With the exception of romantic jealousy, jealousy is a form of rejection. And sometimes even romantic jealousy is rejection.
It says: You don’t deserve to be what you are, to have what you have or to receive my goodwill. It says: I don’t care what the reality is about your feelings or your life because they don’t matter to me. You don’t matter to me.
Jealousy is often a sincere way of disregarding people’s humanity and dignity to save one’s pride, at best. At worst it overtakes you and you literally lose your mind.
There are serious needs in this world. There are very real hurting people. Sometimes jealous people can be those genuinely tortured souls. And I suppose for those folks jealousy could maybe be somewhat more rational than for others but it’s still not particularly helpful and can be dangerous to indulge in. But this is all common sense though. Right?
I really am not a person who gets jealous pretty much almost ever, although I have been known to be jealous in romantic relationships in the past and it felt awful… And the thing is, again, outside of maybe one relationship it wasn’t useful either.
My first boyfriend cheated. Did I get jealous? Yes. Was it helpful? No. Enough said.
My second boyfriend cheated too. And where I felt fearful and jealous and tried to “make things work” by changing my hair and tanning and doing tons of other stupid stuff I should have instead realized I was just in an objectively bad relationship that needed to end.
There were other relationships too, including my marriage, but the one exception to feeling on edge ironically may have been the only one where jealousy was what he wanted. Ha! Life.
He was very sensitive and very smart. And I think he wanted to make me jealous… *sigh* But since I trusted him I inherently wasn’t jealous. If I feel wanted romantically I don’t get jealous and I think he likely missed that… And, he is the only person besides my husband on my list.
Maybe he was just a jerk though. *shrug* I don’t know for certain…
Anyway, jealousy is not often helpful. It’s fear. It’s external hatred or internal hatred or both. It’s often just fruitless anger. Meaningless negativity.
Or maybe for a romantic relationship it can be proof of love… And if you know people actually respect you as a person maybe some “friendly” jealously can be tolerable or for some it may even be enjoyable. *shrug* I’ve never enjoyed either, for better or worse.