Imaginary

Lacey grew-up in an apartment because her parents were going to be Christian missionaries. Her father had attended and graduated from a missionary college and her mother had plans to attend there but decided against it. But they’d spent years pursuing that aim and still had that mentality somewhat afterward.

Also, her mother had an art degree and her father had a degree in sociology/anthropology. And they never did much of anything lucrative with their university degrees.

They got stuck making what would today be about $80,000 for their small family of three people. With both parents working.

“But someone making $80,000.00 in 2022 could easily afford a $300,000.00 house!” someone protests.

“Yes! But her parents donated about $1,400 a month to charities and their church. Or about $17,000.00 a year.” says another ghost.

“So they could have purchased a home but choose to donate money instead.” says someone else.

“But a $300,000.00 house is middle-class.” protests someone.

“Yes! But they weren’t doing well based on their life choices. Remember? You just heard that.” says another person.

“Fine! But if they were in the upper-class why didn’t they have a trust fund?” protests a man who is wealthy but socio-economically lower middle-class.

“Having a trust fund isn’t the benchmark for being in the upper-class. Inherited wealth is a better indicator. And they did inherit money.” explains a CPA.

“What’s the difference between a trust fund and inherited wealth?” asks a hater.

“A trust fund is generally experienced during one’s adulthood. An inheritance is something you wait to receive.” says Lacey. “If I’m not mistaken. And making a trust fund versus an inheritance the deciding factor could work in certain situations to differentiate between upper-class and upper middle-class but not well enough. It’s too arbitrary really though.” says Lacey.

“Okay! How much did your parents inherit?” a hater asks Lacey.

“They’re still inheriting it. It’s an investment. Initially it was just $20,000.00 in the early 2000’s, today $32,000.00. But it’s now about $3,000,000 or so. They’re still inheriting it.” says a ghost.

“300,000.00?” says a hater, impressed.

“No! $3,000,000.00.” says another hater. We’ll call her hater a.

“So the oil was like winning the lottery? I bet they’re drunk and stupid by now.” says a hater. “You know what happens when white trash wins the lottery.” We’ll call this person hater b.

“Nah! They weren’t white trash.” says hater c. “But I think you have to have billions to be upper-class. I think no billionaire is lower middle-class in any way. The complicated stuff I can’t intellectually grasp is nonsense because I say it is. Why would they make it complicated. They’re smarter than that.”

“Wait! You think they’d make the matrix more easy to understand? So like…science is shit. And everything is easy to comprehend? Like…if we can’t grasp it in five minutes of our time it’s impossible?” asks hater d.

“Yes! I think all that science crap is a lie. Like molecules? Yeah right. And atoms? Whatever! If I can’t understand it it doesn’t exist.” says hater c.

“Hey! Guess how much I think her family has made the oil companies who control the matrix? $4 billion.” says hater e.

“Her family has made the oil companies $4 billion from letting Michael Rockefeller have sex with Lacey?” asks hater c.

“You think Michael Rockefeller paid $4 billion to have supernatural sex with Lacey?!” asks hater e.

“Yes!!!” says a female Christian hater. She thinks. “I bet he’d pay my family trillions for me!”

“Nah! You’d get $10 billion.” says hater a. brutally.

“What about the oil though? Doesn’t it seem likely they made the money off the oil?!” asks a perfume hater in agitation.

“That’s a front! For her prostitution ring.” says hater e.

“But there’s oil in the ground they’ve drilled out.” says a Native American woman.

“No there ain’t!” says hater e.

“Billions for the oil companies?!” the Native American woman questions. “Our people have been protesting the pipeline for a reason.”

“Wait! So you do think they’ve made billions for the company or no?” asks hater c. of the Native American woman.

“No! Millions.” says another hater on her behalf.

“But they were making a million a month off one well in 2008.” says Lacey. No. They did not pay her family money for her love for a possible ghost.

“But her family only got 6% of those $2 billion!” says hater c.

“Wait, how many wells were there?” asks hater d.

“There are 24 wells in all or so. But it depends which side of the family you’re talking about.” says Lacey.

“That’s only $120,000,00.00 to that collective family.” says a perfume hater.

“How many more billions are in the ground?” asks the Native American woman.

“Billions!” says a ghost.

“So they’ll get what? Another $2 million?” she says sarcastically before thinking.

“Yup! They’re probably all sitting around high off their asses on that $2 million as it is. You know how it is when white trash wins the lottery.” says hater c.

“They’re not. There were three alcoholics, one drug addled, and an adopted youth who had mental health issues that were criminal. But otherwise no. We’re not like that. We’re quite conservative and cerebral. Even the extreme Liberals.” says Lacey.

“Oh that’s right! That Electoral College bullshit. What even is the Electoral College?” asks hater d..

“It’s a thing. Any white trash bitch could get into the Electoral College through prostitution. I’m sure it’s about who you know.” says a perfume hater.

“Yeah! Exactly! You sleep around! That’s how you get into the Electoral College!” says a perfume company owner. Hopefully she’s not being serious but it’s unclear and Lacey isn’t hopeful.

“Nah! It’s probably just her family’s ties to Harvard University in Boston, Massachusetts.” says a black perfume hater.

“Shut-up darkie!!” yells another white perfume hater.

“Why!? Why should he shut-up, bitch?” asks a black man.

“Oh! How awkward! Darling, I’m famished! Let’s partake in a supper!” randomly says a white perfume hater trying to sound elite.

“No! She’s not being serious! She’s mocking Lacey for her old-school impression of what it means to be rich and sophisticated!” says the perfume hater who called the black man a darkie.

“I thought she was being serious.” says Lacey.

“You would say that! You’re an idiot!” says a bourgeois perfume hater. “I agree with the hater who thinks she’s poor, ugly and stupid. And if she isn’t I can manifest her into being that through magic.”

“I’m going to kill all black people and show everyone my $400 diamond from Kay Jeweler! And my $60 pajamas. And my 1996 hair I think is classic. And my farting issues! And more about my cats. And my mom’s $350,000.00 condo on a lake she got through her con-artist husband. And my drug addiction. And my husband’s $160,000.00 parent’s house I’ll call their ‘property’ to mock Lacey.” says the perfume hater who called the black man darkie. The Loudest Perfume Hater.

“Oh my gosh! We love her!!!” says another white perfume hater about the Loudest Perfume Hater. “She’s our bitch. She’s our best friend of every ever.”

“See! I thought you were that white trash, bigot!” says the Native American woman to Lacey. “Because you seem poorer than me. I’m soo rich! And soo sophisticated. …I’ve got three perfume bottles from 1960 and beadwork from my ancestors that was made in 2019 by a woman I hardly know.” she says. “I’m a expert. At everything. And I talk to ghosts too. And a dead oil baron worth hundreds of millions told me I was his daughter.”

“That doesn’t make sense.” says Lacey.

“Wait! Hold-up! She’s hurting our egos. But she’s a fraud anyway! So, whatever.” yells a white Liberal woman about Lacey.

“How is she a fraud?” asks a white Liberal man.

“Because it’s strange her parents let her think she was poor growing-up! They were uneducated pieces of trailer-trash shit!” says a while Liberal woman.

“Couldn’t they have just been screwed-up?! Or try-hards?!” asks another white Liberal woman.

“They weren’t try-hards. Quite the opposite. They were messed-up.” says Lacey.

“They can’t have been that mean to her!!” says one of the Liberal white women.

“Hey maybe you guys hate her because she’s conservative?!” suggests the Native American woman.

“Noo! No!!!! No!” says the Illuminati Hater pouting. Then turning to his bosses, “That’s not how we’re playing this. Right?!” he asks casually.

“Playing what?” asks Lacey.

Someone rolls their eyes in the Illuminati. “No. He’s confused.” they say to Lacey. She has some confidence that that’s possible.

“I hate her because it’s fun! It makes me feel better about things I’m insecure about. It’s like getting high on drugs. …But don’t tell me her parents are mean. I don’t want to have to have empathy for her.” says a white Gen X woman.

“Yeah! Everyone likes getting high off her supply! Lots of people. It’s like a speedball. You get high and relaxed too. Or Meth. She’s great for a narcissistic hit. Because she cares and has a conscience and lots of admirable qualities that are real.” says a self-labeled gay Millennial man.

“But if everyone is doing it then she must be allowing it. So it’s her fault. Right?” asks a Gen X woman.

“Yeah! Sure! And if her family really is that rich and at least somewhat old-money upper-class as much as it hurts our brains to realize that for a second, then she must be at fault for global warming.” says a white Gen X man. “She controls the oil!”

“In her family?” asks the Loudest Perfume Hater who might have been temporarily homeless for a hot minute after buying too much stuff to compete with Lacey on Instagram.

“Yes! I bet she’s in charge of her entire family with the white trash oil!” says a poor perfume hater.

“I’m not.” says Lacey.

“We used demons to kill the two men we thought might be in charge.” says an Illuminati hater. “It looked natural.”

Stanley Kubrick laughs.

“This is why I’m still a white supremacist!” says a white supremacist. “Even if my people killed two old white men they didn’t kill her yet. And if we really are that stupid, why haven’t our black friends told us to shut-up yet?”

“Because they’re scared and they don’t care. Both.” says Lacey.

A black woman shakes her head in agreement with Lacey.

“Why!?! Why are they scared of us? Are we scary?!” says the Loudest Perfume Hater.

“Sweetie, anyone is scary behind a loaded gun.” says Lacey. “Do you want to destroy the Earth to get rid of anyone or anything that threatens your ego at all?” asks Lacey.

“I don’t know what the Loudest Perfume Hater’s problem is, but I’m gay. Wanna have missionary style sex?” the self-labeled gay man asks, seemingly seriously. “I want your pussy! …But I’m gay. So no. Don’t think I want you. That’s stupid.” He closes his eyes. Blinks. Thinks. Aroused he continues, “I just think you’re mean.” he concludes, enraged.

“She is mean. She’s a mean girl.” says the Loudest Perfume Hater.

“Who’s this gay man in love with you?!” asks a perfume hater’s wife to Lacey, accusingly. “You seduced him you ugly, white trash whore.”

“Seduced who? Your husband?” asks a gay perfume hater of the perfume hater’s wife.

The perfume hater’s wife posts another heavily photoshopped photo of her body and face. “My husband?! No. He’s madly in love with me. We’re twin flames. Our marriage and life is perfect.” She turns to her husband and stares accusingly. “You commented once on a photo of her’s that she was beautiful!” The woman seethes. “You flew to America and slept with her in my sleep. Right?! Or no? You sexted her?! Daily for years?! You’re in love and you’re to leave me!”

“No!! Nothing like that happened! It was just that comment and once he corrected a mistake I made about a vintage mini bottle. And he tried to sell me an opened bottle of Chanel No. 22 while buying you a sealed bottle from the same source while making sure to point that out. While that was still my signature. …And he unfollowed me. Before that. …Before he then turned around and in likely disrespect tried to sell me something. And you snubbed me for no reason. …And you both seemed hostile, insecure and pretentiously snobby. I don’t hate you and your seemingly entirely faux old money posse but you’re obnoxious people to me.” says Lacey.

“I love them!!! He’s gay and closeted like me!” says a man who pretends to be Middle-Eastern old-money in the perfume community.

“You guys! This is dumb! We’re the elite! Not this sad, middle-class white trash woman. It’s like she’s a poor Real Housewife.” says a black politician. He’s a cool-kid.

“See…he’s why I hate black people!” says the Loudest Perfume Hater.

“Whatever! Everyone is stupid but me! …Although, sometimes I’m stupid too…I guess?” says the politicians wife…with a lack of self-awareness akin to the other trophy wives she can sometimes secretly be similar to, despite her intelligence

“We are on the same side!” says the black politician to the Loudest Perfume Hater.

By demon-power, like a speed boat in the ocean, she shakes her head. She feels numb and happy. “Okay! Maybe!” she says. “Just tell me what to do!”

“Lacey, have the Uncle Tom’s attacked you?” a black man asks.

“Yes! But they don’t think they’re traitors. They think they’re smart.” says Lacey. “I feel bad for the kids of people like that.”

“Well, if they’re that easy to control then they don’t pose you too much threat if God is greater than the Devil.” says a white supremacist.

“But I worship God. Does the Loudest Perfume Hater?” asks Lacey.

“Not enough.” says the Loudest Perfume Hater. “If He’s that powerful.”

“I don’t trust black people. I don’t hate them. But I don’t trust them. Because they organize with evil black men thinking they’re all exactly the same. And they’re not. Or if they are then what happened in Flint with Obama was just black on black evil. Nothing more. Because he was President, very powerful and rich.” says a young white man.

“No. We don’t all think we’re all on the same page!” says a black woman about her people.

“Didn’t your family cast an Electoral College vote for Obama?!” asks a white perfume hater who thinks she’s a very big deal. Sort of. Her $1 house on the West Coast means she’s infinitely socially superior to Lacey in her mind. And after reading that she says, “Whatever! Your family is poor because they don’t exist on the West Coast.”

The Loudest Perfume Hater laughs.

“I feel sorry for her! She’s my religion.” says a hater in the Illuminati about the West Coast Expert. “Let’s demonically use her again to threaten Lacey!!!”

“You can’t demonically use me!!” shouts the West Coast woman in question. And yes, she did look up the Electoral College on Wikipedia.

“You can’t honorably go against the rules.” says Lacey about why her cousin cast her vote for Obama.

“And by the way, my wife and I aren’t stupid!” says the black politician.

“It does seem like they see the illogical idiocy of the situation as much as I do at times in certain ways. At least I hope they do.” says Lacey about the black politician and his wife.

“And that’d be the ideal of the Illuminati. Should it exist. Lacey’s family casts a vote for Obama. And due to how the spiritual system would possibly function…their conscience affects the Obamas.” says Louis. “But that requires the presence of Christianity. And the Obamas have to be intelligent enough. And if they are it clicks, so to speak.”

“So the weakest link isn’t just about crass things. It’s also about God?” asks a skeptic.

Louis smiles.

“I can tell you one thing. You all do need to stop trying to sadistically bully her psychologically into being anything but heterosexual.” says the black politician in regard to Lacey. “She really is heterosexual as far as I can tell. …Truly. Honestly. Sincerely. For real yo. Legit. Valid!”

“What power do we have casting our votes, if the Illuminati exists?” asks a perfume hater.

“No. I want to know how much like JFK Obama really is.” says another white perfume hater.

“Like is he a tall, slim, glib and a charismatic possible bisexual? Married to a stylish woman?” asks Lacey. “Mysterious, Harvard educated, a Democrat? Supposedly new and different? A complex person psychologically?”

“Are the Obama’s nice?” asks a perfume hater.

“No. They’re shrewd, calculating, and highly intelligent. They can be nice. They seem to be very rational and resilient. …I think they sold-out, if they did, because it made sense, seemingly.” says Lacey.

“So they are nice? Or they can be nice?” asks a hater.

“They are complex. They can be nice.” says Lacey. “Nice people can be complex. But in their case they’re just solely complex.”

“They sound terrifying!” says a hater.

“Why the heck did the elites delve into witchcraft?!” asks a mostly lesbian woman who has occasionally delved into witchcraft.

“I suspect they felt pushed into it to some degree. Like a if they didn’t someone else would sort of a thing.” says Lacey.

“And you’re both within and without to some degree.” says a perfume hater to Lacey. “Do you hide your wealth?!” he asks her.

“Yup! We want the passwords to all you accounts. And keys to the meeting rooms they hold the meetings in.” says a perfume hater to Lacey.

“Your votes probably have some spiritual significance. But true ignorance does matter to God too, seemingly.” says Lacey. “And I don’t see why praying over your votes wouldn’t be useful too in a Christian sense.”

“Okay. So, I’m sorry for being racist!” says the Loudest Perfume Hater. “Why does Lacey’s paltry share of the family money from oil seem so high to the other perfume haters? And honestly, where did the $20,000.00 come from?” she asks Lacey.

“I wanna know what else she knows about all of us!” says another perfume hater.

“The $20,000.00 was just what was left over from my paternal grandfather’s estate. He retired in the 1980’s, had a wife with chronic health problems, and by 2003 that’s all he had left.” says Lacey.

“So how much did he retire with?” asks a seething perfume hater.

“In 1986?” asks Lacey.

“Did he sell the farm?” asks the Loudest Perfume Hater.

“No. He did not sell the farm. He was just that good at business and it was that big of a farm. He retired with about 1,200,000.00. About $3 million today.” says Lacey.

“He had closer to $4 million. In 2022 money.” says another perfume hater.

“Yeah, whatever! She’s making it all up!” says an Illuminati hater who does commercials.

The perfume hater’s wife laughs. “How much are you really worth?” she asks the Illuminati hater just referenced.

“Whatever. People age and a coke habit is a lot more expensive than perfume.” says her husband.

“True.” she says.

“Lacey, where did the $20,000.00 come from?” asks the Loudest Perfume Hater suspiciously.

“My grandfather was a successful businessman.” says Lacey.

“Then why didn’t you have a trust fund?” she asks. “And what was his business!?”

“Is this the woman the original Illuminati haters listened to to figure you out?” asks a Christian hater.

“Yes!” says Lacey to the Christian hater. “Farming was his business.” she says to the Loudest Perfume Hater.

“He made that much money farming?” asks the Loudest Perfume Hater, incredulously.

“Back in the 1900’s you could make decent money off farming. It’s a lot more difficult today.” says Lacey.

“When did your grandfather buy his farm?” she asks Lacey as if she’s about to catch her lying.

“So they bought the thousands of acres of land in the late 1800’s, early 1900’s knowing it has oil?!” asks the lesbian former witch.

“Okay, so there are the original farms from the late 1800’s/early 1900’s. But my grandfather bought more land in the 1940’s.” says Lacey to the Loudest Perfume Hater. “And yes, I suspect my great grandmother knew there was oil when she picked the land. Or at least they knew shortly afterwards.”

“Was one of your relatives interviewed by CNN during the oil boom?” asks the Loudest Perfume Hater.

“Yes! And now he’s dead. He was very kind. Very intelligent. Well-bred and well informed. He was a great investor in the Stock Market, as was his father. He grew-up with wealthy parents. But he liked to portray himself as a farmer at heart.” says Lacey

“How much money did his family have? And why did your grandfather buy a farm in the 1940’s?!” asks the Loudest Perfume Hater angrily. Accusatorially.

“My cousin who died?” asks Lacey. “His father was roughly worth about $3 million by the 1960’s in today’s money.” says Lacey. “And my grandfather bought more land in the 1940’s because his older brother inherited the farm he grew-up on.”

“She’s lying!!” says the Loudest Perfume Hater to her audience as if she’s proven her point to absolute perfection.

“Wait! So in the 1950’s that man, who was your great uncle was worth a million? In today’s money? Or?” asks another hater of Lacey.

“I don’t know. My cousin told me my great uncle was a literal millionaire by the 1960’s. Maybe my inflation calculation is way off.” says Lacey. “Maybe they were worth $10 million in today’s money in the 1960’s.”

“Your grandfather only had $1 million in 1986!” says the Loudest Perfume Hater.

“What is your problem?!” an Illuminati member asks the Loudest Perfume Hater.

“That woman is just jaded!” an American black perfume collector says in the Loudest Perfume Hater’s defense.

“I doubt that.” says Lacey to the black American perfume hater.

“Why do you think Lacey is lying?” asks a woman of the Loudest Perfume Hater.

“It’s in her every syllable. Her every calculated expression. I can feel it in my bones!” says the Loudest Perfume Hater.

“Except what has she said that isn’t true?” asks another woman.

“Whatever. You pick!” says the Loudest Perfume Hater.

“Do you have a mental health issue?” someone asks the Loudest Perfume Hater.

“I might be a clinical narcissist. With serious mental health issues.” says the Loudest Perfume Hater.

“And you think those mental health issues are why you aren’t prettier and more old-money?” someone asks the Loudest Perfume Hater.

“I’m not that fucking stupid! I know I’m full of shit. So does Lacey. But she’s straight. And honestly, why did you guys expect me to think like a healthy person? That’s so juvenile. You guys are the embarrassing ones.” says the Loudest Perfume Hater.

“Please! I want to hear more about how gay Lacey is!! Please!!!” begs a ghost, a few demons and possibly a few Illuminati haters of the Loudest Perfume Hater.

“Are you guys serious?” the Loudest Perfume Hater asks.

“Yes!! They’re serious!” yells the professor at the Loudest Perfume Hater. “And no, she’s not interested in females. At all. Sorry. I know that part and that’s the truth. I almost dated her and I’m a man.”

“Why didn’t it work out?” the Loudest Perfume Hater asks the professor.

He laughs. “Honestly, I think she could be in love with dead men. But she also thought I was possibly a jerk, I think. And she just didn’t want to get hurt again.”

“Well, I hate her!” the Loudest Perfume Hater impulsively declares.

“I think she’s on to something. Just hear her out!” says the original Illuminati hater about the Loudest Perfume Hater. And he’s mostly being serious.

“Why are you using her? Why not listen in on my private thoughts? Or whatever it is that you people do?” asks a perfume hater of the original Illuminati hater.

“Because I like her thoughts.” says the original Illuminati hater about the Loudest Perfume Hater.

“What do you like about her thoughts?” the perfume hater asks the original Illuminati hater.

“Ewww!” says the perfume hater.

“Why eww?” asks Lacey.

“It’s sexual!! Lacey, he likes her sexually.” says the other perfume hater to Lacey.

Lacey thinks. “It could be. But I doubt he’s honest about it. And it’s certainly not safe.”

“Why isn’t it safe?” asks a man.

“It’s like they’re opening a black hole if anything should transpire.” says Lacey.

“Could it harm anyone?” the man asks.

“Yes! Space.” says Lacey.

“God will handle it!” says a woman. “You can’t be expected to be the only supervising adult alive if he was allowed to get away with things that are metaphysically dangerous.”

“Who in the Illuminati gave him more authority spiritually than he can handle?” asks a perfume hater.

“Semi well-intentioned Liberals with an enormous amount of money. Possibly some Republicans. Sadly, mostly Democrats.” says Lacey.

“Well intentioned?” asks the Loudest Perfume Hater.

“Yes. There’s been many lies poured into our hearts and minds for decades now.” says Lacey.

“Why?” asks the Christian hater.

“You mean they’re fooled too?” asks a hater about the elite.

“Yes! Some drank their own Kool-Aid and the others were forced to drink it as children.” says Lacey.

“So who sold them out?” asks a perfume hater.

“Who sold out the soul of American Democrats?” asks Lacey.

“Yeah!” says a perfume hater.

“You know what’s sad!? The most brilliant woman I’ve ever known of is the one defending children.” says a white male Illuminati hater.

“Why is that sad? Because you’re so rich and you’re not? Or what? You’re more evil than God? Or what? You‘re God Himself? I’m waiting to hear your sob story.” says the Loudest Perfume Hater.

“I’m better!” he says simply. “But I’m also too complicated to comprehend. And too evil. And rich. And sad. And yet I’m God.”

“Are you sure as a human you want to proclaim yourself God?” a Christian asks him.

He shakes. “No, I’m not having a seizure. I’m human.”

“That makes no sense!” yells the Loudest Perfume at the man.

“Am I in Hell?” he asks.

“Before the above scenario happens you should pray for God to save you through His Son’s sacrifice on the cross.” says Lacey.

“I’ve obliterated Christianity pretty well lately. But try to figure out what she means, I guess.” says a demon.

“God protects Children!” says Lacey.

“Weren’t you molested?!” someone asks her accusingly.

“Yes! There’s a lot of evil in the world. But if He’s a loving God and not a demon of pedophilia, and He is a loving God if He exists, then Christian Karma…is waiting. Otherwise we should just pray to God and ask Michael to be able to kill all pedophiles and narcissistic people in their sleep if they aren’t safe. But if someone dies after you pray that don’t assume they were a pedophile.” says Lacey.

A psychic screams bloody murder. Then he realizes the Earth is overpopulated. And pedophiles might often rather be dead. And dying in one’s sleep would be better than dying from the the other many things that could kill people. And he suspects Michael is like Santa Claus and has a list, so to speak.

“Probably a delightfully effective and efficient efficient list.” he says.

“Yes, but even if it works for…30 million people don’t assume if a relative dies in the near future that they were a pedophile.” says a woman.

“And God might be waiting to kill some evil people for a minute or two longer.” says a demon. “I love killing people possibly going to Hell. You know, it’s fun for me. Makes me feel…like I accomplished something because God loved them. But I also know how much God hates evil. So it’s fun watching them get scared. I find you all fascinating and yet so different from myself.”

“So what’s the problem?!” says the original Illuminati hater.

“What’s the problem?” asks the Loudest Perfume Hater’s friend.

He shrugs.

“Did you see what happened at the soccer match?!” asks the friend.

“That has nothing to do spiritually with anything. We control the arts and sciences. Not sports.” he says.

“Are you sure about that?!” asks a perfume hater.

“Is that so?” says another man to him.

He goes quiet.

“Is that why the Kennedy’s played so much touch football?” a man asks cheerfully.

“Like they were trying to get away from the Illuminati?” asks another man.

“Forest Gump!” says yet another man, seriously.

“How pretty are you?” someone asks the Illuminati hater.

He smiles and shrugs.

“Wait! I wanna get this right. Pray and ask Michael to kill evil people who maybe should die? Or pray to God and ask Him to enable Michael to kill them? Or pray and ask God to use Michael’s list? Or pray and let God do whatever variation of that He wishes?” asks a perfume hater.

“The last one. Whichever combination of those God, the father of Jesus, so chooses.” says Lacey.

“Lacey-“ A woman laughs. “I’m not sure God is happy about how some people sing about Jesus either.”

“You have no idea how excited I am to kill possibly Christians who genuinely try to rape Jesus.” says a demon who helped kill Jews in Birkenau. “It could be almost like the Holocaust. Except this time it’s a Christian. Right?!” He hysterically laughs.

“But what if someone doesn’t realize-“ starts a Christian hater who then realizes he’s not truly trying to rape Jesus. He feels bad.

“So supposed saints who misunderstand Christianity and think Jesus is their husband…hopefully don’t go to Purgatory or Hell?” asks a Catholic.

“I think Christianity has been grossly heretical in that way, possibly. But that’s why Episcopalians are necessary, possibly.” says Lacey. “If it’s sexual then the Christian Church can’t exist in my estimation.”

“We’re wondering if there are saints who accidentally consorted with demons too?” asks a Catholic.

“The relationship between Christ and humans even en masse can’t be sexual. God can’t have sex with His children or He isn’t God. He’s a joke.” says Lacey.

“So…it’s a metaphor. A real metaphor.” says a ghost.

“No! Jews didn’t believe in incest or pedophilia.” says a Jew for a historical context.

“That’s why it was a metaphor. It was supposed to be obvious Christ loved the church. Not that He actually was sexually in love with the church.” says Lacey.

“So…that was possibly pure metaphor?!” asks a theologian. “And yet there could be sex in Heaven?”

“Why have we never realized that at large as a church?” asks Lacey

“Some Episcopalians actually have!” says a man in England.

“Why is that ignored?!” asks Lacey.

“It’s dangerous!” they reply.

“It’s not obvious?!” scoffs a female hater at Lacey. “They allow their priests to get married.”

“True. But those are possibly unrelated things. And it’s non-denominational Christians who sing those songs the most.” says Lacey.

“Do non-denominational church leaders allow marriage?” the Gen Z woman asks.

“Yes.” says Lacey.

“There’s only a few non-denominational Christians in America. Right?” the sadly English woman says. “What’s the main church in the US? And like, it’s not common anywhere else. Right?” she asks a person she hopes is smarter than Lacey.

“It’s very common in the US. And Africa. And Asia. And South America.” says a black man.

The woman goes quiet.

“Do you think we could go to Hell for being blasphemous about Christ?” asks the Christian hater of the black man.

“How would one do that?” asks the Illuminati hater.

“I don’t know. I’ve studied it and I don’t know.” the Christian hater admits.

The Illuminati hater rolls his eyes.

“So is the Church of England the only true Christian Church? Or do some Catholics get it right? Maybe it’s not that Christianity is bad. Maybe it’s the evil that’s worked it’s way dogmatically through interpretation into the faith that’s made people suffer?” suggests an Asian woman.

“Accurately interpreting the Bible is extremely difficult. And it’s why the Holy Spirit has to help keep people out of Hell.” says Lacey.

“I would never trust a theological ruling on Hell right now either.” says an Illuminati member to Lacey.

“One thing I want to know, why do you go on and on about the material blessings in your family?” asks an Englishman of Lacey. “Why the flippant, oblivious tone?”

“To be belligerent and humorous.” says Lacey.

“No!! It’s not!” demands a hater.

“No, I’m sorry. I’m telling you. It’s to be belligerent and humorous.” says Lacey.

“If you’re that good of a person then I’m pure shit! Because I’m very bourgeois.” she says.

“Why is that my moral dilemma?” asks Lacey.

“I’m in charge of you! I’m you. You’re nothing. And all your money is mine. And I could be the Queen. Easily. And I should be. But because I never will be we should get rid of the Aristocracy. We have no need for them. God is non-denominational. And He doesn’t exist.” she says seriously.

Some are being hateful, secretly hoping Michael is gay. Some are actually embarrassing themselves. They’ve all been administered truth serum.

“He doesn’t exist?” asks the Christian hater. “And Lacey, thinking mean thoughts about people behind their backs is part of the psychology of being an adult!”

“No. That’s just being two-faced. Or passive aggressive. Or just angry. Or ignorant. Or all of those things.” says Lacey.

The Christian hater cries. Then he calms himself. “I’m sorry. You were mean!” he yells at Lacey.

“How?” she asks.

“Because he was so nice to you!” says a Christian female he’s friends with.

“She’s demonic as Hell! Belligerent and successful my ass! I’d like the ability provided me by the Illuminati to molest kids. I feel bad for the Illuminati. You’re an ignorant Catholic, demonic whore!” says a Christian who has a crush on the Christian hater to Lacey.

“How was I mean?” asks Lacey.

“You didn’t like my attempts to flirt with you. You criticized them on your blog.” says the Christian hater.

“That’s true. You did!” says a female friend of his.

“She did that as a seduction technique!” says another woman. He laughs in response at Lacey, thinking that’s funny.

“You seemed obtuse.” says Lacey. “And to the haters: no. Pedophilia is entirely wrong and pedophilia is psychotic too.”

“Obtuse to what?” he asks.

“Obtuse about people’s suffering.” says Lacey.

“I wanted to kill myself! Isn’t that as bad as it can get? No one could be sadder or more profoundly lonely than me?” he wonders.

“I don’t know. But I kind of doubt you’re the height of all sadness. Either way, that’s a dangerous assumption.” says Lacey. “I’m sorry. I’ll pray for you. And I mean that kindly.”

“She is hot. And she is irritated by hurtful things. Not narcissistically hurtful but genuinely so.” says Michael.

“Was she trying to seduce him?” asks a hater.

“Who are you really?!” the Christian hater asks the entity that has been labeling himself Michael.

“She was, but not in the way you think.” Michael says to the woman hater.

“Oh! She was confronting him to get closer. Women do that when they’re either trying to be deep or are deep.” says the professor.

“How does he know?!” the Christian hater thinks. And then he realizes that the professor almost dated her after she’d expressed a lack of interest openly in him. “Did you ever talk to him in person?” he asks accusatorially.

“On the phone.” she says.

“For how long?”

“We talked for hours. A few times.” says Lacey.

“But it wasn’t overtly sexual?” the Christian hater asks.

“He made his interest known. But no, not luridly so.” says Lacey.

Silence.

“When were you lurid with me?” he asks accusatorially.

“I don’t think I ever was, really. Maybe slightly? Maybe facetiously? But it was what I wrote on this blog knowing you might be reading.” says Lacey. “Never anything to you directly.”

“You never winked at me?” he asks.

“I don’t recall ever winking? Was that someone else?” she asks.

“You’ve winked on this blog. And I thought that was flirting with me.” he says.

“Yes! But those are likely never flirtatious.” says Lacey.

“Then are you challenging people to death if they’re evil?” he asks.

“Do you want me to tell you?” says Michael. “Who do you think I am? Which demonic entity? Name me.”

“Lucifer?” he says.

“I’m sorry if I made you feel rejected. I wasn’t trying to reject you. I doubt we worked together anyway though. It’s probably for the best that we aren’t together. The things about me you liked hopefully you can find in someone else.” says Lacey.

“You did say you found me attractive?” he asks.

“Yes! Of course!” says Lacey.

“You didn’t even know the professor when you decided we didn’t work.” says the Christian hater.

“True.” says Lacey.

“I’m probably a better hearted person than you think, I hope.” he says.

Silence.

“Aren’t you curious who Michael is?” asks Lacey.

He shrugs.

“I’m…Michael Rockefeller.” Michael says.

“Are you aware of what goes on on Tik Tok about you?” the Christian hater asks.

“I might be.” he says jokingly.

“You know, humorous how?” an Englishman asks Lacey.

“Have you ever seen the film Liar Liar? It’s that concept. The thing is…I couldn’t tell what people thought of me in the perfume community. So I decided to be overly open.” says Lacey. “As a joke. And just see what would happen.”

“But that’s so rude!” says a different Christian hater who prides himself on being poor.

“Yes! But it’s like the film Liar Liar.” says Lacey.

“You’ve never seen the film?” says the Christian hater to Lacey.

“No, I’ve seen it several times.” says Lacey.

The Loudest Hater laughs.

“And you don’t have a personality disorder?” asks an Englishman.

“No. I’m just very depressed by how vile life is nowadays. It’s disgusting. Although obviously I care about people.” says Lacey.

“She’s not a murderer.” says a school shooter who didn’t go to Hell.

“Were you ever condescending or just silly?” asks a hater.

“Silly.” says Lacey.

“You know $3 million isn’t that much money.” says Loudest Perfume Hater.

“Are you thinking about killing me and stealing the money?” asks Lacey.

“Do you think I should?” she says in a seductive voice.

Lacey rolls her eyes. Sighs. “You never took my advice. I told you so many perfumes to buy. And you never listened. How about I say no? But will no mean no to you? Because no means no to me.”

“Woo! She’s interested in you!” says an Illuminati hater. The Loudest Hater is polite in response z

“Lacey, are the Kennedy’s the Kennedy’s anymore?” an Illuminati hater asks her.

“No. They’re not. They are in name and genetics. And in heart maybe too. But they’ve changed.” she suggests.

“What’s different about them?” someone asks.

“After Joe Jr. died they ceased to be who they purported to be. His…attitude lived on. In his siblings. But he was dead. And Joe Sr. was never the same. And no…it’s been slowly revealed that he died in the following decades.” says Lacey

“Wait, you think they genuinely acted like he’d never died in some creepy way?” asks a woman.

“Yes! Because he was their eldest son. Their shining hope. And I think they had to pretend to keep the momentum going.” says Lacey.

“So they used Lem to fill in the void.” says someone. “And it worked. But it’s unclear how much he realized it was his job, so to speak.”

“He did think his place in the family was undervalued though, I suspect.” says someone.

“Was Joe Jr.’s place in the family undervalued as much as he was loved?” asks Lacey.

“Maybe.” A woman laughs. “Do you think Lem thought he was Joe?”

“He might have. Not likely with any ill intent though.” says Lacey.

“What would the intent have been?” someone asks.

“Just to be a good person.” Lacey wonders.

“Did he realize he was being someone else?!” a lady asks.

“No. But he got into the role, a bit I think.” says Lacey.

“Like he was the last resort understudy. The tall, handsome jock. Somewhat sensitive. Possibly conservative. Tough.” says a women.

“Yes! And if straight he could have pulled as many many women as Joe Jr.. But I think, if straight, he was very secretive. Very romantic, sad, and serious. And he genuinely wanted love.” says Lacey.

“Who could write him?” asks an author.

“Ironically and hilariously as much I’ve criticized her, Edith Wharton.” says Lacey.

“Could Steinbeck?” asks someone else.

“No. It requires snowy terrain to make his beauty as a human show.” says Lacey.

“What about your great granduncle?” asks an intellectual.

“Almost. But Lem was American old-money. And Edith Wharton wrote about nature and his people so romantically. Even if I disagree with some of her assessments.” says Lacey.

“Your great granduncle might have become stuffy a tinge over the years, and he was likely brilliant but he was still a Norwegian Immigrant.” says a man. “He knew men of old-money and had a sense of who they were but he didn’t know what Edith Wharton knew.”

Edith Wharton cries about Lem’s character.

“If your great granduncle spent more time observing Lem could he have captured him?” a man asks.

“Yes, but it’d be a cutting masterpiece.” says Lacey.

“Could he write about your life?” someone asks.

“My great granduncle?” asks Lacey.

“Yes!” says Louis arriving. From the outdoors covered in snow. He too is a rare figure in winter.

“Yes. I think he could have.” says Lacey.

“Your Great Granduncle died thirteen years too soon to meet you.” he says.

“Are you at peace with going to Hell?” the Christian hater hears himself saying to Lacey.

“If that’s where the Heavenly Father who I have unconditional love for as a daughter and trust in wanted to send me I’d be grateful.” she says.

He laughs uproariously. A girl who bullies him and eggs him on to bully others says, “I mean, come on! Like she’s a bitch, yo. Look at her crap face. And watch me shake my ass!”

“Hehehe! She’s obsessed with us!” says his most toxic roommate

who would rather be having sex with dozens of women with almost no personality if possible. Then he could die and stop hating himself. Thank goodness he believes in God. Or he’d be dead.

“You think my friends and I are narcissists.” says the Christian hater self-righteously.

“That’s what you all came across as, mostly.” says Lacey. “But a lot of Gen Z seems like that. I’m sorry, but you all put a lot of labels on other people. And some of what you say is very insightful and aware and some of it is ignorant and obnoxious.” says Lacey.

“I feel like you should have just rejected her instead of trying to play games with her head.” says his female friend.

“You just flirt with that girl because you’ve never had sex and she seems easy. I hope if you decide to marry her that you’ll lose your smug expression and start caring about other people more.” says Michael.

“You don’t think we have real chemistry?” he asks Michael.

“I’ve seen a lot of marriages like yours. Two young, inexperienced people get married and they expect to fall in love after the marriage. Don’t wait to kiss her. If she’s not your type that’s not okay. Make sure you’re in love.” says Michael.

“Wait!! My marriage?!“ he says. Then he recalls that Michael is dead and God could be letting him see what could be.

“Just be careful! And don’t despair if you find yourself miserable after your marriage. You might not be as heartless as I’ve experienced you as being. I’ll pray for you.” says Lacey. “Seek God!”

“I just felt really insecure around Lacey.” says the Illuminati hater.

“Her intelligence was off-putting?” asks Michael.

“Yes!” he responds. “She’s got a lot of intelligence. And it’s just abrasive to interact with.”

“No! She’s hot. Whatever. I just can’t handle it either.” says the Loudest Perfume Hater.

“You two are both narcissistic people. Is that why you find her intelligence abrasive?” asks a voice that narrated things in 1950’s.

“Yes and no.” says the Loudest Perfume Hater.

“Most men find it offensive today.” says Michael.

“Why?” asks a woman. “I would think it’s easier now?”

“Because men expect women to be smart now. But they don’t crave depth.” says Michael.

“Was that different back then?” asks an actor.

“Yes! Men weren’t as easily threatened. It’s sad to watch how scared and stupid you all have been.” says Michael.

Silence.

“So if I keep attacking her for the rest of my off…after everyone dies…I’ll win. And outsmart her in a satisfying way! And then she capitulate that I’m Superman!” He looks faint in a windbreaker. “Flyboy! For the win!”

“Are you talking about Joe Jr.?” asks Lacey.

He closes his eyes. Bobs his head to imaginary music. “And that’s it. I’m a pilot.”

“In Heaven someday?” asks Lacey.

He stares at her like she’s stupid for asking such a question.

“I was never Joe Jr.. Turns out I like ice cream.” he says.

“What are the thoughts between those two thoughts?” asks Lacey.

He laughs patronizingly. Smiles. “I flew a plane and ate ice cream! And no, you’re right. Sin is wrong. It’s just wrong.”

“I hope you are able to be forgiven by God. And I hope I am as well.” she says.

“I hope we’re Christians too.” he says.

“Do you want to get away from your haters by going all the way to Hell if it doesn’t separate you from God’s love at all?” asks a hater.

“Have a nice night. Don’t beat your kids because you’re narcissistically embarrassed. Or you’ll wish you’d never been born, potentially.”

“We know that you stupid, petty, poor, ugly, white, stupid bitch!” says a hater. “I’d have shit myself in the head with a knife to you if you were my child!”

“Where am I?” asks Lacey.

“Superville.” says the Illuminati hater placidly.

“Do you get out?” asks Lacey.

“The idea is that they let us out on good behavior.” says the hater.

“Yuck! This is a stupid place. I think it exists? Huh?” says a woman.

“But it’s Purgatory?” asks Lacey.

“Yes. And yeah, Heaven exists.” she says forlornly. She cries.

“Well, do your best to worship God!” says Lacey.

She prays to God as she leaves.

“I smell apples!!” saythe Illuminati hater says. “Boom!”

——

Heaven Isn’t A Drug

(Adult audience meant for the following)

“I stopped going to public church years ago. And I’ve been praying, worshiping God and hoping to return for decades. I’ve raised my kids to be Christians. And I’ll likely re-emerge in a Catholic or Episcopalian church if I ever do re-emerge. But we’ll see.” says Lacey.

Silence.

So many ex-evangelicals, new agnostics or atheists are intellectually bourgeois or poor, arrogant, dishonest zealots with tons of intellectual conceit. And ironically they are the reason I left years ago.”

“Well, that’s good. Then once we leave you can have your church back!” one self-righteously says.

“No! No! No! Stop always missing the point.” says Lacey.

“Do you find me abhorrent intellectually?” asks the professor.

“Yes! It’s vile.” says Lacey.

Silence.

“You guys fly around and rearrange your entire life on the few faulty intellectual premises you learned in some Boomer church?” asks Lacey. “You think your pain and the annoying Christians you met destroy Christianity?” She shakes her head no. “You’re all intellectually dishonest but you’re too ignorant, or blinded into narcissistic thinking you either possess or were taught to have to get it. Or what? You’re poor? You’re the reason mass was in Latin until the 1960’s?”

“You think we are leaving the church now because we’re socially peasants compared to you, but you left decades ago for elite reasons?” asks a flummoxed ex-evangelical.

“Yes. The Boomers started the trend in their youth.” says Lacey. “Then some rediscovered their faith in non-denominational churches.” She thinks. “Now their children are coping with their intellectual mistakes made in the 1970’s or 80’s or so and leaving. But I left earlier as did some others who are generally from a higher socio-economic bracket.”

“Like Taylor Swift.” says a Millennial.

“Okay.” says another ex-evangelical, annoyed.

“But you never left?” asks an ex-evangelical.

“I never left Christianity.” says Lacey.

“There’s no real difference between Catholicism and evangelicalism!” she says condescendingly.

“That’s…not true.” says Lacey.

A Charismatic cracks-up laughing.

“You know there are born-again, charismatic Catholics.” says Lacey. “I’ve known them since childhood.”

“But then what’s the point of being a charismatic, born-again Christian?” he asks.

The ex-evangelical smiles. Rethinks her concept of Catholicism. Wonders if she should buy Catholicism this year and stop being such a chump.

“So you think we’re grappling with our faith as consumers instead of humans capable of prayer?” asks a ghost on their behalf. “Prayer to God.”

“Yes!” says Lacey. “There is no shortcut to truth.”

“Has being able to see ghosts move things around the room…challenged your inner elite atheistic voice?” asks the woman who was considering buying Catholicism. She smiles.

“Yes!” says Lacey. “And the fact that the dark forces who try to throw me and my children down on the ground on occasion respond to the name of Jesus.” says Lacey. “I’ve been fighting off demonic forces sent against me and my family for years by relying on what I learned in Charismatic Christianity.”

“And by relying on the God of the Bible too who you worship?” asks the ex-evangelical.

“Yes!” says Lacey.

“Okay, but the nuts left in the church can’t read something like what you just wrote without making you into a witch.” says an ex-evangelical to Lacey. She laughs.

Lacey looks saddened.

“I’m sorry.” says Lacey to the woman.

“I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking I don’t get it.” She turns to Lacey and stares at her. “Like them.” She thinks. “But I do get it. The fight for wealth in the US…has ruined our church.” She thinks. “And…you don’t think it’s even that hopeful. That we have that much power in the lower classes. You think the church still exists. But it’s for the rare who are in fights with each other over oil using demons, so to speak.” She laughs. “Or the peasants who still don’t get it.” She looks contrite. “Or those who see the beauty of unchanged, traditional Latin mass.” She sits up, “Or the peasants being tempted into actual witchcraft.”

“Peasants being tempted into actual witchcraft?” asks the professor.

“Yes! Making Jesus a sexual being fit their access feels very close to forming a coven to me.” says Lacey.

“You think our charismatic churches are being transformed into covens?” asks the charismatic Christian hater.

“Yes! There’s always been that element since I was a little girl, but my parents are possibly elite and were at the forefront of it. …And I wonder based on what I’ve observed if it’s taking more.” says Lacey.

“You think it’s impossible that there’s a sexual connection between the church and Christ?” asks a Charismatic Christian hater.

“Yes!” says Lacey. “That’s a real metaphor.”

“Boy! I’ve been at odds with you elites my whole life!” says the professor.

“That’s idiotic! You went to Kings College. You can hardly honestly claim that.” says Lacey.

“I went there and am a renegade now because if it!” he says.

“That’s absurd. You rely on that credential to claim authority.” says Lacey. “You’re like an ungrateful, immature teenager.”

“Oh no! She’d think that! But what she doesn’t know is that all the cool kids agree with him!” says a cool Boomer who went there too. Matter-of-fact this permanent teenager runs the damn place. “See…you don’t get it!”

“I don’t get the new music you kids like and the way you wear your hair long?” asks Lacey.

“Yes!” he says.

“Yeah, you guys are tough dudes. But it’s like…you get it.” she says. “I’ve never understood what it is beyond some narcissistic bullshit but do explain.”

“It is the wind in your hair on a motorcycle in the summer. It is a book that makes you smile. It is the way the snow falls in the winter on the sidewalk. It is a lover’s embrace. It is the vibe of friends hanging out finding joy in each other’s company. It is love.” says a Boomer.

“But generations before you existed as humans and experienced that normal stuff too and didn’t reject all of Christianity other than the supposedly cool shit that gets you high.” says Lacey.

“Why does Charismatic Christianity get you high?” asks a Christian hater.

“Because you’re either experiencing something Godly but non-sexual from the Holy Trinity or you’re experiencing witchcraft.” says Lacey. “If it feels at all sexual it’s a ghost or a demon.” says Lacey.

“So we vandalized Christianity?” asks a Boomer. “Just to feel something.”

“Close. There’s nothing uplifting about deconstructionism to me. It’s old. It’s outdated intellectually. But people still cling to it to feel more elite.” says Lacey. “And maybe normal people don’t cling to it and post on Tik Tok. Maybe it’s just social climbers who post to Tik Tok with their horses, bourgeois bullshit pseudo intellectualism and fake glow-ups. ‘Try deconstructing your faith! You’ll look and feel great! Try it today!’”

And all the girls who try to look like Caroline Calloway did in 2019 in 2022 online with insipid Bimbo lips and strangely long nails with that look…agree. “Try it today!” They shake their iced coffee and chew their gum loudly. Waiting. Trying to manifest the supposedly cool shit they barely enjoy.

“Whatever! I’m high society. I…don’t care!” says one of them.

“I bet those women just make you low-key jelly.” says the Christian hater. “I wanna tap their asses not yours you hoe!”

“I don’t!” says the professor.

“Whose ass do you want to tap?” asks Lacey.

“I’m confused. How does one tap an ass?” asks Jack Kennedy.

“I don’t think they’re thinking of anal sex.” says Lacey.

“What are they talking about then?!” he wonders.

“It’s nonsense.” says Lacey. “But I don’t think they grasp that.”

“It’s a saying!” says the professor.

“But what does it mean?” asks JFK.

“It means vaginal sex.” the professor admits.

“But a vagina isn’t an ass.” says Lacey.

Silence.

“Have you guys ever thought to deconstruct deconstructionism?” asks Michael of the deconstructionists. “What about you?” he asks of the Christians.

“We did!” says a dead pastor who taught at an Assemblies God Church.

“But that was 20 years ago.” says Lacey. “And they don’t realize they’re recycling things oftentimes?”

An atheist laughs. “Okay. If it’s…weirdly scientific…I can concede that there’s a great many things we don’t know about life. There could be some…innocent matrix? Or…no…just an afterlife. And we have yet to scientifically understand it.” He smiles. “But…I think your real irritation is that we think there’s nothing that came before us like us. Ever.”

Silence.

“I’d suspect that that’s mostly true.” says Lacey.

“It’s where this all leads us that scares her.” says Michael.

“So you feel we’re being used by the Satanic elite to destroy our own faith?” asks a Christian Charismatic.

“And should that be the case, I get her concern!” says the atheist shrugging. “There’s been enough social upheaval. We don’t need more needless drama.” He thinks. “Just to do what? Feel special? It is…weird.” Pause. “Why can’t we focus on something other than drama?! Like…fixing the problems?”

“The Boomers tried that but it was slow going. And the Christian conservatives felt hurt by their exclusion from the elites.” says Lacey. “So the Christian conservatives decided to charge the citadel politically instead.”

Being a bit of a narcissist he falls apart here.

The professor laughs.

Nodding her head like she’s aiming to start a brouhaha, “Well, we’re wondering if you were part of the group of Christian Conservatives who…charged the…citadel?” she winders. She throws up a fake gang sign. She being a jealous woman who secretly wants her ass tapped by the attractive Christian hater.

Awkward silence.

“I do not!” she says.

“He has a swarm of needy, clingy, toxic young women who fought you off while he sat and played innocent?” asks the professor. “Probably using psychologically complex methods. And I have those females too.”

The atheist nods and smiles. Laughs. Rolls his eyes.

“Does this make sense to you?” asks an elite at Kings College of the atheist.

The atheist nods yes.

“How so?” asks the elite at Kings College.

“She’s…fertile?” the atheist asks Lacey.

“I was. Extremely.” says Lacey.

He laughs and nods. “It’s so…ordinary.” He smiles. He thinks. “She’s a slim, petite woman who’s also very fertile. She’s like a sexual delicacy.” He shrugs. “I’m sorry what do you want me to say?! I’m an atheist.” He laughs.

“And then what?” asks Lacey.

“You got poached by ghosts.” he says. “Should they exist. Because they possibly reasoned that if you could produce genetically good enough children with a man of their choosing that they could have you ahead of time, so to speak. Since most men today are confused.”

“Confused by what?” asks Lacey.

“Okay! So here’s where it gets interesting.” he says. “The professor likely fell in love with a hot girl in England who preferred atheists. And you remind him of her. But you’re seemingly available now.” He looks sad. “And the Christian hater likely had a similar experience. Possibly not with an elite dish, pardon the misogynist literary device, but with some…free-spirited woman who loved sex for what it is as much as you do. Maybe she wasn’t as aware or moral as you, though.”

The professor sighs, rolls his eyes and walks off overwhelmed.

“And…so…they have swarms of women who want any chance they have have to find a fertile woman again to be destroyed. Because those women need their virility to reproduce. Even if they’re aging. It’s their human instinct. And they work in a team. Because they subconsciously know they need to to procreate or secure a viable man.” he says. “Those women tolerate each other out of blindness and a sense of responsibility to their genes.”

“A sense of responsibility to their genes?” asks Lacey.

“Yes. They feel the need to promote their ancestors.” he says. “To not let their flame be extinguished.”

“And this is why we love God. Because there’s not much hope outside of Him.” says the Kings College elite.

“But that’s the problem. They made God an elite. He defies our fallen human conventions in regard to class.” the atheist says. “If He exists, He’s enormous. But also perfectly meek.”

“Do you think there’s anything to be said for why my haters attack the validity of my genes constantly?” asks Lacey.

“Yes!” he smiles.

He laughs, “I think you’ve had a public relations hit job performed on you since childhood by less fertile men and women. To convince men and you that you’re not the most fertile choice.” he says.

“Those swarming women are fighting for the continuation of their genes. As are narcissistic and/or unaware gay men who want a possibly straight man like Lem, should he be a ghost, who can pull fertile women. They need his link to fertility to not feel unable to keep their genes alive.” he says. “Jack may not have actually been as good at attracting fertile women as Lem. Or been as fertile himself. …If they could convince themselves that Bobby Sr. was gay they’d feel more confident then too. It’s possibly why they narcissistically cling to the hope that all men are secretly attracted to men.” He thinks. “It’s impossible, but I think a lot of our human instincts aren’t rationally expressed in some people because they’re instincts not reason.”

“But the instincts give us a lot to learn from!” says Lacey. “If we can analyze them honestly.”

“Do you think of yourself as smart?” he asks Lacey.

“No. Not really.” she says. “I know I am, but I don’t think of myself that way.”

“Because you might not need to work.” he says. “And not just because you’re fertile and should be kept so according to some atheists. Or should have been. And you thankfully were. …But…because you’re possibly elite.” he says. “And it’s that last category that scares them the most. Because it speaks to their possible extinction.” He ponders, “Like their efforts won’t pay off. And the shore is miles away.”

“But why don’t they just tell me that?” she asks.

“Honestly, I don’t think they consciously know.” he says.

“And that’s the hope of an atheist. To figure it out beautifully.” she says.

“Lacey, how attractive is that man?” asks a perfume hater.

“And this is by no means an excuse to be heartless!” says the man. “The contrary.” He thinks. “Nor is it an excuse to be evil in any other way. Like pedophilia.”

“Pedophilia is an internal audit on the elite.” says Lacey. “It can’t be the end of the world if God exists. If goodness exists. No, it’s a knife to cut liars into pieces. The scum at the top. But it’s a fallen world and pray for the children who got cut up in the process. And whoever is at fault I’m coming for you…”

“Don’t take advantage of us!” they weakly try to sound human.

“Oh, I’m going to cut your penis off with a knife slowly…and then make you choke in a pool of your own blood while your victims laugh.” says Lacey. “And then I’ll let maggots eat your rotting corpse while you’re trapped inside your body because you can’t die anymore. And if that doesn’t help I’ll let God try. Or I’ll have to think of better ways to make your brains work.” She thinks. “You’re slum. You are the soul of the slum.”

“You could gouge out their eyes.” says an agnostic.

“Oh! Let’s be careful. Some smartass narcissistic wannabe hotshot will think these are good things to do to me and my family.” says Lacey.

“Putin could just blow us up?” asks a Millennial.

“Yes! But I’ve argued against it thus far.” says Lacey. “He has his own mind though. And a legacy to consider.”

“Does that mean he will blow us up?” asks a perfume hater.

“That’s entirely up to him. Isn’t it? He has his own mind.” says Lacey. “He might not. He might. We can’t control him. It’s his choice. But thankfully he seems to have a good mind.”

“I have a feeling he won’t?” says the professor.

“Do you want him to kill us and prove otherwise? Michael and I could go on a date more easily. And I’m sure angels could babysit my kids.” says Lacey.

The atheist laughs. He nods in understanding.

“Of course, that’s only if I’m with Michael. I might be with Louis or Lem.” says Lacey.

“But pedophiles are all molestation victims! And that atheist is hot!” says a persistent hater who is a sexual deviant in narcissistic denial.

“The atheist is hot actually. He’s my type. But…that’s just the way it is. And I’m with dead men if Purgatory exists. And no, being molested doesn’t make you a pedophile. It just is horrific.” says Lacey.

The atheist nods. Shrugs.

“Honestly, if Putin should just blow us all up…I’m not going to hate him. But I’m going to be irrationally annoyed in the afterlife.” says a woman. She smiles.

“Is this entirely because we raped kids in the 60’s and then killed them with drug addiction afterward?” asks a celebrity.

“Oh! They weren’t killed by drug addiction. They were killed by your bad parenting and slum brain.” says Lacey.

“Then do I deserve maggots?” he asks her.

“It depends.” says Louis.

“It cannot be denied that it felt good to molest those kids!” says a malignant narcissist pedophile.

“Do you think I’m not aware that to someone deranged like you it feels good? I’m not. But you know vomiting feels good too at times. So does killing yourself. So does walking. …You’re too stupid to realize you don’t have a point. You’re a Buffon.” says Lacey.

“Yeah! I gotta a point!” says a wannabe hotshot elite snorting like a wannabe pig in the afterlife.

“But you’re not in my brain!” the buffoon says. “You don’t know!”

“Why did it feel good?” asks Lacey.

“Because it’s sexual pleasure to my body. And I like hurting innocent people. But children are the most innocent and trusting.” he says. “It’s also fun to lie to myself hardcore and believe I’m making them actually enjoy it in a normal way.”

“That’s possibly accurate.” says Lacey. “So you also lie in believing other humans aren’t just made with the ability to experience sexual pleasure in normal actually more pleasurable ways.”

“It’s not more pleasing!” he says.

“Oh no! It is! You’re experiencing someone else or you’re experiencing another demonic lie or it’s nothing at all.” says Joe Jr..

“True! Seemingly. You’re an absolute buffoon sexually.” says Lacey. “You’re one of the most truly retarded and evil type of humans to exist sexually, actually.” She thinks. “But your actual massive addiction to lying fascinates me. How creative although evil, of course.”

“Maggots? Really. I get your concept of restorative justice.” says an elite to Lacey. “And of course kids being kids developmentally must be, have to be left alone sexually, and so pedophilia really is profoundly stupid on that basis alone. But…I bet God can do better? Better in regard to the maggots.”

“I just like lying!” says the sexual buffoon.

“Hmm. That’s profound!” says a woman to him.

“No! It’s not. But I do! I just like lying.” he says.

“I’ll let God handle it of course, but perhaps my maggots will be part of it.” says Lacey.

“Do you like lying enough to be eaten alive by maggots until you disappear?” the woman asks the sexual buffoon.

He struggles. “No. I’m just that stupid.” He wants to break his addiction.

“Is this why the poor were considered evil and why they thought the peasants molested people?” asks a perfume hater.

“I’d bet yes.” says Lacey. “F. Scott Fitzgerald alludes to that historical possibility in Tender Is The Night.”

“No, I bet he might.” says the atheist.

A bourgeois hater looks profoundly perplexed.

“But that’s not the story!” says a bourgeois elite. “It’s proof she’s lying!”

“Lying about what?” asks another bourgeois woman.

“What line is it in the novel that you’re thinking of?” asks the professor.

“See this is why I wonder if she’s just a prostitute!” says the Christian hater.

“Yeah!!!” says a woman in his swarm.

“No. I’m not.” says Lacey.

“But you have the smarts to get them hot!” the Christian hater says. “There’s no way they love you. And it’s equal. You’re a poor peasant trying to hack it like us!”

“It’s the line where possibly Dick Diver calls someone a peasant? The man who molested his daughter from Chicago.” says Lacey.

“And you hope men like me actually love their daughters as daughters.” he says. “But you worried I was a malignant fraud instead.”

“Yes, but not because of that book solely if at all, I don’t think.” says Lacey.

“That’s a line in the book!? I’ll burn up all the books! I don’t want you to be right and smart and stuff!” says the bourgeois woman. “Wait! You thought the professor was a pedophile?!” she grins, drooling.

“Don’t bother burning up all the books. Then it will be a mess intellectually those who genuinely care can’t afford to fix right now.” says a man.

“I’ve said some weird things over the years.”says theprofessor.

“Yes! I hope it was an accident.” says Lacey. “But regardless, I couldn’t read you anymore. I couldn’t get a good sense of who you are. And I decided to play it safe.”

“That’s because Satan is your interpreter. He’s the one explaining other people to you. If you knew us you’d meet us you’d be free!” says the Christian hater dancing to their so-called worship music with lights and smoke in the background.

“You know what’s sad?” says a man from Flint, Michigan who could sit down and talk with Lacey over dinner and not be weird. “He has crooked teeth.”

Lacey agrees.

“But fixing teeth is rich people stuff!” says Lacey sarcastically.

“In 2022?” he says.

“There’s Invisalign.” says Lacey. “But it’s not good enough.”

“Do you think there should be free dental care?!” scoffs a Gen Xer.

The professor rolls his eyes.

“Well…if we don’t let them ruin our lives in that way they’ll stop caring about us at all…and then they’ll just start killing us or they’ll just brainwash us into being perverted, suicidal buffoons. We have to let them almost kill us. They can’t think hard enough to fix it. Everyone’s a retarded accident anyway. Jesus just loves us because he’s a moron like my mom.” says the Gen X woman.

“Okay. So. That’s not quite true in regard to what we can or could have done to advance quality of life. But…the rest is the way they have chosen to frame it. Jesus isn’t a moron though.” says Lacey. Taylor Swift starts playing. “There are a great many things to unpack here. But pedophilia is wrong, unequivocal shit, absolutely ugly and deplorable. And you may be punished with maggots after death. So don’t molest kids or advocate for it.”

“We really are this dumb!” weeps a Boomer about his generation.

“So…what are you going to do about it?” asks Lacey.

“Just keep being dumb! What else?!” says a demon with a wink. It’s the end of the television show. And the darkness emerges. But the new technology and a dying generation will fix it. Right? Because it’s smart to be stupid?