Ghosts Explained Further

Sometimes I wonder if haters tell themselves I’m seeing skeletons or ghouls when I see ghosts. And that’s tragic.

…I see lots of things.

I see demons on occasion. I rebuke them in Jesus’ name.

I see shadows, black dots that look like bugs until I focus on them and I rebuke them too in Jesus’ name. The other night I was so close to one I almost felt like I could catch it with my hand.

I see transparent figures.

I see shadows.

I see lights.

I see mists.

I’ve seen full-bodied apparitions.

When I interact with ghosts I’ve heard their voices and later confirmed the sound of their voice in recordings I found online. I’ve seen their faces when I close my eyes.

“That’s heresy!!” yells a hater.

“How is it heresy?” asks Lacey.

They can’t explain without intellectually losing. And they’re convinced I can’t be experiencing ghosts. It’s a terrifying concept theologically if I am. Because it’s so nuanced if it’s true…it scares them. If I’m not conjuring ghosts…what does that mean?! That Catholics are right? What?! That all evil isn’t evil?! That what? It’s…terrifying. It feels like a dangerous slope to them. …For me it hasn’t been at all.

I simply shrug my shoulders, refuse to let it affect any of my previously held beliefs, with the exception of not having some physical evidence of the supernatural now…and let it go at that. It’s too unexplainable and I apologize to God for it daily.

…When I kissed Lem it was like kissing a man who is alive but without lips. Like my brain literally informed me of his physical presence in a similarly experienced way to when you “feel” someone staring at you and they’re actually there. Like somehow my brain almost involuntarily acknowledges/acknowledged whatever he is as him…and then…it was and is as if my actual lips touched his lips. But not quite with the sensation of physical living touch.

The air around Lacey’s right hand goes suddenly ice cold.

My brain almost seems to be between two realms.

*laugh*

“Who did this to you?!” asks a Christian, most likely.

Lacey smiles. “If it isn’t evil God will hopefully use it for everyone’s good. But really, it’s unclear. Even if the real Illuminati opened some portal in my brain for the purposes of their activities…it seems to have altered me possibly until my death. Against my will.” *laugh* “But the sad irony is that God really is real love. And if He created Eros…I’m, again, not convinced He isn’t using it for everyone’s good. …But also, if my father was born in 1894…what was going on in my brain already? Right? I’m not schizophrenic. But…I’ve said it before and I still wonder if my brain is genuinely missing some element that functions to keep living people more present than I often am in time and space. Like as a father ages does he take his sperm closer to the grave with him? So considering my father’s age…I was already in transition to the afterlife when I got…pulled into the 21st Century, so to speak?” *laugh* “And I’m glad I was created but…in that case…was I thinking I’d be born in Heaven? And then…”

A ghost almost materializes by her window. It doesn’t scare her. She just feels bad it can’t be less translucent, should it be a ghost. He seems to be Elliott.

“I just physically heard what I can only imagine was a psychic man calling out to Jack. Because he thought I was and am still Jack.” says Lacey.

“But Jack does help you?” says Elliott?

“I know. But I can feel his presence, yet I know that’s not actually me.” says Lacey. “It’s more like a part of my being doesn’t want to live and God’s had to use his spirit to calm me down.”

“What would you have done if he wasn’t there talking you through things?” asks Elliott.

“I don’t know. Would I have died of a seizure?” asks Lacey.

“He knows you hate getting help.” Jack says.

“Oh! That’s masculine! Are you a man?” asks Elliott of Lacey.

“No. Not at all.” says Lacey. “It hurts that that psychic rejected me so brutally. Should that not have been a hallucination.”

“I know who your actual spirit is. I’ve had you look in the mirror and see yourself.” says Elliott.

“I’m not a man? Am I?” she asks Elliott, feeling terrified, like she’s being smothered to death by a psychopathic parent at the thought that she could be a man or ever was one.

“Yes!! You were! You were a man!!!!” yells Satan, lying.

“No.” says Elliott. “Like in a well? Like you’re being drowned?” he asks, humorously.

“Why do they have to make me Jack? Or a lesbian? Or a homophobe? Why?” asks Lacey.

“Because someone they’re all controlled by hates the truth. I know you. You were never Jack.” He calms her down. “Nor a man.” He laughs at the silliness of the idea.

Michael smiles. Calmly.

“I can do the same thing Jack does. But you’d not breath as well. And I’m in love with you, so you’ll sense that.” says Lem. Her nose stuffs up temporarily. She feels loved though by some sense of something.

Her nose clears up suddenly when Michael does it. She feels more clear headed. Like mint…

Louis does it and she recognizes the origin of the shift in her personality over the last few years. He’s such a strong person.

Elliott flicks water at her teasingly from her water bottle.

“Demonic!” yells a Christian ex-psychic, who unfortunately might be being influenced by the demonic realm to assume that.

“It’s Satanic in her mind to use water in that way.” admits someone to explain the ex-psychic.

“But that’s not what I’m doing. That wasn’t it. It’s just an inside joke between Elliott and me.”says Lacey. “He likes to tease me.”

Jack can’t keep from laughing.

“Yeah!

Time for herbal tea.

…Lacey did have PTSD. Years ago. It’s entirely possible some part of her struggles far more than she knows. And it’s funny. It’s like her physical body is merely an expression of her actual being. Like a drawing of her created by God for a fallen world. And also a puppet. Animated by God. …Possibly capable of being affected by ghosts…if the pilot is too shocked to move to save her life at times.

“It’s obvious you’re a dualist!” says Faye.

The thing is…”This is really happening!” is something she may have heard God say. As in, “Take this more seriously.” But Lacey doesn’t want to get her hopes up.

Hate is something one can get used to feeling from other people. It’s like the prison walls of Shawshank. And it’s hard to believe God would let me experience real ghosts and my only consequence would be having to actually deal with the reality of it all for eternity. If they’re not demons…they’re lovely people.

Atheists

…At this point I can’t be a true atheist easily. Given what I’ve physically experienced/observed that I’m almost positive wasn’t currently scientifically explainable it would be dishonest of me to be a traditional atheist. I would be pushing myself too far intellectually past the boundaries of my conscience.

That being said, could a human spirit exist in all of us and yet there be no God? …I’ve actually genuinely considered this to keep my conscience clear. As in, if there is a God I don’t want to lie to Him and pretend to believe when I secretly don’t.

But too many times I’ve prayed to God and He’s answered my prayers in a way that feels befitting of God not a demon, ghost or other lesser entity. And that’s just one of the most rational reasons…of course. Again, I cannot truly rationally, in good conscience, not believe in God. And while some devout atheists might try to be convincing for kind reasons I can’t lie to them and patronize them considering their possibly good intentions.

The thing is…God still isn’t scientifically provable. I can’t replicate what I’ve observed for scientific purposes. So it’s not as if I can write a thesis suggesting otherwise. And believing in Him and trusting Him for salvation still requires faith.

The thing is…the ex-psychics who I hope mean well who claim psychics only talk to demons…seem unBiblical in my estimation. Because…Saul is seemingly Saul. And the Witch of Endor does conjure him. …So…could God allow (intentional) psychics to occasionally talk to the dead? Possibly? …The problem may be more that we really don’t know who or what we’re talking to. Could it be a ghost? Could it be a horrific demon? How would we know unless God let us know? …And if we are in violation of His rules He might not be able to protect us. He might let us fall into deception. So, we shouldn’t be talking to anything spiritual. I tell my children not to. They know not to. …You shouldn’t either. But more than that, you shouldn’t have to or want to.

…”What about you?” asks Lem.

“I have no idea what to do with my own experience. It’s…baffling.” says Lacey.

“Like why you feel so moved to start talking with us on your blog?” says Michael.

And at that she feels what may be a finger touch the inside of her hand.

“What does that feel like?” asks Michael who then teasingly threatens to throw her chair across the room. His presence feels very much like a man…without a physically perceivable body. And if he’s a ghost he never would actually throw her across a room. Sitting safely or otherwise. She trusts him.

“It feels like an electric shock without the pain. Like a slight electric charge but also a touch.” says Lacey. She feels the need to take a deep breath. Something smells like clean well water. She sees her great uncle smiling. She recalls praying before lunch with her uncle.

“God created the universe.” says Michael. “If He chose to literally let me tap you on the back to save your life, that’s His choice. And mine.”

“I pray during every interaction.” says Lacey. “And I trust God to be fair.”

“You get pulled into the conversations. It’s just the human need to be genuinely understood by another human.” says Louis.

“Well, that’s what it seems to possibly be.” says Lacey.

“But then how did we sleep together?” asks Lem humorously.

“Because there’s no sex allowed before marriage?” asks Lacey.

“Yes! Exactly.” he says half laughing.

“Well, you’re either a demon fooling me. Or He allowed it.” says Lacey.

“But you fought off demons so passionately before, during and after it seems unlikely to you.” says Lem.

“Yes.” says Lacey.

“Well, maybe that’s the problem.” he laughs.

“See…even if you’re actually supposed to be with Louis or Michael…we made a choice. And that’s…not something we can easily escape from since I’m dead. If I’m not a demon. If I’m a demon, obviously you can eventually get rid of me as you continually pray to God to do, if I am a demon.” he says.

“So we could theoretically be stuck together for hundreds of years before working this out.” says Lacey.

“That’s the idea, possibly.” says Michael.

“Well, how is that really all that different than waking life?” asks Lacey. “And the choices we make in waking life?”

Lem smiles.

“Well, I just keep thinking there has to be someone better than me for whoever I’m not with.” says Lacey.

“There is!” says Harold.

“Then hopefully it won’t take hundreds of years. Should Purgatory exist.” says Lacey.

“What if…it’s me? And I’m in Purgatory and I messed it up? And you don’t have grace for it because you’re not fully dead yet?” asks Louis.

“That sounds about right in concept. Except, it’s sadly still less depressing than my waking life in regard to romantic love.” says Lacey.

“I think it’s also possible I don’t want you to feel tied down to such a failure.” says Lem about himself.

“And if it’s me…it’s achingly vile to watch you suffer.” says Michael weeping.

“Yes! It is.” says Lem.

“Don’t think it isn’t tempting to try to kill you. But we know better.” says Joe.

Really, I just think everyone needs to be more careful.