“Chit Chat” (a comedy)

Eric: So apparently Right-Wing, Red Pill, conservative men have been trying to attack Lacey by attacking Bobby in an area where he can be triggered, in his psychology, so that he’ll attack Lacey.

The idea is to torture her and get her to finally admit that the Illuminati is powerful in a way that she’s not, because that was the point from the very beginning. They made an enormously significant spiritual “gesture”, to egotistically attack her. 

If they fail…the safety of the Illuminati, as a coven, is in peril. The fact that you’ve been hearing all of their secrets on TikTok is actually because they have been failing, slowly but surely for a decade. 

*Later*

A male Gen. X reader: Why are we attacking Elliott Roosevelt’s wife?

Listen to “In The End” by Linkin Park.

Rachel Maddow: They don’t understand…actual female liberation.

A female Gen. X reader: What??

Rachel Maddow: She’s his actual equal. In some…real way. …And…they just don’t get it. Or…perhaps…they don’t accept it, as a reality.

Listen to “Numb” by Linkin Park.

Another Gen. X male reader: I’m lost-

They actually don’t understand!?

*He looks shocked.*

Rachel Maddow: *Nods, laughs and smiles*

Another Gen. X male reader: Oh my!

*He thinks*

What do they think is happening!?!

Rachel Maddow: They think that she is stupid and backward and that she doesn’t understand anything and that she oversimplifies pretty much everything. Absolutely everything. …They think she’s a phony intellectual.

Another Male Gen. X reader: *Almost cries*

Have they experienced any real romantic love in their own lives at all?

Rachel Maddow: *Looks upset, possibly anguished, possibly disdainful.*

You tell me.

Another Male Gen. X reader: No.

Rachel Maddow: *Shrugs*

*Later.*

Pete Hegseth: SHIT!

SHIT!!!!

Iran: What’s wrong? Why is he feeling so scared?

Dubai: He’s worried about a civil war. If Lacey can understand Rachel Maddow…as a woman…why can’t Minnesota just be a part of Canada?

Putin: *Rolls his eyes*

How does this stem back to Bobby? I’m sure it does.

Pete: I don’t think I can tell you.

Putin: Why are you protecting him? Like he’s the Holy Grail.

Listen to “Skyfall” by Adele.

Bobby: Because…I am the Holy Grail.

*He’s serious*

Donald Trump Junior: Not Lacey?

Bobby: Yes.

*He’s deadly serious*

Pete: Gee.

If I had an ass and tits!?

*He walks off in a huff.*

Lacey: And if I had a man’s body?

*She cackles*

Pete: *Looks worried*

What did I just do?

God: You gave Lacey…Banks…the spiritual authority of a man. At least. Through your Satanism. She also has the same identity. So…she’s extremely powerful now.

Why did you tactically do that?

Pete: I was being a Satanist…-

*He cries*

Listen to “Apologize” by One Republic.

A Van (a comedy)

Listen to “Somebody I Used To Know” by Gotye.

The Illuminati in a minivan: Yes! There are no real lines in the universe.

Lacey: *Thinks*

Then why do razors cut?

The Illuminati: *Thinks*

3:03

The Illuminati (still all in the van): *Thinks*

The song ends.

Listen to “Magic Tree And I Let Myself Go” by Craig Armstrong.

Lacey: So?

1:00

The Illuminati: *Thinks*

1:24

The Illuminati: Umm…-

1:46

The Illuminati: *Thinks*

2:28

The Illuminati: FINE!

But what do you mean!??

3:00

Lacey: *Thinks*

3:23

Lacey: *Thinks*

3:42

Lacey: HOLD ON! I’ll think of it.

4:02

The Illuminati: Okay.

Can you get us out of this van?

4:31

Lacey: I’m not sure it’s safe.

4:50

The Illuminati: *Begins to cry.*

The song ends.

Lacey: You’ll have to just trust God, and you’ll be fine.

Listen to “Hotel Sayre” by Craig Armstrong.

The Illuminati: Who’s mad at us for lying about Scott and Zelda?

God: Me.

1:02

The Illuminati: Fine.

We don’t know what their sex life was actually like either.

God: You sold out their souls. To…something worse than Hell.

To furnish a lie. For Millennials.

The Illuminati: DAMN.

2:16

Lacey: Let’s see…there are edges. There are boundaries. There are ends. There are beginnings. …And that is why a razor cuts.

The song ends.

Listen to “You Kept my Letters” by Craig Armstrong.

The Illuminati: Okay.

Lacey: So. …I cut off.

You can’t truly destiny swap. It’s an illusion. And it can go far. But…the lines are real.

Listen to “Intro” by Insane Clown Posse.

The Illuminati: *Thinks*

No.

1:14

The Illuminati: Because, no.

1:38

The Illuminati: Everything is a circle.

The song ends.

Listen to “Hot Blooded” by New Constellations.

Lacey: No. It’s not.

There would be no circles. If everything was a circle.

The Illuminati: But it all eventually forms a circle.

Lacey: Says who? Says what?

The Illuminati: There’s a math problem that proves it.

Lacey: It has to be wrong.

Because ten minus five…is minus five.

The Illuminati: No.

It eventually forms a circle!

Lacey: No. It doesn’t.

Necessarily.

There are razors. We feel pain.

The Illuminati: But what about atoms?

Lacey: Ahh.

You can destroy them. And break them into lines. It is possible.

The song ends.

Listen to “Bound For The Floor” by Local H.

Lacey: You can make straight lines.

The Illuminati: But they disappear. Because of atoms…

Lacey: But you can split an atom.

The Illuminati: But it returns to a circle.

Lacey: No. It doesn’t.

It’s gone.

The Illuminati: It changes form.

Fine.

AI says so.

Bobby: Check again!!!

CHECK AGAIN!!!

*He loses control of himself*

CHECK AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!

It ALWAYS comes back!!! I KNOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*He screams.*

*He has to be medically sedated.*

*He goes into a sedated state, screaming “CHECK AGAIN!!’*

Lacey: *A dead woman tries to punch Lacey in the eye. Her eye stings and waters.

The woman ceases to exist. She was a narcissist, in the Greatest Generation, while alive. She was helping Bobby.*

Lem: She inspired the song by Adele.

It was absurd.

But most people are too dumb to catch it. And she knew that.

Listen to “Skyfall” by Adele again.

Lacey: So…how was this supposed to be about you and him?

Lem: He just thought it was sexy.

That’s all.

He’s not smart enough to think more deeply. So to him it was just a really sexy song. That’s all.

Lacey: Do you hear the lyrics?

Lem: YES.

Lacey: Doesn’t that bother you?

Lem: Yes.

I hear them too.

Just like you.

Lacey: *Thinks*

*Looks confused*

*Looks very confused*

WHAT THE HELL!?!!

Lem: *He thinks*

Yeah. I know.

Lacey: They can’t blow us up…

Lem: And what happens if they can’t?

Lacey: I don’t know…

The song ends.

Lord Asquith: SHIT.

*He runs off in a panic*

Bobby: *Drools and tries to demonically say something, but can’t.*

A random guy in America: Can’t we just chill…like for real? And just…let Lacey and Lem go?

Lord Asquith: They feel they can’t do that…

*Still in a panic*

A random guy in America: Do I have to go along with them?

God: As a Christian? Absolutely not.

A Christian: *Does a little victory dance*

Listen to “Bitter Sweet Symphony” by The Verve.