Perfume Collecting

When I see anger from people who are in the fragrance community I’m always amazed by it. Sure I expect it now to some degree. I first noticed it in 2016 and it came to a boiling point in 2018. I deleted the account I was experiencing the most bullying with (and restarted this blog as well) but…at times it still perplexes me.

Why does it perplex me so much? Because collecting perfume isn’t a cheap hobby. It’s not like buying paintings worth hundreds of thousands (of Dollars) but it’s certainly going to cost you thousands (single digit) yearly if you take it really seriously. Why wouldn’t you expect someone to have more than most people do even in comparison to those who are already really blessed (on a world scale at least) in that sort of community?

Back in 2016 I was in denial for a while because I couldn’t believe it. When I first started posting photos to Instagram and communicating with hundreds of other perfume collectors there I assumed that a lot of them were very wealthy or at least wealthy. How could anymore afford to spend tens of thousands on perfume every year otherwise? *sigh* The rest I assumed were at least comfortable, so to speak. It took me years to realize that many people put a lot of their disposable income or more into their perfume hobby. Now, I’m not judging doing that but it’s just not what I had initially thought.

Actually, I’m really not judging. I understand having passion… I just don’t know why there aren’t more people who see what I see in the online fragrance community. (yes that’s how it refers to itself – #fragfamily #fragcomm etc.) And there’s a huge difference between caring about fragrance as art (or even having an addiction for some) versus obsessively competing… It’s ridiculous and sick to spend $10,000 a year on perfume if you can’t afford it to begin with to seem “better” than someone else who also can’t afford the $1000 they spend. Right? Right.

Anyway, I’m starting to truly just be “over it” in a way. So if you’re still reading this from my old account…and we’re not in contact anymore…ok. *shrug*

…No, I’m going to buy En Passant (or Gentle Fluidity?), two vintage Guerlains and I’ll likely be done collecting for a while unless I find a gem. Not just for the year. Only the rare purchase. It’s too depressing to really try to keep up (meaning be aware of what’s new to debut/is being noticed and interact with people as much as I’d like to) because it’s an endless, disturbing competition (at least now) and not about real appreciation.

Conundrum, A Public Personal Rant

Should we buy one very large house in one of the nicest neighborhoods or should we keep our house, remodel it a little and add one nice lake house with about the same value as our current house give a hundred thousand or two more? It’s a decision we’ll have to make in the near future. With the changing environment some property is becoming more desirable…

Why am I posing that question here? Because I’m exasperated. Truly. Beyond exasperated. And again: no, I’m not stupid. Quite the opposite unfortunately, apparently.

Actually, I don’t expect most people reading this to care or empathize almost at all. (Not that I’m happy about that.) Matter-of-fact I expect a lot of people to be total assholes about what they read in this post because that’s how people have been about this sort of thing for about a decade now. Noticeably anyway. But, in fact, it’s why I’m posing the question publicly.

My ex-husband comes from some wealth and has a brilliant mind and a first-rate education and a successful career. I’m from somewhat old money and am a stay-at-home-mom. I’ve inherited some and will inherit more. Hopefully I’ll finally publish a book (I’ve written and am editing) in the next year or two. We give. We care. We take the world around us very seriously. I have a concern for homeless people in particular. It’s not something I’ve talked about anywhere publicly because one isn’t supposed to, but I feel the need to because people have been obnoxious again lately. They see what we have somewhere and in today’s “give-me-give-me-give-me what I want now” culture too many people get rabid and narcissistic and jealous and if you share any tiny teeny thing that threatens a hair on their bloody head they burst. They start railing passively or openly against people who are more blessed than them who “give a shit” (because they’ll care) and it’s not particularly helpful to anyone including themselves but I guess it’s hard for them not to at times. ? (I’m sorry if I’m lacking eloquence today.)

Are we billionaires? No. Do both of our families donate a lot of resources to actually help people in need and further medical progress and fund the arts and help build communities and clean the environment and protect the constitution and end human trafficking and advance human rights (to name a few causes)? Yes. Not as much as some (genuinely) extremely wealthy families do but we/they do give. A lot. We’re not careless, trashy jack-assess dear haters. Sorry. *smile* And in narcissism when haters read that as an attack against them here’s a reminder: your self-hate and/or projection issues are not my problem.

…But what is it people are truly irritated by? (If you’re reading this and haven’t attacked me somehow then great – thank you.) …Is it just their toxic, competitive, deceptive narcissism manifesting or is it something more? I know it’s something more. I know society is fraying. I can see it…

The gulf between the “haves” and the “have nots” is growing. Environmental concerns dovetail and exacerbate. It’s been happening slowing, building, fraying for a few decades as the US falters awkwardly on the world stage. I wrote about it (badly) in my last year of college as a politics major (yes that was the silly technical name for my major instead of political science where I attended).

There are so many people who are super millionaires or billionaires who have more than us. People who buy in real excess. People who use people. People who don’t use people but have a lot more than we do. People who have marginally more. I get confused. Where’s all the vitriol for them? Would it be better to cloister myself and/or be less honest? Be truly snobby? Did my parent’s naïveté and/or idealism and/or privilege give them too much false hope? Should I be compassionate but more unreachable? Different than how I was raised? Seriously… Would that make more sense to people? *rolling eyes” I’m certainly less friendly and open than I’d like to be already.

The “middle-class” worldwide is being torn apart by seismic ruptures pulling at and displacing people. Some land well quickly and they can see it all at once and others take time to realize their good fortune. Some find that they aren’t as stable or fortunate as they had been led to believe at some point either growing-up or otherwise. The latter group is rightfully enraged. And among them are both people who fight well and those who make things worse. Among the “lucky” are fools who don’t realize their blessings in terms of responsibility and those who do.

Where are you? Or did you know you had it rough and that would not likely change? Perhaps you knew you were likely to always be more blessed than most? Or are you part of the torn, tearing, miserable “middle-class”?