Author Archives: L.

(Adult Content Below)

F.I.A.S.O.M. Pt. 2 by M.I.A. plays.

“So this is my reality.” says Mr. Blue behind the wheel of a car. She’s in the backseat.

She listens. He can’t stand that she’s taking him seriously.

Mambo by Tropkillaz comes on the radio next.

“What are you guys doing to Nelson Rockefeller?” asks Lacey.

“Why do you ask?” asks Mr. Blue.

“I just wanna make a little noise?” says Lacey accusatorially. “That sounds like him.”

Mr. Blue looks baffled. He keeps his cool.

“What’s up with the cover of this c.d.?” asks Michael sitting next to Lacey in the backseat.

Mr. Blue looks stunned. It suddenly occurs to him that he might really be Irish in reality. He turns around and stares ahead.

They listen to the song.

Suddenly Mr. Blue turns around and asks, “Would the song bother you if your father-in-law’s voice wasn’t weirdly there? Possibly?”

“No.” says Lacey. “I’m proud to be a sexual being and an adult. It’s cool. It’s life.”

“I agree.” says Michael. “But, it’s disturbing and hilarious both. And a compliment.”

“Yes. It’s also wrong and creepy.” says Lacey.

…

The problem is…Wobbly gets power from thinking every woman alive wants to sleep with him. And if Lacey hadn’t literally been brainwashed by Joe Jr. and Joe Sr. into thinking she was supposed to find him attractive she wouldn’t have wanted him possibly…at all. Is she an exception or not?

“Don’t keep attacking the British Royal Family!” says Nelson Rockefeller to Illuminati. He’s escaped. He looks confused but fine.

“See, when I heard that Nelson Rockefeller was telling us to leave you alone and be good to you that that was a directive from Hell to attack harder.” says a witch in the Illuminati being serious in regard to Lacey.

“I just can’t let myself fathom her greatness. And what’s greatness? And what’s what? And what’s and? And what’s her? And what’s greatness?” starts a witch in the Illuminati in regard to Lacey.

“Oh!! I’m heading her say, ‘It is!’” says a witch about Lacey.

“You’re hearing her subconscious meanderings, like she’s replaying it in her head. Like, she’s an author ruminating.” explains a Bill Gates about Lacey.

“You’re evil!!!” shouts Wobbly at a Bill with a voice that sounds like his father who supposedly stood up for the downtrodden. It sounds like the voice of God or the Pope or authority from good parenting. *pause* “No, I know we’re working together to kill her. Just tell me how.” He thinks. “What a crisis. Huh?!” He smiles. “Hey, buddy! Welcome to the Old-Money Upper Class. It’s rough. Women like Lacey try to suck you dry. They get obsessed with you. I know.” He stops referring to his family. “I’m sure she’s jacking-off to me right now.” He giggles. “Peasant!”

The Liberal and fools of the Illuminati look at Lacey with light from Hell in their eyes…”Lacey are you trans?!”

“Is she too poor for surgery?” asks a Kim about Lacey. She’s being serious.

Aghast, “You guys, she’s had two successful pregnancies!!! Please don’t tell me you are sincerely dumb enough to believe she’s trans instead of understanding that Wobbly is an idiot?!” says a President George.

“Come on!!! That’s idiotic. You all know her past isn’t faked. Right?! We know that.” says another Republican.

“Trump! Trump! He’s…so damn evil and annoying. What else are you all lying about? I’m getting older. I want to know the truth.” says a Liberal journalist.

“I’m not trans.” says Lacey.

“Wobbly, did you mean to imply that Lacey is trans or did you forget which gender she was because you knew you were lying and she’s actually very…careful who she sleeps with?” asks a President George. “And by careful I don’t mean a gold digger. I mean…careful. Like…she’s not a nun but she’s…pure.”

“I meant that she’s…” he shakes his foot and refuses to answer. “I just wanna know when I finally get loved!!!”

Lacey hears and laughs. “God loves you! Repent!” she says to Wobbly. “God loves you. Not us. God.”

Silence.

“Anyway, I’m not trans and that’s clearly some sick assault on me.” says Lacey.

“No!! No!!!” says a witch. “She’ll just deny it now.” They sit at a desk pretending to be doing crisis management.

“Why wouldn’t I deny it if I’m not trans too? Why is that the way you people think? That’s so poor.” says Lacey.

“Because that’s how people say it!!!” says a woman who has decided (perhaps dishonestly) that she’s a higher social class than Lacey.

“I need her to be poor.” says Mr. Blue.

“A lot of us do.” says a Kim patronizingly towards Lacey.

“Yeah. Wasn’t Tommy Banks a farmer?” says Tommy Banks.

Ghislaine Maxwell scoffs in victory at her persecutors. Because Lacey isn’t trans. And…while she’s far from safe or good…she isn’t necessarily exactly who they’ve perversely portrayed as being.

“Those documentaries about her are odd in their tone. It’s unclear if they’re subliminally advertising her evil as cool and secretly arousing to the so-called plebs or if they’re being genuinely honest.” says Lacey.

“Why did Joe and Joe command you to find Wobbly attractive?” asks a Liberal journalist of Lacey.

“I think I’m tall. And…she’d have found me attractive sooner or later.” says Lem about Lacey.

“That’s possible. I found him attractive the moment I saw him. He was…even more perfect Joe Jr.. But then he was labeled as gay. And I still had plans to seduce him.” says Lacey. “Because I found him so attractive. But then…suddenly in the 2000’s he was not only gay but nuts about Jack beyond reason.” She thinks. “And then…it didn’t matter that he wasn’t even loved. He was a permanent love-martyr.”

“See! I knew we’d figure it out!!!” said Wobbly when they attached Kem. They felt as though they’d invented nuclear fusion.

Driving in his “hot middle-aged” man car down the highway…Wobbly thought, “I wish I could find a lover like Lem.”

Kick-a-ball weeps in defeat.

The way Lem gave and gave. Endlessly, seemingly. “He just never gave up!”

“Damn! Wobbly do you drive him into the ground? Like…your new Mercedes in those driving commercials?” asks a Republican.

Wobbly looks confused. “Sorry, but how is that sexual?”

“Those driving commercials?” asks Louis of Wobbly. “That was your thought possibly?”

“No. I’d have to fuck him. A lot. I get it.” he says in awkwardness.

“Do you not really want Lem? But it just seems cool and you’re a closeted bisexual?” Lacey asks Wobbly.

“They high class!” Mr. Blue says jokingly to Lacey.

“Damn!” Lacey responds sarcastically.

Bobby Sr. stands in a dance club in Dublin in 2006. He stands there.

And he stands there.

And he stands there.

“You did rape people and conceive 11 children. Right?” Lacey asks Bobby Sr..

He thinks. He clears his throat. He looks at her and nods his head silently.

“That’s the thing…why are you standing here? You’re dead. And it seems like God let’s the dead shit in my face all the time.” she says to him. He looks at her. “Why aren’t you having fun? Should I go out there and you can rape me? Is that how it works? Or should I send Lem out there? Or perhaps Jack and you can glue yourself to his back?” She thinks. “Wouldn’t that be fun?!”

He tries to rape her there. She pushes him off.

“No. That’s not how it works. They do their shit on the dance floor. Can’t you see that?” she says calmly once he’s stood a few feet away.

“Okay!! Go ahead! Make my day!” he says.

“Winner winner chicken dinner!” Wobbly says about Kem in 2006. He feels…cocky. He steps out if his Audi into the snowy terrain around is house. He’s cheating on his wife. He’s cheating. He’s…the coolest…in his imagination. And then there’s this Lem business. He imagines every company and every human ever wants an ass he thinks is superior to every other man and woman to ever exist. He reminds himself to be humble. But…sometimes his life feels like…a really cool award-winning Indie film made by the Boomers. The true Greatest Generation ever in his self-proclaimed humble heart.

Ethel giggles on the dance floor in Ireland. She feels like the belle of the ball. Bobby Sr. twirls her around on the dance floor. She thinks he’s in love with her, even though he’s only waiting for Lacey to show-up so he can rape her.

Holding a cocked shotgun with Michael behind her Lacey walks onto the dance floor. The Irish watching crack-up laughing.

Bobby looks at her from across the dance floor. The dance floor clears. Ethel looks at him apologetically and then walks off.

He stands there. And he stands there.

Michael and Lacey holding him at gunpoint and Wobbly Sr. staring back.

Lux Aeterna from the film “Requiem For A Dream” plays in the nightclub. Michael have the gun. Lacey walks up to Wobbly, gets in his face. “What was the dream? Huh?? Why not just go around killing everyone? Why not? Why are you so evil still?”

“I don’t have a spine!!!” Jack yells at her. “And neither dies he.”

And at that Lacey picks them up entirely with her left hand and squeezes them in the palm of her hand. Then she throws them up to God.

“Sorry!” she says to God in case she didn’t get that part right.

And Wobbly dabs. He’s excited. He’s got some machination. It’s 2006 in the evening again in the snow. Nobody is there. How is Lacey seeing reality? Or is she? Right, right? Right? Left? Wobbly sticks out his bottom and shakes it at the Winter barren trees.

“Damn boy! Whatchu got planned?” Louis asks him.

“Is he trying to seduce the literal trees?” Lacey ask Louis.

“Lacey…what if he actually is?” Louis asks Lacey.

Night On Bald Mountain by Mussorgsky plays. Except it’s labeled oddly. Funny how some things are…odd. And it’s really just that annoying.

“It’s on Pandora but I can hear it too.” says Louis.

“How in the world…does one try to have sex with a literal tree?” asks Lacey.

“You can’t. It’s impossible.” says an Asmat.

Lacey looks around at the trees. Are they angry?

And then a few years later…a woman in a wooden place…hangs…with a rope around her neck. Were the literal trees angry? Or what? Why? Why…did the woman hang? Why did the woman die?

“They aren’t jealous for him. Iffin he even did really try to seduce the poor trees.” says the Asmat.

“When do they stop?” asks Lacey.

“Maybe never. Huh? Maybe God allows evil to go on forever!!” says Louis sarcastically.

“That’s what baffles me. How do these people not get that they’ll die and be accountable for every sin they’ve ever committed? You’d think they’d have gotten that hint by now.” says Lacey.

“Their sins are all forgiven already!” says a Charismatic Christian.

“How does that work for the victims of evil?” Lacey asks him.

He is baffled but he doesn’t accept it or he gets scared or he imagines…that it’s worked out somehow…in Heaven?

A rapper challenges the IRA. Does he think he’s going to win?

“You’re going to get cremated. Why do you all do this yourselves?!” Lacey asks them. “It’s masochistic.”

She thinks.

“But I can’t let him fail.” she says about Lem to the man.

“But he’s not okay.” the rapper says to Lacey.

“And that’s why I do what I do.” says Lacey.

DFM!

Wobbly Sr. tries to dance sexy with his wife. The club is empty.

“I’ll duck that bigger!!” says the Karens about Wobbly II. And by Karens I mean the women who have died from Covid in the last few years who acted like the stereotypical Karens. Just A Lil Bit by 50 Cent plays.

Next Gangster’s Paradise by Coolio plays.

An overweight woman with a shag haircut and a huge polyester sweater gets up on stage. She grabs the microphone. Wobbly Sr. and his wife are gone.

“I would like to dedicate this song to the man who transformed my perception of the afterlife in 2006 in the trees.” she says. The music starts and then stops when she holds up her hand. It’s starts over again and she holds up her hand again. She clears her throat and sighs. She looks angry.

Then she says, “This song reminds me of my childhood. My darkest days.” she looks thoughtful. “Someday I want you to know what my love feels like.” She sighs very seriously. Wobbly Jr. is her captive audience.

“Please don’t be angry if this makes you fall in love with me. It’s happened to me a lot. You aren’t my first.”

The song starts. She sings karaoke the song.

“As I walk through the valley of the shadow of death
I take a look at my life and realize there’s not much left
‘Cause I’ve been blastin’ and laughin’ so long, that
Even my mama thinks that my mind is gone

But I ain’t never crossed a man that didn’t deserve it
Me be treated like a punk, you know that’s unheard of
You better watch how you’re talkin’, and where you’re walkin’
Or you and your homies might be lined in chalk

I really hate to trip but I gotta loc
As they croak, I see myself in the pistol smoke, fool
I’m the kinda G the little homies wanna be like
On my knees in the night, sayin’ prayers in the streetlight

Been spendin’ most their lives, livin’ in the gangsta’s paradise
Been spendin’ most their lives, livin’ in the gangsta’s paradise
Keep spendin’ most our lives, livin’ in the gangsta’s paradise
Keep spendin’ most our lives, livin’ in the gangsta’s paradise

Look at the situation they got me facin’
I can’t live a normal life, I was raised by the street
So I gotta be down with the hood team
Too much television watchin’ got me chasin’ dreams

I’m an educated fool with money on my mind
Got my ten in my hand and a gleam in my eye
I’m a loc’d out gangsta set trippin’ banger
And my homies is down so don’t arouse my anger, fool

Death ain’t nothin’ but a heartbeat away
I’m livin’ life, do or die, what can I say
I’m 23 now, but will I live to see 24?
The way things is going, I don’t know

Tell me why are we, so blind to see
That the ones we hurt, are you and me?

Been spendin’ most their lives, livin’ in the gangsta’s paradise
Been spendin’ most their lives, livin’ in the gangsta’s paradise
Keep spendin’ most our lives, livin’ in the gangsta’s paradise
Keep spendin’ most our lives, livin’ in the gangsta’s paradise

Power and the money, money and the power
Minute after minute, hour after hour
Everybody’s runnin’, but half of them ain’t lookin’
It’s goin’ on in the kitchen, but I don’t know what’s cookin’

They say I gotta learn, but nobody’s here to teach me
If they can’t understand it, how can they reach me
I guess they can’t, I guess they won’t
I guess they front, that’s why I know my life is out of luck, fool

Been spendin’ most their lives, livin’ in the gangsta’s paradise
Been spendin’ most their lives, livin’ in the gangsta’s paradise
Keep spendin’ most our lives, livin’ in the gangsta’s paradise
Keep spendin’ most our lives, livin’ in the gangsta’s paradise

Tell me why are we, so blind to see
That the ones we hurt, are you and me?
Tell me why are we, so blind to see
That the ones we hurt, are you and me?”

The song ends. “You’re mine. Forever. I know you can’t resist me. I won’t let you. …Get a grip. Your attraction to me doesn’t matter. Because I’ll seduce you. But you might lose your ability to find anyone else. Forever. …Like you’re my mindless slave.” She gets in his face. “This is Purgatory. Here’s my phone number and a sex request on toilet paper. That’s my traditional method of getting anal and oral. And I want it. Not you.”

She forces him to watch her every sex angle. He throws up because she’s a hideous woman and she doesn’t hold back.

“This is what you wanted? Right? A relationship like the bullshit artists brainwashed us into thinking was between Lem and Jack? …Baby….you can’t. You can’t resist!!!”

Is she a demon or a woman?

The Illuminati peeing in their pants from fear of God decides to hurt Lacey. It’s too scary to see that they’re all high as kites on the spiritual acid trip of Boomer-sin and almost literally insane. That they’re all possibly going to an actual Hell.

“But that’s impossible!! There is no Hell!! We know science!!” they collectively shriek in terror.

“Am I in Hell?! This is my literal eternity?!?!” Wobbly asks. The woman picks him up and swings him around in a circle. Rules by Doja Cat plays.

“Joe Sr. are you still so lost you’re watching? Or are you not?” asks the Illuminati of him out if possible concern.

“This isn’t Hell. You’ve just found what you fervently told us you believed in to the detriment of all else?” the Karen says to Wobbly.

“That’s smart.” he says.

“Are you falling in love?” an actual angel asks him.

He struggles, “No.” he says in a sad, scared voice.

“Then I’ll love you harder!!!” yells the woman.

She picks him up under her arm, carries him in stage. She sighs. Walks off stage.

“Dance!!!” she commands. Automatic Stop by The Strokes plays.

“Are you into consent?! At all?!” he asks her seriously.

“Do want my sex requests and demands on toilet paper again?! I don’t care!! I love you!!!” she says.

“Did you kill my wife?!” he asks.

“Yes? I possibly told her to do it. But…I’m dead. So…what’s the difference? And you killed. And ruined. So…” she shrugs. “Do I need to call the manager? Come on. I know what this is!!” she says in heat.

“What manager?!” he asks.

“God. This isn’t Hell. Trust me!!” she says.

“Can you please lose weight?” he asks.

“Not until you screw me and enjoy it. And if you don’t there’s always God’s other plans. …I mean…you could try to make it right with Him. But you can’t fix stupid. Right? And I think you’re stupid! You just don’t know yet how sexy I am.” she says. “Do you want men I find for you? Or trees? Or women I find for you?”

“No!! I want life.” he says melodramatically. “I thought death would be so much more mundane.”

“Hey!! Wobbly! Here’s a sex song we picked out for you.” say every woman he’s had sex with whether they’re there in reality or not in unison.

Diplomat’s Son by Vampire Weekend plays.

A herd of gorgeous models come in for an hour and he’s commanded to screw them all while the song plays on repeat. The Karen sits in the corner at a table and watches smoking, naked. She looks unimpressed.

She interjects herself. “No, no, no. You swing you hips more.” she demonstrates.

At the hundredth woman Wobbly is exhausted and unable to keep himself from falling over. He’s lost an incredible amount of weight.

“Try harder. Let’s get you harder.” says the Karen. She ushers Wobbly off to get him more ready to perform, so to speak.

“I’m getting bored. I have a photo shoot in an hour.” says a gorgeous woman who looks like Farrah Fawcett.

“Okay!! We’ll try to make it quick!” says Wobbly apologetically, meekly. His Karen ushers him to the woman and commands him to do it. She stands there and critiques his every move.

The model vomits in disgust. “Do we have to be here?” she asks. She rolls her eyes.

Wobbly’s teeth start bouncing up and down in terror.

“This is like the Holocaust!!” he cries out to God.

“No. It’s worse than that. In the Holocaust they knew they were going to die. You’re dead.” says the Karen. “But you did the right thing. Calling out to God to save you is smart.”

“I can escape?!” he says to God, meekly.

“I’m God. Let’s talk!” God says to Wobbly in the afterlife.

The Karen goes off naked into the snow. She’s not cold. She’s dead. She smiles because it is fun to be dead if you’re a Christian. And no, it’s not safe to commit suicide.

I Think Ur A Contra by Vampire Weekend plays. It’s Joe Jr. singing to Lacey accusingly.

“Tried what?!?!” Lacey asks in a seething rage.

“Loving me!” he says to her.

“I did. I’ve told you that. So many times.” she says. “You’re trying to murder me.”

The Asmats pound their drums.

Lacey prays Bobby Jr. repents. She doesn’t want him or anyone else in Hell. She prays we all repent.

Charismatic Christians get scared.

“Pray to God. It was His world.” says Lacey.

“Fuck Lem!! Please!!” Jack tries to command Lacey to do. He sounds terrified.

“I don’t do that on command.” says Lacey.

“Then why are you ducking Michael?” Jack asks her.

“What is wrong with you? He’s…Michael.” Lacey says.

“Putin offers to destroy evil if it helps!”

“An enormous amount.” says Rocky in response.

“I may have made a mistake.” Lem says to Lacey calmly.

“What does God want everyone to do?” Lacey asks about the present.

“Putin could just annihilate us.” says Joe Biden blaming Lacey for everything.

“Where would you go if you died?” Lacey asks him.

“I’m not going to die! You are!” he says.

“So you’re hoping he drops a bomb on Minnesota Joe of Biden. Where are you? Florida? Tennessee?” she asks.

“I’m home!!” he says spitting tacks.

“Where’s your home? Florida?” Lacey asks him.

—

So…Since we’re all still alive…on Sunday January 8th, 2023…we will discover the darkness of the Irish poverty.

Mr. Blue is somewhat Irish. Not like Irish soap. Not like Irises. Irish.

And as Frank McCourt put it…”Worse than the ordinary miserable childhood is the miserable Irish childhood, and worse yet is the miserable Irish Catholic childhood.” Mr. Blue was not raised as a Baptist in Tennessee.

And in the rotten teeth country of the United States of America…a poverty minded fool from the downtrodden nation of Ireland is still just that. If he so chooses to be.

Enter Ethel Snakel’s two brats. There names are Wobbly and Joeschmoshow.

Joeschmoshow and Wobby are two lads with lots of curls stolen from Lem Billings when their uncle and family at large sodomized him? Which Lem Billings? Hmm… Do you have a brain? Or are you as smart as a Google? Maybe you’re just like me. I the narrator have a human brain.

“I think the Illuminati needs to understand that they’re picking a fight with Betty White!” says Betty White.

…Mr. Blue can conjure people? Because the Irish are twisty and fantastic like that when they’re worshiping their creator, the God of the Bible.

“Is Catholicism really that horrible?” Lacey asks Frank McCourt.

Frank McCourt sighs.

“I understand that you think Catholicism is the scourge of Ireland? Or did you just hate sexual abuse?” Lacey asks him. “Like, you thought sexual abuse was evil so you just blamed Catholicism?” Lacey thinks. “I agree that the sexual abuse of children is the most vile evil. But that’s not to be conflated with Catholicism.”

“Does anyone want to hear about me?!?” asks Mr. Blue asks suddenly, seriously.

The witches of the Illuminati enable him. Or they’re delusional in some other way.

“Louis wants to hear what you have to say!! See…he was elite. So…I’m sure being elite in the way you really are that you’ll be of more interest to him than Lacey. He’s your kind of person. He’ll understand.” they sincerely say, one way or another to Mr. Blue. And at that they wage a war on Lacey claiming insincerity.

“You seem sincere.” Lacey says to them.

He believes them and goes on. And on. And on.

Joeschmoshow and Wobbly love that delusion. Do they live that delusion more than Mr. Blue?

Lacey watches them as they float in an old Irish fishing boat on the Irish Sea. It’s placid water. Frighteningly placid.

“I’m Frank McCourt’s father. And I’d like to ask these chaps…why they estimate the water to be so calm today?!” asks Frank McCourt’s father, standing on the shore.

The Illuminati tries to choke Lacey.

They do not, however, seem bothered. It’s their moment to float?

“Look!! I can conjure Lem!! He’s gay!!!” says Mr. Blue.

The three men sitting in the fishing boat close their eyes and concentrate. Wobbly starts flailing his arms around like Elsa Lam did in the Cecil. He’s trying to grab Lem’s penis because he estimates Lem to be like Snakel and assumes Lem wants Wobbly to touch him inappropriately in some way? …Regardless, Wobbly assumes Lem’s in love with him, it seems.

“I’ve found him!!!” Wobbly announces, eyes closed, as he grabs his brother’s shoulder.

“Hahaha!” giggles Joeschmoshow with his eyes closed still as well. “You’re in love with me Lem?” He laughs even more. “I have turned into quite the handsome man.” He smiles and nods his head, eyes still closed. “Thank you, Lem.”

Wobbly laughs in Lacey’s face. He believes he’s in his own private joke with “The Universe” about his superiority as a Kennedy amongst mere mortal men.

“Lem! We feel you!” jokes Joeschmoshow.

“Yeah, he’s manifesting! See when Lacey has sex with these gnoses I wonder if she realizes how easy it is? Any one of us can do it.” says Wobbly.

Mr. Blue sensing a psychic problem quickly nods his head to gain control of the conversation. His eyes are closed as well.

“Are two sure you’ve found Lem? On your word of honor according to the great codes of our people?” asks Mr. Blue.

Wobbly and Joeschmoshow think back to their days imagining themselves as Lem’s sons. They imitate him as best they can. They try to submit to his spiritual authority as a son would. They giggle a haughty giggle. Lem advised one way or another not to take certain forms of authority too seriously and Wobbly and Joeschmoshow assume that means the Illuminati in some roundabout way they must estimate roughly. Lem was such a strange and complex man in their estimations.

Mr. Blue tries not to feel offended by their snickers. He takes his role in the spiritual practices involving demons, witches, and ghosts very seriously. When one floats in the Irish Sea one must be calm and Mr. Blue as an Irishman in his blood intuits this.

Wobbly and Joeschmoshow fight to keep from falling apart into giggles watching Mr. Blue be so calm.

“Was Lem sexually repressed? Like…he wanted men? But he mostly wanted love? But he also wanted sex…with men?!” asks Mr. Blue.

“Lem pretended to be gay. I mean he was gay, but he’s not to be trusted!!” yells Joe Jr. arriving on the shore to yell at Mr. Blue. “Lem’s not safe!!!” he yells at Joe Jr..

Mr. Blue can sense Lem isn’t quite as dangerous as Joe Jr. is cutting him out to be. He smiles to himself and chooses to ignore the lies.

“Lem was gay.” says Wobbly as he leans back with a look of sexual pleasure. They’ve moved their arms out into the ether. Their eyes are still shut.

“Yeah! He was!” says Joeschmoshow.

Wobbly giggles. “I can picture him now.” A tall, dark handsome Jew came to mind for Wobbly but he labeled it Lem as he wants to believe Lem is a homosexual. He superimposes Lem’s face on a handsome, dark Jewish man’s body. And then when it still doesn’t quite resemble Lem he alters the other troublesome features to resemble Lem accurately enough to be convincing to the Illuminati and others.

“I find Lem very attractive. But that doesn’t seem like Lem.” says Lacey as she looks at the man in her head.

“That’s him!!” yells Jack at Lacey as Jack or a demon impersonating Jack possesses Wobbly’s body. Jack or the demon impersonating him forces Wobbly to stand up in the fishing boat. And of course Wobbly is still choosing to go along with the entity forcing him to stand and yell, “That’s him!!”

As they are floating in the Irish Sea wearing business attire they worry about their fate should the craft tip over. Joeschmoshow telepathically tells his brother to sit down and let him calm him.

“It’s okay. We’ve got this. We just need to stick together. I know what happened. I was there too. We know Lem was gay. We know. We know.” he says to Wobbly.

“That’s not Lem you’re channeling and I’m worried you two are going to molest each other!!!” yells Joe Jr. at his nephews from the shore.

“I’m not a child molester! Lem was gay!!!” Wobbly yells at Joe Jr. and sensing authority he doesn’t like and that sides with Lacey he refuses to submit. “My mother is prettier than your wife! You slut!” he yells at Joe Jr.. In his gut Wobbly tries to channel his uncle again to get out of his so-called mess.

“Are you all going to Hell?” asks Lacey seriously.

“No!!! You are you ugly nothing!” yells Wobbly, smiling at Lacey. Then trying to impersonate Lem he and Joeschmoshow feel the need to be what they’d call classy. They put on “Separator” by Radiohead and start trying to dance. They shake their hands. The shake. They try to get jiggy with it, but of course not so much so that they topple over the fishing boat. As a mere Mr. Blue, Mr. Blue waits patiently and respectfully for their idiotic dancing to be over.

At the end of “Separator” by Radiohead Wobbly and Joeschmoshow sit down carefully. Wobbly is suddenly terrified of the water.

Calming themselves he asks with what he believes is the authority of the Old Money Upper Class, “Where are we!? Is this the Irish Sea?!” He looks into the water. “It’s so placid!” He thinks. “Ha!! I’m a rocket scientist. This is…”. He thinks. …He thinks. He blinks. “This is…water?”

“It’s a joke!” says Joeschmoshow. “I know Lem was gay. Please! I just asked him.”

The three sit, close their eyes and try to concentrate. They listen to “How to Disappear Completely” by Radiohead to go into what they call “Zen mode.”

“Mm. I can feel his spirit.” says Wobbly possibly sensing what Charismatics call The Holy Spirit. “He’s…”. Wobbly almost cries. “He needs our help. He loves us. So much!!” He thinks. “I think…Lem is just…” Then he senses Lem might be straight after all. “I think you two are soulmates!” he says seemingly seriously to Lacey. He thinks more. “What?! You’re close to 40?! What about me??” he says to Lacey.

Joeschmoshow looks disturbed. Mr. Blue looks “zen.” Mr. Blue smiles.

“No! That’s not…”. Lacey looks upset. “No!!! No!!!” Lacey yells in her spirit at Wobbly. She keeps calm and likely completely resists Wobbly attempts to seduce her.

“No!! That peace you sense in Lacey is sincere. But is sexual satisfaction from Lem or me. She’s not remotely interested in your sexuality other than to tell you to not be evil and cheat on your wives.” yells Michael at Wobbly and the Illuminati.

Wobbly grows enraged. Mr. Blue is mad too. “How dare you resist him!! You peasant whore!! You white cracker!!” he giggles.

Black bourgeois whores in the Illuminati giggle along with Mr. Blue.

“I can’t believe she’s being serious!!! That’s impossible!! That smile of total disgust and disdain and profound rejection can’t be real. Because it just can’t! That makes her soo elite. And I can’t let her be better than me.” says a singer of Lacey and a few other bourgeois black whores in the Illuminati.

“Did it ever occur to that Wobbly might be rather conceited, vain and ugly? Genuinely so.” asks Lem of the black whore women in the Illuminati.

It’s unclear. But God knows.

“That’s okay.” says Lacey to a personally offended man named Bill Clinton who can’t believe Lacey doesn’t find him attractive too.

Meanwhile Joe Jr. dances with Pat Wilson to “Swallowed in The Sea” by Coldplay.

The cameras close in on Pat’s face as the wind blows through her hair, “Joe, I’m dead.” she says looking him in the eyes longingly, dramatically.

“Hey!! That’s-that’s-that’s my camera!!” says Wobbly with a grin towards the Hollywood element in the Illuminati.

Mr. Blue smiles. He maintains his “zen.”

“It’s okay. I can solve this!” Mr. Blue says.

“We’re better in bed than everyone who’s ever lived.” suddenly says a Millennial actor, standing in a fishing boat floating behind, on behalf of all generations born after the Silent Generation but before Gen Z.

“Joe, this is our moment!!” says Pat Wilson.

“Yeah! Because she hates Lacey!! And that’s wise and Godly and moral. Women who use condoms with their husbands and have ever been involved in the abortion industry by using contraceptives are the Devil Himself. They pollute the world. They are our enemies. Our eternal enemies.” says Wobbly very matter-of-factly, and calmly as he sits down in the rushing boat. He’s being sincere in a way, it seems.

“Well, we can address those concerns later?” Mr. Blue says pleasantly to Wobbly.

“We can! And now, for love!!” Pat Wilson demands of Joe Jr..

“Alright, so…Lem is gay?” asks Mr. Blue of Wobbly and Joeschmoshow. He’s growing exasperated but doesn’t want to show it and lose his job.

“Yes!!!” announces an Arab, bourgeois gay man standing on the shore. “Pat was Joe’s true love. Lacey needs to learn to mind. She’s icky. I can’t believe she exists!! I’m your savior. And…I’m actually just a Muslim and that’s not true. I just wish I was as objectively historically significant and powerful as Jesus.” He collects himself. “If I say otherwise I’ve lost my mind.” He sighs. “But…keep in mind Lacey is gay!!! Pat Wilson wins!!!”

“Lacey is gay?!” asks a woman trying to understand, sincerely.

“No!!!! I meant Lem!” the Arab man shouts.

“Let’s dance Joe, let’s shake it!” says Pat to Joe seductively.

“Are you sure?” the Illuminati loves the idea of Lacey secretly being gay and lying about it. They can use that against her. The only thing is, she isn’t actually homosexual. She’s also cis a gendered woman and heterosexual.

“If we use water. We don’t have to worry about Michael Rockefeller.” says Wobbly, smugly to the Illuminati. “And see really, he doesn’t even exist. And I am him, if anyone is him. I’m his son reincarnationed!!!”

Joe Jr. looks concerned.

“Well…that was not a seance. That was a Sean.” says Mr. Blue placidly, trying to conclude the voyage to the Irish Sea on a glib, mysterious note.

The fishing boat slowly floats backward as if being pulled backwards by strings.

In the middle of the Atlantic Ocean Mr. Blue loses his patience.

“Shut-up!! We’re off the air!!” he yells at Wobbly and Joeschmoshow.

They ignore him and treat him badly.

By the time the fishing boat has reached the USA Mr. Blue has jumped out and swam. Wobbly and Joeschnoshow use the boat and get high.

“Lem was my lover” says Wobbly laughing at Lacey in every direction possible. Then, “This water us what I’m looking at as a way to get more power. Doesn’t that impress you?!” he says to Joeschmoshow.

Joeschmoshow laughs and does his best to channel his dead uncle Joe Jr. because he’s in charge still somehow.

“I’m sure we own Lem. Right?” Wobbly checks with Joeschmoshow to verify his claims.

“Oh I think yes.” says Joeschmoshow to Wobbly.

They land on the shores of the US. Somewhere in the Hudson River.

“Boy this is class!” says Wobbly to Joeschmoshow about the Hudson River.

“Is that Lavender?!” asks Joeschmoshow.

They giggle. “It’s our city. We are the Old Money New York that owned all of the land near the Hudson on mom’s side. All of it. And I bet our ancestors planted lavender in the ether to welcome their conquering heroes home.”

“Mmm. Whatever. I’m busy tonight. I can’t talk too long. Okay?” says Wobbly to Joeschmoshow, patronizingly.

And on the wings of the ether they float away into the world they believe fervently loves them for their innate Kennedy-superiority. It’s a very…interesting River Hudson.

—