Like Spinning Plates

I’ve noticed that people since around…2015 or so…have been assuming I’m a prostitute.

*laugh*

Not everyone. Of course. But a bank teller who was also determined to compete with me and explain to me who rich her mom was…insinuated a large check I was depositing from my father (who raised me) was from a client who was paying me. *laugh* “My that’s generous!” she literally said with self-righteousness and disturbing certainty. “You’ve never deposited a check this big before, have you?” she said as if I was stupid and poor. *blink*

…The thing is…1. what prostitute deposits personal checks for the amount I did from a client?! *eye-roll* It’s common sense that that’s an unlikely scenario to begin with. It’s too risky for one thing. 2. Who pays someone as much as the amount I was depositing? For a week? One night?! …That’d be a high rate. Again, the logistics in her idiotically constructed, narcissistic self-soothing lie don’t make sense. And 3. No, it’s highly unlikely her mom was even middle-class. She was possibly raised genuinely poor. That’s what she seemed like.

…That woman was trashy, inappropriate, self-sabotaging and useless at her job. A computer could have done a better job than her. Literally.

“Awww! That’s so mean!” says Harold Loeb.

Lacey laughs.

“I’ve known of expensive prostitutes…and no, you’re right. The rate you’d have charged would have been fairly exorbitant.” He laughs.

“How do people not realize how dumb they’re being around me?!” says Lacey in exasperation.

“Are you genuinely embarrassed for them?” asks Scott.

“Yes! Very much so.” says Lacey.

Harold smiles.

“And it’s so obvious I’m not a prostitute.” says Lacey. “I do not look or act or dress anything like a prostitute. At all.”

“It’s because you’re really sexy and beautiful.” says Scott. “They’re not just jealous of your beauty. They’re jealous of your sexuality.”

“Do they wish they were more straight?” asks Lacey.

“In some cases yes.” answers Zelda.

“I’ve always wondered if Casi was jealous on many levels but secretly hated how straight I was. Because I think she wanted desperately to be straight, white, old money, smart enough for a girl and beautiful. And more petite and skinny. …I was everything she wanted to be and wasn’t. …But she focused most on my inherited money and higher social class than her and my heterosexuality.” Lacey says. “But you know, nobody felt sympathy for me when she endlessly attacked me. People probably still enable her narcissistic obsession.”

“People enjoyed watching you suffer. They were sadistic, hateful, jealous fake friends.” says Michael.

“No! They were the superior-poor.” says Lacey sarcastically.

“They were irresponsible. And very foolish.” says Michael. “They acted like sociopaths.”

“And the best part was when I defended myself like a normal person…they turned me into either a babbling idiot or a violent, grim lesbian.” says Lacey.

“Or a prostitute.” says Harold. “And then they thought it was clever because they secretly know how honest and intellectually sophisticated you are, especially compared to them. And they knew you’d wrestle honestly and passionately with the cliche trope that marriage is nothing more than prostitution.”

Scott tries not to laugh.

Zelda smiles.

“A healthy marriage is the opposite of prostitution. The only way it becomes that in any way is if you make all women queer. Or non-binary. Or ideally, for the argument, both. …And that’s why I’m not a feminist. Because insecure, narcissistic feminists can’t deal honestly with the existence of women like me. Either because they’re just deranged and being queer is, as Freud possibly suggested, a mental illness or real mental defect…and people are brainwashed into thinking otherwise today… Not that we should hate queer people. Or, they are greedy, capitalistic, jaded megalomaniacs who enjoy ruling over people by sucking their souls like a leech…masquerading as friends.”

“You think they’re frauds either way.” says Michael.

“I think some of them are authentic. Feminism before the Boomers both glorified it and ruined it…existed for a good reason. So did progress. So did humanitarianism. But like sex itself…they made it all about perversion and ego.” says Lacey.

“I think you need to let your kids ruin the world.” says Harold. “Once they’re gone we can clean-up. Let them have fun!”

“How did they never grow-up?!” asks Lacey.

“Trauma!” says Zelda half sarcastically.

“I don’t hate the fake-communist super-popular feminists. Truly. I just resent what they’ve done with a great many things. And they’ve attacked me.” says Lacey. It’s ironic.

“Are you a communist?” asks Harold Loeb.

“No. If I had any anti-republican sympathies it’d ironically be with either monarchy or anarchy.” says Lacey.

“That sounds dumb, Lacey!” says Michael. “You’re an idiot!” he screams.

“Thank you.” She genuinely smiles.

“You don’t know anything about anything!“ says Harold. “You’re a prostitute!”

“And your ex-husband was and is secretly queer.” says Scott.

“Do these fools think everyone is queer?” asks Lacey.

“Yes!” says Zelda.

“How is that not psychologically Facist?” asks Lacey.

“They may not be that consciously organized in that regard.” says Michael.

“It’s their insecurity. They need people to be like them.” says his father.

“Because they worry it’ll all come crumbling down if they can’t understand it, relate to it or control it that easily.” postulates Lacey.

“People are terrified.” says Scott.

People stop to ponder it all.

“Aren’t you liberated by the right they’ve given you to spread your legs and not get pregnant?” asks Scott.

“No. That’s not what I would have been aiming at. …No. I mean…avoiding pregnancy in a loving relationship…is sometimes ideal…but…that’s different than being soulless about making-love.” she says.

“I think in a way she’s most offended by how stupid you all act like she is.” says Scott.

“My ex-husband wanted me to sleep with other men because he wanted me to be more like him. Not out of a secret desire to sleep with other men vicariously through me. He was a womanizer on principle. He’s that genuinely brilliant. …There was no hidden cause. Things aren’t that simple in this world. Trends don’t make rules. …That’s why he’s not a womanizer now. He simply changed his ideology.” Lacey explains to haters who may have hoped her ex-husband was and is gay.

“Most people pretend to be that principled and aren’t.” says Harold.

“Behind her back you try to copy her exact thoughts and phrases. To sound smart. Because you all know. You know… But you all act too stupid and sociopathic to let her in on it. And that’s impossible. You can’t starve someone to death in a securely locked dungeon and then blame them for being hungry.” says Zelda.

“But posed sexy while pregnant with a Louis Vuitton!” says Scott.

This?!!

…I actually look awful in this picture. And I was probably literally nauseous…from my pregnancy.

“That’s me standing normally. I never posed sexy while pregnant. And unpacking the weird implications about the psychology of anyone who’d focus on that concept and use it…are deeply disturbing. What in the Hell is wrong with that person? Literally.” says Lacey.

“Nooo! That’s you purposefully being sexy to arouse gay women and men!” says Scott.

Lacey smiles. “No. And that’s so stupid I wonder how anyone fixated on that has a brain that reminds their body to stay alive.” says Lacey.

“Like they have a lethal form of epilepsy?!” says an overly excited demon.

“We can use this to curse you and kill you and your family! You lack empathy for their inferiority! That’s wrong!” says a demon.

“Why are you all so stupid?!” says Lacey to the demons.

“They aren’t all smart.”

“That’s funny. I always thought demons would all be intelligent.” says Lacey to God.

“I think they thought they were secretly old money or could become so. Over time. Not that that makes sense.” says Zelda.

“I mean I empathize. But…” says Lacey.

“It just seems so stupid.” says Lem.

“Yes.” says Lacey.

“You think no one could be that stupid.” says Lem.

“I mean it takes a lot of time, money, real change and generations of permanent real change to become old money.” says Lacey. “And that’s not being persnickety. That’s just incontrovertible fact.”

“So people can’t imitate you into being old money?!” asks Michael.

“No! That’s often pathological and…no. It’s like imitating being a drug addict. You could pretend. But pretending is wildly different than being one.” says Lacey.

“So…pretending to be addicted to opiates…is different than actually experiencing that?” asks Zelda.

“Yes! And that’s obvious.” says Lacey.

“It is.” says Scott. “And that’s why you’re angry. You hate stupidity.”

“Stupidity divorced from a good heart.” says Lacey.

Silence.

“I’m not God!” yells Lacey.

Machiavellian

As inspired by a post I saw on Tik Tok:

Real “power” doesn’t need to control “the people” with a heavy hand unless the people are more evil than the leaders. Right now, to some degree, that’s the case.

But I’ll write it again.

Real “power” doesn’t need to control “the people” with a heavy hand unless the people are more evil than the leaders. Right now, to some degree “power” is revealing how impotent, lowly or decrepit it is by being far too heavy handed in a multitude of ways, in my opinion. And no I don’t mean to implicate just “the liberals” or just “the conservatives.”

…I tend towards the Catholic side of Christianity so I don’t necessarily think God sees all sin as being equal. The child molesters, the evil rich (as opposed to the genuinely noble rich), cruel and violent people who are in any class and evil etc. can all be saved from Hell if they sincerely accept salvation and don’t truly reject Christ’s salvation. How one rejects salvation is a very hot topic and one that receives wildly varying views from different Christian denominations. But regardless, more than being “smart” and Machiavellian one should fear God…because our life is relatively short and Hell could last for eternity.

We’re not redeemed by our charity work, however. Or our poverty. We’re redeemed by Christ. Still, it’s not that God doesn’t take our situations into account, so to speak…I don’t think. But that’s the very thing actually…He sees everything. He knows everything. And if you’re poor or saintly and seem full of good excuses but your heart is truly in the wrong place with Him, He won’t misunderstand. …You can’t save yourself. Being poor or giving to the poor doesn’t purify your soul the way the cross did.

…But right now it’s bad.

Our culture is rotting. The economy is possibly fine long-term but on an individual, present and human level many people are demoralized or suffering. And that’s where everyone needs to get smarter. Evil leadership brings instability. …And it might take 50 years but those leaders will be dead or destroyed if they don’t shape-up. It’s like gravity. Most trees die eventually and fall into decay but rotting ones die and decay (entirely) a lot faster of course. And again, God knows…and cares.

So while you fight for your life…just know God sees you. And…ask for help and ask for grace and be daring and possibly righteously defiant enough to ask for deliverance until your dying breath.

If my father was born in 1894 he probably weeps daily over my life. And yes, he seemingly died a Christian. So…it’s not like “he’s getting away with it.” *shrug* At the same time, I’d still rather have him as a father despite it all. …The father who raised me may or may not actually love me as his daughter.

God is good. He’s perfect. Hopefully that’s both terrifying in the best sense and deeply comforting. Pray to Him. Explain. Ask. Seek Him. It’s the only way to deal with a horribly evil world that still is better than Hell.