(For entertainment purposes only)
Bobby: I had an inside joke with Grace. We were having fun making a list of all the things you need to do… to… win my heart.
*he laughs in disgust*
And then someone who blames me for the Midterm election results… shared that joke… with a group of losers.
A reader: We didn’t get the whole list.
Bobby: No!
What did you get?
A reader: You like when women smoke and tan.
Bobby: *thinks*
Those are the ones I’d want you to hear.
*thinks*
Another reader: Why are you in such trouble, bud?
Bobby: Because I keep stalking Lacey. And I bring in world leaders to help me. Psychically.
This morning I was talking with Bibi Netanyahu and I used him to astral project and harass her. …People feel bad for me.
Another reader: Why?
Bobby: Because! I’m just a young man.
*he laughs*
I’m just a young man, still making my way in the world. And…I’m hurting. I got all messed-up when my father was shot. Made me go crazy. And… I’ve never been the same since.
Another reader: Umm…-
So… you’re not actually a young man anymore.
Bobby: Not physically. But my spirit guides have kept me young.
*he laughs*
It’s metaphysical.
I’m not… young… you’re right. But, I’m young.
Another reader: How did your spirit guides do this?
Bobby: They’re gods.
They can control everything.
Another reader: Wait… how did they become your spirit guides?
Bobby: My dad is Robert F. Kennedy.
And… my uncle is JFK.
Another reader: Oh wow.
So… that’s how.
Bobby: Yes.
It’s because we’re American.
*he laughs at this person*
Ever heard of America?
Listen to “Purple Rain” by Prince.
They love this song.
Bobby: They’re all faggots. Purple Rain is about a man’s sperm. And a woman’s cum. In homosexual sex.
It’s like the body is raining. And it’s colored purple.
Another reader: But it’s not actually purple.
Bobby: No. I know.
Another reader: I mean, that is the idea though.
Bobby: *he laughs, awkwardly*
Another reader: Why is it weird for two adults to talk about what that song is actually about?
Bobby: Because!
*he laughs*
It’s SEX. Yikes.
*he laughs*
Another reader: That’s sad.
I feel like we’re all just dumb.
Bobby: *thinks*
Another reader: I mean, most adults have consensual sex. It’s healthy.
Bobby: *thinks*
Yeah. But what if it’s none of your business?
Another reader: You’re right. It is none of my business!
Bobby: *scoffs*
Then why are we even talking about it?!
You all need to learn manners.
Another reader: Who’s us?
Bobby: People… like you… who want to confront me. Me, and other people in power.
You all are losers.
I’m allowed to have promiscuous sex. It’s allowed.
I can be a dick.
I can be a jerk.
I can do… whatever the hell I wanna do.
Another reader: Wow!
That’s cool, man.
Bobby: Don’t mock me!!!
*he sends demons to mess with Lacey’s morning school drop-off*
I GOT THE POWER OF SATAN.
Mmkay!?
HE FUCKS MY ASS.
Yet another reader: He fucks all of you?
Bobby: *laughs at them*
Joe Kennedy, Bobby’s brother: You’re all dumb, huh?
YES! Of course Satan fucks us all.
He can. He’s SATAN.
He’s allowed.
Listen to “Genius Of Love” by Tom Tom Club.
Yet another reader: Wow!
So none of you get jealous?
Joe, brother of Bobby: *laughs at them*
Yeah, whatever.
Yet another reader: Oh come on!
You-
Bobby: SHUT-UP!!!
You SHUT-UP!!!
I can hear you. But you can’t hear me.
Okay?
*he laughs at them*
Did you fuck Satan? No? Huh. I wonder why?
BECAUSE, COMPARED TO ME, YOU’RE UGLY!!!
Yet another reader: Actually… I’m still worried he’s just using you.
Bobby: *thinks*
Joe, brother of Bobby: No. He’s not using us.
*he almost looks hurt*
We’re all really rich. Or at least, really powerful.
It’s not possible.
I don’t want to have sex with some ugly entity. But he does that… to be kind. Because I’m elite.
And then… we get the money and the power anyway.
Because we’re not losers, like all of you.
Bobby: Yes.
YAS!!!
Thank you.
Another reader: You guys are deconstructing… Satanism.
It’s painful.
Understanding…
Joe, brother of Bobby: *looks dumbfounded*
No!
I’m not talking to this man.
*he fumes*
Take him away!
He’s a loser!
Bobby: *nods*
Yup.
LOSER!!!!
Chris Dodds: I actually liked Bobby.
Yet another reader: Like when he took his shirt off?
Chris Dodds: *laughs*
I’m happily married to a woman.
Nice try.
Bobby: We’re all bored.
This is a boring conversation. And you’re all going to hate Lacey and love me, and my family, when I snap my fingers.
*he snaps his fingers*
Eric: We were not supposed to hear that.
They do curse her, and me now too, every day.
Bobby: I can’t leave her alone.
Eric: It’s Lem. Huh?
Joe, brother of Bobby: Yeah, whatever. I’m fine.
We just have to get through this.
Ted Turner: You are the problem, Joe. YOU are THE PROBLEM. All of you.
It’s never going to go away. Because you are the problem.
Bobby: I’m allowed to be a dick.
I’m ALLOWED.
I’M ALLOWED!!!! *he screams*
God: I keep telling him to stop. He’s yelling at me. He often yells at me. That whole family is profoundly disrespectful of me. They have been for decades.
Joe, brother of Bobby: I have to be honest. We’re kicking her ass!!!
She’s just too evil to admit it.
Bobby: *nods*
The CIA: You’re constantly sadistically harassing her. Conjuring demons to inspire people to attack her. Because if you contact her… it’s an admission that you’re all pathetic losers. Who just want to attack innocent US citizens who offend you. You’re all naturally ugly, poor, fake people. Ugly, short, gross losers who stole power from the American people.
Talentless hacks who got lucky because you’re all complicit in a robbery of the American people.
Bobby: *starts shaking his penis*
The CIA: Are you in crisis mode?
Joe, brother of Bobby: Nevermind!
We shake our dicks to attract POWERFUL sexual predators in the ether, who assist us.
Sexual ENTITIES.
The CIA: You all shake your genitalia to attract sexual entities?
Bobby: YES!
An actress: It works.
You just literally shake your crotch.
You just shake your crotch!
A reader: That’s not in Eyes Wide Shut.
*later*
Bobby: Putin told me not to keep bothering Lacey and Lem. But I can’t.
I can’t stop!!!
Cheryl: Try!
Bobby: I can’t.
A reader: So you’re so used to getting your way, you’re throwing a tantrum? And obsessively stalking them?
Bobby: That’s what they say.
A reader: So… you actually literally shake your dicks?
Joe, brother of Bobby: Yup.
It’s witchcraft. Did you expect it to be… glamorous?
*he laughs*
A reader: What does the shaking do?
Joe, brother of Bobby: It’s African.
It’s our physical power. In connection with the land. As spiritual beings.
We shake our genitalia… and… it’s like… attractive to… more powerful spiritual beings.
Casi: –
Jim: Are you all being molested? By demonic entities?
Joe, brother of Bobby: Who cares if we are?! I’m just interested in winning.
Jim: That’s a defilement of your being.
Joe, brother of Bobby: Fine.
*he laughs*
I know, over the years, that we’ve benefited.
Yet another reader: I don’t know about that.
A lot of you have died.
Joe, brother of Bobby: Nah! That’s just our family.
Yet another reader: Okay. But… you all are the leaders?
Joe, brother of Bobby: Huh.
Yet another reader: Do you all feel safe? After you do that?
An actress: Actually, yes.
Yet another reader: So… when are we going to fix Global Warming?
An actress: We’re working on it.
Yet another reader: Huh.
I don’t think we are…
An actress: No. We are.
Yet another reader: Not really.
I think you’re all extremely delusional about Lacey. And Lem, obviously.
And I think you have severe mental health issues, most of you.
And…- I don’t think you all understand what’s going on, spiritually.
You’re not conjuring gods who are hooking-up with you. You’re conjuring demons who are attacking you .
Ruth: No.
They’re easily conjuring gods. Easily.
Another reader: Are you from Lacey’s past?
Ruth: I hate her. Yes.
Bill: You actually hated her?
Ruth: Fuck yes.
She irritated the hell out of me. Why do you think I was so painfully condescending to her? Constantly.
Casi: Except so was I.
I’m poor and white. And a closeted bisexual.
Are you?
Ruth: Yes.
Joe, brother of Bobby: Just go with it.
These are the deities we conjured, just now. Helping us.
Yet another reader: How is this helpful?
Joe, brother of Bobby: Because! It just is.
I mean, I feel better.
And she’s eating candy. And she’s on a diet. So…-
*he shrugs*
Ruth: Wait. Lacey’s eating candy?!?
Joe, brother of Bobby: YES!
And she’s such a weakling. I’m sure she’s losing her shit right now.
*he laughs at her*
Ruth: Because she’s on a diet!?
Joe, brother of Bobby: YES.
She’s had like… a mini Sourpatch Kids. And three singles.
Those are useless calories.
Ruth: And she’s eating what else?
Joe, brother of Bobby: Homemade bean soup. And roasted chicken with carrots and potatoes.
That’s her plan.
Ruth: *controls her snickering*
Casi: *nods, assuming she’s laughing with Ruth at Lacey*
Harry: You know, once you come out of the closet you hate people like Lem and Lacey a lot less.
Did Jack… trick Lem… into ruining his life… because he hated him?
God: Yes. In part.
Yes, basically.
Ruth: Who’s shaking their ass right now? I’m losing interest in holding you all accountable?
The Illuminati: A group of models.
Ruth: I really think you’re just attracting demons.
God: That’s true.
Lacey: Well, I’m off to eat breakfast.
I genuinely need to eat breakfast.
