Category Archives: Journal

Lacey: This whole blog is for entertainment purposes only.

Casi: Cool.

The Illuminati: Duh.

We don’t exist.

And we certainly don’t use telepathy.

A man reading this blog: I’m determined to find one relationship where she screwed-up.

God: Not a thing.

I’m sorry.

A man reading this blog: And she’s not attracted to anyone but men?

God: Yes.

A man reading this blog: Then she really has had a sad life.

Casi: FORGET THIS!

*rolls her eyes*

The Illuminati: So…you don’t believe that?

Casi: No!

She’s a horrible person.

The Illuminati: Why? Because she told you you weren’t in the same social class?

Casi: YES!

She’s just mean.

She’s just…an orny, mean cunt.

God: No, she’s not.

You harassed-

Casi: Shut-up!

SHUT-UP!!!

Bobby: *claps*

I love telling God to be quiet.

*he laughs*

Satan can be annoying too though, at times.

So…what’s wrong?

Casi: It’s nothing…-

Bobby: No! Tell me! I care.

You know?

Casi: Yeah. I can tell you do.

*sighs*

It’s just…I’m the victim.

I’m the one who’s poor. And insecure.

Bobby: Yeah. So true!

Casi: I’m the one who’s hurting. Me.

I’m the one- I’m the one who’s sad.

I’m the one…who’s poor.

I…am…the insecure one.

Bobby: Yeah.

*looks empathetic*

I hear you.

Casi: Right!?

Like…I don’t want to hear your problems. I don’t care about her suffering. Because…I…am…insecure. I AM…poor-

Bobby: AMEN!!

*he claps*

Casi: I am…-

Bobby: I am.

So true.

Casi: You know?

Bobby: I feel it.

*nods empathetically*

Casi: Right!?

Like…stay in your own lane.

*she rolls her eyes*

Bobby: Yeah.

Lacey: So what’s someone like me supposed to do…when I’m sad? Like…really sad?

Bobby: Just die.

*he shrugs*

Survival of the fittest.

Casi: Yeah.

And I am…insecure.

Bobby: YAAsss!!

Yas!!!

Casi: “You aren’t allowed to live? You’re not a loser?”

Bobby: We’re getting rid of people like her.

Yes.

Casi: What?

Bobby: Yeah.

I don’t like feeling threatened. A lot of people don’t.

So…-

*he shrugs*

Casi: But…I’m insecure.

Bobby: Perfect.

That’s so good for us.

Casi: So we’re killing off intelligence? And sanity? And wealth?

Bobby: Don’t put it like that! That sounds offensive.

Casi: Ahh…-

Bobby: No.

Because…the diet drugs…aren’t working. People look gaunt.

And…so now…some people, including me…are just going to sanction killing hot skinny people.

*he waits*

Just kidding!! *he laughs*

No! I’m totally kidding.

*he laughs*

So…you feel sad?

Casi: *thinks*

I mean…-

Bobby: Well. You should.

But don’t kill yourself. You’re a mean person. We need you alive.

*he waits*

Just kidding!!!

Casi: I mean…I’m insecure.

Bobby: Yeah.

A lot of the most rich and powerful people today…are.

They’re just like you.

Casi: *thinks*

Lacey: I can’t be insecure.

Why is that considered a good thing now?

Bobby: Because it’s cool to be dysfunctional!

People think we’re more loving and accepting? No. We’re not.

It’s just cool to be a jerk.

People like you…who are fertile and have good self-esteem? So worthless to us. We…like…hating ourselves.

It’s kind of like chewing ice? Or chewing your own fingernails? …Or…sawing off your own teeth?

Sometimes…things just become a trend.

Lacey: Huh.

Putin: I’m not insecure enough. They hate that.

Bobby: True.

He has “big dick energy”. So not cool.

Casi: Huh!?

Bobby: I mean…-

It’s like…-

You grow-up…feeling…ugly. Right? And none of the chicks want to screw you, unless you’re like me. *he rolls his eyes*

But…-

So then…you invest in bitcoin? Make…millions of Dollars…and start a tech company? Right? Make…more millions.

*he shrugs*

And it’s like…why bother?

Why bother even pooping anymore?

Why bother…sleeping?

Why bother…eating actual food?

*he shrugs*

It’s over.

So archaic.

A Catholic: You’re a real “man of the moment”!

Huh?

Bobby: No.

I’m a loser.

I’m a total…loser.

Casi: This isn’t how I experience my insecurities…

Bobby: No!

It is!

TRUST ME.

Casi: But I’m feeling…actual sadness.

Bobby: *thinks*

So are they…

Casi: It doesn’t seem like it!

Bobby: No! They are.

Casi: What!??

Bobby: It’s a thing of the past.

Casi: What is?

Bobby: All of that!

Casi: All of what!?

Bobby: The-

All of that…stuff.

Casi: What stuff?

Bobby: The…-

The things. …The stuff!

Casi: *cries*

Bobby: Nope!

You can’t do that!!!

Casi: *looks horrified*

Bobby: *blinks*

Casi: I’m sad!

I’m feeling insecure.

Bobby: Well…maybe it’s uncool to be insecure now, too.

Casi: WHY!?

Bobby: It’s too…much.

Casi: Then what isn’t too much?

Bobby: *thinks*

Casi: Well!??

Bobby: *blinks*

Casi: Blinking your eyes!??

Bobby: YES!

It’s the way of the future.

Dying is too much. Heck, maybe moving your body is too much.

I think…we blink.

A tech billionaire: YAS!!!

BLINKING!!!

Casi: This is legitimately entertaining. Let’s do more!

Lacey: I had no idea he hated me that much.

Chris: Yeah, well…

I was just being honest. It’s not like I would ever actually harm you or or anyone in your family. I just-I really don’t think I give a crap about you. 

A male reader: You already have harmed her and people in her family!

Casi: *laughs*

I almost feel like you’ve harmed me, to be honest?

Chris: She just made me really angry, OK!?

Casi: Are you absolutely sure it was Russian politics?

Chris: No, and yes.

Casi: What was the argument about?

Chris: I was a huge fan of a man named Milton Friedman. And she was the president of the Messiah College Democrats.  y an argument about the power and certainty of Free Market economics to fix a social issue we were discussing, and she cut what I was saying to pieces…and I felt like an idiot. 

She made this argument that was incredibly obvious, and I felt really stupid for not realizing it until she pointed it out.

Casi: That is not what I would’ve anticipated, but that’s interesting… *she sounds nervous*

The Illuminati: Do you wanna keep going or is that the end?

Casi: I don’t know…

The Illuminati: Okay.

A male reader: Why is she the one deciding this? That’s weird!

The Illuminati: Because, we have believed that she was a woman of profound insight, as the former countess.

There’s photographic evidence to suggest that she’s reincarnated. We don’t have such evidence for Lacey, so we weren’t willing to make that a possibility, in our minds. 

Casi: But if you’re wrong, she’s like a world leader and I’m not.

The Illuminati: I did think that last post with Bobby and Chris discussing America and gender and misogyny was very disturbing. And, when I first started talking to Lacey, I would’ve never imagined her even thinking about stuff like that. I thought she was too stupid and shallow.

So…definitely a reason to consider what you’re saying-

Casi: But she’s in the CIA and surely you knew that?

The Illuminati: Have you noticed how we make fun of Ivanka?

There is a group of women who graduated from good schools? who come from middle class backgrounds, who believe that they’re truly intellectual. They believe that they proved themselves. None of them are in the CIA. None of them have a father who is president or oil in their family. And they tend to think that they’re the truly intelligent women of their-of their generation.

Ivanka is also in the CIA. In a very similar capacity to Lacey. Actually…all of his children are- He was-

Do you remember that interview with Vladimir Putin and Tucker Carlson where he tells Tucker that he was in the CIA? That was a joke about this.

So we don’t take those people very seriously. It’s like, “What do they even do?”.

Bobby: *nods*

Babysit assholes like me? *he laughs*

I completely agree. We should just dismantle the entire CIA, and save the money.

Casi: So you guys truly do not take these people seriously, even though you’re dependent on them for your safety?

The Illuminati: Yeah? I mean you go to these parties in LA? OK?

And you meet lots of really important people!

And you think, “Hey, they’re just people!” People with tans and fake hair and long nails? And they’re just as vulnerable as anyone else! And you start to sell yourself, “This is stupid!”. And I’m sure that…you know, that they’re like the police? …They keep an eye on speeders and monitor traffic stops. You know? Make arrests, when necessary. But… I don’t really think that they do that much.

Bobby, what else would you think we should defund?

Bobby: I think we should completely defund the FDA.

Casi: THE WHOLE FDA!?!!

Bobby: Yes, what what is it even?

You can go to a farm, you can go grocery store…and it’s safe. …There’s nothing there that harms you!

I have absolutely no idea why the American taxpayerxzzhas to fund an organization…that’s basically doing nothing.

Lacey: What else?

Bobby: To be honest, I would defund almost everything!!

Schools…roads?

I would just say, “TAXES are done!”. No more taxes. No more any of that shit!

Just let people live!

Just let people live free…

And if they die? If they die of food poisoning or lead poisoning or if they fall off a bridge and drown? Well…that’s fine. That’s fine!

BECAUSE…that’s the world.

That’s the world, man.

That’s how it is.

It’s harsh. The world is WILD. …And you just gotta let people live and die. And… that’s how I see it.