I think some people on various social media platforms still want me to be lying about something. At least, that’s the gist I’ve gathered over the last two weeks.
Imagine it’s 1989 and you’re at a party. Veronica is wearing a fuschia dress from the GAP. Veronica hopes people will think it’s Chanel and frankly she does look really good. Her fuchsia GAP dress is made very well. But…it’s not Chanel.
Lisa arrives at the party wearing a hot pink Chanel dress. Lisa looks fantastic too and when someone asks her what she’s wearing she says, “It’s Chanel.” Veronica is angry and mutters to Jessica (who’s also wearing GAP), “That dress is not Chanel. It’s probably from the Salvation Army!” and then scoffs and rolls her eyes. Veronica is jealous I guess, but more than that she likely thinks that it makes her dress look cheap and she was hoping for a very different perception of herself from others. It’s too bad. GAP in 1989 wasn’t Chanel but…Veronica really does look nice.
Also, Veronica is being mean and dishonest. Ha!
My dears…I haven’t lied.
I’m not a Great Gatsby type of liar (about my family or myself). I’m not playing make-believe in lies or exaggeration (about myself or my family/background). I’m also not a “Mean Girl” as someone once texted me. I’m a “nerd” if anything and that’s what I actually was in high school – one of the honors kids who was “too mature” and painfully shy around guys they had a crush on. And I’m not the one wearing a pretty dress from GAP hoping you all will think it’s Chanel. But because a lot of “the Veronicas” were a bunch of weird jerks to me for years (and it got extremely tiring) I decided to “call them out” on their GAP lies. I’m not sure it worked… *laughing* Instead I just became hated.
Really though, at this party in 1989, I’m “a (nerdy) Lisa” and I’m wearing Chanel. *shrug* Sorry. But, just so you know, your fuchsia dress really is actually lovely. Truly. My Chanel dress doesn’t diminish what you genuinely have or have accomplished even if it is the embodiment of the reality you were trying to project. Matter of fact, I’m thinking of buying the fuchsia GAP dress… It’s really that nice too. So, please, stop lying about me to yourself or others to make yourself feel better. It’s wrong.
And stop with the “holier than thou” nonsense too. Ok? *rolling my eyes* My “attack” was not unprovoked. And frankly it was also partially on behalf of those who do wear Salvation Army with self-respect and dignity. I saw a lot of you be cruel or condescending to them (probably also out of class anxiety) over the years.
I’ll repost the following from my blog before I took everything down. I posted this in March or April of 2019?
One of my good friends was reading through my blog and we were discussing our lives lately. And, she asked me, “But why did you explain so damn much about yourself and your background? I’ve read your explanation on this blog but I still don’t think I get it entirely and I bet other people don’t either.” So against my better judgment she’s encouraged me to explain a bit more. My husband thinks it’s silly to have to explain again…and I hope he’ll understand if he reads this, especially if he’s right.
*sigh and smile*
You see, and I’ve written this once if not a thousand times (for years): Bourgeois (in its old usage and not the present one used most often by younger people) crap irritates the hell out of me. And I hate when people are pushy and competitive. I don’t care how low their self esteem is or how self conscious they actually are, there’s no excuse in my mind for being condescending and arrogant to people.
And it’s especially irritating when you know that person being condescending to you has less than you do in some way. It’s like, “Who are you kidding?! You’re acting like I’m beneath you or that we’re equals financially or etc. and none of that is true.” It’s totally illogical at best. It reminds me of some horrible sales people at stores like Chanel or Louis Vuitton who act like they’re doing you a favor if they help you and then proceed to act snobby when they do. Even if they’re making a decent wage (and I hope they are) and working at a luxury store they’re still just a ding dang dong sales person. (And never mind what you’re wearing – that’s just the excuse everyone with that shopping horror story gives those rudies.)
Now, lest someone read this and think that means I think people are truly beneath me, I don’t. I think as humans we are all equally valuable. …But some people really do have more money, come from better backgrounds than others or etc.. That’s just reality. And, on that premise, I had decided to give those folks on Instagram and etc. who read my blog and are malignantly competitive – the rudies – (and who had been driving me nuts) a taste of their own medicine and simply start sharing details about my actual reality. The point was to make them angry and to make them realize that they were annoying and transparent with their constant one-ups and snide digs. I was truly trying to stand up for myself.
Now, I am in the upper middle to lower upper class. And that is obvious at this point (I have shared a lot here and on Instagram by now, after all) and you’d have to think I’m crazy and that I go to unbelievably extreme lengths, to think otherwise. I mean you might as well also think I’m a time traveling magician with a Delorean in my bedroom if you’re going to start reframing reality that much. Why not? …No, but, again, most of the people being jerks likely had less. To reiterate: It’s why I thought it would work to start sharing more about my life and myself to make the point I had hoped to make – that you shouldn’t try to be something you’re not because that’s incredibly conceited and dishonest and you shouldn’t be a jerk to seem better than others. …Unfortunately, I doubt almost anyone doing that who I had hoped to “teach a lesson to” reads my blog or if they do it’s highly unlikely my plan worked. *laughing* If anything, it made those folks worse if they do read this blog… And again (I’ve said this a million times too) the people who I would not have wanted to take what I said the wrong way did (and likely still might be upset). *rolling eyes* Although, I’ve had to let go of it all because it’s obviously too late to fix certain things at this point. And it seems people see whatever they want to see regardless.
But truly, my father really was a socialist (although he’s not now). So, think about it dears! Think about what sort of ideas were likely drilled into my head growing up. He was also an ardent feminist… And, years later, I think for myself but there are some things that will always drive me absolutely crazy because I was raised to find them offensive.
No, but as a good friend on Instagram has confirmed, it’s dangerous and silly in some ways to try to have certain personal conversations online (and especially using a blog) and I suppose “teaching people a lesson” is beyond silly no matter how tempting… I’ve learned that the hard way… Although, it is a part of our culture these days to share a lot, but perhaps foolishly so. I mean, you can’t tell what the hell someone means half the time anyway because so much can be taken out of context or subtleties lost. Of course, as a writer I find that limiting and it makes me want to try even harder to be clear but…*shrug* it really is foolish.
…I should have just stayed in my corner and let people try to pretend and be fake and catty I guess? *rolling eyes* I don’t know… Because again, the people who I wanted to piss off likely are oblivious or have decided to be even worse than they were and the people I didn’t want to offend think I’m a lying pos or a show-off now (depending on who). I guess they couldn’t figure out why I would attack them, or they had reasons but felt that they had tried to be nice? Well…I was trying to state the obvious to point out people’s arrogance, dishonesty and stupidity for those people who I felt deserved it and not for others who I didn’t want to offend (for whatever reason)…
Here’s an example of one type of individual I wanted to annoy: They might have shared on Instagram publicly or privately that they couldn’t buy new clothes after losing a ton of weight because they were so lacking in funds. And then they might have commented on one of my posts something like, “I hope you can buy this.” (in reference to something I said I was actually planning to buy and not just hoping to). “It’s so expensive. But it’s fun to dream isn’t it? I do that too sometimes.”
Then when I tried to clarify to them that I was truly planning to buy it they acted like I was lying. *sigh* And of course when I actually purchased it they seemed strangely quiet despite making a big deal about it before.
And they (and others like them) did that sort of thing so many times (over the years), even after I tried to carefully and kindly explain privately and publicly that I wasn’t lacking funds to buy certain things. It was like my words and kind attempts to be discreet meant nothing.
But of course they then became combative about every other thing I posted too, regardless if it was monetary or not. I suddenly didn’t know anything about anything and they were experts waiting to tell me I was almost always wrong.
It drove me crazy. It’s like, “Don’t try to be my friend or acquaintance if you just want a sycophant who tip toes around everything that could make you feel insecure. I actually exist and am not just a figment of your imagination.”
Oh well… But there! My dear friend who suggested I write this is reading it as I write and thinks that I truly shouldn’t have to explain any more now. Ever again.