that I channel Michael Rockefeller. Okay?
I found her sexually offensive. She’s too…het. No! She really is.
And…I just found her incredibly offensive.
*he closes his eyes, hard, purses his lips and then bats his lashes*
I’m queer.
And my wife…is…dominant.
She didn’t know any of that. …And…because I channel Micheal Rockefeller…we both made assumptions.
*he sighs, rolls his eyes, enraged, yet again*
Lacey: Why am I upsetting you…so much?
Chris: Because I feel…hurt.
You’re smarter than I am, in some ways. Okay? And you know that. And you’re not very nice about it.
I feel incredibly dumb…talking to you.
Lacey: *thinks*
Because you’re talking to me…telepathically. I’m naturally suspicious. Of every spirit.
In person, I’m a lot less…suspicious.
Chris: But this is more you.
Lacey: Yes. But that’s me too…in a way.
Chris: Okay. But why would…a man who’s as good-looking as me…find you so…sexually repulsive in person…? …I don’t get why you’re so shy? When…you’re convinced you’re not unattractive.
Lacey: *thinks*
Because I don’t think men decide who to sleep with for purely sexual reasons, anymore. If they ever did. And some do. The wealthier ones. But…most men…aren’t that simple.
Lem: I’m that simple.
Lacey: *she smiles*
I know.
Elliott: She’s right.
Men find sexy women attractive. They stare at them. They…lust after them. But they never do anything. In most cases. Nowadays, and…oftentimes, actually…because they’re…not…that…impressive.
It’s FAR too risky. So…they play by the rules. Not because they choose to…but because they have to.
And…they go around…resentful. Bitter.
She’s…very aware.
They are generally always rejecting her. Because she’s too…estrogen heavy. Her hips aren’t Millennial.
They truly look like this:
And my generation…drooled over her…before we died. Not exaggerating.
We…came on to her on numerous occasions, until we all died. And now, were obviously doing so and we’re dead…but you get my point.
*people laugh*
NO! That’s really what she’s like!
And there’s nothing she can do about it.
It’s not the same! It’s really not.
You…find her attractive. But…you just…don’t…like the whole idea of her. As a wife. As often.
Her husband is…very masculine. He seems to prefer her. But…-
Men aren’t honest about this, Chris. Because, it’s embarrassing.
A Gen. Z guy: Why are we embarrassed?
Chris: *laughs and shakes his head*
Elliott: Because!
This is me:
I’m…well…me.
*he laughs*
There were a lot of guys like me though. Tall. Masculine. …We fought in World War II. And then came home and created the Boomers.
That’s VERY different.
…You all, are just different.
I wanted this:
Yes. She’s…skinny.
That’s my wife, by the way. Or one of them.
Yes! I married that woman.
But…she’s curvy too. Even though she’s slim.
Men, back then, really wanted curves. Everywhere. Not just…boobs. Okay? Everywhere. The whole nine yards.
And we…embraced…that…about each other. Your wife looked like my wife? WOW! You’re…cool. Right? You fit in! Because that’s what we all wanted. …It was just genetics…
Now…men want this:
That’s curvy. Yes. But not like her:
My wife has sharper curves.
Yes.
It’s subtle. But it’s there.
Lacey is shaped like Fay. And…I, obviously, prefer it. …You don’t.
Is Lacey better?
*he shrugs*
Maybe? Am I better than you!?
…What’s the competition about?
But regardless, she’s different. Not objectively inferior. And so, you actually…still…find her arousing. That hasn’t changed. …And it makes women today hate her. Instinctively.
You’d hate me too.q
You’d loathe Lem.
Actually, Jack Kennedy would annoy the shit out of you. But, you don’t know that.
And because of all of that…you can’t…be…normal men, around her. And it’s incredibly bizarre.
If the tables were turned? We’d have been nicer, to be honest.
Why are you all so determined be absolute bitches to her? I mean, you’re nicer than women. For obvious reasons. But…you’re still really bitchy.
Why?
Mira: Is it just to appease us?
A Millennial man: *thinks*
I think we feel…like…she’s up to something…-
Lem: *laughs*
What would she be up to!?
A Millennial man: Well, that’s just it. We can’t tell.
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