The Illuminati: Come to find out a lot of women who dated Mark are closeted bisexuals. And they dated him and pretended to be trapped by him because they were hiding their homosexuality. They attacked her when she was first dating Mark not just because she was winning but because she was tough and smart. It completely confused and intimidated them. That had an ego problem with Lacey to begin with and that made it worse.
Lacey was expecting them to grow-up. Just “get over it”. And maybe some did. But…apparently not all of them.
*Later*
Lacey: Alright. Lem was straight.
Listen to “Doin’ What Comes Naturally” as performed by Freddy Martin.
Listen to “Sabre Dance Boogie” as performed by Freddy Martin.
Listen “On a Slow Boat to China” as performed by Freddy Martin.
Bobby: If there was reincarnation, I want Brad Pitt to know that I am going to destroy him.
Brad Pitt: *To everyone else* I’m fine. *He says with a smile*
Listen to “The Hut-Sut Song (A Swedish Serenade)” as performed by Freddy Martin.
A reader: Is Micheal Kearns okay!?
God: He may have died in a place of some personal darkness psychologically and that is between me and Michael. That is between Michael and me. I’m not worried.
Listen to “Bumble Boogie” as performed by Freddy Martin.
Listen to “Laura” as performed by Freddy Martin.
Franny: Lacey was in love with her cousin. They were in love.
Casi: *Laughing*
They weren’t really cousins.
*Later*
Joseph, father of Jesus: Why are you dating her?
Lacey: Why am I? Or why is he?
Joseph: You.
Lacey: I’d rather not. I’d rather just be with Lem.
But…I’m trying to get over her.
Joseph: You’re trying to get over her!??
Lacey: Yes.
I’m trying to get rid of her.
Listen to “Doin’ What Comes Naturally” as performed by Freddy Martin.
Joseph: I’m not…such a perfect person.
Why would you have to get rid of her?
Lacey: Well…I’m not exactly sure. But possibly…she’s still attached.
Joseph: And you assume that if you get over her, she’ll get over you?
Lacey: I think if I’m thinking like a man somehow even intuitively yes if I’m completely over her somehow she’ll lose interest and realize that her husband‘s really who she’s interested in?
Joseph: Does her husband wanna be friends with you?
Listen to “Sabre Dance Boogie” by Freddy Martin.
Lacey: Like just as an actual friend?
Joseph: Yes.
Lacey: There is that possibility and yeah, he’s fun. We go golfing together.
The song ends.
Joseph: Do you know that you repulsed her slightly or is that not what happened?
Lacey: I don’t think I repulsed her. I might have, but I don’t think so. I think it’s more that I found her lacking, even if there’s nothing really wrong with her.
Listen to “How Soon Is Now” by The Smiths.
Joseph: Does Jesus find you lacking?
Lacey: YES. Absolutely. But I don’t think he’s aware of that, cause he’s “a really nice guy”.
*she rolls her eyes*
*a moment later*
Cloris Leachman: I used to bleach my hair in the 70s. Her mother did bleach her hair… *she says, to someone wondering*
The song ends.
Lacey: She’s talking about Margy. Margy had dark hair.
Joseph: Somebody was trying to figure something out about Lacey‘s personality. She is right. That is the part of Jesus that we didn’t really parent because we weren’t sophisticated enough intellectually to understand that he was being rude. 
Lacey, I don’t understand why you would enjoy that process?
Lacey: If that’s me as a man it’s because I’m… processing the sought that I picked this person and totally screwed-up.
That is a very wealthy man and his son is a little bit spoiled. I’m sure that he’s going to a nice restaurant and that he has millions he could spend potentially at the drop of a hat, but he never would. Because he’s smart and he has very good friends and he’s very well connected and he’s very integrated into a healthy community because he’s a man and he was able to find that for himself. And he’s a Boomer. And so he is going out probably smelling really good to another Boomer and looking good and he just is a very competent man. And he knows a lot. He can find dates but he messed-up and he enjoys the fact that he messed-up.
He enjoys the fact that he made a mistake with Sharon. I think it was? Because she was an interesting person, but really he’s enjoying if it’s me and not someone just like me because there could be people who are similar to me who are slightly different, but if it was actually me? I would be enjoying my own mistake.
Because I’m very competent. And sometimes it’s nice to just recognize your own flaws to try to sort of take control of your own self and own your own being and own your own self and just enjoy all the dimensions of who you are. So it’s like well I made a mistake? And I am a traveler on this road and I am on my journey as myself in this world and I am my own company 24 seven. And I like myself because I’m interconnected with my family and I’m interconnected with God and I am able to love myself and I am able to process that I am a complicated human and I have flaws.
Joseph:
*later*
Lacey’s neighbor: Is your daughter‘s hair like Margy’s?
Tom: Lacey‘s hair looks like mine and her daughter and son, look like Lem and Margie in their-in their hair.
Lacey’s neighbor: So her son is tall because of Lem?
Bobby: Why am I not more like David? David was more Dutch than I am and I think that’s actually something that I’m jealous of.
Lem: OK so Jesus was immaculately conceived. Have you ever wondered how that happened? I can explain and I think you know what I’m trying to say about Lacey‘s kids. Mark is their dad. They were not immaculately conceived.
Cloris: *nods and smiles*
Joseph: Mary did not have sex with Jesus. Mary did not have sex with God.
Mary did have sex with me. I’m not sure everyone understands that Mary, within the bounds of marriage, did have sex with me. 
Listen to “Pyramid Song” by Radiohead.
Lacey: Were you a shit husband or-or what? What the fuck are you trying to say?
1:18
Joseph: No, Lacey I’m not saying that- *he laughs*
I’m trying to say that she was my wife.
2:04
Lacey: That’s wonderful.
2:38
Joseph:
Casi: Bobby, this really is just all about you isn’t it right now? You have the whole world in your head, trying to babysit you.
Joseph: In his defense, there are actually a lot of Muslims right now in Europe, who are being evil.
Thank you, Lacey for telling me that I have a wonderful wife.
Lacey: Do you know that about her?
3:33
Joseph: Are you? Are you trying to reassure me?
4:02
Lacey: Well you’re happy in your marriage. It’s going well?
The song ends.
Joseph: Yes, we have our problems. But no, we’re actually very happy.
Lacey: Joseph, what is your problem?
Listen to “Desert Rose” by Sting.
4:30
A perfume community member: Do you have the hots for Scotia?
The song ends.
Joseph: No. That’s not a stupid question necessarily at all, but no. 
I see why you won’t think that.
I think it’s that I’m part of Jesus‘s problem Lacey. I was his adopted dad. He was still immaculately conceived, and he had no sin. But he learned some of his humanity for me. I was a very good man and I don’t think I did wrong by him. But he did learn some of his mannerisms and traits from me. And he was not sinful, but I am part of how he was tempted and how he had a truly human experience. By tempted, I don’t necessarily mean sex. I just mean tempted to be too angry at times at people or tempted to be cruel.
Lacey: So I’m tempting you to be cruel because you’re a bitch?
Joseph: *Laughs*
That’s an interesting word to use.
Lacey: Yes it is. I picked it just for you.
Joseph: You think I’m being effeminate?
Lacey: I wonder if you are. I can’t tell what’s going on. I can’t read your brain. Why don’t you explain yourself more? You’re just a ball of mysteries, huh?
Joseph: *laughs*
Lacey, I don’t think you understand the plight of the poor. 
Lacey: They have a plight? As far as I can see they’re not going anywhere.
Joseph: *smiles* OK you’re right.
Lacey: No, I think they’re better off dead, except they can contribute to society sometimes and other times they can be very happy or I suppose both. There’s something to their life, they’re human, but it’s an absolute shit existence. Until they’re dead, of course.
Casi: It’s not that bad.
Lacey: Are you sure?
Casi: *Looks confused*
Lacey’s neighbor: It’s not that bad.
Lacey: I don’t think so…- *she laughs*
Casi: No! You’re thinking of…extreme poverty.
*She laughs*
Lacey: I can’t quite believe that. But okay?
Lacey’s neighbor: No. Some poor people aren’t that bad off!
Lacey: *Thinks*
And at that Bobby transforms himself into an Irishman. Completely. Because he attacks a young boy who was starving to death in the Netherlands in World War II.
He used to attack David and David committed suicide in 1984. 
Lacey: *Thinks*
Lacey sees an unfamiliar ghost flying across her hallway in a hurry. They appear to be very busy.
God: Bobby now has two fathers and Ethel. He’s demanding other people cease to exist or he doesn’t care, so he is now very precarious as Bobby Kennedy Junior. He has two Irish dads. One is Bobby and one is a very rich, very busy Irish man from the 1930’s.
A woman in America in her 40’s: So…it’s Lem? *she whispers*
*then laughs*
Joseph: *weeps*
God: No. You don’t actually have that much insight in this situation, I’m sorry.
No, it’s a rich businessman from Dublin. He died in the 1980’s. Yes. But…he was born in 1899. Yes. 1899.
Bobby: My dad is a fagot!?
Ethel: Bobby…what exactly do you want from humanity? *She says in exasperation*
A gay man: BOBBY! Your dad is a rich…man? In DUBLIN!??
Why are you so upset!?!
Bobby: He’s probably ugly. And he’s Irish not British or Dutch.
A gay man: Why did you attack David? If you want David to be your brother?
Bobby: I don’t want any of this shit!!
I want-
*he screams and storms off*
*people have varying reactions*
Joseph: I was trying to talk with Lacey about the poor. Can we do that!?
A man named Mike: *nods his head*
Joseph: Some of them aren’t that bad off. Okay? And…because of that…-
*he thinks*
I don’t think you understand, Lacey. I don’t think you have any reference.
Lacey: I don’t.
I guess?
So…what’s that all about?
Joseph: It’s not the same thing as…the suffering poor. You may know the life of the suffering poor better than I do.
Jesus: *weeps*
Joseph: But…they’re all…poor…
Lacey: How?
Joseph: So on your vacation to Duluth? In 2018? Where did you stay? A nice hotel? Yes. And you had room service. …They had The Days Inn eggs. At best. And…they ate chewing-gum as a snack.
They drive a nice van. The Days Inn was clean…enough. They had a great time! REALLY. …Good music there and back. Smooth driving. And okay, they did stop at a cool restaurant on the way there. Just to kick-off the vacation. But…they certainly aren’t…living like you.
Lacey: *Thinks*
What do you want me to do about it?
Joseph: You can’t do anything.
Lacey: *Looks annoyed*
*Looks angry*
Joseph: You can’t do anything!
Lacey: *looks incredibly angry*
Well…-
Why…are they nailing ME to Jesus’s cross!? I’m back in Egypt, minding my own damn business.
A dead writer: We assumed…Egypt was where it’s at. We heard a lot of bad stories about the Egyptians.
Joseph: Indeed.
You weren’t all pure evil.
Scotia…or Scotia’s interpretation…do you even know what they want?!?
Lacey: NO! And they refuse to tell me!
Joseph: Yeah!
What’s your instinct to give them?
Lacey: A gift-certificate to…Grandma’s. A good rental car. A…spa and massage at Fitger’s. And…$300.
Joseph: If you were to give them one of those things they would think you were a genius. But the combination of all those things doesn’t make any sense to them and then they get angry at you and start thinking you’re a terrible person.
Do you understand why?
Lacey: No.
Joseph: Okay. They want…five nights…at Fitger’s.
Lacey: Do they actually want that!?
Don’t they hate Fitger’s?
Joseph: Is that what they told you when you stayed there?
Lacey: Yes.
Joesph: *Thinks*
They have told you that so they have to live with the consequences of telling you that. There is a billionaire who is informing me that-
I don’t think that they understood that they were snubbing themselves.
Lacey: And that’s why I kept trying to explain and prove that I was actually from an old money family.
Joseph: And that’s where there are certain people in Europe and elsewhere, in the perfume community, who really screwed over the whole world.
Because a lot of these impressions that she has come from the perfume community.
They were too arrogant and vain to accept that she has better taste than them. Full stop.
She had better taste than anybody in the whole community who’s ever been there, and they couldn’t handle it. Nobody was arrogant enough to find a way to use it, or stupid enough to not notice and not care, or kind enough to just accept it, or mature enough to understand that that’s just the way the world actually works and they have to accept it and grow-up and handle the fact that they’re not Old Money and never have been.
I don’t think Dimitri could handle that. He was never Old Money. …Because he’s told himself that he’s secretly Old Money to cope with being snubbed by his rich friends.
So…they fell apart.
They’ve been snubbed. They’ve been misunderstood. And they’re not necessarily strong people, and they couldn’t handle the fact that she was actually superior to them. And so they went around telling her a bunch of lies. A bunch of lies about everything that she posted, instead of accepting that they were looking at something that was inspirational to them, that they could never attain or something that was inspirational to them that they could attain…but they just didn’t know to attain…because they didn’t have a good background. Or something that they could attain, but that they were choosing not to…because they had a bad background.
*Later*
Joseph: So!
Micheal Kearns was mostly gay. As in, almost entirely gay. And he chose to identify as that. For…many reasons. He…did fall for women. On rare, rare occasions. Like…once. But…that’s why he identified, “openly” as gay.
Men were sneaky about homosexuality in the past. Now…they’re sneaky about heterosexuality. Men…are like that.
Lacey…that’s the problem. These people are…very sneaky.
Lacey: Why do I have to deal with that!?
It’s SO loud and in my face!?
Satan: Because they outsmarted themselves, in relation to you. I made sure of it.
Damn! I wish I could- *he lusts after her*
She looks GOOD right now. Tight sweater, tight pants. Gorgeous hair and makeup. SCOTIA. *he laughs*
*he exhales*
Anyway…I made sure of it.
Adam (from the Garden of Eden): What perfume is she wearing?
Satan: *he laughs*
What do you think?
Adam: I mean perfume.
Satan: What do you think?
Adam: *Looks nervous*
Satan: I’m not sure I want to tell you. What will you do with that information?
It’s a GOOD combination.
Listen to “Walkin’ On The Sun” by Smash Mouth.
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