Lem Was GAY!

Bobby: Kem!! IT IS!!

It’s not LEM.

*Bobby has a demonic seizure*

A gay male psychic: Umm-

So he’s back to that?

The CEO of L’Oreal: Yes.

A gay male psychic: It’s not normal.

The CEO of L’Oréal: No.

But we can’t do anything about it.

A gay male psychic: Okay.

Does he tend to start…that….when he’s scared?

The CEO of L’Oreal: Yes!

It feels like…safety, to him. He can’t quite let it go. Because it’s a memory. It feels…like being 40 again and having better health-

A gay male psychic: I get it.

What does it mean to him?

The CEO of L’Oreal: Being younger. Having better health. Being…with Ted. Being…in a safer country-

A gay male psychic: YEAH!

He gets destructive with it though. Yeah?

The CEO of L’Oreal: It could be nuclear war.

*Later*

Lem: I’m gonna speak on her behalf because she’s exhausted. Let’s just say that homosexuality actually is an exception and it’s allowed in heaven.

What exactly is it that you want from us?

A gay male psychic: Well…-

*Long wait*

I just want you to be able to let me- I just think we need to be able-

OK, so you’re not understanding-

It’s just like-

I don’t really-

Well it’s just kind of like why are you in the right?

Lem: Do you even know what you’re talking about? 

A gay male psychic: Yes.

Lem: I don’t.

It seems like you’re refusing that I’m straight and that’s all you’re thinking of right now, and that’s completely asinine. You’re asking for details of my current sex life and that’s repulsive. 

You have no right to ask for that. I’ve tried explain as much as I could, and I’ve literally had people calling the police as I’ve done that because they believe that I’m doing something incredibly awful. 

A gay male psychic: Oh my god!! *He freaks out*

Lem: I’m not gay. I was never attracted to you or any other man.

You’re gonna have to accept that because that is reality.

If that’s too much for you to handle then that’s your problem and there’s something wrong with how you see possibly everything. But that’s not on me. I didn’t do that to you, believe it or not. 

A gay male psychic: I can’t handle that you’re straight. I literally cannot handle it.

Lem: Okay.

Unfortunately, I can’t help you.

A gay male psychic: *panics*

For what it’s worth I think the whole perfume community started to base their entire meaning off of just attacking you and your wife. I don’t really think they exist unfortunately for them for any other reason at this point other than to just attack you. I don’t think they have a real aesthetic anymore. I don’t think they have any meeting anymore. I think they’re just a bunch of idiots who are entirely focused on defeating an imaginary enemy. 

Jim: Are you just shocked that you’ve been lied to?

A gay male psychic: Yes.

Jim: *Nods*

I’m in my 70s. I outed myself as a homosexual in my 50s.

I think that a lot of people today have been hoodwinked by men that I used to know. Maybe literally, maybe not. It seems like you could trust Gore Vidal but I know who that man really was and I know that he was a very sneaky person. 

You guys tend to mythologize people today, and it’s dangerous. We always have done that, but I’ve noticed more and more over the last 10 years people myth everyone who dies who is ever nice to anyone at all.

Dolly Parton was not a nice person.

A gay male psychic: Hmm.

Jim: Did she seem nice to you? To me she seemed like she could be- I don’t wanna use the word.

A gay male psychic: *Laughs*

Yeah, she probably was sort of-

Jim: *Nods*

I like her. I actually really like her.

But I would not have thought of her as a saint.

A gay male psychic: Yeah.

*Later*

A man in the Illuminati: Now Bobby is going to try to kill her. And her kids. Because he’s mad as Hell.

He realizes she’s not mean. She means well. And he’s…just wrong. And he starts a lot of evil stuff.

Lacey. Don’t ever help him again.

He can’t even make it through the day without being evil, when you do. He’s that…broken.

Lem wasn’t gay. He secretly was straight…and he’s just going to have to crash and burn.

God: This is a nightmare for her, because she cares.

A gay guy in Minnesota: I feel like I’m supposed to hate her?

God: Don’t.

A female reader: So…is he fighting with her or what?

Lou: No!

He’s not gay. Lem was genuinely heterosexual. I’m not being clever. He was just heterosexual…

Listen, it’s sad.