Lacey’s whole life is like a prison sentence for a crime she didn’t commit.
“It’s impossible…almost impossible they’re still together now. In the afterlife. …There’s no psychological way they’d still be together. …It’s very dimly possible Lem maybe…maybe…was attracted to men. …But if he was…and I’m not even sure that’s possible…they’d not be together now. Unless Lem was unloved and insane. And continues to be so. And I find that…impossible. God wouldn’t let him retain his massive, insane delusions…should he have had them…indefinitely. …People, bless them in Christ, as IDIOTS when it comes to his life story. …Jack and Lem as David Pitts sees it…is RUBBISH! …Absolute fucking bullshit! …And it makes me feel both rage and empathy for all living gay men. …How stupid are these people!? …That mythology is BULLSHIT. …And you can’t easily if at all tell me otherwise. …It’s BULLSHIT!! …BULLSHIT!
Men…are often LIARS! …There is no way…any man…can NOT CARE during sex. …It might be…bad sex. It might be something approximating sex. It might be…complex. But men are emotional. Men aren’t…this late 20th Century ‘spread the seed’ thing that assholes and idiots claim. That isn’t science! …It’s INSANITY…masquerading as science. …It’s bullshit, narcissistic misogyny. It’s INSANITY. …Or IGNORANCE. …Not fact.” says Lacey.
“This is just true.” says God.
“Men…LIED!!!” says Lacey. “To avoid nuance. To avoid intellectualism. To keep the sinking Western Civilization afloat.”
“WOW.” says China, laughing.
“It’s complicated. …But not that complicated. If you have any real historical sense!” says Lacey.
“True!” says Jesus.
“Are you and Vladimir Putin in love?” asks a British man.
“Yes. …They’re soulmates.” says Lem. “But…that doesn’t mean they’re together.”
“Jack totally fucked up.” says Jimmy Carter, in shock. “I’ve had it good! …Christ saves! …But gosh…we are a fallen breed.”
“Oo…kay.” says a Catholic.
“Congratulations on joining the afterlife! 100 years!!!” says a Republican.
“Yeah. …I’d be celebrating. But…human pain is real. …It really is.” says Jimmy Carter.
“You’ll be dead too.” says Jesus.
“Seriously…you all will. For real!” says God.
“Lem…used to pose in photos…in a sexual manner…for Jack. …It looks convincing to the naked eye. …But it wasn’t real, in a sense…because Jack actually just orchestrated the whole thing. …Lem used to push himself awkwardly onto things…and it looked like he was trying to shove his butt near Jack…who kept rejecting him…but he actually was just huge. Lem was. …And so Jack took advantage of that…and made it look like enormous desire for him…when really…Lem didn’t even know. …Jack Kennedy was a sex predator! …Not just with women! …He was a predator!” says Jimmy Carter.
“SHIT!” says Joe Biden. “That’s how we lost!!”
“It is. …That’s not funny.” says Jimmy Carter. “The Kennedys took over the 2024 election for vain, narcissistic reasons. …And it ruined the election!”
“You know…they kinda did.” says a man in Minneapolis. “Lem…why the HELL…did you have to be so convincingly gay!!?”
And that’s the thing. …Lacey is baffled. Because…she started interacting with me on the premise that I was gay. …Like actually gay. …And just curious how heterosexuality would be. …She’s that despondent…and daring…
And then she thought I was bisexual or pansexual.
*The their in Minneapolis nods their head in empathy. Apparently they feel bad for her, for some reason…although she’s never met this person. …And she suspects they’re talking to us from the afterlife.*
“Jimmy…is that really you!? Be if it is…I’m DONE.” says Caitlyn Jenner. “DONE!”
“YES!” he says. “She’s being allowed to talk to us in the Holy Spirit…because of there’s an Illuminati it’s an extenuating circumstance, so to speak. And God isn’t a legalist. …He doesn’t sin. But…she’s not conjuring the dead. We’re conjuring her, if anything. …And she’s become extremely isolated…by very evil, powerful and controlling people…with little common sense.”
“I know!!!” says the lingering Italian mob, in the Illuminati.
Later.
“So our hope…is the Italian mafia!?!” says a reader.
“Possibly.” says Tsar Putin.
“We still care.” they say.
“That’s nice.” says a dead coal miner.
“My GOD!!” says Jimmy Carter. “SAVE US.”
“We’re living in a horrible time to be alive!” says a reader. “Sorry…but…if you all are holier than the Pope!? …Man! That’s SICK!” says an Italian reader to the old mafia still in the Illuminati.
“Do it!!” says a witch listening to some man she talks to. “Because I think this is real!”
“Oh…my…God.” says a Hollywood star listening, somehow.
I really was straight! …And regardless…she’s right. …There’s absolutely no way I’d be with Jack.
Now…to answer the question of the man in Minneapolis…I was…compelled to…by a sense of honor. Really.
“But you sorta knew you weren’t gay!” they say.
Lem smiles. “Yeah. I did. …I felt so icky though. So defiled. …Lacey…is…Scotia. If there’s reincarnation. …And…so…even if there’s not reincarnation…Jack had…no idea what he was getting himself into. …Attacking her is like attacking a Palestinian empire…rooted in Jesus Christ. …And…he should have realized that…but he didn’t.
…As much as I acted gay…with my smile…and the way I dressed…and…talked…and held myself…it was fake. And…my actual body was straight.
The thing is…I did very convincingly look gay.” says Lem.
Caitlyn Jenner nods. “I UNDERSTAND!!”
“God knows, regardless.” says Lacey.
Caitlyn nods.
“And…so…she has no clue…what to make of this. …Because there’s no way…dead…I’d ever be stuck with Jack…unless I’m in eternal Hell. …He was an awful person to be in relationship with, in any way. …But…really…there’s also no way I’d be able to smile at his wedding. And there’s no way I’d ever have been that removed…if I was genuinely fondling him ever. …In the photo with Dunker, the dog. In the snow. …It’s IMPOSSIBLE. …And I think men have indeed lied about that.
See…people are shallow analysts nowadays. They don’t really think through things. …Not everyone, but a lot of people. …If people were to wake-up with their one-night-stands…everyday…for months…and live with those people…I guarantee you…that the people who you had so-called ‘good sex with’ would become something more. …Whether you’d hate them…or find them…dull…or love them is irrelevant. The point is…you’d have some sort of emotional reaction to them different than the average random person. …Because sex does something. Chemically. Genetically. Spiritually. …It matters. …Rape and molestation being celebrated by society in any capacity could be the literal end of the world.
I wasn’t physically homosexual. …I merely acted as one. For me it was an actual choice. And it’s not one for real homosexuals. …The sooner people catch up to that reality the better. …Understanding that homosexuality isn’t a choice…doesn’t mean it’s sanctified. It merely means that homosexuals are incapable of being straight. Bisexuals are not. But homosexuals are. …And…it’s like mental retardation if it’s not allowed in Heaven, in its congenital nature. Although…some would say…it can be altered. But…it can’t be. …It’s actually a born condition. Regardless of whether or not it’s good. …If it is like mental retardation…God said not to partake it in…because He felt homosexuals were a danger to other homosexuals and should be treated as disabled people are. …It’s not exactly insanity. …It’s…less malleable than that, actually.
I physically look straight. Don’t let my act fool you. …But…also don’t let my flaws fool you.
I had a big neck. That’s not gay. …I was big in general. That’s not gay. …I had…a large butt. Not gay. …I had a masculine but less cut jawline. That, in my case, has little to do with homosexuality. …In fact…some men with perfect jawlines can be very much gay. …Often a very round chin line on a man…indicates some queerness. But…I wasn’t that round. My head was big. …Not gay. …I stopped working-out and smoked a lot after I met Jack…but my body as it was meant to be…looked extremely heterosexual.
…Let me ask you this because Lacey has been wrestling with this for over a year: HOW THE HELL…DID I OBVIOUSLY NOT GIVE A SHIT…AG JACK’S WEDDING…WHEN WE OBVIOUSLY HAD HAD SOME ‘SEXUAL’ CONTACT… … …AND THEN BEEN ANYTHING BUT STRAIGHT? …Aromantic and asexual don’t work. Because I wasn’t HURT. …If I was straight…and he posed me…in all those scandalous photos (the one with Rip isn’t even me)…I might have not cared because I was never genuinely attached. …It was always a pseudo relationship. But…anything else…even polyamory…doesn’t work. …It’s truly impossible.
So!! …What’s you explanation?!?” says Lem. “As much as I did seem convincing…I always am straight…to Lacey. Because she’s brutally honest. …So how do you all make sense of that?”
Silence.
“You don’t look posed.
Explain!” says Barbara.
“Well…he’d say, ‘Lem you sit next to me! I’ll hold the dog…and…You-‘ And then the dog would go to me. And I’d be holding the dog. And he’d say, ‘FINE! …We’ll hold the dog together. …Put your hand over mine!’ …Yes! He’d say, ‘Put your hand on my hand.’ Or, ‘I’ll lay on top of you for this one!’ Or ‘Take a photo of my dick!’ Or…’You mimic oral sex, flash us your ass!!! and I’ll make a joke of it!’ Or…’Get on my shoulders! I’m gonna give you a ride!’ …’Rip! Let’s make love for the camera!’ Or, ‘Jackie…show your tits!’ …‘Bobby…get on top of Red…and I’ll snap a photo!’ …He loved posing people for pictures with sexual intent.
How do you explain it otherwise!?” says Lem.
“You can’t.” says Barbara. “I’m smart enough to try. …And I can’t think of a scenario where it’s possible. …It’s just not emotionally possible.”
“It’s not! …I was straight. …I could have had Stockholm Syndrome…and sadly a lot of molestation victims do, when it’s severe enough. …Psychologists might not call it that…but that’s essentially what it is. It’s a sort of psychological phenomenon like Stockholm Syndrome. …But…you know…I didn’t. …There’s only one picture of us…maybe three…where I look genuinely sexually in connection with him. And not just like his victim. …But if you look close enough…you see flaws. My body is cold. Or my attention is elsewhere. …Or…I seem distant. …But in most photos of us…I’m not into him. There’s no sexual chemistry between us that’s normal for homosexuals or anyone else. …He looks oddly cold. Way too cold. …It’s weird. And I look retreating and yet…in love, but not really in love…posed that way.
See…when I held his sister…we hugged each other…from a distance. And I tried to desexualize my hold. …I didn’t have to do that with Jack. …I didn’t want to have sex with her. But…as much as act flamingly gay…I’m super careful in how I touch her. And that’s WEIRD. …An actual gay man wouldn’t be so posed. So…stiff. Especially below the waist. We’re extremely posed. And actually Jack loved that photo…because it helped him believe I was genuinely gay. He loved when I had a toothy grin. …My natural smile is toothy. But…he loved when I was flamboyant about it…because he believed lies could be made into truth…if you were rich enough and strong enough to do it. Human free-will is…a concept he barely grasps, much less believes in, even if he’s a rare exception in his estimation.
Regardless…there’s no way I’d be with him now. …And I’m waiting to hear an explanation for how I’m not just posed for pictures by Jack…and misunderstood by historians.
“You look gay!” says a reader.
“No! I don’t. …I acted gay. …Very convincingly. …But my face, my bone structure, my spirit…all seem very straight.” says Lem.
“I have to be honest…you do seem straight here. So damn straight. …And I feel like you were trying to seem gay. …But the gay…wasn’t gaying. …Like…your homosexuality is dubious here. So damn dubious.” says a reader.
“I was high. And strung-out. …And I had a harder time controlling my mannerisms when I was in that state.
Yeah. I’m leaning on one leg more than the other in a gay way. I controlled my micro-gestures to seem homosexual. Really. …See I was scared of men…sexually…after I was molested. And…by acting gay…it was a way of reframing it to feel safe. …Like, ‘I’m gay!’ Not, ‘Men can shock you…and take advantage of you…in horrific ways. When you least expect it.’ Being gay…seemed honorable. Really! But it also seemed…safer. …I didn’t want to think a man could grab me…and affect me that way. It was nicer to think…I had control over it somehow or could learn to control it. …I didn’t understand it really. …So I’d flirt too much…and…never connect the dots when hours later Jack raped me. Because I wasn’t really trying to arouse him. …It just never occurred to me that I had aroused him. …Because…I had no experience. …Men didn’t arouse me in that way. And I avoided women.
I was…also mouth breathing. But…I could move my face. And my posture looks straight. Other than the way I leaned. …And…I’m grabbing a chair in a very straight man way. …But I was I high. So…I couldn’t control it.” says Lem.
“Yeah. You look…really straight here.” says a reader. “I’ve never seen a gay man…even really masculine ones…seem that legitimately heterosexual.”
“Because they can’t. …I’m sorry. It’s not a choice.” says Lem.
Jimmy Carter laughs. “It’s a harsh reality.” he says.
“Lem…what happened in the last few days. Because I know things got tough this morning.” says Anderson Cooper.
“I’m NEVER letting Lacey go. …Not because she’s Jack. …Because I NEED LOVE. …Love that’s giving…and stable…and JUST FOR ME. …Love that’s intimate. And…deep. And…selfless. …Just FOR ME. …Not…for tons of other people. …Someone who adores ME. …With all my flaws. Who can’t be happy…without me. …Who is as healthy and mature and independent as her…but…adores and needs ME. …Even if I was gay…there’s no way…I’d just give her up. …LISTEN! …Joe Kennedy Junior was madly in love with her…and her father knew his dad. …That’s not common. …She’s actually a fairly rare person. …Even if I was gay…or bisexual…why would I give up…an opportunity…to be with someone who adores me…and needs me…who I…LOVE…who understands them…the way I do? …Because she does. …Joe haunted her…and…she was given most of my perspective that way. …She understands me. Better than most people. …And she knows…I’d be INSANE to stay with Jack, regardless, now. …Jack isn’t more lovable or magical than Joe. …And Joe might have married her. …She’d have been in his top ten. Or three. …And he’s lied about that to her. …Out of spite and jealousy.
But…more than any of that…I was straight…because I am. And…she’s not…a consolation. Even a beautiful one. …She’s…the only person I’ve ever made love to. Or ever want to make love to. …Or have actually ever wanted to make love to. …She is my everything. Everything else…is a lie…or something that isn’t my business or my fault.
She doesn’t need to ever believe that. Until it’s too clear to not believe…and that might…be a miracle. She’s been incredibly betrayed.
I’m trying to convince her to buy a wig. With long hair. …And we had sex.” says Lem.
“Yeah. …Why do you want her to wear a wig?” says Anderson Cooper.
“She’s lost hair. …And…her hair is still pretty…but…she needs…a wig. And…I find the long hair…attractive.” says Lem.
“Do you like shorter hair on a woman?” says a reader.
“Not typically. …It can look good! Attractive! …But…longer hair…nowadays…can look…great.” says Lem. “No! She makes sense for me…even if I was gay. But…I wasn’t. …And…I was actually heterosexual.”
“I think your longing for her to wear long hair…made evil people…really angry.” says Anderson Cooper.
“Because it’s obviously heterosexual?” says a reader.
“YES! …And it’s his real sexual orientation. And was. …And it makes whatever else happen…seem…dumb. And embarrassing to Jack. …AND…I’m not sure Jack was that straight. …I think he preferred a more androgynous look in women. Even if he liked Marilyn…he married Jackie. …I think he tended to be gay. And lied about it.” says Anderson Cooper.
Later.
“I was straight.
There’s no explanation for why I would be so happy at Jack’s wedding. None! …You can see sexual tension or think you might see it..but you cannot explain away my genuine smile at his wedding. And my lack of intense sadness.” says Lem. “Or any of the right sadness.”
Later on New Year’s Eve.
“Why did you attack Lacey?” asks Lem.
“We’re used-up, posh idiots.” says Anderson Cooper on the haters’ behalf.
“There is no way…I’m still with JFK. It’s IMPOSSIBLE.” says Lem. “GET A FUCKING CLUE!”
David Hyde Pierce laughs.
“Probably not something they understand.” says a reader. “You’re talking to narcissists who probably…still think…some ex…is in love with them. So…you and Lacey are baffling to them.”
“Yeah. I hear you Lem!” says a black female journalist.
“No it’s really psychologically impossible. …Read A BOOK.” says Lem. “Actually I take that back. …Read a NOVEL. …Written before 2005. …When people understood that love could last forever…but only under certain conditions. …But beyond that…it’s impossible…to make sense of why I was smiling at Jack’s wedding. Without me being straight. …And I really do look straight.”
“Lem…these people are bitter because Lacey is home making chowder. And soaking her feet. And they’re out performing.” says Anderson Cooper. “They’re starting to hate Old Money.”
“That’s my excuse. To feel less backward.” says a lady.
“People can pretend to be straight. Jack had you all fooled. Still does. …And no…you don’t get it. …Lacey didn’t assume I was with Jack. She never assumes hardly anything. …And I came on to her. And we slept together. …And then…she found out she’d been in love with me since she was a teenager…and that I had been seemingly gay. …After we slept together. AFTER.” says Lem.
“Then why is she doubting your original orientation!?!?” says a woman.
“Because! …She’s like that. …It’s one of her actual quirks.” says Lem. “She’s not a Jack. Or Jack.”
“Lem are you watching the screen right now?” asks a woman.
“No. I could. …But no.” says Lem.
“Is Lacey that sexy?” asks a black female entertainer.
“YES. …Sexier.” says Lem. “And I mean that sincerely.”
He watches for a second.
“They’re sexy! I guess. …But to be honest…it’s too in your face. …I was and am straight…but I’ve never enjoyed how in your face that type of entertainment is. …I feel…uncomfortable. …It’s far too personal. …And…I only think of Lacey…so…
I did collect Playboy. Yes. …But…that’s not the same thing. That’s…more…separate. This is…very public. …It’s just awkward!
I wouldn’t watch any of that anymore anyway.” says Lem. “Really. …People today don’t understand!”
“I…get it.” says Rachel Maddow.
“It feels…violating.” says Lem.
Rachel nods.
“I mean, I get it. But…that doesn’t mean I like it.” says Lem.
“Lem…we’re you nasty?” says a gay historian.
He laughs. “YES!” he says. “Very secretly.”
“Lem…you really…we’re not…actually aroused…at all…by men?” says an actress.
“Nope!” says Lem.
“I think Lacey is a pessimist.” she says. It may be Jodie Sweeten.
“You’re right.” says Lem. “She’s a realist. But she leans towards pessimism for safety’s sake.”
“Yeah.” says Jodie.
“But it makes no sense!” says Ryan.
“Lacey…if you’re actually sleeping with him…why doesn’t that count??” says Anderson Cooper.
“Because! …I take everything apart slowly. So as not to make any mistakes.” says Lacey.
“But it makes no sense.” says Ryan Seacrest.
“What if she’s not actually sleeping with him!?” says Louis. “I think…that’s why she does everything so slowly.”
“Yeah! …A lot of people wouldn’t be so methodical. …And…would assume I was with them. …Regardless. …I shouldn’t call it a quirk. …It’s…a way I’ve been hurt. And…I’m bitter. Even if I’m actually the one at fault. …It’s not a quirk. It’s…sad. And brilliant. And I should be more careful what I say…but I understand and understood why you found it baffling.” says Lem.
“It’s…just…weird.” says Alanis.
“No! …She’s extremely intelligent.” says Lem.
“But if she’s sleeping with you…why would you possibly still be gay!?!? Or, in my opinion, how could you have been gay!?” she says.
“Right. …Because Lacey is smart enough to know…that there’s still a ‘What if?’ and…I guess that’s just her. …And…I think…I take it the wrong way.” says Lem.
“Because you feel rejected?” says a female singer.
“I assume…she’s being reticent. Because she’s cold. To me. …Not cold in general. …She…could be with Elliott Roosevelt. …Or LOUIS. …I don’t think you understand. …These men are real men. …I’m a real ghost. …And I guess…she’s incredibly brave. …She’d cut off her own head…to honor God. If necessary. …And I have to trust that she finds me…attractive enough. …I’m tall. …And BIG. …And…I always was unsure of my physical appearance in that way. …I felt valuable as a human. But…I didn’t think I was a hunk. Lacey doesn’t know that. …She claims to like me. Obviously. But…I’m helplessly unsure of myself. And…I need to be more careful.” says Lem.
“We assumed she was lying. And she’d stalked you.” says Alanis.
“That’s completely ludicrous. She’s never stalked someone in her life. …I know Diego wants to think that. But that’s insane. And narcissistic.” says Lem.
“So…she’s slept with you…but she’s doubting it…to be absolutely sure.” says a British woman.
“YES! …That’s not Jack. …To be honest it’s a combination of Tom and Margy. Regardless. …Margy was very…careful. …Too careful. …If Lacey is her biological daughter Lacey’s grandmother was an alcoholic and Margy was…affected by that. Very doubtful. …And Tom was…meticulous at times. He rose to power because he was brilliant. …But she’s…a combination. And so…she’s actually thinking I’m too good to be true. …And when people doubt her…dead or alive…it just mercilessly feeds into that. …She becomes very honorable and admirable…but almost obsessive compulsive…to protect herself. …She’s possibly capable of crying herself to death. Over me. …I worry she could have a stroke or a heart attack. I’m not exaggerating. …But sometimes I have to be careful because…she’s not photogenic…so you don’t get it. But she’s…extremely beautiful. And…Louis gets it. So does Harold. So does Michael. And…because I messed-up so badly…I’m extremely vulnerable. My own fault. But…” says Lem.
“Lem…why on earth…did you leave behind no way for us to know!?” says Anderson Cooper.
Lem thinks…”I was a fool. …I thought that when I died…the Kennedys would fade. …I really didn’t understand. …I’m a genius actually. I’m not autistic, in case you’re wondering. …But…I can see why some people would wonder. …I’m great with math. Lacey is…my natural counterpart. …I didn’t think it would work out like this.
…Look…when I said I loved him my whole life…I didn’t even understand what love was exactly…and I didn’t know I was straight. …You have to realize that. I genuinely thought I was gay. …I forced myself to try to enjoy it…and act gay…but…it never worked to enjoy it and I didn’t convince everyone. …But I also didn’t mean love entirely sexually or romantically necessarily at all. …I said it in a cagey way…to hint at homosexuality…but…that’s all. So…openly…I was referring to friendship. …And I was wrong about that too.
A lot of what you read…is nonsense. Not that it isn’t based on fact. But…for instance: That Hollywood male escort? Yeah…he’s telling the truth. …I did give Jack oral sex. And it was always him on the receiving side. But it wasn’t actually because Jack wanted to pretend he was straight. …That was certainly part of it. …And I would have said that! …Because that’s how I made sense of it. …But I actually hated being sexually touched by men. …I could let my mind wander when I gave men oral sex. Lesbians like what I’m talking about. …Actually…sex workers in general might understand. …But…it’s far harder when you’re being touched. So…Jack avoided feeling insecure…because he knew, somewhat, that I was straight and he felt…less gay…and I didn’t feel as grossed-out. I could get drunk and zone out far more easily. It’s methodical. Mindless if you choose…and get practiced enough. …Oral sex for women is far different. In my opinion. But oral sex on a man? …You can zone out.
…The stories about Jack not loving me? Well…maybe he didn’t. But…I didn’t actually love him. At times I thought I probably did. But…I felt no actual love for him…in any sexual or romantic way. …And I’m not saying that to appease Lacey. That’s…so off-base! …She’s not like that! …There’s nothing delusional or silly or clingy or needy about her in that way. At all. Quite the opposite! …No, she’s not a narcissist or dependent. That’s…someone else’s delusion! …And it’s extremely unhelpful to keep insisting that!! I DO NOT NEED THAT!!! GOOD GOD! …The thing is…I did fawn all over Jack! Daily at times. Boosting his ego…to keep him in a good mood. …He was violent when he was upset. And irrational. …So…in my own attempt to be…a good husband…because I had decided I was gay…I was constantly trying to make him feel superior to everybody. …And it was all cheap shit. I hardly sounded authentic! …But…I was so flamingly gay in my manner…and so…sweet…that a lot of people didn’t see through it. …Lacey would have. Red Fay sort of did. …Some conservative Old Money types did too. …Remember?? …Queen Elizabeth II might have wondered. …But…people who were unschooled about homosexuality or who were too shallow or trusting or who had less genuine worldliness…like some New Money gay Hollywood actor…would have possibly missed it. …Lacey’s birth mother…would have known. …But Mark wouldn’t. …Some people don’t examine what people say that closely. Lacey does. She’s that way by nature and trauma. …But…no. My love for him was never real. …Even if he was in love with that…and not me. He was in love with getting high. I guess.” says Lem.
“What did you say?” says a gay man.
“Nothing sincere. …Really.
Ahh…’Jack…lover…YOU LOOK GLORIOUS today.’ …When he wore a new tie. Lover was meant facetiously. …And that’s actually hurtful. But…he assumed it was…just me covering for his…heterosexuality. Not me being insincere and patronizing him.” says Lem.
“And that’s the sort of bullshit these fools in the gay community saw!?” says a Gore Vidal. “No! I knew he was full of it! I did! …But I assumed he was a lazy mooch.”
“Didn’t you write him love letters?” says a reader.
“No! …I never once told him I loved him…it was in love with him. Ever. …I tried to be in relationship with him. In a way. That was…official, so to speak. …But he didn’t want that. He wanted me to be his fuck buddy essentially. But he was jealous too. And violently possessive and obsessive. But very dishonest about it. …And…yet…he rarely required I be touched. So…as I’ve said before…it worked out. In a way. …And I fooled myself into thinking…we might just be in love? Or…that’s how life and love worked? You know? Crap marriages? Sexless, loveless commitment that’s really more just…manipulation and weak friendship? But…you…deal with it…and try to give it your all? …Life is about giving not getting right? Didn’t Jack say that!?? …I thought that! …I thought that! …But a lot of people were sexually repressed and starved back then. They are now too. Even if it’s different. …I just…gave-up. …And…because I was straight…I didn’t give one fucking shit.
A lot of people don’t understand. That’s the biggest red flag. …That I didn’t care! …I loved when he’d run off with a woman. …I could delude myself into feeling…loved by him…but…he was getting his emotional and sexual needs met by so many other people! And…I loved it. …He’d never exist today! People today are too educated. Emotionally. Sexually. …But back then…he’d get drunk…wave at me…giggle…act all…excited to go sleep with done chick…totally oblivious to my feelings if I had been gay at all…or intentionally trying to hurt me and possibly assuming I was stubbornly hiding my pain…and I’d just…stand there…not say much…and watch him leave. And I’d not see him usually until the next morning. And he’d usually be hungover. …And…I’d be relieved. Because…his needs were met. For a while. And felt less anxious too. …And…we’d sit there in silence. And…he’d act all loving and guilty. …But he kept me. Possibly out of some…evil. And possibly because he was obsessed. Obsessed with me? Maybe. But…also because he was unable to break me. …And he loved that. …But it also drove him crazy. …And when he was in the White House it might have made him jealous.” says Lem.
“Lem…if there’s reincarnation…did you deserve it?” asks a British woman.
“There might not be. Okay?? Really! …But no. Sadly…I didn’t. Not personally. No. …We both deserved Africa’s scrutiny. …But…oh well. …And maybe it doesn’t exist anyway.” says Lem.
“So…Lacey is extremely…cautious.” says an African.
“Yes. And it’s…perfectly reasonable. …I just have possibly…felt fear. …It’s not because of Jack. …It’s because she’s…so exquisite. And…she’s miles from Louis’s grave. He can easily manifest. …And he cares about me. But…he also hates what I chose. Even if he doesn’t think I was entirely wrong, if at all. …He…can’t imagine giving up women. …For any reason. Even honorable ones. …And he hated that about himself in a way…but given my life…he’s learned to see the virtue in his own…passion. And he was always like that! …So was Scott! …Maybe it’s a Saint Paul thing.” says Lem.
“Was Lacey’s father like that?” asks a reader.
“YES! Tom was very much like that.” says Lem.
“So Gatsby is a Minnesota character?” says Harvard.
“YES. …We don’t know that. But yes.” says Lem.
“Lem…if she’d been actually loved…would she be so…Kosher?” says a perfume reader.
“She’d have a stronger spiritual sense of love. In other people’s hearts for her. …She’s…not able to tell. Because she’s…been blinded. You’re on to something!” says Lem.
Later.
“Do you understand Lacey?” asks Jennifer Lopez, if there’s an Illuminati.
“Yes.” says Lem.
“Why do you doubt her?” says Jennifer.
“Because I’m tall. …You have to realize…I had a horribly high-pitched voice that had nothing to do with homosexuality. And I was…less than perfect. …And I’ve sent living men to her…with God’s help…who have left me…baffled. Because…one was huge. Similar voice. …And…he flirted with her. At an antique store. And…she missed me. I wasn’t expecting that! I was expecting her to find him…slightly repulsive. And she didn’t. …God has told me she’s perfect for me…but I’m not clear on what that means. I know she’s best. But…I’m never sure how it will work out. …And yet…I feel it. I feel that love.” says Lem.
“Okay! You make a great argument for you being straight. …Does that even matter?” asks a Minnesota Catholic in the Illuminati,
“No. And yes.” says Lem. “Really…she’s attached to the idea I was straight…almost entirely because that’s what she’s heard. …And we’re madly in love. And she wants to hear me.” says Lem.
“Do you guys understand that!?!” he says to “New York”.
“No.” says Jennifer.
“She’s not…backward!” says Minnesota. “I’m so sick of that!”
“Lem…is she dancing right now?” asks Jennifer.
“No.” says Lem. “She can dance! But…she’s not like that. She’s…”
Jennifer nods. Smiles. “She’s human.”
“Do you like her intensity?” asks an Englishwoman.
“Yes.” says Lem.
“SHE HARDLY KNOWS THAT!!” says an Englishwoman.
“You’re right. But…I’m…still huge.” says Lem. “I always had a difficult time finding clothes that were my size. Often pants weren’t long enough.”
“Lem…how do you do it!?” says a man in the American South.
“I’ve told you before. …What’s confusing?” says Lem.
“How do you manifest?” he says.
“What do you mean?” asks Lem.
“You just…manifest!?!?” he says.
“Yes.” says Lem.
“Can she get rid of you?” he asks.
“Not really…unless God changed His mind.” says Lem.
“So…you come on to her?” he says.
“Yes. You hadn’t realized that?” says Lem.
“When?” he says.
“Now and then.” says Lem.
“You’re not telling me what I want!” he says.
“SO WHAT!?!?” yells Lem.
“So she has to hear me…for you to hear me?” says the man.
“SHE’S TOLD YOU THAT!!” yells Lem. “I refuse to talk to anyone but my family!!”
“I’m actually fine with that. Why aren’t you?” says a Spencer.
“Yeah! …There’s nothing wrong with that! REGARDLESS!” yells Princess Diana.
“Wow! You’re SLOW!” says a Gen. Z woman to the older man in the Illuminati.
“I’m not that bad!! Just him!” says another white male Boomer.
“He’s serious.” says the Gen. Z woman.
“I’ve never seen a ghost just manifest.” says the man.
“IT HAPPENS!!!” yells a ghost hunter, in the future.
“Yeah. For us…they just show up.” says her husband.
“What does that feel like to be touched?” asks the first male Boomer.
“Poor kid! …He’s a Boomer.” says the second Boomer about Lacey’s son. “I already can tell he’d make more sense to us.”
“Well…at least she knows!” says the first Boomer.
“It’ll be over in 40 years!!!” says Dick Van Dyke to Lacey.
She finds that genuinely comforting.
“Try to make the best of it.” says Mary Tyler Moore to Lacey.
“I agree!” says an English woman.
“We’re like you. We endure…” says a dead Greatest Generation woman to Lacey. “I’d be looking forward to Heaven too. Don’t let Boomers make you feel stupid! …It’s miserable…but there’s something less miserable about it…than…the alternatives.”
“We’re betting you were a stay-at-home-mom?” says an English woman.
“YES! …Proudly. …And I had a bad marriage. But…I gave it my all. Just like Lem. And…looked forward to Heaven. …I knew I’d find…something better in Heaven. Not asexuality! No. …Maybe Garden of Eden.” she says. “I never talked about it. But…I knew.”
“Could you have found someone?” asks a Millennial.
“Mmm…no. Not really. …We were…like her. …Very…complex. All of us! …I don’t think…people have ever understood that. …We were all private. And complicated! …Not just Lem! …We hated doctors and psychologists for a reason. We saw them like…hairdressers. …So risky. And expensive. You know? You might walk out happy…and you might walk out with…a death sentence.” she says.
“So…you basically feel them. It’s a light touch. But…you can feel then. And… it’s more than just physical. …It’s hard to explain. But it feels like…a mental thing? Like…spiritual.” says a ghost hunter.
“Like a spiritual force?” says the Boomer.
“Yes. A spiritual touch. Not just a physical one. And the spiritual one…is…terrifying. It’s probably part of why we aren’t supposed to talk to the dead. …Why Lacey isn’t harmed? …I think…she’s slightly dead. …Already.” he says from the future.
“Lacey is it really like…a man who’s alive…but missing a body?” says the Boomer.
“Yes! And it feels like that too. …It’s hard to explain.” says Prince Philip. “Look…It’s not unheard of. It’s just not talked about and it’s rare.”
“My wife was on Kare 11 tonight. Last night! She works…at a seasonal job. And…she knows she’ll see me again someday in Heaven. And…she thinks she has me in her heart. …It’s not just her ‘heart.’ …But she can handle not knowing that. We had a lot of years together! Happy memories. …Lacey doesn’t have that. And she’s been an incredibly faithful Christian in God’s eyes. Very sincere. …And it was the thing she looked forward to most about being alive. …God’s not done being merciful and just with her. But…she’s…too hurt. I think…she’s scared most of losing Him. He’s her father and mother ultimately. God. …But anyway…my wife senses me more than she can understand. And…she’s got grace. And so do I!” he says.
“Is Lacey mad at Lem’s family about his grave?” asks a gay man.
“YES!!!!” yells Lucretia. “And she should be.”
“Whoops.” says a Progressive gay man.
Another Progressive gay man laughs.
“No. …I have to admit…I think we all got played.” says a bisexual athlete.
“Jack told us…he was like…so straight…and you were like…THEE GAYEST EVER!” says a gay man.
“And madly in love with him. Forever!” says Lem. “Even if he shot my mother in the face…raped my whole family…and…sent my soul to Hell.”
“Yes.” says Mary Tyler Moore. “Even more!”
“Because!! You’re like…so in love!” says a gay man. “You said so!!!”
“I didn’t. Not really. …But…I was far too tricky.” says Lem.
“Did you really feel that unsafe?” says a gay athlete.
“Yes.” says Lem. “What could I say!? …Jack made me miserable? NO! …Even if I fully understood how straight I was. I couldn’t.”
“Was he threatening your family?” asks another gay man.
“Yes. …And Ted would have too.” says Lem. “Their reputation meant a lot…until about…1997. When Michael blew it. With the teenager. …After that…they had no chance of ever being taken so seriously. That was…talked about. But…not that much. But…people noticed. And it was just too weird.” says Lem.
People think.
“It’s weird. …And yeah…Bobby was kinda cute. But he was also short. …And only Joe Junior had conventional good-looks. …So…they started to seem odd. …Yes. Odd. …Their facial features couldn’t take the scandal. …I’m sorry! It’s just true.” says Lem.
“So they didn’t want you saying anything to make them seem what?” says a gay man.
“Mean. Rude. …Simple character flaws. …Certainly not gay! …But also just…mean.” says Lem. “Their brand was all about bringing justice. To the masses. At last!”
“It still is.” says Judge Judy.
“Yeah. But it was more subtle before.” says Lem.
“Did Marilyn threaten to talk about you?” says a reader.
“Yes!!” yells Arthur Miller.
“See…what if…what you think is ugly…actually makes you more attractive to her? She’s…looking for masculine. Not pretty!” says a gay man. “And…I don’t mean to be mean…but you aren’t that pretty. You’re…rough looking. And…you are good looking. But…I think she likes how rough you are along with those good-looks.”
“That’s true!” says Lacey.
“Yeah. We messed-up. You aren’t pretty enough to be gay. Even at your best. You look…wrinkled.” says a gay man. “Jack never does.”
“You’re right!” says Lem. “I was…messy. And straight. And…I ate out a lot. And…cared relatively little how I looked. I was…dressing for men…but I didn’t even find men attractive.” says Lem.
“So…you two have sex. But…she can’t feel you like you’re alive. But it’s close.” says Judge Judy.
“Yup.” says Lem.
“So she worries she’s hallucinating.” she says.
“Yes. …She has to listen for me most times. …Kind of like listening to your intuition. Or God. …But sometimes I can overcome that and communicate.” says Lem.
“That’s…rough.” says Judge Judy.
“Yeah. It is.” says Lem.
“Is she actually shaped like Mary Tyler Moore?” asks a Boomer.
Lem smiles. “Close enough. And…I love it. And…she prefers me. But…you’re smart. You’re getting at it. …I’m scared of what will happen when she dies and meets hundreds of better looking men who are built like me. But better.” says Lem. “She’s rarely seen them. But they exist.”
“They’re not you.” says Lacey.
“Yeah.” says Lem.
“No. They aren’t!!” says Lacey. “That hurts!”
“It’s not like that!” says Lem.
“How am I supposed to know that!?” says Lacey.
Lem smiles. “No. …I’m not…sure what to think at times.”
“About what?” says Lacey.
He smiles. “I love you. And I…can’t lose you…but I worry…it isn’t fair. Because…you deserve…so much. But then…I’d never let you go. And…God has assured me He’s glad I’ve demanded you. He’s proud of me. And…I can do that. …No. I’ve rigged it up…so we’re together forever. We can’t get out of it unless God says so. …And that’s how I want it. …But…you’re so pretty. And…you’ve not had a typical life in that way. Most women as beautiful as you…are given…so many opportunities to be evil. You’ve been…given almost none. Not in any normal way. …And…I’m…average. Well…better and less. Both.” says Lem.
“That hurts.” says Lacey.
He thinks. “The thing is…I’d never abandon you. …Because…as much as they say I loved Jack…I actually love you that much…but it’s real…and it’s grounded in reality. …But I feel…bad. …Here I’ve given you this SHIT legacy. You have to fight tooth and nail to keep your head above water. …You’re publicly defending my soul. …And then I think, ‘What am I offering her? …And…I know I have a gut.’”
“SO WHAT!?” says Lacey.
“Yeah. …Elliott is better looking than me. …Harold is shorter. But he’s good-looking. …So is Michael. …I’m sorry.” says Lem.
Lacey is quiet.
“I’m…starting to understand why those photos made you so angry in a new way.” says Lem. “Jack was a rat.”
“We used to call him, rat-face.” says a man who graduated with them.
“If I had known…you exist…for real…I’d have…worked. Just worked. …I’d have been a worker. …Until I could sort myself out.” says Lem. “You seemed…impossible.”
“Would you have thought that here!?” says Diana.
“Even if you’re not my relative…the answer is no. …The English are secretly more deep and romantic than Americans.” says Lem.
“Lem…who talked you out of it?” asks his dad.
“Everyone I knew! …EVERYONE.” says Lem.
Silence.
“Let’s go to bed!” says Lem to Lacey.
Keen to Cross the Pond 
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