Category Archives: Journal

After listening to Le Sacre du Printemps today again I find myself fascinated by Igor Stravinsky. I’ve always appreciated his work and I know he supposedly had a romance with Coco Chanel, which is also intriguing. But The Rite of Spring feels very right tonight.

…

I’m still aghast at the profound lack of insight and maturity leaders in my country seem to have. Their perverse arrogance. This is not the Cold War. *eye-roll* It makes sense to relate it to that and reference that in a way because that’s America’s last negative interaction with Russia, but it’s an incorrect comparison. …But however badly suited I doubt that desolately shallow analysis will stop. They’re too stubborn? Too caught up in being perceived as right for the moment regardless of what reality actually is or long-term consequences.

So it’s a barrage of clever gaslighting in US news reports now, regardless of how good or evil we even are… “Biden knows!” “Biden has it under control.” “Biden can change the world.” “Biden knew this was going to happen all along.” “It’s what Biden was always predicting.” “Biden’s sanctions can take care of it.” “Biden always knew sanctions wouldn’t work!” “Biden is great.” “Biden is good!” “Biden is our friend!” “It’s all Russia’s fault!” “The only people who are in disagreement with Biden are lunatics who think war is cool or *eww* Donald Trump.” “Don’t be a loser! Be a Democrat!” “Praise Great Lord Biden!”

“Watch MSNBC if you want to be good and truly understand. That is, understand how immaculate Biden is as a god.” “Watch Fox to feel slightly less insane. But also feel constantly lied to.” “Watch CNN to feel level-headed but still anxious and like…there’s something you don’t quite know…” “Watch PBS when they can be watched, so to speak.” “Watch NBC also for like…five minutes.” Etc.

They seem like they’re using the Fourth Estate to cover for their incredible incompetence as though it’s being held hostage. It’s almost treasonous. And I don’t say such things lightly. Ever.

There’s probably one aging, slightly overweight, mentally unwell man with a lot of money who controls some large portion of the news in some way who might as well be floating around in outer space permanently in a space suit he’s so out of touch with actual reality on Earth. And I doubt he has anything but psychologically brow-beaten, insecure, drug-addicted materialistic sycophants surrounding him. But that’s genuinely just a guess. Truly. Anyway, if he should exist he likely controls Biden and needs him to “win” to not lose an enormous amount of money and power. If only this man wasn’t in outer space and still understood the definition of the English word win. …No, Tammany Hall, as bad as it technically was for democracy, was Heaven compared to this Hell. The US “news” seems grossly without a clue. So desperately far up Biden’s bottom I worry they’ll soon find themselves regurgitated.

“Have you heard the good news? Biden saves! He, and only He, can forgive Putin for his sins.”

(Note sarcasm in last paragraph)

…

…But truly, on a personal level I’m feeling overwhelmed… I’m not entirely sure why. But I feel deeply affected.

Tonight as I was playing Mario Cart with my kids I felt a nudge from perhaps a ghost… Namely to realize that I really am feeling that overwhelmed. That I’m not imagining my emotions. That I really do feel it that much. …I mean, aside from the economic aspects I don’t have any great obvious tie to the crisis. But it’s getting to me, so to speak… It felt nice to have my feelings validated, whether by a real ghost or not. My ex-husband isn’t particularly feeling so affected. He admittedly can’t relate.

…

It’s all so unsettling. I don’t think most Americans “get it.” And I’d bet the people who do the most in the world are the Europeans…

If I didn’t know better I’d say I might even be feeling the presence of a Russian ghost or two… From long ago.

And I keep hearing the Spring Khorovod. Over and over like an ominous warning… An alarm. But of what?

What is Czar Vladimir Putin planning? Or what does he feel forced to do? What don’t we understand or what are we lying about? Lying to protect or lying to keep foaming at the mouth with insane amounts of greed? What’s really going on? Because it feels like we’re all being deceived… It feels far too much like winter. Too…bleak. Too much like an ancient winter. Yes, an ancient winter…

I’ve been listening to the reports on Fox and CNN about what’s going on internationally today. I’ve also been following other news sources. Watching live meetings, speeches, etc.

What I think has been undermined or missed is how unlike the past this issue with Russia really is. When Tsarist Russia existed the US was not the world leader it became or still tries to be today. When Tsarist Russia existed the world still lived in the Age of Empires. Great Britain was extremely powerful. Many European countries were more powerful.

When the US fought “Russia” we fought their past in the shadows but fought the USSR on the surface. We understood the USSR. We only fondly recalled Russia. Because officially Russia had been overthrown in 1917. Brutally overthrown.

I keep hearing people make references to the Cold War. …But based on Putin’s rhetoric and my understanding of what was once the genuinely great nation of Russia he sounds so much more like a Tsar wanting to reclaim the grandeur and international position of an elite empire than to refight the Cold War. Read about Tsarist Russia. It wasn’t always…pretty.

The good news is that if I’m right it’s a totally different mindset than what we’ve seen here in the US in…not necessarily negative ways. But we have to adjust our thinking.

We are a relatively new country. We’re used to dealing with the world our “parents” the UK gave us after WWII. We are not accustomed to a truly imperial mindset. And so far our lack of historical sophistication has been embarrassing and pathetic.

*cue the loud, argumentative, always right, self-righteous, toxic and conceited “liberal” and/or “truly knowledgable” cool kids* But let’s ignore them for a quick moment to think this through. Bless their hearts.

In the US we are not officially an empire. We believe emphatically, at least on the surface, in democracy. Tsarist Russia…was a grand empire. From a psychological perspective, if the Communist Revolution of 1917 is now seen publicly as a traumatic moment to be “processed” in what became openly Russia again then it makes sense they’re trying to reclaim their “true self” as a county. Sanctions won’t work against a problem that’s deeper than money… (Not that we shouldn’t do sanctions. We need to do sanctions. We just can’t rely on them to “work” like a magic pill or impose them recklessly.) Recall: these are a people who actually tried communism. Like for real. They were willing to die over it. They didn’t just talk about it. They walked the walk… We in the US never have… It is not just an “ivy tower” concept to them. They are Russian. Not just eastern “Americans.” *laugh* Right? They lived through a wholehearted attempt at genuine communism for decades. “Money” might not mean the same thing to them as a concept as it would to most Americans. It’s a different cultural, subconscious perspective. Very different.

…No, where Napoleon and Hitler errored…we, in the US, must be careful not to. We should not “go after” the Tsars in the winter… Figuratively. Literally even.

…It will require a delicacy, brilliance and privacy not seen often today to help solve this issue for the US. Because apparently, according to how we’ve behaved for decades, we’re still but teenagers trying to “figure ourselves out” no matter how smart we are or how well we often do. Perhaps we need to contribute…lead out of duty…but not make too many assumptions. Because that’s what a Tsar would count on to win: Arrogance. Youthful, somewhat innocent in a way, but also immature and selfish arrogance.

“Have we learned nothing from the past?!” said the representative to the UN Security Council from Ireland last night (my time). Good question. And also, “Do we remember the past?” is what I wonder… Not the way we want to recall it. What actually, truly…really…honestly happened? Do we acknowledge it? Do we ignore it? Because it’s potentially a matter of life or death now kiddos… *wink*